41. Sisters in order of most to least annoying （Today）

FORTY-ONE

#2 Lea. Still a nag but i luv her

"All right, Joni. I want you to count down from one hundred, starting now."

The anesthesiologist had a nice voice, but not as nice as Nathan's. I glanced up toward the mirrored windows at the top of the operating room. Nathan was there, watching, he said. He would be there the whole time.

"Okay," I murmured, my voice already slurring. "One hundred, ninety-nine…"

I blinked. The room was hazy. The color of eggshells just cracked. Maybe the lace in Nonna's wedding dress. Where was Nonna, anyway?

Oh, Italy. Right.

A moan in my throat. I didn't remember making it.

"Go ahead and sleep a little more, sweetie. We'll be here when you wake up."

I tried to stay awake, but it didn't work. Just a little more rest. Just a little more…

"Joni?"

A warm hand covered mine, the touch slightly electric, even through the haze that still seemed to cover my bones and run through my blood.

I blinked. And blinked again. The recovery room in the surgical wing at Mt. Sinai looked exactly like I remembered it. Which is to say, nothing like Nonna's wedding dress.

I pushed myself up in the hospital bed in my bay but had to stop. I felt dizzy.

Immediately, the hand on mine squeezed. "Take it easy. You're just waking up."

I turned toward the voice and found him. Nathan. Looking stupidly hot in his robin's-egg-blue scrubs, his name on a pass hanging from a lanyard. Was he working?

I frowned. No, he wasn't. That's right, he had used his credentials to be there during the surgery.

"Babe," I murmured, squeezing the hand in response. "Did you watch?"

His eyes crinkled, bright behind his glasses. "The whole thing. It only took an hour, and it went perfectly. Jayce will be in here soon to debrief."

I smiled and tugged him closer. "Come here. I need to snuggle."

"Patients really shouldn't be disturbed?—"

"Do it."

There was a loud huff. The next thing I knew, he had wedged himself beside me on the bed, allowing himself to be pulled down so I could rest on his chest.

"These beds really aren't meant to be shared," he said.

"Just don't bump my knee, and we'll be fine." I wasn't sure why I was so concerned. I couldn't feel the incision or anything else except my groggy brain and a sore throat.

Nathan pressed a kiss to my forehead and stroked my hair. "There's someone here waiting to see you."

I turned. "Nathan, you didn't tell Nonna, did you?"

We'd had a whole conversation about it before leaving France. Marie had thought I should ask Nonna to come back from New York to help me for a bit. I had staunchly refused. This was my life. My mess. I was done asking my grandmother or anyone else to help me figure things out. Not when I finally had a real partner.

Nathan shook his head. "No, although I'm sure she knows. Your sisters aren't very discreet."

He gestured toward the door, and I looked across his chest to find Lea edging her way in, looking more than a little suspicious as she regarded the hospital room the same way some people might examine a haunted attic.

On the outside, my oldest sister looked the same as always in the skinny jeans she'd been wearing since 2005, her dark hair pulled back into a messy bun, one of Mike's hoodies tossed over a graphic T-shirt, and a pair of big silver hoops for good measure. A closer look, however, informed me that the dark circles under her eyes were a lot darker than usual, her skin had that sallow look of someone who hadn't been sleeping, and she'd lost a little too much weight since I'd last seen her.

"Hey," I said, pushing myself up fully to sitting.

Nathan stood up and nodded. "Hello, Lea. She's awake."

I glanced between my sister and Nathan when she had nothing snarky to say. No "Thanks, Captain Obvious" or "Glad you cleared that up." Clearly, something had happened between them while I was under the knife. I wasn't sure if it was good or bad.

"Can we have a moment alone?" she asked.

Nathan glanced at me, and I nodded.

"I'll be outside," he said before pressing a kiss to my head and leaving the room.

Lea watched him go. "He was there the whole time."

We both looked over to where Nathan now stood in deep conversation with another doctor. His gaze, however, darted every so often toward me, as if to make sure I was still in one piece.

"He's nice," she said. "And maybe kind of good for you."

"There's no way for you to know that," I argued, even though it was true. "You've barely even met him."

"I just spent the last two hours talking to him. It was a solid introduction. Better than me being a bitch when you moved in."

At that, I finally turned, genuinely surprised. "You were at the surgery too?"

"He called Kate and me yesterday to let us know what was happening." Lea grabbed my hand. "I was worried. He saw me in the waiting room and offered to bring me into the gallery to watch the surgery. It was honestly kind of boring, but he explained what was going on. I'm not going to lie, Jo—he's a bit of a stiff?—"

"He is not—" I started to protest.

