Chapter 15

fifteen

Phoebe

I stare at his phone for a little while. I have remained strong for months, but when he enters my life, and my armor starts to melt, I feel freaking weak, especially when it is him. He's my heart.

But he broke it.

I pick up his phone and see his lock screen picture, and a tear leaks out. It's me at the Precious café, head down, doing my schoolwork. I quickly wipe the tears and unlock his phone, and, as another picture greets my eyes, more tears fall. We're smiling at the camera outside a concert he took me to early last year. I have pink glitter all over my hair and a massive smile, while he's holding me tightly, with a smile just as big.

Was it all a lie?

He looked happy, yet he was sleeping with my sister, so he couldn't have been.

I wipe the tears again and find Sofia's number, ignoring his messages that keep popping up, refusing to see if it's a woman. I press CALL.

It rings a couple of times before my friend, whom I've missed dearly, answers.

"Al, please tell me you've managed to fix your stupid ass fuck up and bring my daughter's favorite person home, because, if not, I'm going to kick your ass." I bite my lip to stop my laughter, before I hear Damian in the background say, " Malyshka , don't go threatening to kick my brother's ass; you're pregnant, so I'll kick it instead."

I lose it and burst out in laughter, causing Sofia to gasp.

"Phoebe?"

I clear my throat. "Yeah, it's me."

I hear her sniffle, and another tear falls down my cheek, hating that I've upset her. I didn't realize she was having another baby, though I've been keeping up with her kids. Maksim is only roughly five months old.

Damian doesn't wait around before snatching the phone.

I hear a rustle at the end before he speaks, "Alexandr, what the fuck did you say to make my wife cry?" he growls, and I giggle.

"Sorry, Damian, not Alex."

I hear him sigh in relief, and then say, "I'll go get her ice cream." My mouth drops open, jealous that she gets ice cream like our usual routine for girl chats, and I don't, because I haven't been to the store. I pout until the door to my room opens, and Alex comes in with some chocolate and vanilla ice cream. My tears fall again.

Fuck sake, where's my kill-bitch exterior gone?

Alex smiles and leans down before he wipes the tears away, then hands me the tub with a spoon, kisses my forehead again, and leaves. I hear Sofia chuckle when I sniffle.

"I'm guessing a certain brother-in-law gave you ice cream, too."

I chuckle. "Of course, he did; the men know we like to talk while drunk on creamy goodness, although I didn't even have any in the freezer, so God knows how he got it here."

She chuckles. "How are you, friend?" she asks softly, and my dam breaks for the first time since I left. I burst into tears, sobs wracking from my body, my heartbreak screaming from my body.

I hear Sofia sniffle. "Let it all out, darling."

And I do.

I can hear Alex on the other side of my door, and I think he banged his head on it in frustration, but I can't be sure. My whole body shakes with sobs as I cry uncontrollably, all while Sofia tries to soothe me. When I finally calm down, she brings out my laughter.

"Well, despite the Angel of Death title and the stone-cold bitch face you've had these days, at least you didn't wait three years to have your breakdown." She laughs with me.

I'm quiet for a moment, before I finally talk to my friend, someone who knows what it feels like to be destroyed by a Volkov.

"I don't know what to do," I whisper. "He wants me to give him a year, but I don't think I can do it, but I know I'm bound by him, too. He hurt me badly, so how can I go against my beliefs and not look like an idiot for even thinking of giving it a chance again after what he's done?" A small sob escapes.

She whispers, "I know what he did was a complete fuckup, believe me, I know more than others. I struggled with what Damian did, and I didn't want to try again because of my pride and my heart, too."

I sniffle again and stab my ice cream. "Then how did you do it? How did you learn to forgive him? Was it because of Mila?" I have always wondered how she could take him back after what he did—I mean, seriously, he slept with her cousin.

She sighs. "I've always loved Damian, even when I shouldn't have. He was and is my best friend. When he found me, I was adamant he would only have access to Mila; he hurt me severely, but so did the rest of my family. It took everything I am, plus the encouragement of Adam, Bruce, and April to even give Damian a chance. Then there was the counseling."

I sniffle again as I take in some more ice cream goodness.

"I don't think counseling would work for us, Sof."

I hear her sigh, and then moan over the ice cream, causing me to giggle.

"I know it won't, but let me ask you a question." I clear my throat and wait. "Forget the badass bitch you have become, forget your family and mine, and go back to that quiet, shy girl you once were, and think. Think about how you would feel if you lost him tomorrow, how would you feel if he settled down with another, how would you feel if he made a family with someone else." My breathing picks up, a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach intensifies the more she speaks, and more tears fall.

"You love him. You love him with everything that you are. It's not about the other women; you'd kick his ass and shove his balls down his throat for sleeping with others behind your back, because he thought it was out of duty for your honor not to pressure you. Fucking men, I swear they're stupid." I giggle because she's not wrong; I still need to smack him, too, because that split lip was for Sergi. "It's the fact he slept with your sister, your blood family, who has been trying to sell you to pay off her debts, that is what's holding you back."

I sniffle again. "How can I look past something like that?"

She chuckles evilly, making my brows furrow, then I hear Damian in the background say, "Fuck, I'm hiding the guns."

