Chapter 17

Mia

I haven’t brought it up. Ares came back late last night, and I pretended to be already asleep, not knowing if I really wanted to know the truth behind what Vanessa had told me yesterday.

Iris.

Pregnancy.

No need to be an expert in marriage to know that it doesn’t inspire anything good.

“You okay, Mrs Malone?” asks Ash, opening the door of Vanessa’s gallery for me, Carter right behind him. Don’t know why Shadow’s been replaced. Maybe Ares needed him for a job. It’ll be less fun. Carter hasn't even uttered a word since they came to pick me up after my day of work calls and video-try-on with my clients.

“Yes, thank you,” I say quietly, the noise of the crowd buzzing around us. The gallery is packed. There’s so many people it’s almost hard to make your way and see the art. High ceilings, with golden chandeliers and bright white walls. Waiters walk around carrying glasses of champagne and canapés.

Wouldn’t it be a great opportunity to try something new? Like the doctor said?

“Mia, you made it!” Vanessa’s warm voice burst in front of me, her dress and curled hair making her look to die for.

“Vanessa, you’re gorgeous. The place is packed.” I greet her, amazed at what she accomplished.

“I know, right? It’s so great. Come, I'll introduce you to the artist!” She nods to Carter and Ash. “Guys, I'll borrow her for a sec. Make yourself at home.” She smiles at them widely. You can clearly see that Vanessa is used to her brother’s way because anyone normal would freak out just from the look of those two giants with leather cuts and killing gaze, but she seems playful about it.

“Is Scott here?” I ask.

“No, he had to work.” She shrugs with a sad smile. “Do you know if Ares’s gonna make it ?” she asks.

“He said he’d be here later,” I assure her. She nods, a little spark shining in her green eyes like she’s really excited to show her brother how successful she is. That’s cute. After talking to the artist and looking around at the magnificent pieces of painting, sculptures, and collages, I hear my stomach roar.

Damn it, I should have accepted Larry’s offer to eat before going out. But my stomach was still in knots from thinking about the pregnancy thing, and I really didn’t feel like eating.

A tray appears before me as a nice waitress dressed in a formal black shirt invites me to dig in. There’s one hors-d’oeuvre that looks simple. A piece of cheese over a raisin. Two food groups. There’s protein in the cheese and fiber in the raisin. It’s low-carb and will appease my hunger.

I can do this.

It’s easy.

I just have to take it in my hand, shove it in my mouth, and call it a day.

No big deal.

I focus as hard as I can to stop my arm from trembling, grateful for my green maxi dress with long sleeves, hiding my trembling away.

Easy, just breathe, and don’t think about it too much.

It’s just food.

I open my mouth and take a bite, the flavors and textures surprising me as something creamy fills my mouth. Swallowing the whole thing in an attempt to make the sensation go away, I ask, “Was it something in the cheese?”

“Yes, our chef made a homemade organic gorgonzola and honey creme to fill the inside. Isn’t it exquisite?” She grins politely. I nod mindlessly, already picturing the cream covering my insides and spreading like wildfire.

No.

No.

Don’t do this, especially not here.

I glance around and find Carter behind me. “I need to—sit, not, not here.” Without question, he heads to the back of the gallery, opens a door with the sign “private” on it, and leads me into a back office. My fingers are already tingling, my breathing quickening as I find a chair behind the desk. It’s not fancy. It must be the place the genitor uses from the way mops and cleaning supplies are displayed. I don’t care. I just need to be alone for a minute.

“Do you need me to stay?” he asks with no emotion. I’m grateful for his coldness. I wouldn’t have wanted Ash's kindness to witness this and try to make it all better. Maybe Carter isn’t so bad, actually.

“No-can you close the door, please?” I try to keep my breath at a normal pace.

“I’m right here if you need me,” he states before closing the door.

“Thanks, Carter,” I mutter.

Inhale, exhale. Think, Mia. You don’t have to let it take control of you again.

Without thinking twice about the elephant in the room I’ll need to deal with later, I take my phone out of my purse and find the number.

“Everything’s alright, princess?” Ares’ warm tone answers right away, grounding me.

“Yea-yeah.” I heave.

“What is it? Are Carter and Ash with you? Why aren’t you in the main room of the gallery?” he fires back at me with urgency, the sound of an electric drill in the background.

“Ho-how?” How could he know where I am exactly? I look up for cameras or any device that could track me.

“I got a tracker on your phone. Gotta know where you are at all times,” he explains roughly.

Of course he did.

“It’s, I tried to eat something, but it’s not going well. I’m kind of freaking out right now,” I explain, my hands shaking uncontrollably.

“Shit—” The sound of a gunshot echoes in the call before I hear something fall on the floor with a whimper. “How d’ya feel? From one to ten, where are you at?”

