Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

QUINN

My own screams startle me awake, and I sit bolt upright in a panic. Cold sweat trickles down my forehead, and my heart pounds painfully hard against my ribcage as I try desperately to catch my breath.

"You're safe, Quinn. I'm here." Declan's soft words both startle and comfort me.

Fisting the front of his shirt, I pull myself into him and sob uncontrollably into his chest. His arms wrap around me, and he pulls me tighter to him. "It's okay. You're okay," he comforts, his hands tenderly caressing my back. As much as I want to push him away, I let him continue to reassure me.

I need it.

His shirt balled tightly in my fists; I pull back enough to see him. Clinging to him and staring up his chest into those deep-blue eyes, it feels like we're back in the bedroom of that frat party—back to that fateful night fifteen years ago.

Declan's face is splattered with the blood of the dead man at our feet. The man he just killed to protect me. Releasing my tight hold on his shirt, I rub my hand over his cheek to wipe it clean. "Thank you," my voice cracks.

"We need to get out of here." Declan's hands slide down my arms until his fingers lace with mine. Without saying another word, he tightens his grip on my hand and drags me behind him. He pulls me through the party to his car, parked half on the curb, before shoving me into the passenger seat. After he pulls away from the sidewalk, he pounds his fists against the steering wheel. "Fuck!"

We drive in silence for a few blocks, which I break when he pulls into the garage nearest his apartment building. "Dec?"

"I can't take you home like that, Quinn." He gestures to my shirt, which I had not noticed was torn. Few words are exchanged as he leads me upstairs and to the master bathroom of his apartment. "You can clean up while I find you something to change into."

I am taken aback when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Trails of mascara stain my cheeks, one of which is red and swollen from the back of a palm it took earlier tonight. I grab the hand towel from beside the sink, wet it, and begin cleaning the makeup from my face.

Knuckles rap on the open door, and I turn to find Declan holding a neatly folded shirt and a pair of sweatpants. "These are going to be way too big for you, but it's all I have."

"Thank you." I take the clothes from him. He turns to leave me to change in private, and I sputter, "D..Dec. I'm sorry."

Turning on his heel, Declan quickly closes the distance between us. He firmly cups my face in his hands and tilts my face up toward his. His blue eyes bore through me as he stares down at me. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"You…you killed him…for me."

His voice and eyes are pained as he presses his forehead to mine and shares, "I'd do anything to protect you, Quinn. To keep you safe."

I shake my head as I listen to him. Declan is the first boy I ever had a crush on. I've been in love with him for years. He's made it clear time and time again that he doesn't return the sentiment. "You hate me," I slowly exhale the words.

"I don't hate you." He shakes his head, and his breath wisps over my lips. "I hate having you this close to me. I hate that Conor is fucking infatuated with you. I hate that even though I'm too old for you, I'm also not good enough for you. And most of all, I hate that I can't do the one thing I really want. The one thing I can't fucking stop thinking about."

My breath hitches so hard that I struggle to draw in my next breath. Gazing up at him, my lip quivers as I struggle to find the courage to ask, "What is that?"

"This." His lips vibrate as they crash against mine, setting my body on fire. There is nothing soft or tender about our kiss. It is messy, passionate and full of the need we have both been harboring. He doesn't just kiss me. He claims me until I am breathlessly whimpering into his mouth.

Without breaking our kiss, he grips the back of my thighs. His fingers dimple into my flesh as he pulls me around his waist. He carries me through the room until I'm pinned to the wall beside his bed. Holding me to it with his body, the hard length in his pants grinds against my panties as his lips and tongue travel along the length of my neck. His lips press to my ear, and I can feel him fumbling with his pants as he groans, "You have no idea how long I've dreamed about this."

"Dec?" I breathlessly moan as he pulls at my panties and aligns himself beneath me. "Wait."

"What?" He pauses. "Are you not on the pill?"

"No," I shake my head. "I'm not."

Declan pulls me from the wall and places me at the edge of the bed before digging into the nightstand and pulling out a condom. Placing the foil wrapper between his teeth, he tears it open and rolls it over himself with obvious experience.

"I'm not the pill because I've never had sex," I blurt as I shamefully cover my face with my hands.

"Quinn," Declan barks, climbing over me and pulling my hands from my face. "You don't need to be embarrassed. And you don't need to do anything you don't want to. I've waited a long time for this. I can wait a little while longer if that's what you need."

I tentatively grip the back of his shirt with my hands and slowly pull it over his head. A slight smile tugs at the corner of his lips as he stares down at me and asks, "Are you sure?"

I nod as Declan dips his head and presses his lips to mine. Unlike before, this kiss is soft and tender as he explores my mouth. "Tell me what you want,"—he languidly kisses the words down my stomach and along my thighs before he removes my skirt and panties—"and I'll give it to you. I'd give you everything, mo chéadsearc."