22. Olivia

Olivia

M y eyes narrow as I quietly observe Mose, Jasper, and Ansel. My face is a mask of neutrality. After years of practice, not showing any feelings has become like second nature to me.

A bead of sweat rolls along Jasper’s temple. I pretend not to notice. Mose looks relaxed while Ansel winks at me.

From the sofa, Tyson keeps an eye on us. His fingers move fast over the screen of his phone. He’s been hanging around us the entire day while typing. I’ve been ignoring him the entire time, as I have for the past few days. I know that I’ve hurt him deeply with what I told him the last time we spoke. I was too emotional and too tired, and I said things that I don’t believe.

I don’t blame Tyson for what happened with Spencer. It was my father who wanted my son dead. I took all my pain out on Tyson because I was tired of being the only one suffering.

I want to take back the heartache that I caused him, but I don’t know how. I don’t even know how to begin to. So, I keep quiet.

Mose puts his cards face down on the table. “Everything,” he says, pushing all his money into the middle of the table.

“Mose is the best at poker; prepare to lose,” Tyson says without taking his eyes off his phone.

I know he’s talking to me. When I decided to play poker, Ansel and Jasper warned me about Mose, but I never played with others, just on my phone, when I was younger. To be honest, I barely remember a thing about the rules and how to play it, but I wanted to have some fun since the past few days have been quiet, and I decided to fake it till I make it.

Since I returned to the farm, I’ve mostly spent the time in bed, cuddling with my guys—Ansel, Jasper, and Mose, as I now think of them—and watching movies or talking. It got boring fast, so I decided to do something else.

“I’ll win,” I decide. “The loser gets to wash the dishes.”

Jasper flashes me a grin. “I’ll take my chances,” he says, putting his cards face down on the table. “I’m in,” he says, sliding his money across the cold surface of the table.

“I’m in, too,” Ansel says. “Honey, what are you betting? You have no money,” he smirks.

“It’s not my fault I don’t have a job,” I huff.

Tyson looks at me for a second before returning to his phone. “You’ve always been my muse. It’s time to make it official. We can negotiate your salary when you want.”

I’m Tyson’s muse?

My heart beats faster. Why do I always fall for his charms?

“By muse, you mean that you get to bend me over your desk when you feel like it? I’ll pass,” I say coldly. I don’t want to be a bitch to him, but I can’t seem to let my guard down and let him back in. “I’ll make dinner for the entire week,” I propose.

Mose was the one in charge of meals, but his demon is not that fond of cooking. The rest of the guys are taking turns going to Mose’s restaurant to take care of business and preparing the food at home. I offered to help, but they put a bowl of popcorn in my arms and sent me to watch TV. Being in charge of dinner sounds like a good offer.

“We can always order pizza,” Ansel says. “How about you finger yourself for us?”

Sex is still not my favorite thing in the world, but I don’t hate it anymore. I still have to suck cocks or ride them, but the guys love making me cum several times before they finish. Enjoying myself while being fucked is still something new, and at times, it can be overwhelming. Even so, I prefer my guys over being hurt or in pain and being used like a sex toy by men in the Celestial Heaven. Not being in pain while a cock is destroying my pussy is…amazing.

I put my cards on the table. “Deal.”

“Show us the cards,” Ansel says to me.

I slowly turn my cards face up. “Flush,” I say proudly.

“Not bad,” Jasper says, “but I have a Full House.”

I frown because I thought Flush was better than Full House. I would have checked on the internet, but I still don’t have a phone or a computer of my own. Tyson still hasn’t returned the phone Alma gave me and I haven’t built up the courage to ask about it.

Ansel shows his cards next. “I have Four of a Kind. I can’t wait to see how you pleasure yourself.”

I have the feeling that I might have bitten off more than I bargained for.

Mose flips his cards up. “Win,” he grins.

“Royal Flush. Did you cheat again?” Jasper wonders.

Mose flips Jasper the bird before grabbing all the money from the table.

I’m not a poker expert but if Mose cheated, what stopped the rest of them from doing the same? Tyson warned me, but I didn’t listen.

“I can’t wait to see your fingers in your little pussy,” Ansel hums. “When you cum all over them, I’ll lick them clean for you.”

“I’ll clean your pussy of your essence,” Jasper offers.

Why did I agree to touch myself in the first place? Ah. Yes. Because they had been playing for a few hours, and when I asked to join, they immediately let me. Besides, it might lead to my pussy being eaten, which is slowly becoming my favorite sexual act to receive. And my guys are always more than eager to spend hours with their faces buried between my legs.

“How sweet of you all,” I say as I push back my chair.

