41. Anna

41

Anna

"No," Jax hissed as he pulled me into his arms. "Fuck, Anna, how the hell could you think that? You're amazing. Beyond amazing. We'd be dead without you."

"You don't understand how it felt. When I realized that I could connect to everyone in the pack, that I could take their energy, I knew that I could drain them and take this mountain. No one should have this kind of power. No one should feel this way."

"You gave it back, Anna. You would never hurt anyone."

How could he say that, knowing the blood that was on my hands? The wolves that I had killed for my father. Emerson. His death wasn't by my hand, but it was because of me. Death came so naturally to me.

"Stop it. I know what you're thinking, and that is not on you. You did what you needed to do to survive and stop the torment. This is different. You have a healing magic."

"It's not healing. It's just energy. I can see all the threads within you, and if I were strong enough, I think I could do what Janelle can do but on a grand scale. That is what Maeve wants. That's what my father wanted."

"Just because people want to use you does not make you a monster," he growled. "It makes them monsters. How did you harness your magic?"

I could see what he was getting at, although I wasn't sure how he knew. "My wolf," I admitted. "She was shimmering with it."

"And you trust your wolf. You've always trusted your wolf. She believes in you. I believe in you. So why can't you?"

Well damn, when he put it that way, what was I supposed to say? I wrinkled my nose, and he laughed and tipped up my chin. "How do you feel? You've been asleep for a few days. Irene said you were gathering your strength again. You depleted your magic too quickly."

I had to save them. Being asleep for a few days wasn't a terrible consequence. "I feel rested."

"And do you feel your wolf?"

I reached out to her, and she came willingly. "Yeah."

"And your magic?"

"Tendrils," I said as I searched. "Maybe it's replenishing? Or dead? Oh, that's perfect. Maybe I can ask Irene and Lunessa to drain my magic. Isn't that what happened to her?"

"It's part of you, Anna, and not an option," he said roughly. "Besides, her magic came back."

Oh. Yeah. Right.

I was scared, but when I needed my magic, it was there. The alternative was that Jax, Saul, and Finn would be dead.

It was not an alternative I wanted to think about.

I stayed in Jax's arm, soaking up his warmth and centering myself. "I need to take a shower and eat something."

"All right. I have a meeting with London and Elonso that I can't miss. I'll have some food sent up to you. If you leave the room today, you'll likely be bombarded."

"Shit. The pack is probably furious with me. I'm never going to live without a bodyguard, am I?"

"Anna, you couldn't be more wrong. They gave their magic to you to save me. Jenson told me that they could feel your panic. They fed you willingly, but when Lunessa realized what was happening, she was afraid you wouldn't stop. That you didn't know how. And when you realized what was happening, you gave what you didn't need back, and it was filled with love. They think you're a goddamn miracle."

I was still processing that when he left. Turning the shower onto its hottest setting, I stepped in and let the heat rush over me. Jax believed in me and my magic, and now the whole pack did as well. Nobody had ever relied on me, and I couldn't help but feel like I wasn't equipped.

There had to be a reason for the Crone's worries, and Maeve had to know that I wasn't going to willingly take the mountain for her.

I was still worried when the water began to cool. Turning off the shower, I stepped out and reached for my towel.

It was hanging from the arms of a wrinkled old woman perched on my sink.

The Crone just looked at me steadily. "You shower too long."

Shit.