72. Erelah

Erelah

G rumpy has been sulking since the night I found him. Since he refused to tell me his name, I had to give him one so I wouldn’t have to always refer to him as ‘the male.’

His wings are healing so slowly, making me more desperate for answers about his origins. He’s like a puzzle I can’t solve.

Grumpy looks at the snowflake in my palm with an expression I can’t read. He can’t see the beauty in simple things like I do. But I have the patience to show him.

The snowflake starts to melt, and he touches it with the tip of his finger. For one second, he looks fascinated. I wonder how he will react to other things, like hearing the birds sing around the forest. But it will be a while until spring is here.

“Snow,” I say. He looks at me while his finger swirls the melted snowflake in my palm. “And now it has turned into water.” Another snowflake falls on my palm. “See how pretty it is? Each one has a different pattern. Sometimes, I wish I could have Sister Iaoth’s talent for drawing them. Winter is my favorite time of the year.” I don’t know why I keep bothering to speak to him when he is clearly not interested in communicating with me. Maybe because I still hope he will open up to me. There’s something about him that I can’t put my finger on. I shouldn’t have made him my prisoner but I don’t seem to want to let him go either. It’s the first time such a thing has happened to me, and I pray that none of my sisters find out about him. Even if I am the Mother Superior, I will be shunned for such actions.

Snow covers his hair like a white hood and I reach out to brush it off.

He says something in his almost impossible-to-pronounce language.

“It might take a while until I can pick up the sounds you make,” I sigh.

I pull him back into the cave and have him sit on the makeshift bed before grabbing the small sack I brought today.

“Sister Hael and I checked the pantry the other day. Since we have an extra mutton sausage, I brought some for you. Sister Hael loves cooking. She’s in the kitchen all day long. The honey cookies are her specialty,” I ramble as I pull out several paper packages from the sack and place them next to Grumpy.

He picks up the one with the stuffed mushrooms but doesn’t seem interested. When he finds the cookies and the dried fruits, he gives me a betrayed look before finally opening the one with the sausages. The next moment, he is stuffing his mouth with them.

“You seem to like meat more than I expected.” I pick up a cookie. “You should try them.”

Grumpy ignores me while he finishes the sausages. I hand him the waterskin.

“What am I going to do with you, Grumpy? I can’t keep you in the cave forever, but I can’t take you to the monastery, either.” I sit next to him. “Maybe the village? But how do I explain where I found you? Not only that, but how will you talk with the others?” Suddenly, I make up my mind about something. “You will learn my language whether you like it or not! Then, I will let you go.”

I point at his hand.

“Hand,” I say. He doesn’t even try to say it back. “Hand,” I repeat until I wear him down.

“He-end,” he finally says between gritted teeth.

“It’s a start,” I say before making him repeat ‘ hand’ until he gets it right.

After that, I move to another word and another, until I make him memorize several of them. I make him repeat the same words I drilled in his head to me in his language so I can learn them at the same time as him.

It is twilight when I decide to return to the monastery.

The moment I get up, Grumpy asks, “Erelah?”

For some reason, I dread leaving him alone. “You know I can’t take you with me. Males are not allowed in the monastery.”

“Erelah?” he insists.

I glance at him, and there’s a loneliness in his gaze that I’ve never seen before. “You are going to get me in trouble, aren’t you, Grumpy?”

His head tilts to the side, the corners of his mouth slightly twitching as if he knows what I’m thinking.

A whisper slips past my lips. “It’s… forbidden.” I move away from him. “I’m sorry,” I say as I leave the cave. I look over my shoulder. He seems ever lonelier than before.

On the way to the monastery, I contemplate sneaking him inside.

The face of Sister Agla flashed before my eyes. She has always struggled with being chaste. No one blames her; we all have felt attracted to males from time to time, but we kept our distance from the temptation.

One day, Sister Agla stumbled upon an injured fisherman on the far end of the island. She hid him in a small hut on the shore of the lake. When he was well enough to return to his village, he stayed because he had fallen in love with Sister Agla.

Despite knowing what would happen if anyone found out about the two of them, Sister Agla gave her heart and body to her fisherman. Their love story lasted only a short while before they were caught. The fisherman was forced to leave the island and told to never come back, while Sister Agla was shunned from the monastery. She was told she had to remain on the island until she repented and was accepted back as a Warrior Nun.

Sister Agla lived alone in the hut for around a year. During that time, she was heartbroken, crying daily, barely taking care of herself. Sister Amaliel and I used to visit Sister Agla daily, bringing her food and spending time with her. The rules stated that she was to repent alone, but I couldn’t bear seeing her in so much pain.

Then, one day, she simply vanished.

We looked for her for a long time, but found no trace of her. While I don’t know what happened to her, I hope she left to search for her fisherman, and they are happy together.

I quickly discard the idea of sneaking Grumpy into the monastery. Not only would I be shunned, but he would also be sent far away from here. And…I don’t think I’m ready to let him go. Not until he knows my language and his wings are healed.