Today, I’m wearing one of the dresses Tyson bought for me. The hem falls above the knees, and I slowly inch it up. Tyson stops typing and focuses on what I’m doing. His gaze lands on my legs. It feels like he’s caressing my skin. I don’t want to focus on him, but my breath hitches as his eyes trail beyond the hem of my dress. The tips of my fingers brush against the inside of my thighs. What would it be like to be touched like that by him? Would it feel as good as when Ansel, Jasper, or Mose caress me all over my body, or better?

I part my legs, my white panties visible to everyone. Tyson’s eyes turn black with lust, and I force myself to look at the others as well—whose eyes are as black as Tyson’s.

I've never had men look at me like this before. It makes me feel beautiful, powerful, and desired. I can tell these men to get on their knees and they would do as I ask.

When my dress pools around my hips, I push my panties to the side.

I’ve touched myself only once—the night Ansel bonded with me. Back then, I only wanted to please Ansel and Jasper. This time, I want them to bow before me.

My finger slips between my folds, slowly entering myself. Their hungry stares awaken some hidden desires inside me. My nipples turn to pebbles. My body hums with need, I want them to fuck me, fill me with cum, and breed me. Years of abuse have fucked me up badly if I want this, but the way they look at me as my finger moves in and out of myself drives me wild. Them too.

Jasper rubs himself over his jeans, and it’s so fucking hot. I never thought of men as hot until now. Handsome sure, but not hot.

The tip of my tongue traces the contour of my mouth. The heel of my palm presses against my clit.

“Touch yourself,” I say to no one in particular. My guys unzip their pants and grab their dicks. Including Tyson. “This is so,” hot, “crazy.”

“We are crazy, but about you,” Jasper says.

And I believe it. In the past few days, they’ve shown me how much they love me. I don’t know why they would love someone who’s been used by so many people, but they do. Now that I’m not afraid to look into their eyes, I see how they look at me. It’s not only my body that they want, but my company as well. We’ve spent time doing things together, like talking, watching movies, playing games, snuggling, and more talking. It’s strange and new and I can’t get enough of what’s happening. When they joke, I find it funny, and it’s killing me that I can’t laugh.

All these walls I’ve built around myself, all the promises I made to myself to never love again, they make me want to break them. I’m so scared that it’s not going to be worth it, that I’m going to get hurt again. I can’t go through the agony I’ll feel when Tyson throws me to the side again.

“Add another finger to your pussy,” Ansel says.

Wings emerge from Mose’s back as he jerks himself off. “Take off your clothes,” I tell him, as I want to see him wild and untamed before me.

“You,” Mose growls as he takes off his t-shirt. Ansel and Jasper do the same while Tyson continues to jerk himself off.

Mose is a demon of few words. Maybe it’s because he stutters? But I understand what he meant.

I expose my tits, and the living room fills with groans of appreciation.

There’s a tiny voice at the back of my head telling me that I shouldn’t be doing this, but I want to feel good because I can. For once, no one is forcing me to do something that I don’t want. I can stop when I want.

Mose removes his pants, and he is gloriously naked in front of me. His hand moves up and down his dick, and I exhale slowly. I want to taste him. Blowjobs have always been degrading because I was forced on my knees in front of men, to suck them until they filled my mouth with vile cum. My guys taste good, especially Mose.

“I want to blow you,” I say to Mose.

Mose growls as he steps in front of me. “Kneel.” I look up at him. I don’t want to get on my knees, on the floor, in front of him. But then he adds, “Chair,” and I think I know what he’s trying to do. He looks around and changes his mind. “Sofa.”

Before I can oblige him, Mose picks me up. My legs wrap around his waist, and we kiss as he takes me to the sofa.

I try not to think of Tyson when Mose sits down with me in his lap. His presence is fucking with my mind, and I want him to leave just as much as I want him to stay. I want him to see how better off I am without him and what he’s been missing all these years, but at the same time, he can do so much better. He can be with a woman who doesn’t have so much baggage. Who hasn’t been used by so many.

Tyson moves into one of the armchairs, leaving the sofa entirely to Mose and me.

I rub my pussy up and down Mose’s cock. “Olivia,” he hisses when I bite his shoulder.

“Mine,” I say as I kneel on the sofa, my ass up in the air, because it drives Mose wild, and I take him in my mouth.

He throws his head back and growls. “F-fuck.”

Stuttering is sexy. My next goal is to make Mose stutter my name.

I cup his balls as I bob my head up and down fast.

“Someone get behind her and lick that pussy. Look how wet she is. Are we going to let all that sweet honey go to waste?” Ansel inquires.

