20. Tyson

Tyson

I f you had truly loved me, Spencer would still be here.

My revolver sits on my desk in front of me. There’s one bullet in the cylinder. My death will allow Olivia to heal and move on. I want that for her.

I take another swig from the whiskey bottle. It was full when I grabbed it from behind the books. I drank almost half of it the moment I put the bottle against my lips, hoping the alcohol would numb the fucking pain I’m in. The alcohol only made it worse.

You are the reason why I don’t want to have more children.

Once I’ve dealt with Jason and Senator Deymar, there won’t be anything stopping me from ending myself. I won’t tell anyone about my plans because word might get back to Olivia, and she will either hate me more or try to stop me.

She needs to focus on herself and not be worried about me.

In time, Ansel, Jasper, and Mose will make her feel safe enough to try for another baby.

I loved you until I didn’t.

I’ll never get over the fact that I’ve lost her.

How do I learn to live without the other half of my soul? Before, it was easy because I was fueled by the deep anger and hatred I had for her.

I should try to win her back. Why would she take me back? She hates me now. Spencer is dead because of me. Each time she sees me, she’ll only think of that. Even if I somehow convince her, her resentment will only grow over time.

“Stupid,” I mutter to myself.

I lean my head on my chair and close my eyes. My head is spinning. What the fuck do I do? Put the barrel in my mouth and pull the trigger, or try to win her back?

I loved you until I didn’t.

She doesn’t love me anymore.

My eyes feel like they are burning; tears fall down my face. I hope I become blind so I don’t have to see the hate in Olivia’s gaze each time she looks at me.

Fuck.

Get your shit together, Tyson.

Lords don’t cry. They hide their pain behind masks, drugs, and alcohol. Only I can’t bring drugs into the house since Olivia will get hooked on them immediately. Alcohol could work. My mother was a functioning alcoholic. I take another swig from the bottle.

Rueben barges into the office without bothering to knock. I don’t think he even knows what that is.

“Have you been crying?” he asks as he sits across from me.

“My eyes still hurt because of you.” Not entirely a lie.

Rueben whistles. “Are you still hung up on that? You smashed Jasper’s knee, but I don’t see him complaining. But here you are, whining like a little bitch, when we have bigger problems.”

I whine like a little bitch? Since when does Rueben talk to me like that? Annoyed, I snap at him, “What the fuck do you want, Rueben?”

“Why is everyone so cranky today?”

“I wouldn’t be cranky if you hadn’t called me a whining little bitch.”

“Anyway,” Rueben dismisses me, “Olivia and Mose are back. Heck, even Miss Teapot has returned.” I narrow my eyes. He leans forward. “I have been thinking.”

Rueben thinking. That’s news to me. “About what?”

“How to make Olivia forgive us.”

I shouldn’t listen to any stupid idea that comes from Rueben, but I’m so desperate to get Olivia to love me again that I say, “I’m all ears.”

A smug expression appears on Rueben’s face. “Mose and Ansel are already bonded to her. That leaves Jasper, you, and me to do the same.”

I never told Rueben that Olivia is my bonded, since it is none of his business.

“Once that is taken care of, we can focus on getting her pregnant. IVF—”

“Get out,” I snarl. Rueben looks confused. “You are not only my blood-brother, but also my only living relative,” my mother doesn’t count, “and I love you more than I should, but if I hear you mentioning getting Olivia pregnant one more time, I’m going to choke you with your own teeth. And you are going to leave her the fuck alone.”

Rueben is shocked by my reaction. That’s my fault because I’ve always sided with him before. But not this time. From now on, Olivia is my main focus. On top of that, I have to make sure Rueben doesn’t screw up things with her.

“We are her mates. We need to fuck her until she understands that she belongs to us,” Rueben keeps spewing stupidities.

My fingers curl into fists. “Even if she is our hellstar, it doesn’t mean we can fuck our way into her heart.”

“We can. Reyes and his blood-brothers did that to their wife. You saw how happy they were. They probably had an amazing honeymoon.”

“Probably. But they probably didn’t beat the living shit out of their wife and traumatize her,” I point out. Or be the reason why she doesn’t want to have more children.

Rueben leans back in his chair. “I was so drugged, I have no recollection of doing that to her. I’m not saying it as an excuse. Also, you got her pregnant. How did that happen? Did you rape her? Do you remember, or just like me, you have no recollection of being in the facility?”

Ansel is aware of what happened between Olivia and me. He hinted about it yesterday when we were on the porch. I haven’t told Rueben because it’s not his damned business.

“Spencer was never the product of rape,” I make it clear once and for all. “He is the result of the love between Olivia and me.”

“Sure. Whatever you say.”

No one will miss Rueben if I shoot him right now. Not even Diva. “I don’t care what you think, but if you value your life, you have three seconds to leave me the fuck alone.”

“You need anger management.”

My fingers snake around the cold metal of the revolver.

I start to count. “One.”

“You need to get laid and get rid of some tension.”

Shooting Rueben will be a waste of a perfectly good bullet, but that’s the only way I can make him shut up.

I point at him. “Two.”

Rueben stands up. “And I thought I was the crazy one. Some days I wonder who is worse: you or Reyes?”

I pull the trigger. The bullet grazes his cheek. “Three.”

“What the hell?” he snarls.

“I told you to leave me the fuck alone, but you never listen to a word I say.” I keep pointing at him. “The next bullet will find its new home between your eyes.”

Olivia bursts inside, wearing Ansel’s bathrobe, with a worried look on her face. I quickly put the revolver behind the whiskey bottle.

“Tyson, what happened?” Her gaze lands on Rueben’s cheek. A thin line of blood slides down his skin. She frowns but doesn’t say anything about it. “I was in the kitchen when I heard the shot.” She shifts her weight from one leg to the other. “Since my brother and father are still a threat, I was afraid that…. Are you drunk?”

Was she scared that something might have happened to me?

If I take my life, it will devastate her, not help her heal.

Our gazes lock together. Something transpires between us. I can feel it in the deepest part of my soul. She might hate me, but she still loves me. That means I still have a chance.

“Just a small misunderstanding between brothers,” I say.

Rueben sides with me. “We were having a drink together, talking about life, when the revolver had an attempt at my life.”

Olivia frowns.

“Be more careful next time,” she says before leaving and closing the door behind her.

I put my elbows on the desk.

Rueben stares at me. I bet he’s waiting for an apology from me. No wonder he’s so bad at betting. He runs in the wrong circle.

“About what you said earlier,” I throw him the bait.

Rueben studies his nails. “I got the message.”

“Fucking our way into Olivia’s heart might not be such a bad idea after all.”

Rueben snorts. “What made you change your mind?”

How can someone explain the bond that ties Olivia and me together when the words have yet to be invented? It transcends time and space. It transcends every physics law. It’s endless, like time.

I grab the whiskey. “Everything is fair in love and war.” I take a drink before I pass the bottle over to Rueben. “And this is war, baby. War of hearts.”

Rueben laughs. “Spoken like a true Lord.”

It’s been weeks since I tried working on my latest book. My agent has been texting me like crazy for days, asking when I’ll send him my latest manuscript. I haven’t replied. The writer’s block is here to stay, and I don’t fucking care about my career at this point. But I might have an idea.

When Rueben puts the whiskey bottle on the desk, I say, “Now, fuck off. I have work to do.”

“What about our plan to make Olivia our bonded?”

I grab the revolver. “I still have four bullets left.”

Rueben stands. “I’ll go check the horses.”

“Take care of Juniper as well,” I say as I turn on my computer.