Fifteen

Sofia

I'm lying in bed, looking at the ceiling, while Mila is beside me. I feel emotionally drained. Sighing, I turn my head to look at her princess clock: 5:30 a.m. Great. Mila won't be up for at least another hour and a half; I barely slept a wink last night.

Our evening after the park yesterday comes to mind.

"Dyadya Al, dinner with us?" Mila asks after spending another half an hour playing with her uncle. She looks at him, then me, pouting her bottom lip and widening her eyes, knowing that at three years old, no one can say no to that look.

When Alexandr looks at her, then decides to look at me with the same exact expression— geez, I shake my head a little, letting out a small chuckle.

"It's mac and cheese night."

He playfully cheers with Mila, copying her movements. It only takes five minutes to get to our apartment. We go to the second floor via the stairs, then turn left at our door, and I let them both inside. I look at April's door across the way, wishing she didn't have her date tonight, then go inside. Mila's already dragged her uncle toward her coloring table; she's speaking Russian and Italian to him, and he looks at me with pride, making a lump form in my throat. I smile, then go into the kitchen to cook dinner. While cooking, I check on them several times. She seems to adore him, which is good, right?

I walk back into the living room once I have just dished up and placed the food on our small dining table to see them both cuddled up on the couch, watching Frozen. I chuckle silently, reaching for my phone out of my back pocket to take several pictures without them knowing.

"Dinner's ready, Mila. Go wash your hands, malyshka." They both look at me. Mila nods, and then goes to the bathroom while Alexandr looks at me in surprise.

"What?" I ask.

He shakes his head, whispering, "You speak Russian to her?"

I give him a quizzical look. "Well yeah, how else will she learn?" I chuckle a little, then turn to walk into the kitchen to get the drinks. When I look back quickly, he’s just sitting there, mouth hanging open, and I chuckle again as Mila comes running in.

"Come, dyadya, food!" He snaps out of it and comes to the table.

Dinner is nice; Alexandr helps Mila with her macaroni, wiping her up throughout, and we laugh a lot. He tells me about his arranged marriage with Phoebe, how much he's fallen for her, how amazing she is, and how he can't wait for me to meet her. He thinks we'll be fast friends, and my heart bursts with joy for him. He even shows me pictures of her; she's beautiful, with white-blond hair and green eyes.

It is nice to catch up and even nicer when he helps me clean up the kitchen afterward. Once everything's put away, he stands in the bathroom doorway as I give Mila a bath and help her sing “Row, Row Your Boat” in Russian, which Alexandr gets a kick out of, especially when she switches to Italian, and then English. She asks if he can read to her, so I tuck her in, kiss her, and watch for a couple of minutes as he situates himself on her bed, letting her snuggle him. He reads to her. I'm a little emotional, so I go to the living room and clean up, waiting for him, knowing he wants to talk. Nausea is creeping up on me. I knew this would happen sooner or later, but I preferred the latter. I thought I had years yet. I grab my phone and quickly email the lawyer I found at Barnes he knew I wanted her to have a future and not end up having the same fate as me. I sigh, knowing I may as well state the truth.

I look him in the eyes and say, "She will always know who she is, her background, her heritage, but more importantly, her family, and when she is older, she can decide what she wants to do if she wants contact. I was not going to stop her from wanting to find her family; I was only going to protect her from the fate I had to endure, only to feel heartbroken and lost when the truth was revealed.

I loved him, Alexandr. I loved him with my whole heart, and he betrayed me in the worst way, not only by deceiving me and making me believe it was love but by cheating on me, with not only women who collaborated with him and your father but also my cousin. He humiliated me. I was walking around thinking I finally had it all despite how shitty my home life was, when all along I looked like an idiot. And to top it off, my father basically sold me off for an alliance," I say angrily, still bitter over everything. "Initially, I wasn't going to leave; I was going to stop the wedding and let him be a weekend dad. I had it all planned in my head, but when I had the ultrasound the day before the wedding…. I thought I was only a few weeks along, but I wasn't. I was four months pregnant, and my OB said she could tell me the sex, so I decided to find out." I sigh. "When she said I was having a little girl, I panicked. I couldn't breathe at the thought of her being used like I was, cheated on not only by her future husband but also lied to by her family. Yes, he destroyed me, but I wasn't going to let him or any of you destroy her or her dreams."

Alexandr looks at me with sad, understanding eyes and says, "He's been punishing himself for years, Sofia. If you can't forgive him, which I can understand if you can't, can you at least think about meeting him tomorrow to discuss his daughter? I know he doesn't deserve it, but she does, doesn't she? To get to know her family? We don't want to drag you or her from your life here, we just want to talk, please," he begs me.

I sit for a while, thinking, and he lets me, acknowledging that I need to process and decide what is best for my daughter. About half an hour later, after staring at the wall and him letting me, I finally speak.

"Tomorrow, 11 AM, The Tavern restaurant in town. Mila will be at daycare. He has one chance with his daughter, and that's it, but as for him and me, we were over the day he let someone else touch him after we made it official when I was seventeen," I state.

Alexandr nods, giving me a sad smile, understanding my decision, then proceeds to ask several questions about my life and Mila's. He asks to see pictures of me when I was pregnant, as well as ones with Mila growing up. He took two with him, giving me a kiss on the cheek, then a tight hug, saying he'll stop in tomorrow afternoon to see Mila, if I was okay with it.

I told him, "That's fine, just no one else for now, please, Alexandr. I'm not ready for everyone else yet."

He nods solemnly and leaves. I lock up, then climb into bed with Mila, holding her tight in a restless sleep.

