Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five

THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, AND TRUTHS

" A gh, why is this so hard?" Dominic scowled and crumpled up another bit of paper, throwing it onto the growing pile around himself.

He glowered at the sheet of paper before him and let out a long sigh. It was the day after they had brought Venus and her puppies back, and he had decided to finally set about writing down his thoughts about Charlotte.

So, he had gone to the library in the East Wing where he and Charlotte had written their ‘love letters' to one another. He had hoped that it would give him some kind of clarity, but thus far it had been lacking.

"I do not even know what I am trying to say." He absentmindedly sucked on the edge of his quill. "Everything sounds either trite or insincere. It is somehow simultaneously too much and far too little."

He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "Write your feelings. As if it were so easy! What am I supposed to say?"

Lady Bellmore's words drifted into his mind. To be chosen by someone worthy. Dominic glanced back down at the paper and began to write.

I am not sure that I am worthy, but perhaps it does not matter what I think. Actually, I am sure it does not matter what I think. His pen scratched the words onto the paper, and he felt some tension within him lift.

"It does not matter what I think; it matters what you think," Dominic muttered as he wrote the words. "But how can I expect you to make a decision if you do not have all the information?"

He looked at what he had written and nodded. "That is a good start."

He began to write more, and for the first time, it felt easy. He lost himself in the process, every now and then pausing to read what he had written, to cross something out and amend it, and then continue. His hand started to cramp, and he shook it out.

"You are unlike anyone I have ever met," he murmured as he read over his letter, waiting for his hand to stop hurting. "There is so much I admire about you, and I worry that words will be unable to convey the depth of my admiration. Hmm… No, sentiment. That is better."

He flexed his fingers, took up his pen and made the changes. "I think of you often. I find myself thinking about our future." He paused. Perhaps that is too much? But no, I should be honest. "Though I feel as though I should not."

He was not sure how long he had been writing, but it hardly seemed to matter. The sound of the door opening startled him so much that he almost upset his ink pot. Cursing, he hastily finished the letter, folded it, and then tried to hide it. I will come back for it later.

"Oh, sorry! I did not think anyone would be in here." Lady Andrea looked at him, her eyes taking in the ink stains on his hands and the crumpled letters around him.

"I like to come here for some peace and quiet. Everyone else seems to prefer the other libraries, but I have always like this one the best." Dominic forced himself not to glance at the spot he had tucked his letter to Charlotte. "Was there anything you were looking for in particular?"

"Yes. Though I can come back another time." Lady Andrea did not move to shut the door.

"You do not need to leave on my account. Perhaps I might help you find what you were looking for?" Dominic gestured around them.

"At the last event, your grandmother mentioned a book of poetry, but I have not been able to find it in any of the other libraries. I thought finding it might help give me some understanding of what else is to come though it would seem I am not the first to have had such a thought." Lady Andrea smiled.

"I think I know the book you are after." Dominic gestured to one of the shelves furthest away from him. "I think it will be there, if there is a copy here at all."

"Thank you." Lady Andrea's eyes drifted over the scraps of paper briefly, before she moved to the bookshelf. "Ah, perfect. Here it is! This is wonderful; thank you so much."

"Think nothing of it, I am glad to have been able to help." Dominic quickly moved his letter to Charlotte, hiding it under a pile of books.

"I am surprised you did. I would have thought you would want any advantage." Lady Andrea regarded him with suspicion.

"Perhaps I think it more advantageous to be helpful rather than a hinderance," Dominic said to her, trying his best to sound neutral and charming.

"You would seem to be one of the few who feels like that," Lady Andrea replied. "Most everyone else seems determined to engage in sabotage and subterfuge."

"I see no need for either." Dominic shrugged.

"You are not worried, then, about what people might discover?" Lady Andrea glanced again at the discarded drafts and then back at Dominic.

"I doubt they will find anything interesting." Or anything I have not intended them to find. Dominic moved, obstructing her view of his crumpled drafts as he attempted to remember if he had said anything incriminating in any of them.

"Something does not need to be interesting to be of use. In fact, I find the most mundane things tend to be the most useful." Lady Andrea smiled, and Dominic felt a prickle of discomfort. "It is in the everyday things that people get careless."

"And do you think everyone has something to hide?" Dominic frowned.

"Not everyone, but most people." Lady Andrea shrugged. "We all have our secrets."

"That strikes me as a rather suspicious way to live." Dominic crossed his arms across his chest.

"It is practical," Lady Andrea replied, her eyes seeming to search his face for some kind of answer.

