Thirty Three

Sofia

I can't do this anymore.

I'm sitting in the living area with my head in my hands, happy that Mila is with my dad for the night. Once he learned what Marvin had asked us to do, he insisted on taking her tonight. It was a bit of a standoff between the men in our family, and I'm pretty sure Dimitri is with them now—all of them spoiling Mila rotten.

It's been seven days since I last saw and spoke to Damian, and seven days since we had unprotected sex. All I could think about during the ride to the therapist—in between guilt and denial—was that I thankful for the pill. We don't need more complications. I mean, it's not like the pill will fail me twice, right?

I start to panic as the time begins ticking down. I love him so much, but my mind yells at me for being a pushover. All week, I struggled with the conflicting feelings, and those feelings are in overdrive. My heart is in my throat. The meet-up is in four hours, and I still need to figure out what to do! Do I miss him? Yes, every day. You can't just forget half a lifetime with a guy you thought was your destiny and not miss him, especially when you wake up every day to his two-year-old, female doppelg?nger.

Could we make this work again? I don't know. I hurt so much for so long. Mila was the only thing keeping me going, and I don't know if I can go through that again. But I also know seeing him move on would destroy me, so with my head all muddled, I decided to call in reinforcements last night. There's a knock at the door, and I squeal, running toward it, and as soon as I open it, I'm tackled to the floor, making me laugh. I look up from the huddle to see my mother-in-law shaking her head at our antics, and then she helps us all up.

"Bitch, I've missed you!" Adam cries out, hugging me tightly. My eyes water, squeezing him tight as another set of strong arms surrounds me. As Bruce leans his head on top of mine, the tears fall. In the background, I can hear April moan.

"Why do they get the first hug? I'm her number one best friend."

I chuckle.

"Bitch, please. That's my title," Adam states.

"Okay, okay, come in before you two start arguing," I say, shaking with laughter as I give April a tight squeeze before kissing Maria on the cheek. She rests her hand on mine, giving me a loving smile, then follows us inside.

"What the fuck? Why would you want to return to Texas when you have this, Soph? Oh, I am sorry, Sofia," Adam states, his eyes wide. I walk over to him, placing my arm through his.

"I'll always be your Soph, Ad, and it's not about the material things; it's about my heart and trust." He looks at me with soft eyes, pulling me into his arms tightly before April drags me out of his hug and demands a tour.

Maria has tea and coffee with cakes and biscuits ready by the time we get to the dining room after giving the three of them a tour. I had to drag April away from Damian's closet and my wedding dress in the glass case she kept trying to pry open. Apparently, she needs the dress. I laughed hard while feeling sorry for Greg all in one go; they all stated they were moving in, and I just shook my head as we all sat down.

I clasp my hands in my lap, on the verge of tears.

"Okay, baby girl, what's going on in that head of yours? Talk to us," Bruce says softly, knowing I'm ready to fall apart.

I pull my legs against my chest on the chair, wrapping my arms around them, and lean my chin on my knees. Tears start to fall from my eyes.

"Sofia?" April murmurs, and a sob bursts through.

"I don't know what to-to do," I cry. "I-I l-love him s-so much, b-but he h-hurt me so bad, I-I don't know h-how to-to forgive him, b-but I-I don't know how t-to leave h-him in the p-past, either." I'm sobbing uncontrollably, trying to catch my breath as I continue.

"How do I get past th-this? I-it hurts s-so much, I-I can't breathe. Why did he h-have to d-do this to me, t-to us?" My mother-in-law is already out of her seat, her arms wrapped tightly around me, rocking me as I finally, after three years, let myself feel all the pain Damian caused. The cheating, the lies, and the betrayal come out in painful sobs. Maria holds me tight with one arm as the other strokes my hair. I look up and see Bruce holding Adam as he cries with me. April has tears falling from her eyes, and Bruce's eyes are wet as they finally know the pain I've managed to hide away. All my anger at my family and Damian gives way to the unbearable pain that I have tried to keep at bay. It hurts so fucking much.

