21. Jax

21

Jax

"You should rest."

I glanced down at the woman in the wheelchair. "You're one to talk. You look like hell."

Makayla wrinkled her nose. "There was a time we both looked like hell, and this is not that time."

It was true. We were both running around like wolves on crack and steroids, which was uncomfortably close to the truth. The only difference was that I'd been shot protecting Anna, and she'd willingly taken the drug.

As I stared down at her, I had to remember that it was not her fault. She'd done it to save her sister, and in the end, thanks to Saul, she had. Both she and her sister were on the mend.

I stared at the closed door. On the other side was a guest room in London's house where Anna's unconscious body lay. After a week of staring at her in the hospital bed, I'd had enough. She wasn't sick. She wasn't injured. There was no need for her to be in the hospital except that Saul was worried she'd suddenly injure herself.

In the end he caved, and we moved her. At the moment he, Janelle, and Ava were in the room working on her, and I was in the hall because apparently my stress and anxiety were getting in the way.

"I did this to her," I told London's healer. "I pushed her into breaking, and now she's trapped in her mind, and I can't reach her. I can't communicate with her. I used to be able to reach her in dreams, but now? The bond is there, but it's like there's no one on the other side."

"From what I've heard, this was done to her a long time ago. You couldn't stop it then, but you could at least take a shower now. That way if the witches can wake her up, you won't horrify her with your smell. Because, Alpha Jax, you reek."

She rolled away as I glared, lifting my shirt to take a sniff. Inside me, even my own wolf recoiled, and I grimaced. So maybe a shower was in order. Janelle has said the ritual could take up to an hour, and they'd only started a few minutes ago. Saul was watching over her during the ritual, so I stole into his room to use his shower. As soon as the hot water ran over me, I sagged against the wall.

I was losing her.

My mate. We'd been through so goddamn much, and I'd only recently done the smart thing and told her that I loved her. Now I was losing her, and there was nothing I could do. No rescue missions to plan. No need to put extra guards around her or call and check in on her. Nothing to do but watch her mind slowly eat away at her.

The grief hit me hard, and it came out in a rage. Knowing that everyone could hear me and not caring, I howled. The mournful sound bounced off the walls and came back to punch me in the gut. It churned into violence, and I slammed my fists into the wall over and over again until blood ran down my knuckles and a tile flew into the air.

The bathroom door flew open. "Jax, for fuck's sake, stop!" The curtain opened, and Kenzi glared at me. Behind her, Finn stood back and watched me silently.

"Get out," I ordered. "Now."

Kenzi's body turned, but Finn blocked her path. He still wasn't bound to me and could ignore my command. "Tell him what he's doing," Finn said in a quiet voice. "Tell him what you're feeling."

"Shit." She turned back around. "Your grief is pulling on the pack bonds. I was in the middle of talking to Cruz when I hit my knees. Do you have any idea how humiliating that is?"

"I don't care," I hissed.

"But it's pulling on Anna's pack bond too."

Fuck. I squeezed my eyes tight and inhaled sharply. Anna's pack bond. It was there, just like all the others, but it was never prominent. She didn't use it. She'd told me that she didn't feel it, but when I was drugged and in a coma, the pack used her to feed me. To balance the pack. They could feel her now.

Her magic was unraveling.

"I'm sorry," I said tightly. "It won't happen again."

Kenzi shuddered as she let go of my command to leave. "This pacing around and not doing anything isn't healthy. If you aren't going to talk to anyone, then you need something to do. Find a project. Pick up knitting. Whatever the hell it takes, but stop damaging the damn shower. We already owe London a stupid amount of money for the medical equipment that you and Anna ruined. Honestly. The two of you can't go anywhere."

"Fine. You can leave now. I'm fine."

Rolling her eyes, she muttered something under her breath and flounced out. I didn't regret making her my third, but she sure as hell tried my patience sometimes.

Finn still stood where he was. I glared. "What?"

"Ava and Janelle are doing the best they can, but they may not be strong enough. I know you want to hide Anna's witchcraft for as long as possible, but I think we might need help."

It was true. I'd ordered everyone who'd learned about her magical heritage to silence, which only worked on my pack. London had agreed to keep quiet as long as his silence didn't hurt his pack, and he'd sworn that nobody else knew. He'd asked Ava for her silence as well.

"Irene can be trusted."

"Yes, but it would take days for Irene to get here. We do know of one witch who can get here with the snap of her fingers. A powerful one too. You just need London's permission to invite her."

He was talking about Lunessa. A witch I neither knew very well nor trusted.

But Anna did.

"I'll think about it."

"Good. Tonight, when you get a chance, you should talk to Amelia. She thinks she's found a way to help find whoever sent London the drugs, but she doesn't want to interrupt. And, like Kenzi said, you need to focus on something. This can be today's little side project."

"Finding out who targeted London's wolves and Anna is hardly a little side project," I glared.

"It's London's major project, but talking to Amelia about her idea is your side project," Finn said firmly. Reaching out, he closed the curtain. "I don't know who found the courage to tell you that you stink, but we're all grateful. You should maybe lather, rinse, and repeat a few times."

My snarl was only met with the closing door, but I took his advice. Finishing my shower, I dried off and rummaged through Saul's clothes until I found something that fit. There was still time left in the ritual, but I heard Anna's door open. Immediately, I was back in the hall.

One look at Janelle and Ava's faces, and I knew that it had failed. "What happened? I thought you said it would take an hour?"

"As soon as our magic touched her, she repelled it. We dug in deeper, and she started aiming," Janelle said with a trace of admiration in her voice.

Ava shot her a look of pure venom. "She started aiming it at me. I'm fucking witch-blind. It'll take hours for me to heal myself."

"I said I'd help," Janelle pointed.

"I don't want your help." She glared at Jax. "Is there anyone normal in your pack?"

I started to growl, but she was already walking away. Janelle reached out and touched my arm. "She's had a rough morning. Go easy on her. We've basically learned that no amount of our magic is going to help her. We need to figure something else out."

I thought about what Finn said. "I need to make a phone call," I sighed. "How are you?"

"Tired. And sleeping alone these days, which is odd."

I wasn't sure what she was talking about, and then I remembered that Cindy had been shadowing her every move because she didn't trust her. "How is she?"

"Better. It doesn't make me feel less guilty, but we'll work through it, I guess. I need to nap. I'm sorry, Jax. I want to help her, and I'll do whatever you ask. I owe her."

Everybody owed Anna. She saved lives wherever she went. If only she'd wake up so I could tell her that.

I entered the room. Saul was checking her blood pressure. He didn't even turn his head. "Am I going to be able to use my shower today?"

"It's fine. Just did a little renovation. How is she?"

"Thankfully, her vitals are still strong. Apparently, it doesn't take all that much energy for her to reflect the magic. You don't seem as angry. Have you figured out another plan?"

"Finn thinks I should call Irene to contact Lunessa."

"A powerful Darkwyn witch. She's proven useful before."

"But she also likes to hide things, and I'm not sure the other witches will let her out of the den."

"Lunessa seems to have a mind of her own. She'll do whatever she thinks is right. I would not ask London for permission."

That was an unusual statement for Saul to make. "Why is that?"

"He'll say no, and I suspect you'll learn why once she's here." He packed his bag and turned to me. "You need at least sixteen hours of sleep, but at least you smell better."

"Fuck off."