Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

DECLAN

I'm a fucking asshole…

Even for me, this time I went too far.

Giving Quinn well-deserved time to cool off, I took a shower while Fiona was asleep. Then, I bribed Layla to come take her to their place for the night under the guise that neither me nor Quinn were feeling well. I needed to find a way that the two of us could be alone. So we can finally get all our shit out in the open.

Hopefully without killing each other in the process.

"Quinn." I lightly rap my knuckles against her door.

"Fuck off, Declan." Quinn shouts, her anger crystal-clear.

Considering that's the least that I deserve, I'll take it.

"I just need to say one thing. One thing I should've said a long time ago, and then I'll leave you alone."

"At this point, I highly doubt you have anything I'm actually interested in hearing," she snidely responds and I sincerely hope she's wrong.

Standing in the hallway with a door separating us isn't how I wanted to finally say this, but I've left myself no other choice. I fucked it up when I came home. "I lied. I'm so fucking sorry that I lied to you. I should've shouted from the rooftops that I loved you. You were enough, Quinn. You've always been enough, mo chéadsearc . I wasn't enough for you."

While I can hear her soft sobs on the other side of the door, she doesn't say a word.

"My brothers needed me after my father died. I pushed you away because I couldn't leave my family, and I knew you would give up your entire life for me. And that fucking terrified me. I would have hated myself for all of my eternal damnation when this life took me from you and left you a widow. I could send you away, or so I thought. I made it six months before I folded. Six anguishing months before I flew across the pond to drag you home with me where you belonged."

"Dec…" Her voice cracks just beyond the panel of wood separating us.

"When I found you at a pub by campus, you were surrounded by your friends. There was a light in you, like nothing I had ever seen. You were happy… So fucking happy. I couldn't bring myself to take that from you. It wouldn't have been right to drown your light and cloak you in my darkness. So I did the first selfless thing in my entire life. What I thought was the right thing. I walked away."

"You selfish fucking prick." Quinn pulls open the door with tears cascading down her cheeks. "That wasn't your choice to make. I was miserable and fucking hated you for years. Part of me still fucking hates you."

"I wanted you to have a better life than the one I could give you."

"That's what I came back for… The life I wanted. With you. The life you gave to someone else. To Sarah."

"Fuck," I fight back my own tears upon hearing her confession. There was a part of me that always knew. I ignored it, much like I ignored her, for the sake of my marriage.

Quinn's lower lip trembles for moment, and I know the question about to fall over her lips before she asks it. "Did you love her?"

"Yes." I tell the truth, knowing it might crush her.

"Like you loved me?"

"No. I loved…love…Sarah with my whole heart. I can't deny that." I hesitate before continuing, trying to unsuccessfully to collect my scattered, broken-hearted thoughts. "I don't know how to describe it, but I loved you both so deeply and so differently, yet both of you totally fucking ruined me."

"We've both ruined each other," Quinn sighs. "We're fucking toxic. Tumultuous. We both know that nothing good will come of the two of us being together."

Pushing back from the door frame, I stand in the middle of the hallway and stare at her for a moment before agreeing. I can't argue with her rational thinking. She's probably right. There is no denying that the two of us are absolutely chaotic together.

Just as much as there is no denying this bond between us. Decades and oceans couldn't tame what we feel for each other. It's not want or need It's like we're being pulled together, no matter how much we try to pull apart.

I make it three steps down the hall before she scoffs, "Besides, no one meets their soulmate when they're ten years old."

Her words cement my feet in place. I try to fight it, but as much as I will myself to walk, I can't bring myself to take another step from her.

"Fuck," I exhale. "But what if they do?"

I take a step backward and barrel through the open threshold, unable to close the distance between the two of us fast enough. My hands cup her face as I slide my fingers into her red locks before pulling her to my mouth. I pause for a second, but when I feel her pouty lower lip quiver against mine, I can't stop myself from sucking it between my teeth. Quinn lets out a faint whimper when I bite down on it, and I lose my resolve.

My lips crash into hers as I plunge my tongue between her lips. I plunder her mouth, exploring it and reclaiming it as mine , until both of us are breathless and panting with desire. She reaches between us and begins to unfasten my belt. I let her pull it from my pants before dropping us both to the mattress behind her. Gripping her wrists, I roughly yank them both above her head before pulling the belt from her hands. I cinch it around her wrists as she lets out a sweet moan that travels straight to my cock.

Breaking our kiss, I groan against her lips. "Is this how you want it?"

"Yes," she breathlessly answers.