I tense for a moment as I don’t want Tyson to put his mouth on me. I still don’t want him to fuck me. Inevitably, it will happen. He is my bonded. But I’ll delay it as much as I can. Because when it happens, and he fucks me, there’s no turning back for me. I’ll be under his spell again, bewitched for all eternity.

“I’ll eat her pussy, ass, and everything else,” Jasper says as he gets behind me. He kisses my buttcheeks before gently slapping them. “Good girl,” he assures me I did nothing wrong before pressing his mouth to my entrance; his tongue darts inside me.

I keep working on Mose’s cock, wanting to drive him to the edge of madness. He cups my breasts and tugs on my nipples.

My nose touches Mose’s skin. “F-ff-fuck,” Mose growls.

“The way Olivia sucks cocks is out of this world,” Ansel praises me.

It shouldn’t be something I am proud of, but the way I make my guys twitch and pant and groan my name as they are in my mouth turns me on.

“I need to be inside you,” Jasper groans against my pussy. He waits for a few seconds before straightening his back and rubbing the tip of his cock against my pussy. “Little Love,” he snarls as he enters me. His dick splits my pussy in half, forcing my body to accommodate his. It always takes a few seconds before my body surrenders to him, and when it does, Jasper always makes a mess out of me. “Oh, fuck,” he swears as he pistons inside me.

Fuck indeed, because his piercings always hit my A and G spots and whatever other spots I have, always forcing my body to come to the point of exhaustion.

The first orgasm hits hard, making my legs shake violently. Jasper fucks me harder, and a second orgasm follows. Mose’s dick muffles my screams. When I can’t breathe, I take him out of my mouth, rest my head on his stomach and moan while Jasper destroys my pussy. Ansel gets close to the sofa, and I reach out my hand and stroke him.

Several orgasms later, Jasper’s breath lets me know he is close. My pussy clenches around him, wanting to milk him dry. He pulls out and finishes all over my exposed back. “If only there were someone willing to lick the cum off your back,” he murmurs as his finger spreads his cum all over my ass.

Jasper moves away, and Ansel kneels behind me, his hands slapping my pussy a few times. “Take care of Mose,” he orders me. I lick Mose’s cock all the way from the base to the tip before swallowing it. “Don’t stop sucking that dick,” he instructs me.

I wasn’t planning to. Hearing Mose pant my name as I take him down my throat makes me feel powerful. It’s strange to feel like that with a dick in my mouth, but men must be either very stupid to trust that their junk won’t be bitten, or masochists. I have bitten a few dicks while in the Celestial Heaven. I never once regretted it, even when Carlos fractured my jaw.

Ansel pushes two fingers inside my ass. He’s been hinting the entire day at fucking my ass, and I even wore a toy for a few hours to help me relax, but the idea of having a cock up my ass still scares me.

My throat tightens around Mose. “Olivia!” he grunts as he cums. Men never last when I do that. I clean his dick with my tongue before letting go of him.

Ansel pulls out his fingers. “You are still tensing up. You need to learn to relax. We will never hurt you during anal,” he says before he buries himself deep inside my pussy. “Fuck, you’re tight.”

After being told for years that my pussy is loose, hearing my guy say how tight I am is…healing.

“Ansel,” I moan softly as he fucks me gently. It always breaks me when he is like this because I don’t think I deserve to be treated well during sex. I’m just a pornai; why does he care about my comfort?

Tears sting my eyes because I’m enjoying this too much. Because I should hate the guys, all of them, and I don’t. Because I initiated this, and it makes me feel like a slut for enjoying it so much.

One of Ansel’s hands reaches around me and rubs my clit, making me cum at the same time as him. I wait for him to pull out so I can get up. My legs shake a bit, and I arrange my panties and then my dress. I fight the urge to cry in front of them because I don’t want them to think they did something wrong.

“I’ll go clean up.” My voice is as lifeless as when I was in Celestial Heaven or with Jason.

Tyson knows something is wrong and quickly stands. “Olly, what’s wrong?”

His tone, full of concern, makes me burst out in tears.

How do I explain what’s wrong with me when I can barely make sense of the turmoil inside me? How can I explain to three men who did absolutely nothing wrong that I feel like a slut because I enjoyed something that is natural?

Mose’s eyebrows shoot up. “Olivia?”

I cover my face with my palms. “I am so sorry,” I sob.

“What did we do wrong?” Jasper’s question makes me feel even worse because it’s not their fault.

Tyson comes to me. When he picks me up, I bury my face in the crook of his neck and cry softly against his skin. He has no idea how much it means to me. I don’t expect him to be by my side, yet he always comes to me when I need him. Both of us are broken in different ways, and the only time we are whole is when we are together.