Maria takes my face in her hands, her eyes wet. "I know this hurts, baby, it hurts bad. But this right here is good. You have been holding this in for years; you've let rage take over. You've concentrated on my granddaughter and shoved these feelings aside. These are the feelings you’ve held back for three years; these are the feelings he must hear for you both to move on together and to forgive." More tears fall down my cheeks, and she wipes them softly, then continues, "I can promise you, once you show him your pain, you'll both be able to heal." I close my eyes as she places a kiss on my forehead.

"Many, many years ago," she whispers, "my husband, the love of my life, slept with someone else. This other woman tried getting pregnant by putting holes in the condom. It nearly destroyed me." My heart pounds. The thought of Dimitri hurting his wife is a scary thought; their love story is one of the ages. Yes, there’s was an arranged marriage, but they had been in love before, sneaking out to see each other. "We'd had an argument about when we should have kids, I wasn't ready yet, but he wanted an heir. I told him to impregnate someone else then. I just didn’t think he’d take me literally. Unfortunately, the woman he slept with was not sane; she had built an imaginary life with Dimitri in her head, and when my husband refused to give up on our love despite our ruptured marriage, she stood in front of us and stabbed herself in the stomach when he told her he wouldn't leave me. He was trying to get me to move home, and she'd followed him to where I was staying. She killed her baby, and I struggled to forgive Dimitri; if he loved me, he wouldn't have slept with her in the first place, drunk or not. The guards got her to the hospital. We followed and watched as she screamed at the doctor, who was trying to see if the baby had survived. Then she saw me. I don't know where she got the strength, but she pulled the knife from her belly, and ran for me. A security guard shot her, and she died five minutes later, choking on her own blood.

They determined that she had been stalking my husband for years after he helped her pick up her purse one morning. She saw a golden opportunity when he decided to go get drunk after our fight. He said he regretted it instantly but thought that if I didn't find out, then no harm was done. He wasn't expecting her to send me the recording of their night together and a picture of the pregnancy test. After the autopsy, it was determined she was actually a lot further along in her pregnancy; the baby did not belong to my husband. But at that point, I didn't care; he lied to me. I didn't talk to Dimitri for over a year, but he didn't give up; he kept coming to my parents' house daily."

I look into her eyes. I can see her pain.

I whisper, "Why did you take him back?"

She smiles softly, her hand going through my hair. "Because I missed him so much. I didn't have people around me to distract me or a new baby to keep me occupied. I felt like I was dying every day, missing the other half of my soul, because, like you and Damian, Dimitri was also my best friend. I decided to give him another chance, and two months later, I was pregnant with Alexandr.”

My eyes go glossy again, and I nod. She hugs me tight.

Adam and April encourage me to meet Damian, agreeing with Bruce.

"I think you should go tonight, sweets. You need to open your heart to him. Three years, that's how long we have known you. Three years, that's how long you have been slowly dying inside. The only time you lit up was with Mila; you were just going through the motions. You were never happy. Even when we celebrated your graduation, you were missing something…. Him. You have spent years trying to ensure your daughter's happiness while pushing yours away, because you knew he was your happiness. Give him a chance, darling."

Tears fall again, and I sob as I nod. Maria moves to the side as all three wrap me in their arms. I spend the rest of my time with my friends, knowing they won't be here tomorrow. They have to get back to their lives in Marfa, and Gloria would be pissed if Adam missed his shift tomorrow with how packed they have been recently.

An hour after they leave, I'm dressed in a lilac maxi dress, with thin straps crisscrossed on my back, and strappy sandals. I leave my hair down. One of Dimitri's driver’s picks me up. I couldn't use Damian's, otherwise, he'd know, plus there is still a chance he won't show up. I did leave him and take our daughter with me; he could have spent the last week realizing he resents me. My heart beats fast at the thought.

Don't be silly; he loves you, avoice whispers in my head, and I listen to it for once.

An hour later, I arrive at the Hampton’s house. Gosh, it's more beautiful than I remember. Tears shine in my eyes again. I take a deep breath and get out, heading toward the beach, where there are a dozen candles everywhere, just like the day he proposed, and the tears flow down my cheeks.

He's here.