50. Sisters in order of most to least…whatever

FIFTY

#1 Lea. 10/10 woud recomend

Several hours later, I was sitting in the surgical ward of a hospital in Atlantic City along with Lea and her kids, Matthew, Kate, and Nathan. Three of the four mini-Scarrones were splayed on the carpet and chairs of the waiting room, dead to the world while the rest of us waited for news of their dad's surgery. The only one who wasn't asleep was Tommy, the oldest, who sat resolutely next to his mother. He didn't touched her, as if he knew she was like a bomb that might go off. Still, he checked on her every so often nonetheless with a new wisdom in his ten-year-old eyes that had no right to be there.

Mike's injuries were substantial, to the point that it was a miracle he had even made it to shore in the care of the divers and stayed conscious long enough for an EMT to load him into an ambulance. Nathan and I had arrived just behind them only to discover Mike was already being taken into surgery.

I didn't totally understand everything that was wrong with him, but caught some critical words. "Blunt force trauma" was one phrase. "Substantial internal bleeding" was another. "Exploratory laparotomy" was the last, which Nathan said basically meant they were cutting into Mike's stomach to figure out what was wrong and hopefully fix it.

Several hours later, the rest of my family arrived via helicopters from New York and Boston. Nathan and I were both dressed in the hospital's best scrubs (he looked a whole lot more at home in them than I did), and everyone was equally exhausted and terrified as we continued to wait.

I had barely been able to speak to Lea. Or maybe had been too scared. This was my fault, she was going to say. Had I never been involved with these people, her husband would be safe and sound in his bed right now. We'd all be home, right where we belonged, were it not for my stupidity.

"Joni?"

I looked up from where I had unknowingly cowered into Nathan's shoulder. My man glanced between us, then gently unwrapped me from his arms.

"All right?" he murmured as I sat up.

I swallowed, still looking at Lea.

My sister nodded. There was nothing angry in her features. Nothing to be scared of.

And even if there were…I was going to take it. I owed her at least that much.

"It's fine," I told Nathan. "We just need a minute."

"I'll get some more waters, then."

He left, and Lea came to sit down beside me.

"Mattie told me what happened on the boat," she said.

I nodded. As soon as we arrived at the hospital, there had been several police waiting for us to take statements. Gunshot wounds—even ones going straight through a shoulder—required it.

Carrick had made himself scarce as soon as his statement was on record, but I was glad he had stayed if only to provide corroborating evidence. My brother, the former prosecutor, had apparently already gotten access to the statements and given the rest of the family our story so that I didn't have to.

Lea shook her head. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

"You're sorry?" I gawked. "Lea, it's my fault. It's just like you said—if I hadn't gotten involved with those guys, they wouldn't have come after Mike, and?—"

"Joni, stop," Lea said. "I read the report. I know that's not true. Just like I know this thing goes beyond Mike and a few stolen cars. Or even beyond Mattie's old job. These are bad men, and bad men do bad things. We were just unlucky enough to get caught in the crossfire. And maybe brave enough to stand up to them." She took my hand and squeezed. "We wouldn't be here if it weren't for you either. And by that, I mean that Mike would actually be dead, and so would you, and…oh, God."

Suddenly overcome, Lea shoved a hand over her face and sucked in a few pending tears. My sister never cried. Once for each of her children. Maybe a mild sheen at a wedding. But that was it.

"Even if—" She glanced over her shoulder at Tommy, who was now playing a game on her phone, then continued in a lowered voice. "Even if the worst happens, I just want you to know. It's not your fault. I never should have blamed any of this on you. And I love you. You're a good sister, Jo. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that more."

Now it was my tears that were fighting to the surface. I didn't bother to stop them as I pulled Lea to me.

"I love you too," I whispered fiercely. "Always."

"Mrs. Scarrone?"

We broke apart, and everyone turned to the doctor who had just entered the room, his surgeon's cap still on. His face looked haggard and drawn, as did the young woman next to him carrying a clipboard.

A pit formed in my stomach. No.

Lea stood. "Yes?"

I stood with her, keeping her hand tightly in mine.

The doctor approached. "Mrs. Scarrone, I'm Dr. Mitchell, the surgeon who handled your husband's laparotomy. His injuries proved too extensive, and he unfortunately died during surgery. I'm so sorry for your loss."

Lea let out a wail that filled the entire room, and she immediately fell on my shoulder. I pulled her close, wrapping my sister with whatever strength I could, letting her cry into my hair, my arms, whatever she needed as she succumbed to the loss of her husband.

Her person.

She sobbed.

And I squeezed her as tightly as I could.

It was the only thing I could do. For years, this sister had given me support in the best ways she knew how. All I wanted now was to give it back to her. Especially now that I had any inkling of what she might be feeling.

Over Lea's keening shoulder, I met Nathan's eyes as he rose to speak with the surgeon, presumably to get the other details Lea was too upset to gather. That chocolatey brown gaze was filling with a deep, abiding acknowledgment of the same thing I was thinking: what if this were us?

It had been so close. So close. The bullet could have hit Nathan instead of Mike. Those goons could have captured him too and beat him within an inch of his life. It could have been me who had lost the love of my life, only I wouldn't have had four children to care for without him, a whole life lived together before he was gone.

I couldn't bring myself to wish Lea and I could trade places, but I could, maybe for the first time, really feel my sister's pain. Maybe a bit more of the burdens she had carried so long, so willingly. All for the love of Michael Scarrone. Her first love. Her only love.

One who was gone forever.

Matthew and Kate joined us, both of them wrapping their arms around the nucleus of grief Lea and I formed. Then a few more hands and and arms. Smaller ones, looking for their mother, wriggling their way into the cocoon of our family. The only safe place for them in this world.

We stayed like that for minutes. Hours. I honestly couldn't tell. But I knew I wouldn't move until Lea wanted.

Everything that had ever seemed more important than family faded away in that waiting room.

There were only the people in this room. A few more on the other side ocean who I knew would be right here with us if they could.

This was what mattered in this life. Not dance. Not independence. Not even love, not until it was with someone who could be family too.

Someone like the man behind me.

The Zola family rocked together into the wee hours of the night.

Even after we let go, there were days I thought maybe we would always remain that tight in spirit.

Because bonds like that can't be broken by something flimsy like a few miles.

I just wished it hadn't taken a good man's life for us to figure that out.