Chapter 20

Peyton

It wasn’t like she hadn’t trained before. Hadina had been rigorous in initially showing her how to defend herself, and attack if needed. But, well, training with Zellie was a whole different thing.

“Keep your hands up unless you want me to ruin that pretty face,” Zellie scolded, motioning to Peyton to bring her arms up higher.

“I’m trying!” she yelled back, throwing a punch that Zellie dodged with ease.

“Barely,” Zellie muttered in a low, dull tone.

Peyton circled Zellie on the padded floor, eyes trained on the miniscule movements being made. She needed to figure out Zellie’s tell; Hadina told her that everyone had a tell, no matter how subtle, and that it was the key to winning a fight. But Zellie was a seasoned fighter and she kept her cards close to her chest.

Managing to get a few steps closer, Peyton hit out with a closed fist, wincing as it connected with Zellie’s shoulder when she moved out of the way.

“ ?Patética! ”

Zellie kicked out her foot, sweeping Peyton onto her back. She winced at the impact, anger sparking at her fingertips as Zellie looked down at her with a prideful smirk.

Using her anger to drive her, Peyton smirked, kicking her own legs out. She hit Zellie’s ankles hard, bringing the Adis women to the ground. Zellie cursed as she slammed onto her front, sticking her hands out to break her fall.

She made to move but Zellie was quicker, grabbing her by the hair and pinning her down. “Never wear your hair in something so easy to grab. Braid it, put it in a ponytail that’s further down your head, or a bun that you can pull out easily. But having your hair on top of your head like this makes you a target. You’re easy to take down.”

Peyton nodded against her hold, grinding her teeth as Zellie yanked on her ponytail once before letting go.

Her breath was coming in short, stunted waves. Her sides ached and she longed for a break, some cold water, and the soothing touch of her beloved. Instead, Peyton watched as Zellie geared up for round two…or perhaps three—she’d lost count of how many times she’d be thrown onto her ass.

“You’re unhealthy.”

“I’m not a pro fighter like y’all,” Peyton countered with a scowl. “And I’m still healing.”

Zellie scoffed. “Nonsense. Healing should give you the motivation you need to be better . Stronger. You should be working out every day, making your body a machine.”

“The doctor told me to take it easy. To rest until I was healed.”

“Pffft. If we all listened to that advice, Adis I should have said something sooner. If this is what I think it is, I need you to tell me. And I think you need to voice it to me, so that we can tackle it together.”

Hadina’s dark eyes filled with tears and she looked away, avoiding Peyton’s gaze. She stared out the window, watching as birds built a nest in the branches.

“Losing you was the most difficult thing I’ve ever been through,” Hadina whispered. “And yeah, that seems fucked up to say because I lost Mama. But after we lost her, I condemned myself to never dealing whole again. And then I met you, and you took over my heart. And then I lost you, too.”

Her voice cracked and Peyton’s heart tugged at the pain there.

“I was so angry . I had let you run off and I didn’t immediately chase you. All I could think about was that whatever was happening to you was all my fault. Meeting me ruined your life, and I didn’t know where you were to save you.”

Even though Hadina wasn’t looking at her, Peyton nodded. She wanted to speak, but Hadina had to take the lead in this conversation.

“Everything hurt and the anger in my veins was so blinding, Peyton. It was taking over me and the more we searched for you and came up empty, the hotter that anger became. I would have destroyed everything if it meant finding my way to you.”

Hadina sniffed, swiping a finger underneath her eyes to catch the first of her falling tears.

“I wanted to stop feeling. To be numb. I started drinking, and I guess I didn’t stop. The longer you were apart from me, the more I drank. I cooped myself up in the office with tequila bottles and I tried to drown my feelings. The more it burned my throat and made me feel sick, the more content I felt because it was a punishment I deserved.”

“ Oh, Hadi ,” Peyton whispered quietly, reaching her hand out to gently brush Hadina’s shoulder.

Hadina turned to look at her, mascara smearing as tears made a path down her cheeks.