I burst out in laughter.

"Well, darling, you make him suffer, of course. Think about it, Phoebs, one year without him getting laid." My mouth opens in an "ah ha" moment.

"All jokes aside, you need to figure out if losing him permanently and him making that coke-head bitch his actual wife, outweighs all the negatives you feel. Giving him a shot at trying for a year may be your one last shot at having your happily ever after."

I sigh and look out my bedroom window. I cannot wait to get some horses and goats grazing in the distance.

"Tell me how my niece is doing; I miss her, and how is my nephew? Is he chubby? Chubby babies are always the best, and couldn't Damian wait at least a year before knocking you up again?" She bursts out in laughter, and we spend over an hour on the phone, catching up.

I missed her.

After we hang up and all the ice cream is gone, I stare at the wall for about five minutes, my mind going over everything. When my phone beeps, I look at it to see a message from Sergi, and I smile. I open it, and I laugh and cry.

Sergi: have courage, be brave, and think with your heart. If he hurts you again, I'll skin him alive for you.

I sigh, knowing what I have to do. I'll regret it if I don't, but I may also regret it if I do.

As I walk into the kitchen, I see he's dishing up the baked moussaka with a side salad, and I smile a little. Since my grandmother died, he's the only one who has managed to bake it perfectly. He looks up as I walk in and gives me a sad smile. I can see the pain in his eyes, and it confirms he heard my breakdown. I go over to him, his eyes pinned to mine, and when I'm close, I ram my knee into his balls. He cups them, then falls to the floor.

Coughing, he says, "Yep, I definitely deserved that, but fuck, sweetheart, don't you want any kids?"

I smirk, happy with the endearment change, and take a picture of him kneeling on the floor, his head down, one hand on his junk, the other placed flat on the floor to keep him upright. I send the photo to Sofia, Sergi, and Abby. Then I go and get my plate, sit at the dining table that he's set up, and start to eat the goodness he's cooked me. My phone beeps three times.

Abby: fuck yes, girl! By the way, I do think you need to consider his offer. I know what he did was fucking shitty, but you're not happy, Hun. I love you.

I smile a sad smile, knowing she's right. I look at the other two messages and burst out in laughter.

Sergi: fuck Phoebe Pie; you might need them one day.

Sofia: oh my fucking God, that's what I'm talking about. Why the fuck didn't I think to do that to Damian?

"Seriously, Phoeb, you sent a picture to Sofia? Damian's going to be fucking pissed at me now; you're giving her ideas," he growls out from the floor, looking at my phone in my hand.

I look at him and flutter my, and smile sweetly. "And Abby and Sergi."

He shakes his head and gingerly gets up, grabbing his plate, before he sits next to me at the table. He groans a little, making me giggle, then places his hand on my knee, like he used to, and starts to eat. I sigh and continue eating in silence because, seriously, this is fucking delicious.

Once we're finished, he looks at me, and I finally speak, "Sofia is right, it's not about the fact you were a pig, it doesn't matter how many excuses you gave yourself; you knew my stand on infidelity, you knew I didn't give a fuck about other Bratva men having mistresses, I cared about you. A marriage where the husband screwed around is something I never wanted for myself; it was against my beliefs, and you went against what is at the core of me. That's why I kneed you in the balls." I take a deep breath. "It's the fact you slept with my sister that I'm struggling with."

His eyes turn sad.

"I don't know how to move past it, Alex. How do I try for a year, when all I see is you with her? Heck, one of the women you slept with accused you of getting her pregnant."

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "She's not pregnant, she was bullshitting. Damian and I took her to our doctor for the shot each year, and when we saw the link and her accusations, the doctor gave her an ultrasound, and there was no baby." I look down, and he places two fingers under my chin. "I know it's fucked up. Us Volkov men, we're not very smart." I give a small smile, and he continues, rubbing his thumb on my jaw. "I know I can't take back what I did with the other women or Selene, and I know you don't want to hear this, but I never fucked her cunt, never, always her mouth or ass." I squeeze my eyes shut; he's right, I didn't want to hear that. He puts a little pressure on my jaw, and I open my eyes, which have turned wet.

He whispers, "I know I can't turn back time, I know this is something you're going to struggle with and most likely throw back in my face when we have arguments, but I'm willing to try because I can't live without you anymore."

A tear leaks down my cheek, and he wipes it away.

"I love you, Phoebe. Do I hate that you've slept with someone else? Fuck yes, but I'm choosing to look past it because of how shitty I've been to you. I deserve the punishment of knowing someone else touched what was mine."

I suck in a breath; he still thinks I've slept with someone else.

I clear my throat about to tell him the truth when he talks again, "I want to try again. There are no other people involved, just you and me. I'll travel back and forth, so you don't have to leave here. I'll put a tracker on my phone so that. when I'm not with you, you can see where I am at all times. I'll keep you updated until you can learn to trust me again. Please, sweetheart, don't make me call my mother, because I will. I don't care that she's on a cruise." I giggle, then sniffle, before he leans his forehead against mine, and I sigh, hoping I don't regret my decision.

I nod, and he smiles brightly, and presses his lips gently to mine.

I feel like I'm home.

Which is a scary thought after everything he has done.