I sigh, and then get out of bed to prepare for the day. It has barely begun, and I already feel drained. Shit. I have to see Damian again. A lump forms in my throat, nausea bubbling up my throat as a picture of him with Candice runs through my head, and I run to the bathroom just in time to throw up last night's dinner. Even after all these years, it still affects me as if it were only yesterday.

I wait a couple of minutes before I get up, flush the toilet, then wash my face and brush my teeth. He always makes me feel like this. How am I going to get through this meeting with him? Should I cancel? Gah, Alexandr forgot to give me his number; I bet that was on purpose! I comb my hair, leaving it in waves down my back, then I go to my room and pull on my usual jean shorts and a flowy, white top. My necklace and the rings on it shine in my bedroom mirror. I sigh but leave it on and tuck it into my top.

I go to the kitchen and make Mila's lunch for daycare, and put it in her backpack near the door, then proceed to make her breakfast—French toast, of course—then pour her a glass of milk. I wake her up by placing a dozen kisses on her face, making her wake up with a giggle.

We go to the bathroom, ensuring she uses the potty before I get her dressed. She picks out a pink t-shirt and jean skirt.

"Okay, bambina, let's eat breakfast. Aunty April should be here in a minute." She cheers, and then heads to the table. I go to her room again and clean up, then clean up the living room. By the time I'm done, she's finished her breakfast, so I clean up the table.

There's a knock at the door.

"Honey, I'm home," April singsongs while walking in.

Mila runs to her and greets her with a big hug.

"Hello, princess," April says, then looks at me. "Well, you were wrong; this guy is definitely the one this time, just like I always knew. Greg was awesome. We talked all night, and when we kissed, it was like seeing fireworks, just like I knew it would be. We're going out again tonight," she ends with a squeal, causing Mila to giggle. I give a small smile.

"What's wrong?" She knows me well.

"They found us."

She pales, kisses Mila on the cheek, and then tells her to go get the jean jacket that goes with her skirt. She puts Mila down, who runs toward her room, and then she pulls me into a hug. "Are you going to see Mr. Townsend?" she questions, and I nod solemnly.

"Right after we take Mila to daycare and you to work and do the grocery shopping. I have to meet him at 11 AM at The Tavern." She nods, then gives me another hug. God, I love her. I don't know what I would have done without her.

"You know I am here for you if you need me." I give her a smile and a nod. She knows she can't help me with this one, but she'll soon jump in with both feet if I need her.

Mila comes running back out with her jacket, and I help her put it on, give her her backpack, and then put on my jean jacket and cowgirl boots before we all head out.

We jump in my Mazda, and I drive to the daycare first. Once we get there, I walk her in with her Frozen backpack before she gives me a big kiss and hug.

"Bye, Mamma."

I smile. "See you at three, principessa."

I watch her go in, then head back to my car.

"Okay, now that we know she's safe, will you be okay meeting him today?" April immediately asks.

"Honestly, I don't know. When I realized this morning that I was going to see Damian in only two and a half hours, my mind started flashing back to him and that woman like it was yesterday, and I threw up. But I know I have to do this. I knew this would happen at some point; that's why I've been prepared. I was just hoping it was later, that she was older. I don't want her to have my fate." Tears slip from my eyes as April's eyes soften.

"I know this is probably hard, but you're doing it all the right way, and you're keeping to your word, too. You said you weren't going to prevent contact if they found you, and you haven't, you're doing the best for your daughter. I'm proud of you." She grabs my hand and squeezes it before I have to change gears. I pull up to the motel, and she leans in and hugs me. "Call me if you need me, and I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Greg is picking me up unless you want me tonight." I try not to laugh at the horror on her face that she might not be able to see Greg. I wouldn't do that to her. She was my rock while I worked and went to college.

"Go get some," I say, laughing while she goes red, but she laughs anyway, and then gets out. She waves on her way in while I pull out of the parking lot.

After I've finished grocery shopping and put it all away, my phone pings, and I look and see I have an email from Mr. Townsend.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Letter

Good morning, Ms. Rossi,

I have placed the documents with my secretary. You can pick them up anytime. I also added the extra papers you requested under your legal name, Sofia Russo.

Regards,

T. Townsend

Barnes he's still taken.

"Morning Amber, I have a folder to pick up."

"I have it right here," she says with a bit of hate. Yeah, the feelings are mutual, bitch.

She passes me the folder with a fake ass smile and says, "Have a nice day."

"You too," I reply with a sweet, sickly smile. I really hate that bitch.

Once I leave the office, I check the time. 10:45. Okay, here goes nothing.

The Tavern is only two doors down, so I walk there, and once I get in, Rachel, the waitress, smiles at me and tells me to sit anywhere. Lance, the owner, spots me and shouts good morning, and I wave. I find a seat near the back just as Rachel comes over, and I tell her I'll just take a glass of water for now because I'm meeting someone. She smiles, then goes back to get one for me and brings it back straight away. I get my phone out and see a message from April.

April: Good luck x

I smile and put my phone back. She's such a good friend.

Lost in my thoughts, I startle at the sound of the bell above door ringing and lift my head.

Fuck, why couldn't he have gotten fat or lost all his hair in the last three years. It's not fair!

Damian walks into the building, and he has a box in his right hand and is dressed in jeans and a black Henley V-top. His hair is still short on the side and messy on the top, which is a bit longer than at our wedding, and his face is showing a little stubble that makes him hotter. I notice his left hand as he lifts it to run through his hair. His wedding band. A lump forms in my throat, and I place my hand on my rings through my top, and my eyes feel glossy. No, we're here for Mila, nothing else. I look down quickly to collect myself, straightening the folder that I placed on the table, leaving the other one in my bag. I look up again and his gaze meets mine, showing me all the emotions that he usually hides: vulnerability, sadness, guilt, longing, and loss.

He starts to walk my way and stops a few feet from my table.

"Hello, printsessa.”