2. Rueben

Rueben

D riving is scarier than I thought, and I might have bumped into stuff and scratched the car more than once, but at least I got Ansel and myself back to the farm. Thank God for GPS because there’s no way I would have gotten here without it. When I park the car, I lean my head on the wheel, not knowing it will make the car honk. I groan, having no energy left to lift my head. On top of that, Diva starts barking. Next to me, Ansel is sleeping like the dead, not having moved in hours, and even now, with all the racket, he keeps sleeping peacefully, while my ears are blasted with noise.

Suddenly, the driver’s door is opened violently, and the barrel of a gun is shoved into my side. I jerk my head up, and the honking stops.

“Who the fuck are you?” a man I’ve never met before sneers at me.

That’s what I want to know, asshole—who the fuck you are.

What if he did something to Jasper and the others? My right-hand flies to one of the daggers, and the gun is shoved even more between my ribs. They are still tender, and I hiss in pain. “Keep your hands where I can see them if you don’t want me to blow out your brains!” he snarls.

His tone lets me know he is serious. Not wanting to risk getting Ansel more injured than he already is, I put my hands on the wheel. The man leans forward and removes the daggers from me and throws them on the ground.

Diva growls and barks at him but does not attack him, making me believe he is not a stranger to her. Could he be a Lord? But why is he so hostile toward me?

I look at him. He is pretty tall with blond hair and green eyes. “I’m Olivia, and I live here.” I keep my voice low and calm, not wanting to anger him. “Ansel got injured during, um, an altercation and needs help.”

Since he is on the farm, I assume he knows Ansel and the others, but I’m not foolish enough to let him know how Ansel truly got hurt.

The man frowns. “Olivia? I’ve never heard of you before.”

A voice comes from behind him, one that I recognize as belonging to Maddox. “Cole, I already mentioned Olivia to you, but I guess you didn’t hear me.”

Cole puts the safety on the gun, steps away from the car, and moves next to Maddox. Diva stops barking. “Sorry, it’s been a long night,” Cole mutters. “I didn’t want to take any risks.”

Why don’t I like the sound of that? “What happened?” I ask Maddox, who looks very tired. There are also stains on his dark blue scrubs that look suspiciously like blood.

Maddox exhales softly. “Olivia—”

What if Jason returned and he hurt those at the farm?

My mouth turns dry, my heart hammering against my ribcage. I don’t wait for him to continue as I ask, “Is it Tyson? Is he hurt?” What if it is worse than that? “Is he dead?”

Maddox’s shoulders drop. “Not him.”

My ears ring.

Not him.

Tyson is alive.

Not him.

But someone died.

I wasn’t here to stop Jason from hurting yet another person I cared about.

Not him.

I get out of the car. “Who?”

Maddox’s face turns pale. Cole’s back stiffens.

“Rueben? Mose? Jasper?” I ask, tears pooling in my eyes. He shakes his head, and I let out a breath of relief. But then I realize that there were more Lords on the farm. “Who?” I scream.

“I’m sorry,” Maddox says.

Knowing I won’t get any answers from Maddox and Cole, I run to the house. Please, don’t let it be Levi, I pray as I enter through the front door. Immediately, I feel a heavy tension while the air smells like death.

When I enter the living room, many pairs of eyes turn toward me at once. Some of them are familiar to me, and some belong to strangers.

Rin and Isak—or maybe it’s Steven—sit on the couch, their eyes red and puffy like they have been crying. I shake my head because I refuse to believe it’s Levi. Anyone but him.

My eyes scan the room, searching for Jasper or Mose, but they are not around. Neither is Tyson. Only Rueben, who is next to two older men, so I ask him, “What happened?”

Rueben—who looks like shit—glares at me with eyes full of hate. “What happened?” he snarls, echoing my words. Not even when I killed Camila was he so angry. “Your fucking actions got people killed. That’s what happened.”

