CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Morning comes with no change in light—the magical moss glows at a consistent level at all hours—yet I wake at what my body tells me is dawn.

Selena sleeps in my arms as she has all night, her soft breaths tickling over my naked skin.

Last night was the most amazing experience of my life.

And one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made.

Being with her shook me to my core. I spent years pining for Bruna and what would have been if our teenage fumblings grew into the love of adults. For the first time, I force myself to remember them for what they were—sweet first love and the excitement of newly maturing bodies discovering pleasure. They weren’t in and of themselves revelatory, no matter how much I made them such in my mind and held every woman since to an impossible ideal.

Until the reality of touching Selena tore through every rose-colored memory to show me the truth of what real passion is.

Yet Selena’s not my bride, and I’ve just made it impossible to do what needs to be done. How am I supposed to hand her over to her intended in Moon Blade Village? How can I watch them fall in love and be gloriously happy as only a mated moon bound pair can be?

It will be impossible. I will not survive it. The shreds of myself I patched back together after Bruna’s loss will be torn asunder anew. I will leave the village rather than stay and watch her love another man. I must. If King Aldronn will not take me back into his service, I will strike out on my own. Perhaps Dash would—

But no. Dash wants Selena as his rider, not me.

I will be more alone than I’ve ever been, now that I know what it feels like to hold her. After years of aching loneliness, the thought of facing such acute pain feels like one burden too many.

I need to distance myself before leaving her becomes even harder.

It’s not terribly difficult to extract myself from her. Selena sleeps as she does everything, with total commitment. She offers only the smallest sleepy protest as I ease my arm from under her and replace it with a bundled-up fur .

But she nuzzles my hand when I pull another fur up to cover her shoulders, her full lips brushing over it in an unconscious kiss. Suddenly, leaving her side becomes the most difficult thing in the world. Once I leave, this will truly be over. My hand lifts—

Fool, a snide voice says, my darkest self. You know what you have to do. She’s meant for another, and she must know it on some level. Look how careful she was to make certain you couldn’t get her pregnant. You’re not worthy of her. She’s not yours.

My teeth grind together as I stand, gather clothes and supplies, and walk out of the tunnel and away from Selena, my heart cracking along old familiar lines.

By the time she emerges from the cave an hour later, glow stone held aloft, I have a fire going with breakfast ready.

“Sturrm!” Selena smiles at me like a second sun come to warm the sky. She hurries across the clearing, arms lifting to hug.

And I cannot bear it. I can’t keep lying to myself that this time with her will last. As she nears, I shove a mug of mint tea and a bowl of porridge toward her, filling her hands before she can touch me.

Her smile flickers, wavering a bit before returning full force. “You made me breakfast. Thank you.”

I grunt and turn to the fire, poking at it with a stick, even though it’s already burning well .

I’m saved from any further interaction by the flapping of wings as Bellavesaria settles onto the ground only a few feet away.

“I took a higher vantage point as soon as it got light,” the dragon says, pointing to a wide ledge on the rock face above. “It might have been regular birds, but I think I saw another sluagh flock headed this way. They ducked under tree cover several miles out, so I can’t be certain.”

“Did they see you?” I ask, all of my senses heightening at the thought of the soul stealers threatening Selena again.

“I don’t think so. I held very still.”

“You’re purple ,” Dash says, walking over from where he’s been grazing. “And pink .”

“Hah!” The dragon bobs her head. “Shows what you know! What color do the mountains look like from a distance?”

“Purple.” Selena points her spoon at the dragon.

“Exactly! I actually blend in very well when I hold still, especially in the lower light of morning or evening.” Bellavesaria’s crest rises. “Mother says that our home realm of Dularia has gray rocky mountains like these, and that I would fit in perfectly.”

“Back to the point at hand,” I growl. “The soul stealer.”

“That sluagh yesterday was waiting for us, which means they know about our quest,” Dash says.

“You speak true,” I say. “The sluagh either knew we were coming, or they’re staking out the caves that contain the crystals we seek. They did so with the other deathsleep-antidote ingredient. They attacked Krivoth, Taylor, and Storm the moment they found the violet trifolia.”

“This is dragon land,” Bellavesaria says. “They must be desperate to dare trespass.”

“Why haven’t the dragons already taken care of them?” Selena asks. “Why was this one able to wait here for us?”

“The soul stealers are sneaky when they’re in their bird-flock form,” Bellavesaria says. “We can only sense them when they take their true form, and they’re careful not to do that when in our territory.”

Selena’s face takes on a thoughtful expression.

“Whether what Bellavesaria saw this morning was another soul stealer or not, if they’re staking out these caves, we can’t rely on this area remaining safe for long.” I pull out the map Sheevora gave us and spread it open upon the ground. “We need to get into the caves and find the crystals we came for.”

“But if they know where we went in, they can just wait for us to come out,” Selena says.

“Then we come out someplace else.” Bellavesaria cocks her head and studies the parchment, then taps at it with one extended talon. “This cave system connects to ones I know well. They’re the hatchling caves. We can go out the other side of the mountain. That whole area’s so heavily populated by dragons that no sluagh would dare come near.”

“Oh, that’s brilliant!” Selena beams.

“Maybe,” I growl. “But Sheevora also said the caves get small in places. Too small for dragon younglings and unicorns. ”

“Mother doesn’t know how far we all explore. We… we go places we’re not supposed to.” Bellavesaria drops her gaze to her front feet, dragging a claw over the moss in front of her. Her embarrassed hesitancy reminds me that for all her bravado, she’s still only a youngling and this is her first time out of the nest alone.

“A little teenage rebellion.” Dash laughs. “There’s hope for you yet, dragon.”

Bellavesaria perks up at his words, then gives him a critical glance. “But you’re still bigger than me, unicorn. What are you going to do?”

“Be a pooka,” Dash says.

“What does that mean?” Selena asks, easting her last bite of porridge.

“Yes, what does it mean?” I scowl at the unicorn. What all is this trickster fae hiding from us?

But all he’ll say is, “You’ll see.”

I grunt and reach for Selena’s dirty dishes. Once I have her mug, she holds onto her bowl long enough to lay her free hand on top of mine.

“Thank you, Sturrm.” Her copper eyes hold my gaze for several seconds.

An ache builds in my chest. I want her so desperately it’s tearing me apart.

I yank my hands from her gentle grip and spin around, needing to get away.

Away from her soft hands and beautiful smiles.

Away from the pain in my heart.