35. Anna

35

Anna

"I give up."

Irene smiled at me like I was a petulant child, maybe because I was acting like one, and gestured to the candle again. "It's only been an hour, Anna. It's a little early to be giving up."

Only an hour? It felt like we'd been at it for days. Lunessa, Irene, Janelle, and even Ava were all circled around me in the woods. Kenzi kept her distance, but I could feel her closeness. There was a flat boulder in the middle with a single lit candle on it. My instructions were simple.

Put out the candle, and they didn't mean with my breath or a snuffer. Frankly, that would have been easier.

"Maybe my magic doesn't put out fires. Have you ever considered that?"

"Every witch can call on every element, to some degree," she said easily. "Learning to put out a single flame is one of the earliest forms of magic we learn. I imagine it's easier for children."

I glared at her. "That's a little insulting."

"It's not meant to be, Anna," she laughed. "Children are naturally bonded with their magic. They bond with most things. Just like you were bonded with your wolf as a child. Bonding as an adult is much harder. Experiences cloud our judgment and create blockages. None of us thought it would be easy for you. Today, all we're doing is trying to find your trigger."

Right. Trigger. Irene and Lunessa could put out the candle by simply asking the fire to extinguish itself. Janelle could do it by imagining a line of water from her finger to the wick, and Ava sucked the air away from it and suffocated it.

That particular little trick was a little terrifying.

I'd tried off all of those. It most certainly hadn't worked.

"They called null witches chaotic witches because their magic was so different," Lunessa said in a thoughtful voice. "Of course, nulls either did not want to share their magic or other witches did not care to learn because there is no information on how nulls used their magic."

Pointing her finger to the candle, she muttered some words under her breath as she waggled her finger back and forth. It didn't light, as I expected it to, but it did blaze in a lovely shade of blue and green.

"You're particularly good at undoing spell traps, but I assume you haven't tried it since your magic has been unlocked. I want you to try and walk us through it."

She wasn't wrong about adult experiences blocking us. I immediately wanted to balk. Why would she care how I undid a trapped spell unless she wanted to create one that I couldn't handle?

The Crone's face filled my mind.

Kill her.

"Anna, I am not her," Lunessa said firmly. "You can quit growling at me. I am your friend, and I have only ever tried to save you."

I hadn't even realized that my wolf was growling at her. Quickly, I soothed her and took a deep breath. "Sorry."

"You've experienced a lifetime of trauma in a series of memories. It's going to take time to unload all of that," she said kindly. "There's no reason to apologize."

"Right. Well, I can tell that there's a spell there because it's colorful. Magic is an array of colors for me. It's very pretty," I admitted with a smile. "For spell traps, the colors are tangled together, like threads. When I focus on them, I can mentally untangle the threads and then absorb them."

"Absorb," Ava repeated with a frown. "Like stealing magic?"

"I don't think so. I couldn't do anything with the magic before. I just absorbed it, and it went dark," I said uncertainly. "But I haven't done anything since my magic was freed."

Irene shook her head. "It's doubtful you can use it. It's not your brand of magic, so it probably just dies with you, but now is the best time to find out. Go ahead and undo Lunessa's trap."

It was a simple spell trap. Only two colors and not much variation between them. Six strands that I could differentiate.

"You said you mentally untangle the knots. How are you doing that?" Lunessa asked softly.

"I…" I shrugged. "I don't know. I just do."

"The intuition is so strong that you don't even think about it anymore, but we do need you to think about it," Irene said with a chuckle. "Think it through."

Annoyed at the interruption, and the thought of having to explain myself, I focused on the tangled threads again. "I pull them apart like laces on a shoe. I'm not physically untying them, obviously. I figure out the rotation and then…oh."

"Oh?" Ava repeated.

"I guess I'm not pulling at the threads at all. They're dissolving and then drifting toward me. I'm…I call to them. One little piece at a time."

The spell broke, and I grinned. This was something that I could do, at least.

"Janelle, do you always use threads?" Irene asked.

She paled a little but nodded. "I do."

"You both see magic as bonds," Irene continued. "Anna, you probably do it because of your wolf. And Janelle, well, there's probably a werewolf somewhere in your family tree."

"But I tried putting out the candle the way she did it," I pointed out. "It didn't work."

