30. Types of Kisses

THIRTY

#16 the i need you right freaking now kiss

Was it true?

Was I really here, in his arms, accepted for exactly who and what I was, while Nathan Hunt kissed me in the middle of a dance studio? My place?

My mind couldn't quite believe it, but my heart was more than willing as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer.

The kiss was just as intense as our first, as any other we had shared. His mouth was soft and tender, lips firm but patient. He tasted like home.

That was Nathan.

My Nathan, I thought as I pulled lightly at his curls. A growl emerged from the back of his throat, and suddenly, I was flipped around and shoved against the mirror.

Maybe not so patient.

Right now, I was okay with that.

His mouth trailed down my throat, teeth nipping and biting all the way to the low neckline of my leotard.

"Is this all right?" he asked again and again when his hands traveled over the rest of me. Molding to my breasts, my waist, my ass, my thighs, taking full, lush handfuls, squeezing, kneading, memorizing my shape. "Is this okay?"

"Yes," was all I could manage. "Yes, yes, yes."

And then it wasn't. Because I needed more. Needed the barriers of cotton and Lycra and anything else separating us stripped away. I needed his hands on my skin and his mouth everywhere. I needed to touch that hardened length of him currently pressed into my hip. Fuck, I needed to do way more than that.

It wasn't enough, this room, open to whoever might walk in. It was hot, sure, and as a performer, I'd always had more than a little exhibitionist streak.

But I needed Nathan unfettered. I needed him raw.

He lifted me then, and my legs found their way around his waist, locking us hip to hip as he ground into me with a pained groan.

"Joni." He sucked on my lower lip hard enough that I winced. "I need…I want to go…ahh."

"Downstairs," I agreed. Then I took his chin and forced him to look at me. "Take me home."

Something locked between us with that word. I couldn't have said what. Those chocolatey eyes contained depths I couldn't hope to explore completely, yet I knew, at that moment, that I never wanted to stop trying.

For the last month, I had missed my old home so much it hurt.

I missed the sagging brown house, the front porch with the squeaky step, the room I'd shared with my sister, the friendly noises of the neighborhood, the chatter of my siblings, and my grandmother cooking dinner each night.

But right now, the only home I saw was in those big brown eyes. All the homesickness I felt for Belmont faded away because I was here. With him. Where I belonged.

Nathan kissed me again, then proceeded to carry me, our mouths still fused, out of the room and to the bank of elevators. He was incredibly strong—his muscles didn't even shake as he held me securely in his arms.

"My phone." I gasped just as the elevator doors opened. "My speaker."

"Later." He kissed me again as he carried me inside, then managed to press the button for our floor. "I'll get them later."

"But they…could be…stolen…" His mouth was so insistent, so hypnotizing, that I could barely think straight.

"Joni."

His voice pulled my attention back to him. Back to those big brown eyes. Back to home base.

"Hmm?"

"I'll buy you a new phone and speaker," he said in a voice graveled with want as he shoved me into the wall. "But right now, I am not exaggerating when I say I really might die if I'm not inside you immediately." His forehead touched mine. "That means right fucking now."

I quivered in his arms, and when my legs squeezed his waist involuntarily, Nathan's entire body shuddered.

"You're right," I said just before my mouth found his again. "Fuck the phone. Get me naked yesterday."

I barely heard the elevator doors open. Barely registered the walk to our apartment, a neighbor's door opening, followed by an "Oh my!" Didn't even notice that we were inside the apartment until Nathan tore himself away long enough to look down the hall as my feet dropped to the floor.

"Carrick, if you're here, don't be!" he shouted right after the door slammed shut behind us.

We both waited for an answer.

There was nothing.

We turned back to each other and lunged.

And then we were everywhere. Against the front door as Nathan kicked off his shoes. On the foyer table, sending the vase of gardenias crashing to the ground when his mouth latched to my breast. Scrambling down the hallway as he chased me like a man on the hunt, the first sign I'd seen that he lived up to his predatory name. I was more than willing to be his prey.

His hospital shirt landed somewhere near the living room. His scrubs bottoms halfway down the hall. Lord, he was beautiful, as big and brawny as a bear, rippled with lean muscle and the perfect smattering of hair across that broad chest.

He caught me just inside the bedroom and tossed me onto the bed like I was no heavier than a sack of groceries.

"Take it off," he ordered as soon as the bedroom door closed. "Take everything off."

I grinned and yanked off my leotard, then shimmied out of my tights and underwear. No sexy striptease needed here. No putting on a show.

He could have it if he wanted. Another day, another time. As a performer, I was a chameleon—I could be a thousand different women if that was what he wanted, and I looked forward to taking on that challenge one day.

But here in this room, as Nathan looked at me in nothing but my skin, I just wanted to be myself.

Just Joni.

"Perfect," he murmured as I lay back on the bed, displaying myself for him while I took in his own beautiful form.