"But he obviously loves you," Lea continued. "And if we're being real, I think you could use a bit of stiffness in your life. And maybe he needs someone like you to loosen him up too."

I didn't reply, but didn't argue either. Because she was right. Nathan and I were polar opposites, but somehow it worked. Not in a condescending sort of way. But more like scales where the weights were finally balanced.

That's how I felt around him. Even. Balanced. At ease.

"Why didn't you tell us about the surgery?"

I sighed. "I don't know. It happened kind of quickly. And things have been…weird."

"Not so weird that I'm not still your sister."

"You don't act like my sister, though, Le. You act like the mom we never had. I understand why—it was shoved on you way too young. But you don't need to be that for me anymore. Not even then."

"Well, if I was, I wasn't doing a very good job." Her green eyes, identical to mine, bore into me. "That tape."

I flushed and looked away. "I don't want to hear it."

"I'm not going to hate on you about it. I just want to say I'm sorry."

I turned back at her. "For what?"

Lea shocked me by wiping a tear from her eye. My sister was tough as nails—I'd maybe seen her cry twice in my entire life.

"For failing you," she said. "I turned it off almost immediately, but not before I…not before I could see you, Jo. Your nails were painted in those rainbow colors. Remember? I took you for that manicure myself right before you went to prom with Jimmy Trujillo. You were only sixteen." By the time she was done, another tear had slipped down her cheek. "I failed you, Jo. I was supposed to be protecting you, and I didn't do it. I should have known you were wrapped up with someone like that Shawn character. I should have done a better job at keeping you safe."

By the time she was done, she was almost sobbing. I reached out and pulled her to me, giving her a hug like we hadn't shared in many years.

"It wasn't your job," I said again.

"Then whose was it?" she erupted, practically hopping off me.

"I don't know. No one's. Dad's, except he died when I was one. Or Mom's, except she was still in jail. Not Nonna and Nonno, who barely had enough energy for all of us. Not Matthew's, and definitely not yours." I shrugged. "I guess it was mine, except I was too naive to see what was going on."

I tipped my head. It was a strange sensation, being cooler in the head than Lea. She was the one who always seemed to have things under control or at least know what to do about them.

"Well, it shouldn't have been yours. You were just a kid."

"Maybe not. But that's what we all had to depend on. Ourselves, in the end. At least until we learn to depend on each other like adults instead of children. Like equals."

We both sat with that for a minute; the silence interrupted only by the occasional sniffle from Lea.

"When did you get so smart?" she joked when her eyes had finally dried.

I glanced toward the hall where Nathan stood. He gave me that brief half-smile I knew was reserved just for me. "I think maybe I was smart the whole time, Le. But I had some help figuring that out too."

Lea's own gaze darted between me and Nathan. "I think I can see that." Then she turned back at me. "I also wanted you to know…that I'm sorry for blaming you for Lis Antoni calling Mike. That wasn't your fault either. I mean"—she tipped her head in that know-it-all way I had a feeling Lea would never really shake—"you definitely shouldn't have been working at an illegal gambling club. But…I understand why you were there. And it's not your fault that you're so damn cute a gangster would fall in love with you."

I sighed. "Trust me, I won't be going back. It's just not worth it."

"Good."

But she still looked uneasy. Still looked like something was bothering her.

"Lea," I said. "What is it?"

She swallowed, and her green eyes had a hard time meeting mine. "It's nothing."

"That's obviously not true. Just tell me."

My sister sighed. "It's Mike. He's been acting off. Got really mad when he found out about the video and told off Antoni for even asking about you. He came home one night with bruised knuckles and blood on his shirt and wouldn't tell me what happened. Just said, ‘it's been taken care of.' Whatever that means."

As I heard the story, something in me cracked.

"Why would Mike care so much?" I wondered. "It's not like I'm his sister. I figured I drove him nuts as much as I did you."

Lea gave me a look. "Of course, you're his sister, Joni. You and all the others. Mike didn't have a family until we got together, remember? And he's about as loyal as it gets. You mess with one of us, you mess with him too."

I blinked. I had never really thought of Mike that way, but it made sense. He'd been my sister's shadow since I was little. Stalwart and patient. Always there.

"Anyway, it's fine," she said as she turned to a mirror on the far side of the room and fluffed her hair. "Now, what's this I hear about Virginia?"