"No, but this is an excellent start. Now that we know how your magic might work, we can start meditations to help you bond with it. Janelle will be very good at that," Lunessa said with a tinge of satisfaction in her voice.

Well, I'm glad they thought we'd made progress. I felt like this had all just been a giant waste of my time.

We disbanded, and I walked with Janelle back to her room. Kenzi followed behind at a distance. Apparently, she wanted to guard me without actually being near me, which was fine with me. "Will you be staying with us long enough to help me? Irene is pretty thrilled at the thought of you being with us."

"So she's mentioned, several times," Janelle chuckled. "Irene is a good woman. You're lucky to have her as a friend. Yes, I imagine it'll take some time for me to find my footing," she admitted. "Helping you could help me. I've been struggling a little with my magic lately. Every time I do a spell, it depletes me, and it seems to take more and more time to regenerate. Irene has offered to help me with that."

"Cool. We'll just be a bunch of witches who hobble along together," I muttered. "So, you're currently bonding with your magic."

"No. Actually, I'm not. I'm facing the same issues that you are. Fear, but Jax and Lunessa are right. We shouldn't have this magic if we couldn't control it. I do need to learn to trust that, as do you. We can do it together."

I sure as hell didn't want to do it at all, and that reminded me. When we reached London's house, I went in search of Saul and was pleased to find him and Finn together. Two was even better than one.

"How's Amelia doing?" I asked.

"I had no idea someone could get so focused on a computer. I had to practically force her to drink water," Finn grumbled. "She's currently asleep in Cindy's room. Jax ordered me to take a break."

"By break, he probably meant for you to sleep as well," I pointed out.

"Too much nervous energy to sleep. Jax says we're leaving as soon as Amelia is done, which could be tomorrow."

Had she already gone through some of the packs? If Jax knew which ones, he hadn't told me.

"Kenzi, I'm with Finn and Saul. You can take a break. I'll have Finn walk me back to Jax," I told her.

"Fine. I would like to get some sleep," she muttered and turned and flounced out.

"And here I thought she loved guarding you," Saul joked softly.

"I think everyone has been stretched a little thin since I fell into a coma and Jax turned into a monster. Speaking of monsters…"

"You're worried that you're going to turn into one," Finn finished. His eyes narrowed. "It wasn't all that hard to put two-and-two together when Jax gave Amelia the list of names to run. He thinks someone out there still wants to use you."

I shook my head. "Emerson is dead. I've thought about it a hundred times. It has to be his pack. How else would he and Dirk have known each other? Anyway, I'm worried that I'm not just a weapon. I'm a little worried that it's just…me. Someone powerful went through a lot of trouble to lock up what's inside of me."

Saul turned from his desk, and Finn straightened. My heart skipped a beat as I stared at the two of them. "You don't owe me anything," I whispered. A lump was forming in my throat, and I cleared it out. "You don't owe me anything. If anything, I owe both of you. You've both saved my life…"

"No flattery needed, Anna. Just come out and say what you want to say so we can get this distasteful conversation over with," Saul said flatly.

"You know?"

"I know you," Saul sighed. "I know how much guilt you carry and how much fear. Jax came to retrieve the journals I kept safe but did not read. I don't want you to think that I've pushed too far into your boundaries. He's told me a little bit about what you went through, and what the Crone said."

"If it comes to that…" my voice cracked.

Finn growled. "It won't."

"You don't know that. You don't. Maybe it was just jealousy or maybe she really can see the future. If it comes to that, I don't think Jax can do it. I don't think Jax can do anything to hurt me, and I've seen what happens if a wolf kills his mate. If I'm hurting people, then I'm not me anymore. I need the two of you to swear that if I become some kind of monster, you'll put me down before I do too much damage. Please."

Saul took a deep breath and nodded shortly. "Fine."

I looked over at Finn. I could tell that he was struggling with it. "Finn, please."

"It's not going to come to that, Anna, but if it does, and there is no other option, I'll do it," he said finally.

Relief swept through me. I had their word. It was as good as their bond. There was a safeguard.

It would have to be enough.

A knock sounded on the door, and Kenzi appeared. She didn't look nearly as tired or pissed as before. "Cat nap?" I asked.

"I've already called Jax. Amelia has found something."