Yes.

Once he knows enough words to make himself understood and his wings no longer bother him, then he is free to go wherever he pleases.

My steps falter a bit.

But what if he doesn’t want to leave?

I don’t think that’s the case. I have seen how he looks at the chain. He’s tried more than once to free himself but gave up each time. The chain is unbreakable. I made sure of it. He will be stuck in that cave until I release him.

It is dark when I make it to the monastery. Most of the Warrior Nuns are inside, probably having dinner. Guilt surges through me. While I have always done my duties diligently, since I’ve found Grumpy, I have sought reasons to be away from the monastery, neglecting my sisters. What if the demons attacked while I was away?

I rub my temples. I must finish healing Grumpy’s wings so everything can return to normal.

Sister Lailah is in the courtyard, her nose buried in one of her many books. She only stops reading when I sit next to her.

“Sister Erelah, I was waiting for you.”

“Is something the matter?”

I wait for her to say what’s on her mind, but she falls silent. I can tell something is troubling her, but I don’t dare to ask her what because I feel she knows about Grumpy.

She closes her book and puts it on her knees. “Guard your heart well because the heartless one will steal it. When that happens, everything will burn.”

Sister Lailah sees things others don’t, but she often talks in riddles so it takes a while to understand what she means.

“I will keep that in mind,” I say.

I spend the next few days going to the hut, cleaning and stocking the firewood. I haven’t lit any fires in the cave, not wanting to risk any of my sisters seeing the smoke and inspecting where it is coming from. I’m not the only one who likes roaming the forest.

When everything is ready, I go to Grumpy.

The moment I set foot in the cave, he glares at me. While busy with the hut, I barely came to see him.

I put the pouch with food beside him and take out the dry meat.

“I know I was busy, but there’s no need to be grumpy all the time,” I say when I hand him a piece of dried meat. The word grumpy makes him look funny at me. “You are starting to recognize that word. I wouldn’t call you that if you would let me know your real name. So, hurry up and do that,” I huff before taking a bit of my dried meat.

I sigh.

Probably noticing something troubling me, Grumpy sets aside the food and has me look at him. “Erelah?”

“I know my name—no need to repeat it so many times. It’s not like I’m going to suddenly forget it,” I mutter. I give him another piece of meat, “Eat. We will be leaving soon.” A faint smile appears on my face. “You’re going to like the hut.”

“Eat,” Grumpy says before taking a huge bite of the dried meat.

Ever since I decided to teach him my language no matter what, he has been learning more and more words. It will take a while until we can have a conversation, but until then, it will be fun teaching him.

While we eat, I keep pestering him about the words I taught him the previous day before we move on to new ones.

After our quick lunch, I get to my feet and look around the cave. “We will travel light. I have already taken what you need to the hut, so we won’t need to carry anything from here.” I have already taken his armor and sword to another location, not wanting him to put his hands on them and have any funny ideas.

“Erelah?”

“Hmm?” I murmur as I check the food satchel. When Grumpy makes no more sounds—what a shock!—I turn my attention to him. He looks puzzled, so I say, “You will see.”

Once I have everything I need, I look at the chain. Grumpy does the same.

“If you try to run away, I’ll throw my chakram at you. Don’t complain later that I didn’t warn you.”

While I am skilled with a vast array of weapons, the chakram is by far my favorite, as I can disarm demons without having to be near them. I can even slit throats or cut off hands. The possibilities are endless. I always have my weapon of choice under my clothes, close to my skin.

Grumpy watches as I unlock the chain. He is tense.

“You are going to run, aren’t you?” I mutter. “Maybe I should leave you in this cave and forget all about you, but what right do I have to keep you locked away?”

The moment he is free, he pushes me to the ground and rushes out of the cave.

I slowly get up and watch Grumpy disappear in the distance. An ache starts in my chest. My heart throbs. He is a fast runner. So am I. But is it worth going after him? Maybe he will find his way off the island and I won’t see him again. It’s for the best this way.

I tidy up the cave and prepare to return to the monastery when Grumpy returns.

“You have returned for your armor and sword?” I ask, not looking at him.

“Erelah.”

Something snaps inside me.

I turn on my heels. “Would you stop saying my name all the damn time?” I snarl. A moment later, I fall silent. Grumpy is holding a snowflake in his palm. A smile appears on my lips. “It’s beautiful. But don’t think I’ll return your things just because you brought me a pretty snowflake.”

“Pretty?” he wonders.

The snowflake is yet to melt, so I show him its pattern. “It’s very pretty.”

Grumpy offers me the snowflake. “Erelah pretty.”

My heart throbs even more. “You are going to make me sin. To break my chastity vows.”

I brush the tip of my fingers along his jaw. “Who are you? Why did you come here? To tempt me?”

He removes my hand from his jaw and places it on his chest before touching the corners of my eyes. “Pretty.”

I should make him leave, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to do so.