Though I preened from his words, doubt slipped through my thoughts. "Oh, Nathan. I'm definitely not perfect."

His eyes drew back up my body, lighting a trail of fire in their wake. "You are to me. You've always been perfect to me."

That was all I needed to hear as I nestled back into the pillows. "Come here."

He did, but instead of covering my body with his, he knelt between my legs and trailed a finger over them.

"What are you doing?" I asked. "I said come here."

But instead, I was rewarded with an uncharacteristic smirk.

"Number one," he said as he drew his hand up and down my inner thigh. "‘Let her pick the music and TV shows.'" He tipped his head. "I think I do pretty well with that one."

I frowned. "What?"

"Number two, ‘Notice things about her no one else does and listen to everything she says.'" He kissed the side of my breast. "Even if you don't think it matters."

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. This was sounding familiar.

Nathan bent down to hover his mouth over my ear. "You don't have to worry about that. It all matters to me."

It was the list I'd scrawled in the bar. In his notebook, the one that twinned with mine.

He pulled back a bit to look me in the eye; the smirk growing now. "Rule number three, well, we covered that one upstairs. Right now, I like everything about you. I like this." He kissed my neck. "And this." Another to my left breast. "And this." Now my stomach. "And this." He returned to my mouth.

And stayed there for a long time.

"Number four," Nathan murmured against my lips when I came up for breath.

"Always kiss me like it's the first time," I echoed.

Nathan smiled. "I'm trying."

He kissed me again, tongue twisting, hungry and intense, like he wanted to swallow me whole. When he was finished, we were both breathing hard, and the space between my legs was aching for more.

"You're succeeding," I informed him, barely able to speak. "Pirate."

The smirk morphed into a smile. "Good. Do you remember number five?"

I blanked. I could barely think at all right now, much less remember everything on that stupid list. "I…no." And then I did. "‘Find out how she likes to be touched.'"

Nathan's eyes lit up. "I've been looking forward to this one."

He sat up on his knees, giving me a full few of his stacked physique while he spread my legs like a man surveying a field. He floated his hands over my body, then drew his fingertips ever so lightly, up and down my torso, my legs, my neck, my breasts. Testing my responses. Figuring me out.

I was imprisoned by his exploration. I didn't say anything; I knew he was mentally noting every shift in my body as he discovered the places that made me hiss and others that made me moan.

I wondered if he would write a list about it later.

WAYS TO MAKE JONI COME

I bet he'd need a whole new book.

I intended to fill one up about him.

"Here?" His finger drifted over one nipple, then pulled lightly, making me mew. "Or what about here?" His other hand drifted down the inside of my thigh, and my hips jerked toward him.

"You're evil," I told him between panting breaths.

"I assume that's a joke." His finger drew up my center, toying gently there, teasing the space without penetrating. Drawing patchy breaths and the occasional gasp in response. "But I'm not feeling very funny."

Then he lowered his head and pressed a kiss to my inner thigh. And the other one before he removed his glasses and set them on a bedside table.

"There was a second part to number five," he said as he leaned back down, close enough that I could feel his breath heating the sensitive skin of my thighs. "An addendum, if you will. Do you remember?"

He licked straight up. I moaned in response.

"‘D-don't be stingy with your tongue,'" I recited, eyes squeezed shut in anticipation.

I could feel that delicious smile against my thigh. "I don't intend to."

And then he set to work, placing my legs over his big shoulders so he could splay me open for him while his mouth sampled my darkest spaces, licking, nipping, even slipping his tongue inside me to taste it all. I moaned without a care, grabbed for the curls that were everything I'd dreamed they'd be, ground my hips against that intrepid tongue, even more when it was replaced by a finger, then two. His lips closed around my clit, and he sucked gently, then a little harder as his fingers curved inside me. Every part of me squeezed as a squeal slipped from the back of my throat.

Soon, I was practically singing as his hand worked harder in tandem with his mouth. It was too much, all too much. The pliancy of his lips, the delicate swipe of his tongue, the slick pressure of his finger, the scrape of stubble on my thigh. I wanted it all but needed more as he drove me higher, higher until I couldn't help but explode in light and desire around him.

"NATHAN!" I shouted as I came hard enough that I swore the walls of the apartment shook right along with my body.

He didn't stop, though his movements gradually ebbed along with the pleasure pulsing through me. When I was finally able to see clearly again, I looked up to find him watching me with a hazy expression.

"So beautiful," he murmured. He leaned down to kiss me. "And you taste so fucking good."

I arched into his words, into him, then reached down to pass my hand over the very obvious bulge in his black boxer briefs. "Take these off. It's your turn."

Looking almost bashful, Nathan stood and removed his underwear. His erection fell out, heavy and long. My mouth literally watered.

He was big. Even bigger than I had thought, having seen him once through his shorts and feeling him half asleep. For a split second, I wondered if I could take him.

My heart pounded between my legs with trepidation and desire.

"We could stop now," he said, obviously noticing my shock.