"It sounds tiring." Dominic tried to sound nonchalant, as though he had nothing to hide.

His heart sped up, and he felt a bead of sweat trickle down his neck, but he ignored it.

"To some. But I do not tire easily, not when I am in pursuit of answers." Lady Andrea gestured around them.

"Well, I hope you find them." Dominic said, privately hoping the opposite.

"I am sure I will. After all, things have a way of coming out, whether we wish it or not." Lady Andrea smiled at him.

Dominic smiled back at her as the gong sounded, signalling that it was time for dinner. "Goodness, is that the time? I fear I rather lost track of it while I was up here. I still need to change. And so do you!"

He moved towards the door, gently using his body to guide Lady Andrea from the room. He made a mental note to send one of the servants to retrieve the letters later and dispose of the drafts. I'll have Mr. Harris do it while we are at dinner.

For a moment, he worried that she would try and dart past him, but she did not. Instead, she let him gently guide her from the room and watched as he closed the door behind him.

"I will see you at dinner, Lady Andrea." Dominic inclined his head towards her, not moving from the doorway.

"Of course, Your Grace. Thank you for your help." Lady Andrea curtsied and turned, making her way down the stairs. "Oh, I believe Lady Charlotte was looking for you."

Dominic's heart sped up. "When?"

"Earlier this afternoon. She seemed rather upset when no one could find you." Lady Andrea paused thoughtfully and then added, "It is rather odd that you did not tell her where you were."

"I was working on a gift for her. Just a silly little poem, but I wanted it to be a surprise." Dominic tried to look sheepish, even as his heart twisted. I swore I told her that I would be in the library if she needed me, but perhaps I did not.

It was not entirely a lie. He had not wanted to tell Charlotte about the letter; he had wanted to get it out of his head.

"How sweet! You still write to her even though you are in the same place." Lady Andrea's smile did not quite reach her eyes.

"Some habits are hard to break. Besides, it is often easier to say things in writing than to say them aloud," he replied evenly.

"Of course." Lady Andrea nodded her head towards him and began to walk away. "I will see you later, I am sure."

Dominic was barely aware of her leaving; his mind was full of the image of Charlotte. The hurt and anger on her face when she thought he had been behaving dishonourably. Why should I care? We will never see one another again after these games are done.

But he did care. Dominic shook his head and made his way to the dining room, determined to find Charlotte and reassure her.

He rushed down the stairs, stopping by his room to change before rushing to the dining hall. He scanned the crowded hall and saw Charlotte sitting at a table with some of his cousins, laughing and joking.

"I am sorry," he murmured as he took a seat beside her.

"Whatever for?" Charlotte looked at him in confusion.

"For not telling you where I would be." Dominic felt his own confusion grow. "I could have sworn I did, but apparently…"

"But you did tell me. You told me this morning you would be in the Eastern library." Charlotte frowned. "Unless you have been somewhere else?"

"No, that is where I was." Dominic's brow furrowed. Why would Lady Andrea lie about such a thing? "I… Someone said that you were looking for me — that you were upset."

"Perhaps they were confused? One of the other guests was looking for her fiancé though I think her name is Harriet, not Charlotte. I suppose they sound similar enough to be confused." Charlotte shrugged.

"Possibly." Dominic felt a prickle of unease but tried to put it from his mind. Lady Andrea is not family; she might easily get guests mixed up.

That was probably it. Dominic rubbed the back of his neck, trying to sooth himself.

"What are you two lovebirds whispering about?" one of the cousins asked, pointing his fork at them.

"Careful, do not ask questions you would rather not know the answer to!" Frederick teased.

"It can hardly be too scandalous; they are at the dinner table!" Cecily laughed.

"It is not scandalous at all; I just did not think the rest of the table wished to hear me tell my Precious Plum just how beautiful she looks this evening," Dominic replied smoothly, gently taking Charlotte's hand in his and looking at her. "You do look wonderful though."

"Thank you," Charlotte murmured, an odd look flitting across her face before he could read it. "So do you, Sweetkins. I missed you this afternoon."

Dominic felt his heart skip at her words. She is just saying what she thinks they want to hear. "I missed you too."

"Ugh, the two of you are too much," one of his cousins groaned. "Does love always make people this sickeningly soppy?"

"Perhaps we are just lucky." Dominic answered.

He realised that Charlotte's hand was still in his and that he had been absentmindedly stroking it. She did not pull away, and he felt something stir within him. Hope.