Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Everything bad melted away the moment I arrived at Rob's on Thursday evening. Yes, he'd made his house warm and inviting, with soft lighting, music and some candles. And yes, he'd arranged a perfectly relaxed night, with a Chinese takeaway, two multipacks of Babycham and a bunch of films he'd rented from Blockbuster. All of that was nice. But it was him. I'd fretted for ages about what to wear – dinner at Rob's – it felt like a big deal. I didn't want to overdo it, but I also wanted to make an effort. I opted for the red-checked flannel shirt he bought me, with chinos. He'd also gone for chinos. With a shirt and waistcoat. Nothing needed to be said. Rob West brought the best out in me, he changed me, but he also had a way of letting me know that, fundamentally, I was OK as I was, as I'd always been, I didn't need to pretend, he liked me for me … and for the waistcoats I'd stopped wearing since Jason and Scott's cruel comments.

He'd ordered way too much food: half a crispy duck with pancakes and plum sauce, sesame prawn toast, chicken dumplings, spring rolls, spare ribs in barbecue sauce, satay chicken, lemon chicken, crispy chilli beef, a bucketload of rice and several bags of prawn crackers.

"I didn't want to risk us getting peckish later," he explained. "And wait 'til you see dessert."

Dessert was a Sara Lee Black Forest gateaux*, which had been defrosted. I was too full of everything else to eat much of it, but I managed to force some down, only for Rob to reveal he'd also bought "popcorn and other nibbles" for during the film.

We cuddled up on the sofa in the snug, along with Casper, and Rob handed me his present – a small, wrapped box. Inside was a watch, and on the back he'd had inscribed: To J, for ever, R x

"I hope those are happy tears," he told me.

I sniffed and wiped my eyes. "Rob, this looks expensive."

"Well, it's not about money, but I wanted to get you something special. Because you are special."

"Thank you. It's lovely."

"Let's put it on."

He wrapped the brown leather strap around my left wrist and secured the clasp. "There," he said. "Now I'll always be with you. For ever."

I met his eyes. "I want you to be anyway, regardless of the watch."

"I know." He gave me a gentle smile and wiped a stray tear from my cheek with his thumb, and I wondered if, somehow, he knew, or had heard, about all the shit happening at school, and I wondered if he already knew our days were numbered. If the secret was out, it was only a matter of time before his dad put a stop to it all.

"Stop overthinking," he told me.

"I'm not."

"You are. I can tell. Tomorrow might be anything, but tonight is tonight, and we're here, and we've still got each other, and it's good and I love you." He kissed me.

"I love you too."

We kissed again. "Do you want to watch one of the films?" he asked.

"No, I just want to do this."

I'm not sure how long we spent on that sofa, kissing and touching each other. It was perfect, slow, gentle, our own timeless world, and at some point, he murmured, "Shall we go upstairs?" and I said, "Yeah," and he took my hand and led me to his bedroom, more kissing, clothes off, and for two kids who really didn't know what they were doing, it felt like one hell of an epic night.

Happy birthday to me.

*This represented the pinnacle of class, and I am not being sarcastic.