“Fiv-five?” I say, trying to picture him to soothe myself.

“Five? Alright, five is good. We can work with five.” His voice is warm and loving, like honey melting on a sunny day. I pull my knees up and curl like a ball on the chair, letting Ares' voice soothe me and make the panic go away.

“We’re gonna breathe together, alright?” he commands me softly.

“Oka-okay.”

“Inhale, deep. Yeah, perfect, just like that.” I follow his directions. “Exhale, you’re doing great, Mia. C’mon, a couple more times.” He leads me to four more breathings until the tingles in my fingers disappear, and I stop thinking about cream spreading in my body and poisoning me.

“I think, I think it’s gone,” I murmur.

“Really? That’s great, see? You can handle it, princess. You just did,” he praises me, and I’m almost certain he’s smiling.

“Not really, but than-thank you…” I mutter, almost speechless at how well he handles my episodes.

“Anytime, baby. I’m leaving the club right now. I'll be there in fifteen. Do you want to stay on the line and tell me about your day ?”

I close my eyes and bite a smile.

“Yes, that’d be great.”

Ares

“Where’s Mia?” I ask Ash as I enter the gallery, the crowd dividing like the sea at my sight. Nice to look like criminals sometimes. Makes folks give you room to breathe.

“Still in the back office.” I motion his chin to a door in the back.

“Ares! Hey.” My sister finds me, all smiling and breathless.

“Hi, Vaness’. Congrats on the evening. Looks like a lot of folks showed up,” I tell her, my eyes already driven to the door I’ve noticed in the back.

“Yes, I’m, it’s really great,” she says, blushing, and I hear her voice falter a bit.

“Proud of ya, you did good,” I tell her, looking into her green eyes, the same as my dad had.

“Thank you,” she says, glowing from my words. “Ares, I forgot to tell you, yesterday with Mia, I think I made a mistake…”

I arch a brow.

“I thought you had told her about Iris.” The name of that woman lands like a bomb on the ground. The blood drains from my face as I hear the only name in the world I wish to never cross paths ever again.

“What did you say?” It’s not Vanessa’s fault, I should have told Mia about that weeks ago, but we weren't there yet. We weren't real then.

Fuck, Mia must be wondering all kinds of questions.

“Whatever, it’s fine. I'll deal with it. Go back to your guests, Vaness’.” It’s not her fault. I’ll deal with my mess on my own.

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes, but I’m already halfway to the back of the gallery. Carter is waiting, arms behind his back, in front of what looks like a janitor's office.

“Boss.” He nods.

“Carter.” I nod back.

He slides to the side, and I enter, closing the door right away and keeping my little vulnerable tornado away from prying eyes.

“Hey,” she says quietly, her knees up to her chin on the black chair of this cleaning closet.

“Hey.” I circle the table and kneel in front of her, our gazes on the same level.

Without asking her, I lift her small body, and sit on the chair then put her back on my lap, her face right in the crook of my neck.

Right where it needs to be.

She hums quietly, like a kitten and the sound sends goosebumps rising on my forearms.

“You okay?” I ask gently.

“Yeah.” Her voice is soft and breathy.

“Missed you,” I admit, 'cause I’ve barely seen her since yesterday. My girl was asleep when I came home, and she was still sleeping when I got to the club. Wished I could have fallen asleep with her in my arms, but I didn’t dare to do it, didn’t know if she would have pulled back.

“Ares?”

I hum back.

“Who’s Iris?”

Fuck me for waiting so long to talk about it and make it look like a fucking big deal when it’s not.

“A woman who doesn’t count anymore.”

“Why?” Her voice breaks a little, less confident, less sure of herself.

Mia, mia. There’s nothing to fear, princess.

“It’s a long story, Mia. You’re sure you wanna hear it?” I stroke her beautiful, fiery hair.

“Yes, I need to know. I’ve been thinking about this nonstop since yesterday.” I sigh, remembering a part of my life I’d rather let buried deep inside my fucking mistakes and regrets.

“Five years ago, I met a woman. Everything went fast, and she was pregnant a few months after our first date. It wasn’t love or anything like it, but I thought we had an understanding. She had her life. I had mine. Once I knew she was pregnant, she moved in ‘cause I wanted to show her she had support. I was kind of pumped about becoming a father, even if I didn’t like her much. I…I wanted the kid.”

“But, what happened?”

“I don’t like to talk ‘bout this, but long story short, she was the niece of an enemy gang. She had been sent to break the club from within by giving intel to her uncles.” I explain, shaking my head.

“I was blinded by the pregnancy, didn’t see it coming and,” I sigh, “one day I got home, and she had packed her bags, said she was bored as fuck and wanted to come home. I said she was home, but she laughed at my face and told me the truth. Said she had agreed ‘cause I had enough money for her to spend on clothes and shit.”