“You did nothing wrong,” Ansel says.

I know this, but there are a thousand voices in my head calling me slut, among many other things. My brain tries to understand why Ansel won’t do the same as Carlos while in bed. When we are not fucking, I feel like I can trust Ansel with my life, but in the bedroom, he and the others have complete control over my body, their desires and needs above anything else. They don’t even know that I’m willing to let them do whatever they want to me because it has been wired inside my head from the moment I entered the Celestial Heaven. Carlos and Jason always claimed that the Lords and the Dukes only like submissive women who always do what they are told and never talk back. The men have the right to correct their wives whenever they misbehave. I am not the wife of Ansel or his blood-brothers, but I might as well be. I already let him know that I am willing to marry him. If I do, will he abuse me like all the other men in my life did?

Rueben hit me with his belt when I scratched his face. It wasn’t my intention, but I was scared, and I didn’t know what was happening. And Mose spanked me.

This time I didn’t do anything wrong, but then why do I feel like I need to be punished?

“She needs a moment,” Tyson says and walks away with me before the others can stop him. He takes me to his office and locks the door behind us. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks after he sits on the sofa with me in his lap.

I don’t want to, but Tyson is the only one who really knows me. If there’s someone who knows what’s wrong with me, then that’s him. “How can I enjoy something that was forced on me for so long? It’s wrong and dirty….” My voice doesn’t hide the disgust I feel towards myself.

“Sex is neither wrong nor dirty if it is between consenting adults,” Tyson tries to convince me otherwise.

I shake my head, frustrated. “Then why do I feel like I did something wrong?”

“Did you feel pressured to do something you didn’t want to?” Tyson is genuinely concerned about me.

“No,” I quickly reassure him. “Whatever happened was because I wanted to.”

“Then I don’t see what the problem is.”

I rest my head against his shoulder. How can I make him understand why I’m so upset? “I enjoyed being fucked. What is wrong with me?” I can’t help but wonder.

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

I should have known Tyson wouldn’t understand what I’m going through. “It doesn’t matter.”

There’s a bag full of beer in the fridge. I’m sure no one will notice if several of them disappear. The tricky part will be getting them out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. Then, I’ll turn on the shower, drink, and cry my eyes out while I scrub myself clean. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Except it’s not as easy as it seems.

Tyson kisses the base of my neck, sending shivers all over my body. I press my lips in a thin line, not wanting to let him know the effect he has on me.

“Did you like that?” Before I have a chance to deny it, Tyson warns me. “Don’t even think about lying to me because I’ll know. You don’t want to know what I do to those who think they can hide the truth from me.”

If he is so good at detecting when I’m lying or not, he should have known that I was telling him the truth about never cheating on him. Maybe the pain produced by the idea of me betraying our love was so great that it blinded him. I shouldn’t find excuses for him, not after what he did to me, but maybe deep down, I want to give him another chance.

How can I trust someone who never trusted me?

I want to lie to him, but what good will it do? I always thought that evil can’t be fought with evil. Two wrongs will never make a right. “I did.”

His palm covers my knee, his thumb drawing circles on my skin. Goosebumps erupt along my arms. “How about now?”

I look at his bookcase full of books. How many of them have been written by Tyson? “It feels good,” I say, my gaze still on the books.

His fingers run from my knee all the way to my pussy. The inner side of his palm brushes against me, and I swallow my moan. “Yes,” I say before he can ask another dumb question.

My panties are pushed to the side, and before I realize what’s happening, his middle finger sinks inside me.

I jerk my gaze back to him. “What are you….?”

His eyes are so red they appear to glow. “You know why you enjoy this?”

His finger moves in circles inside me, driving me crazy.

“No,” I breathe.

“Because my blood-brothers and I belong to you,” he says before his mouth covers mine and kisses me like a starved man.

Men don’t belong to women. It’s the other way around. Women are men’s property. At least in my world. Tyson saying something else is such an alien concept. Yet, I can’t hide that I like how it sounds. Tyson and the others are mine. As a hellstar, I am destined to be with certain men. To be what they want. Tyson is telling me that our relationship can be an unconventional one. At least in the eyes of the Lords, because for them it’s all about control.

His fingers keep moving inside me, his thumb pressing against my clit. I try to resist the overwhelming pleasure he is making me feel, but it’s like he knows where to touch me to coerce my body to feel even better. I can’t fight him or what he’s doing to me. Nor do I want to. Not when I need him so much. He is the only one who ever fully understands me.

