13

A Troubled Mind - Noah Kahan

S eated at the dining table for our usual family dinners, this time at our place, I quietly observe my brother and Isla across from me. Isla's sporting a small bump now, barely noticeable to anyone else, but glaringly obvious to those in the know. They're keeping it under wraps from our friends and others until they hit their twelve-week scan, something about waiting in case of risk or concern, as Isla put it.

Their presence offers a welcome distraction from the chaos swirling in my head. Lately, my headspace hasn't been great. There's this weight, this constant pressure to keep it together 24/7. Sometimes, I spiral into these moods, and nothing really helps except distancing myself for a while to clear my head.

But the other day, something shifted.

Amelia.

Just being around her, experiencing something as simple and pure as a breathing exercise or staring into the sky, grounded me in a way I haven't felt in ages. It's like she brought calm to the storm in my mind.

I'm fixated on how her presence affects me, like discovering a part of myself that was missing. As the chatter around the table picks up, the atmosphere shifts.

"Isla, how's the little one treating you?" Mum asks, her eyes warm with concern.

Isla talks animatedly about her pregnancy, mentioning how she's feeling more energetic lately but still gets those occasional bouts of morning sickness. She smiles, placing a hand on her stomach.

"We're doing well. We just need to finalise the nursery, but we still have time," she replies, exchanging a glance with Xavier, who kisses her head.

"I'm slowly starting to box things up, like Mum and Dad's clothes—" Isla starts, her voice trailing off as tears well up in her eyes.

"Oh, my dear," Mum soothes, taking Isla's hand.

"Ah, pregnancy hormones."

Xav rubs Isla's arms up and down, comforting her. "It's okay, baby."

Isla composes herself for a moment. "We're getting there. I just don't want to change the house too much, you know?" she says with a sigh.

"Of course, dear. I think it's a beautiful idea to keep and hold on to the memory of your parents in your home," Mum says, wiping her own tears with her napkin. "They're always here with you."

"Thank you," Isla says warmly, squeezing Mum's hand.

As everyone finishes eating, knives and forks clatter against plates. Liv starts a new conversation, "Have you been getting any weird cravings?"

Isla laughs, eyes sparkling. "Oh, you have no idea. I've been craving pickles and ice cream at the oddest hours!" she exclaims, earning chuckles from us.

"Pickles and ice cream, huh?" Dad joins in. "Grace was the same when she was pregnant with you lot. I remember running out to get her some in the middle of the night more than once!"

Isla looks amused. "Really?"

Dad smiles fondly—a rare sight. "Oh yes, she had some interesting cravings. But it was all worth it in the end, wasn't it, love?" He looks at Mum, who nods with a smile, her eyes twinkling with memories.

"I remember she practically lived on cheese and pineapple sandwiches for weeks," Dad adds.

"Gross, man," Liv grimaces.

"Don't knock it till you try it, darling," Mum chides, before addressing Isla, "Just remember, Isla, dear, to take time to relax through it all."

"On that note," Liv continues eagerly, "I was talking to Imogen at my hair appointment the other day—"

"That can't be good," Xavier interjects, and Isla playfully smacks his arm.

"Anyway, she gave me this brilliant idea. Since you two never got to go anywhere after the wedding," she gestures to Isla and Xavier, "what better way to celebrate than to go on a small getaway? We could book an AirBnB somewhere nice and just relax and have some fun. "

Isla's face lights up at the suggestion. "That sounds amazing! I'm totally onboard."

Xav, however, hesitates. "I don't know, babe. With the baby on the way, I just want to make sure everything's okay. Maybe we should hold off on big trips for now."

Isla rolls her eyes playfully. "Oh, stop being a softie. It'll be fine. We can still have a great time and take it easy."

This makes me snort.

Xav shoots me a playful glare. "Wait until you have kids, mate. Then you'll know what real worry is," he says, his tone teasing, but with a hint of truth. His words poke at me, but I just shrug it off. Xavier doesn't even comprehend the true essence of worry.

Worry? He couldn't grasp the weight of that word, not truly. Our concerns may differ now, but the core remains unchanged.

"I think it's a fantastic idea," Mum chimes in. "It'll be a wonderful way to celebrate this new chapter in your lives."

"Alright, fine," Xav sighs.

"It'll be fun. And plus, it's just a small getaway," Isla says with a smile.

Liv turns to me, and I can feel all eyes on me, waiting for my answer. I hesitate, feeling reluctant about the idea of a trip, but with a heavy sigh, I finally relent.

"Fine."

Liv nods, satisfied. "Great! I'll pass on the information to everyone."

"Everyone?" Xavier and I ask simultaneously .

"Yeah, the whole gang. Michael, Harrison, Imogen—" Liv's voice blurs as I anticipate the next name she's about to say. "And Amelia!"

Isla chuckles. "Oh, this should be interesting."

Xavier adds sarcastically, "Stuck in an AirBnB with everyone, especially with Harrison and Imogen's bickering. Can't wait."

As the conversation swirls around me, the reality of spending a weekend in an AirBnB with Amelia sinks in. I'm already regretting this decision, but there is a part of me that's intrigued.

This could be an interesting turn of events.