“I was a mess. I wasn’t me anymore, and I didn’t care. Because it wasn’t worth living, or being me, if you weren’t by my side. It was easier to numb the pain at the bottom of a liquor bottle than it was to admit that I’d lost you and I couldn’t get you back.”

Peyton swallowed back her tears. Hadina was always strong for her, so now it was her turn to repay the favor.

“But you got me back, baby.”

Hadina shook her head. “But it wasn’t easy. I was crazy, Peyton. I was drinking so much that the anger stopped numbing me and just fuelled the fire instead. I yelled at Piper, at Adrian. I stopped eating. I barely spoke to anybody. The days started to blend together and I drank myself into oblivion, because the only time I got to see you was in my nightmares.”

She gulped down her coffee and Peyton noted the tremor in her hand, piecing everything together.

“So, what happened? Something had to have changed.”

Hadina smirked, though there was no trace of humor in it. “Zelina.”

“I’m sorry, what? Zellie helped you?”

“I told you, she surprised me too.” Hadina sighed. “I showed up drunk at her house. To be honest, I thought she’d leave me in the gutter. But she invited me in, listened to my anger and my accusations. Hell, she let me beat the shit out of her.”

“She let you hit her?”

Hadina nodded. “She knew I needed an escape. I had to let the anger out and drinking wasn’t doing that for me anymore. I exploded and she let me. And then…”

Peyton tilted her head, wondering why Hadina was so nervous to continue.

“And then she held me as I sobbed. You want to know what changed? Zellie became the big sister I always needed her to be. She helped me fight my emotions, and then vowed to help me find you.”

“Wow,” Peyton said quietly. “I was not expecting that.”

Hadina laughed. “I wasn’t either. But it worked. She had connections that I didn’t, and she helped me find you.”

“And the drinking?”

“I stopped—cold turkey. Terrible idea, in retrospect. I was so unwell with withdrawals, and I won’t lie and say that I’m still not tempted to pick up a bottle.” Hadina rubbed her forehead, her face contorted in pain. “I get these awful headaches, and sometimes my body aches. Most people become alcoholics over a long period of time, but I did it within weeks. I consumed so much liquor that I’m surprised my body didn’t completely shut down on me.”

Peyton shuffled forward, taking Hadina’s hands in her own, squeezing gently.

“The impact it’s had on my body… I’m not in my best form. My aim is off, and I get the tremors in my hands and arms every so often. I’m taking a bunch of vitamins to help strengthen whatever I’ve damaged inside my body, but I have a long way to go.”

“I’m sorry,” Peyton whispered, pressing her forehead against Hadina’s. “I’m sorry for leaving you, and I’m sorry you had to go through that on your own.”

“ Tentadora, none of this is your fault. I made unhealthy decisions and that’s on me. But I found you and I won’t let you go again. Though, I am the one who’s sorry. I know I’m a mess and I hate that this is who you came home to. I’m ashamed and I promise to keep trying until I’m the best version of myself.”

Peyton shook her head, sniffling as her own tears mixed with Hadina’s.

“I will love you no matter what version of you I get. None of us are perfect, Hadina, and that is why we work. We’re both fucked up in our own ways, with a truckload of trauma. But we’ll get through it all—together.”

Hadina nodded, a strangled sob escaping as she leaned into Peyton. They wrapped their arms around each other, feeling their thudding heartbeats between them.

“We will get better, together. When your aim is off, I will be beside you to shoot. When your hands tremble, I will be there to hold them until they still. When your body aches, I will help ease it however I can.” Peyton pulled back slightly, holding Hadina’s face between her hands. She swiped away the tears, pressing a soft kiss to Hadina’s forehead. “And when your heart is heavy and your mind is cruel, making you want to give in, I will hold you and remind you how strong you are. And I will tell you over and over just how much I love you.

“Every version of you is a version I get to love, Hadina. Never apologize for that. The only thing I need is a promise that no matter what happens, we fight and get through it together.”

“ Te prometo que. I promise, Peyton. Juntos. ”

They stayed like that, huddled together on the sofa, for hours. Peyton held Hadina as she released her tears and her pain, bringing them closer together.

Love was stronger than anything either of them would ever face, and there was no denying the love between them.

That was a bond that would never be broken.