30. Anna

30

Anna

"What have you done? You killed her! You killed her! Dane, you killed a Darkwyn witch!" Katherine screamed in hysterics.

"It's Dirk," he snapped. "And lower your goddamn voice. You brought this on yourself. Your own daughter! You could have killed her!"

"Andrea is fine. She'll wake up soon, and she won't even remember that she has magic. She won't remember that I have magic, but you…I didn't even know you were capable of murder," Katherine whispered. Tears tracked down her face.

My heart hammered in my chest. I couldn't let go of Jax. He'd walked me against the wall, as if he could protect me from what was happening here.

Bile rose in my throat. All the horrible things that happened here, that were done to me and things that I did, remained with me, but over the past few months, the imprint had faded. It made coming back here all the worse.

We hadn't stayed here all that time. Of that, my memory knew. We moved frequently, but we often came back here, and when Jax found us, we'd been here for a few years.

I'd had no idea that my nightmares here had started so early.

"You have no idea what I'm capable of to protect her," Dirk snarled. "To protect you!"

"Anna," Jax said in my ear. "Do you notice something?"

"Other than the fact that my mother is tied up in the corner and my parents are screaming at each other?" I asked dully.

"We didn't get to see how your mother did it. She didn't bind that memory, so she may have somehow erased it completely. This is the closest moment we have to what happened. Do you think you could reach back and see how you're feeling? I don't think you'll be scared. Katherine said you were sleeping."

"I don't want to," I said honestly. "I'm afraid if I go back, I won't be able to escape. I don't want to be trapped in this loop again."

"No. Don't become her. I don't think I'll handle that very well, but if you could just reach her. Try and be both for a moment. Nothing can touch you here, remember? Nothing is real but me, and I'm never going to hurt you."

My eyes teared up, and I nodded. He was right. I needed to do this. This was my best chance at trying to figure out what was happening to me now. "I know. From the way Dirk is looking, I must be on the bed. If I can touch her, maybe I can feel her."

"Just don't get dragged back under, but if you do, it's okay. I'll either stay with you or I'll fight my way back to you, and I'll make you remember who I am. Never doubt that."

"Andrea. Anna."

The scene froze as Katherine spoke, and I looked over at her. Tears were still streaked down her face, but her expression was no longer scared. This wasn't the memory. This was her.

"You need to understand that your father interrupted the procedure. You've not yet healed. That's why that memory isn't there. You've never even come this far because of it. If you touch this memory, I don't know what will happen to you."

"All the more reason to do it," I told her. "Jax will protect me."

"That's what they say they'll do, but what has he really protected you from? He imprisoned you just like your father. He's nearly gotten you killed. He let Emerson take you. He fails over and over again, and eventually, he'll realize that he's not good enough to protect you. You do not want to be there when that happens. Don't put your faith in him, Anna. Put your faith in yourself. In me. I'm your mother."

I took Jax's hand and tugged him over to the bed with me before I knelt down. "You may be my mother, but you're not a very good one, are you?"

Ignoring whatever she said next, I touched the space on the mattress. At first, I felt nothing but the urge to curl up on the mattress to sleep. I didn't even realize that was what I was about to do until Jax was tugging me back to the edge. "Stay with me, baby."

"Sorry." Blowing out my breath, I reached out my hand again. Still nothing but strangely cold.

Very cold.

Closing my eyes, I tried to focus. "I am you. You are me. Connect with me, Anna. Andrea. Let me feel you."

I murmured it to myself a few more times before the chill started to seep up my arms. Gasping, I almost pulled away. "Anna, are you all right?" Jax said in alarm. "Talk to me."

"I'm all right. I'm…I'm cold."

The room around us started to grow dark again until we could only see what the light from the lantern touched. Dirk was still frozen, and now so was Katherine.

"You made her appear," Jax said in a soft voice as he pulled me off the mattress. I was worried that breaking contact would break the connection, but I could feel her. And I could feel me.

It was very odd.

"Now may not be the time to say it, but you're a pretty cute kid."

"I guess I was." I stared down at the sleeping me. My hair was even lighter as it sprawled across the pillow, and I was dressed in a white night gown. Except for the slow movement of my chest, I didn't even look alive.

"How do you feel?"

"I'm still here. I'm just…I'm working through it, I think. I'm trying to keep myself untangled from her. She's…lost. Searching for something."

"Her magic."

Hope flared inside of me. "Maybe she knows where it is. I just need to focus a little more."

Holding my breath, I felt myself slip a little more, knowing that Jax had me. If I went too far, he'd pull me back. The ground rumbled beneath my feet.

Maybe it was a little too meta for the spell. Me, trapped in my mind and searching the mind of my past self. Shit was getting complicated.

"Lupa," I whispered. "She's calling for her wolf to find her magic. I'd forgotten I'd even named my wolf."

"You named her? Lupa?"

A smile curved on my lips. "After the wolf that mothered Rome. Not just my wolf. I also named…Catesha. I named the magic side of myself Catesha. I couldn't pronounce Hecate, the goddess of magic. I kept calling her Ca-teh."

"Lupa and Catesha and Anna. I like it," Jax said softly.

"But I can't reach Lupa. She can. She's using her, but I can't. I can't follow. I think…I think it's too connected to my wolf. Maybe if I could find her and came back here…"

Katherine's scream broke my concentration. The connections I had with myself severed, and I turned my head just as Katherine broke free of her bonds. Magic erupted from her in a furious red, and she stood and raced for the door.

Dirk growled, and my heart stopped. In the second before it happened, I knew.

I knew.

"No," I screamed and pulled away from Jax. He didn't even try to stop me. I launched myself at my father, but I couldn't even touch him. My body fell right through and landed hard on the dirty wooden floor.

Jax pulled me up. "Close your eyes, Anna," he said hoarsely, but I had to watch. I had to see what happened.

"You did this to us," Dirk bellowed. "You betrayed me, and now you think you're going to leave? Fucking bitch!"

Katherine turned and raised her hands, but she wasn't strong enough or fast enough. Dirk reached and put his arms around her head.

Twist. Snap.

My mother's lifeless body fell to the floor.

Frozen, I watched as he stood over her body and stared down. His eyes shifted from dark brown to blue.

To red.

Jesus, I'd never seen his eyes red before. I'd never seen any wolf's eyes turn red.

His breaths grew louder and more ragged. His face contorted, and it was like I was watching my father go completely insane in a matter of seconds.

"He killed her," I whispered. "Oh my God, Jax, he killed her."

Dirk's head snapped up, like he'd heard something, and he turned his head toward the bed.

"You," he said in a dark and throaty voice. The anger and bitterness were staggering. "You made me do this. This is your fault. She's dead because of you!"