His lips move from my mouth to my jaw, and he kisses his way to my ear. “While you are in here, my fingers inside you, I want you to think only about how good my fingers feel inside you.”

The tip of his tongue traces the shell of my ear. My breath quivers.

“Of all the things I’m going to do to you.”

I can’t let him fuck me. His lips descend to my neck.

“I’m going to spend hours with my face between your legs.”

Oh. My. The teeth lock around my flesh.

“After that, I’m going to rub my dick over your pussy.”

He can’t. His mouth trails back up to mine.

“I’m not going to put it inside you.”

Thank God. His kiss is gentle and I burn for more.

“Unless,” he looks into my eyes, “you ask me to do so. And when I’m inside you, the only thing you will focus on, is how good I’m fucking you.”

The problem is not during but after. It’s then that the guilt and the shame hits me. In Ansel’s case, it can happen while he is loving me in ways I never thought a man would ever love me. I don’t deserve to be treated like I’m worthy of love because…I’m not. For fuck’s sake, I’m a pornai. Or was one. Opening my legs and sucking cocks is all I know. “What happens when I start to feel dirty for enjoying being with men?”

Tyson removes his hand from my pussy. It’s not another orgasm that I need, and he understands. His fingers find their way into my hair, and he slowly massages my scalp. “Not men, only your mates.”

“What’s the difference? Men always use women’s bodies for their pleasure. You and the others will do the same.”

“You are wrong about that. We want to fuck you because we love you. Because it will strengthen the bond between us. And because we want to give you a glimpse of the rest of our life together.”

If I marry Ansel, I’ll become their bonded. “Why would you guys want a bitch with a diseased cunt in your lives?”

Tyson swallows hard. “Let me make it up to you.”

My chin trembles. “How? You hurt me. You abused me. How can I trust that you will never shatter my heart again?”

“Because I vow to you on my life to never harm you again.”

I want so badly to believe his words, but I am scared. He made promises to me before. Tears fall from my eyes, and Tyson kisses them away.

“You are so beautiful,” he murmurs. “So sweet and gentle.”

I shake my head, denying it.

“Loyal and loving.”

Tyson won’t give up until I take him back. The way I see it, I have two options: I either willingly forgive him or let him love bomb me. There are more options, but I don’t want any of those, because then I’ll have to leave the farm, and I don’t think I’m ready to do that.

“You didn’t believe me. Why should I believe you?”

Tyson doesn't have an answer so I get up from his lap. He grabs my hand. “Don’t leave,” he asks.

“I don’t want to leave. I want to run away to the end of the world so I don’t have to see you anymore.”

His fingers tremble. “You hate me that much?”

If I could hate him, my life would be so much easier.

I jerk my hand away from him and go to the bookcase. My eyes drift from one book to another. So many are written by Tyson. How did he go from wanting to be an engineer to writing romance books? I pick a random one.

Vows of love. Book one in a series. I am going to read it and let him know how much I hated his story.

“You already know what I feel about you,” I remind him about what I told him the last time we talked.

Tyson gets up from the chair and comes to me. “You are my bonded.”

“Bonds can be broken.” I look into his eyes. “Why Tyson St. Claire?”

“It was supposed to be our family name after we got married. Your grandfather had the papers ready for us to take on his last name. It was supposed to be a surprise.”

Olivia St. Claire.

“I’m going to be Ansel’s wife.” My tone turns cold.

“In my dreams, you are my wife.”

I shove his stupid book in his hands. “Well, I’m not and I’ll never be.”

Tyson lets the book fall on the floor and grabs my face between his hands. “You are still engaged to me,” he says before his lips engulf mine. I push him away but his kiss deepens and my lips start to move against his. His hands slide to my ass and he lifts me up. My legs wrap around his waist. His tongue explores my mouth. My nails dig into his muscles. I shouldn’t want him but the need to be with him is fucking with my head. This is not love. This is lust. The only way to get him out of my system is by fucking him.

“Tyson.” My moans make him press my back against the wall next to the bookcase.

“Are you wet for me?” he growls into my ear.

I want to lie, but he will know. “Yes,” I breathe.

His hand disappears between our bodies. He is going to undo his fly, and he is going to fuck me until I forget about all those who used my body.

His hand returns into view, an expensive fountain pen between his fingers. Did he have it in his pocket? “Do you remember this?”

“The one I gave you the day you left for college,” I reply. “I didn’t think you'd still have it.”

“I’ve kept everything you ever gave me.” He moves a bit so his hand can have access to my pussy. “I want to see what you look like when you cum for me.”

My panties are pushed to the side, and something cold enters me.

The fountain pen.