The air leaves my lungs. His words are like daggers that cut deep. “You stealing shit from your father is what got Levi killed. Gavin and Isak also. Wherever you go, people die because of you.” In a tone cold as ice, he asks, “Why don’t you fucking die already?”

No. It can’t be. Rin and Steven don’t look at me, letting me know that what Rueben said is true.

Levi is dead.

Gavin is dead.

Isak is dead.

Camila is dead.

Ansel almost died.

Because of me.

Why don’t you fucking die already?

Rueben’s words cut so deep in my soul that I don’t think I’ll ever stop bleeding.

“Who?” I need to know who killed them.

“Your fucking father,” Rueben sneers. “And if that wasn’t enough, he took Mose and Alma with him while sending Tyson and Jasper to the hospital. If something happens to Mose, I’ll fucking skin you alive!”

“Tyson and Jasper are in the hospital? Are they hurt? I need to see them,” I say.

“They don’t want to see you. Jasper that is, since Tyson is now blind. They explicitly told me to keep you away from the hospital. You are going to return to your father what you took from him, and then I never want to see you again. Get the fuck out of my house!” Rueben barks at me.

Tyson and Jasper don’t want to see me.

Tyson is blind.

What the hell happened?

I should have never taken the daggers from my father.

I should have never returned here. I should have gone with Wasp. Then my father would not have come here.

I should never have asked Ansel to come with me. If he would have been on the farm when my father came, he could have fought. Instead, when Levi and the others were being killed, Ansel’s wings were being ripped from his back.

This is all my fault. I need to make things right.

“Show me the bodies. Maybe I can bring them back,” I try to reason with Rueben.

Rin snaps his head in my direction. “Bring them back? Who the fuck do you think you are? God? Get out, before I do something I regret.”

“My brother’s head was smashed to the ground with a bat. Tell me, how the fuck do you plan to bring him back?” Steven snarls at me.

Everyone looks at me like they want to kill me in the most horrible way.

What the fuck was I thinking when I asked to see Levi and the others? There’s no way I brought back Rueben. I’m such a fucking failure. The hate I have for myself becomes even deeper.

I turn on my heels and run out of the house. Outside, I almost bump into Maddox and Cole, who are bringing Ansel into the house. I keep running. They yell after me, but I don’t stop. I don’t ever want to stop. Maybe if I run long enough, I’ll die from exhaustion.

Levi is dead.

Gavin is dead.

Isak is dead.

Camila is dead.

Ansel almost died.

Why don’t you fucking die already?

This time, I’ll make sure to fulfill Rueben’s wish.

It doesn’t take long for my body to scream out in protest, but I force myself to keep running. I make my way onto the road and keep going and going, tears running down my face. Tyson and Jasper don’t want to see me. Mose is in my father’s hands. Rueben is right. This is all my fault. I should have left with Jason when he came after me. Then, none of this would have happened. Then Levi and the others would still be alive. Tyson and Jasper would not be in the hospital.

I don’t know how long I’ve been running when I encounter a car in the middle of the road. The back door is opened, and I get in.

“I want to go home,” I say to my brother.

The car starts, and Leo leans over me and closes the door.

“I knew that if I was patient enough, you would return to me,” my brother chuckles. “Whores like you can’t live without drugs and dick for more than a few weeks.” He looks into the mirror. “I’m surprised you lasted a month, but I guess you had enough dick to keep you busy for a while. But typical of Lords, they got tired of you and threw you out like a rabid dog.”

Sean turns on the radio, putting my favorite song on. Evil. Then he gives me cocaine, and I can’t inhale it fast enough, wanting to quiet the voices in my head. But they keep screaming, louder than ever.

Why don’t you fucking die already?

I know what I have to do.

Why don’t you fucking die already?

I will.

Not right now.

Soon, though.

Leo puts his hand on my thigh, painfully squeezing it. “You owe me so many blowjobs. Once we get home, you better start working on that.”

Home.

Back to sucking the cocks of Jason’s friends.

Home.

Back to drugs and numbness.