I let a second pass, giving me the strength to go on with the most painful part.

“The kid was never mine. She had it with a guy back in her city. Seven months pregnant, seven months spent touching her fucking belly, thinking my kid was in it. And all along, it was a scam, a fucking scam.”

I kiss her hair and run my fingers in her silky strings. “Anyway, it’s different now. I got you now.”

“Ares, God.” She brings her palm to her mouth.

“Don’t say you’re sorry, I don’t want pity.”

“I- I wish I had known this sooner.”

“Don’t like rehashing the past, baby.” I meet my forehead with hers.

“But it was so important, Ares. She hurt you, she,” she bites her lip, “she used you.”

“Let it go, Mia, it’s in the past,” I say, looking at her stunning hazelnut eyes and wondering how I got so lucky.

“She should pay for what she did,” my Mia states between gritted teeth.

My little tornado. So fucking strong and stubborn, and so fucking mine.

“Doesn’t freak you out, princess?” I ask, ignoring how my heart skips a beat.

“What?” She frowns.

“That I want to be a father.” I swallow hard, wondering if this will be a hard no from her.

Silence.

“Mia.”

Shit, that’s it, she doesn’t want kids.

“No, it’s—” Her voice falters.

“Sorry, I’m pushing you. You don’t have to say anything. We’ve never even slept together once, and I’m already talking about kids.” I shake my head. Perhaps I’m just getting ahead of myself, the control freak in me wanting to plan every single second of our lives.

She smiles shyly. “No, it’s, um, I do want kids, just not now. I’d like to heal from the food thing first and from, you know.”

I’m fucking thrilled to know she wants kids too, but what is she saying? Healing from her eating disorder before having a kid, I understand, but the other thing, I don’t get it.

“Tell me, baby,” I say, stroking her cheek.

“I just want to make sure I have a home first.” Her honey-brown eyes become glassy.

“You have a home.” I frown.

“No, I mean, not a house, a home.” Her lower lip trembles.

“I don’t get it, what is it you need?”

“I…I don’t want to cry, but you know, my whole childhood has been a series of slamming doors, punishments and humiliations and… It never felt, I don’t know, safe. I never wanted to come home after school. I don’t want my kids to live the same way,” she explains.

“Don’t you feel at home in our house?” I thought I had made every adjustment for her to feel at ease there. I thought she felt good in it.

“I, I think I do.” Lifting her face to mine, her chocolate eyes getting watery.

“Then what's wrong, Mia?”

“I, I’m sorry, my thoughts are all over the place, and I’m afraid you won’t get me because I’m such a mess—” She shakes her head while a tear falls from her perfect face to the fabric of her green dress.

“Take your time. We’ve got all the time in the world. I’m listening,” I assure her, knowing now that the way to do things with my girl isn’t to rush or push her.

She exhales loudly. “I don’t know how to explain, but you know when people ask you what your dream is when you’re a kid? And children always say firemen, astronauts and such?”

I nod, showing her I’m all ears even if I don’t know where my girl’s going.

“Well, my dream has always been, um, small.”

“Small?”

“I never dreamed of becoming a movie star or earning tons of money. My dream—” she swallows, “my dream has always been small. All I ever wanted was to have a home, one where I’d be myself in, one where I could retrieve when the outside world didn’t seem safe anymore. My dream has always been to find that place. It’s stupid, I know.”

“No, it’s not, Mia. Look at me, it’s not stupid.” I take her little chin between my calloused fingers.

A sad chuckle escapes her perfect lips. “Growing up, I figured my dream would never come true because I was too used to having a cold father and a narcissistic mother. Surely I couldn’t have what it took to create a peaceful home,” she continues, her voice trembling.

"And now…it feels too good to be true, so I do the only thing I know… I run away from it.” She wipes a tear. “I don’t want to run anymore. I’m tired of running.”

“Mia, I’m here now. You got a home. It’s yours. You can be yourself there. It’s yours,” I tell her, my palm backing her nape.

“I don’t know if I can handle it—” Her shoulders flinch.

“You can, you’re strong. You can do anything you put your mind to.”

She shakes her head, looking at me like I matter to her. “I’m trying.”

“I know you are, but if you ever feel like running away again, give me a heads up, and I’ll catch you, princess. I promise.” I grin softly at her, her words cutting deep through my ribs and pointing straight to my black, bruised heart.

Don’t run.

Don’t run away from us, Mia.

“Okay,” she murmurs with a broken voice.

“Okay,” I answer back, taking her in my arms and kissing her fiery hair.

“We should probably get back,” she says, clearing her throat.

“Nah fuck it, we stayed long enough. Time to go home, princess.”