I looked up. "Don't make jokes like that, sir. You can't tease me with that thing and just walk away."

For that, I was rewarded with another blinding smile as he hauled me up from the bed for another soul-searing kiss.

"I want you," he said against my lips. "I want to own this body, Joni. I want to sink into you so deep I forget my name. Forget my entire fucking life."

That was all I needed.

"Number six," I said. "Talk to her every single time. Just like that."

"I'll remember that."

Nathan gently pushed me back onto the mattress. And then he was there, a heavy weight putting on a condom, then a solid rod teasing my slick entry, nudging its way in, inch by massive inch.

He took it slow, giving me extra time to get used to the sheer size of him. I sucked in a breath as he used his weight, angling one of my legs over his arm so he could go deeper, then deeper still.

"Fuuuuuuck," I hissed once he seated himself fully.

I was so full, so unbearably, deliciously full.

"All right?" he asked again.

"Yesssss." I couldn't manage any other words, head thrust back, chest up as I breathed through that ache, that overwhelming fullness.

Then he began to move. Slow, at first, a delicious withdrawal, followed by an equally controlled, patient thrust. I was already flailing and would have thought him unaffected if I hadn't looked up and seen desperation in those eyes, along with sweat dripping down his temples. He was struggling as much as I was to keep himself under control.

I spread my legs farther, then used all those muscles, so carefully trained from years or dance, yoga, Pilates, and any other training I could find. And I squeezed.

Nathan choked in response. "Jesus. Joni?—"

I reached up and pulled him to me for a kiss, sucking on his bottom lip.

"You can let go now," I told him. "I can take it."

Nathan surged forward on a groan. His hands found mine, pinning them to the bed as he really began to move, transformed into the beast I never knew he could be.

"Joni," he said as he thrust harder and harder still. "Fuck, Joni!"

"Give it to me," I begged, head thrashing from side to side.

"You'll take it," he grunted, working harder now, every muscle flexing as he worked my body mercilessly. "Fucking take me!"

Then he was gone, and I moaned until he flipped me over in quick, efficient movements, then entered me from behind in one harsh thrust. Again. And again. Deeper still. Impossibly deeper.

I grabbed for pillows, bedding, anything to help me brace against his onslaught. But there was only Nathan, his heavy weight covering my body, one hand reaching between my legs, finding that spot he'd already worshiped with his tongue.

"Does it feel good?" he demanded. "Does my dick feel fucking good to you?"

I couldn't answer. I couldn't even think. All I could do was feel the onslaught of sensations. The teeth scraping my neck, the fingers toying with my clit, another torturing my nipple as he pounded harder and harder still.

"Fuck," Nathan gritted out. "Fuck, I'm going to come. Fuck, I'm going to come so. Fucking. Hard."

As it happened, his words were my undoing. My body stretched and tensed at the same time, taking him as far as he could go as I exploded around him on a shout.

Nathan roared as he surged forward, caging me to the mattress as we both shook out long, blinding orgasms. Our bodies quivered in time, pulsing, shocked by the intensity of pleasure.

I wasn't sure where he started and I left off.

I wasn't sure where I was.

I wasn't even sure of my name.

And at that moment, I doubted he knew his either.

Gradually, the room came back into focus. A cool breeze feathered over my back as Nathan pulled out and disposed of the condom. When he came back, I was turned in his arms, my noodle limbs wrapped around his as he pulled me into his chest, where I could feel his heart still thumping against my cheek.

His mouth rested in my hair, which he lightly stroked. "Are you…okay?"

I almost didn't register his question, but when I did, I almost laughed. "Am I okay?"

"Yes." He angled his head back so he could look at me. "Please answer. I don't generally lose control that way."

He was genuinely concerned.

I touched my nose to his. "I am more than okay, babe. I am swimming in a pool of bliss." I kissed him for good measure. "You can lose control like that any time you want."

Nathan relaxed, and I went back to resting on his chest.

"I didn't know," he said as he stroked my hair. "I didn't know it could be that way."

My heart was still beating in my head, thoughts jumbled. Faces flashed through my mind. Other people. Other partners. Even Shawn, whose early kisses and touches and so much more had shaped my sexuality so thoroughly that, at one point, I had felt hostage to his knowing touch, wondered if anyone would ever know my body the same way.

They all splintered in my mind's eye, rendered dust by what had just happened.

"Maybe it's only like that for us," I said and knew it to be true.

I ignored the fear stabbing my heart when I realized what that meant.

If it was only like that for us, I was ruined for life.

Which meant if I lost him—and I inevitably would—my heart would be ruined too.

No, I told myself. He said it himself. He likes you just the way you are. There's nothing that would make him leave now.

The words became a mantra as I drifted off to sleep in Nathan's strong arms, no different than the fairy tales that danced in my head after bedtime stories as a child.

Just as comforting.

But also, said a small voice that hadn't quite been lulled to sleep, just as much a lie.