18. Olivia

Olivia

T yson presses his lips to my jaw. “It’s probably nothing.”

I’m sure I heard something coming from outside, but I drop the issue, not wanting to get Tyson angry since he wants some pussy. This is why I’m here: to open my legs whenever one of the guys wants some release. And pop out babies for them. Thank fuck, that will never happen.

Tyson’s hand slides inside my pants, his fingers brushing against my skin. My body ignites. I bite my bottom lip. I resist the urge to spread my legs for him, but all the training from the Celestial Heaven rushes to my mind, and my body takes over.

“That’s it, Little Rabbit.” His finger slips between my folds. “Look how wet you are,” he murmurs. “This is going to be our first time.”

He’s killing me with how loving he is right now. I hate how my body wants him despite everything he did to me. I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to clear my head. He can fuck me since there’s no way I can stop him, but I refuse to enjoy this. I refuse to give him even more power over me.

His lips trail down my neck.

“We are not going to pretend this is our first time fucking,” I say. Tyson jerks his head up. I yank his hand away from my pussy. “You already fucked me. It hurt, just like any other time I was fucked.”

It might have hurt, but I wanted him. And how I wanted him. I loved him with every fiber of my body. I destroyed myself to keep him safe. All the years that I suffered, he was living his best life, not giving a shit about me.

“Your first time was awful,” he tries to argue with me. “I want to change that.”

“Despite the pain, my first time was special because it resulted in me getting pregnant. Spencer might not mean anything to you, but he was everything to me.”

Shock registers on Tyson’s face. “I love Spencer. I might have just found out about him, but you don’t know how much it hurts to learn that I’ll never get to hold him. To be his dad. Leo and Sean mocked me, one moment claiming he was dead, the other that he was alive. I made them pay for what they did to you.”

I don’t believe Tyson. How could he possibly love Spencer when he came from me, a slut without morals? That’s how all men see me—damaged goods. Unworthy of their time and affection. Tyson doesn’t have to pretend to care for me to get laid.

So when I say, “My first time with Ansel and Jasper was special. They took care of me and made me feel pleasure for the first time in my life. Ansel was the first to give me an orgasm. He was the first to make love to me. Jasper was the first to show me kindness when I was brought here. He saw me. He saw my pain. If not for him, I would be dead right now,” and I see pain in his eyes, I don’t care. I’m too emotionally drained to care.

I show Tyson my right arm. “I tried to take my life several times while here because of you and Rueben. You hurt me. You let Rueben break my toes. Remember? You tortured me. If you want to fuck me, go ahead, but no, Tyson, this is not our first time.”

“Olivia—”

I rarely get angry, but when I do, there’s little I can do to control my emotions. I talk over him. “Nothing is going to be the same. Not us, not our relationship. I was raped for years while you bounced from woman to woman. The bond between us means nothing. I don’t want it to mean anything.” I know I shouldn’t say this, but even so, the words come out. “If you had truly loved me, Spencer would still be here. I can never trust another man with my heart because of you. You are the reason why I don’t want to have more children. You have no idea how much it hurts, because I wanted to be Spencer’s mom so badly. I still want a large family, but I can’t. The idea of being pregnant makes me physically ill because all I think about is the life fading away from my baby’s eyes, of hearing him taking his last breath. I’m happy I can’t get pregnant anymore.

“I gave you everything I have—my heart, my soul, my body , and you thought I betrayed our love. You are the one who broke us.”

Tears run down Tyson’s cheeks. I hope he drowns in pain day and night, just like I do.

Words keep coming out of my mouth, sharper than daggers, cutting deep.

“I returned to this farm not for you, but for Ansel, Jasper, and Mose. They might have hurt me in some way or another, but never with bad intentions. You and Rueben changed only after Ansel showed you the videos. I’m scared of you. Each action, each word I might say, could be a trigger for you or Rueben. I fear that you’ll take me back to the shed.”

I don’t even know why I’m telling him this. Maybe because I finally want him to understand what he did to me. Or maybe I want him to snap so I can prove that he doesn’t love me as he claims. He is just a liar, like every other man.

“I’d never do that to you again.” His voice cracks.

“Why? Because you saw how many beatings I endured while in the Celestial Kingdom because I refused to let men touch me? Despite feeling you fucking other women, I still loved you. I held tight to the hope that you’d come after me, but you never did. You left me there to be gang raped just because your dick wasn’t the first one I sucked.

“Even when I was shown videos of you with other women, I still loved you. I loved you until I didn’t. Carlos had to get me addicted to drugs so he could do whatever he wanted to me. Drugs kept me sane. Not feeling anything, escaping the memories, was Heaven.”

That’s why I kept taking the drugs Jason gave me—because I want to forget ever loving Tyson. But then I’d have to forget about Spencer, but his memory is the only thing that kept me going all this time.

Trembling fingers caress my cheek. “I wanted to ask for your forgiveness even before the videos,” says Tyson. Such a liar he is. “But then your father came here and ruined my plans…. I love you so much. Seeing how much I hurt you, it’s breaking me apart.”

Good. I hope his heart shatters in a million pieces, just like mine did.

“How convenient of you to love me now when you finally learned the truth. Whatever you feel, it’s not love. It’s a mirage, an illusion, the want of something that doesn’t exist anymore.”

I get out of bed. Tyson doesn’t try to stop me. Instead, he says, “Little Rabbit, don’t run away from me.”

“I am not your Little Rabbit anymore. Don’t call me that ever again. I am Olivia. ”

I go to the door.

“I don’t know what’s worse—not being on drugs and remembering everything or knowing that your feelings for me suddenly returned just because you saw men rape me and beat me for years while you got your dick wet without any remorse whatsoever.”

“It wasn’t like—”

I don’t wait for him to finish as I leave his office.

The house is quiet, and I’m glad because I don’t want to bump into any of the other guys until I clear my head. The things I said to Tyson… I’d be surprised if he doesn’t kill me in the next minute or so. It would be a small mercy if he does.

I go to the kitchen to drink a glass of water because all that talking left my throat dry, when I hear the noise again. This time, I know I’m not imagining it. I rush to open the backdoor.

“There you are,” I say.

Moments later, I’m running through the house. “Jasper!” I’m pretty sure my screams will wake up everyone, but I’m too happy to care. Jasper doesn’t want to see me. Maybe it was another lie. I shouldn’t trust what Rueben tells me. “Jasper!”

Ansel comes out of his room. “Olivia, what’s wrong?”

Tyson, Rueben, and Mose, with guns in their hands, also rush to the hallway, but when they realize what’s happening, they chuckle.

“Nothing,” I reply as I burst into Jasper’s room.

Jasper is on the edge of the bed, his left leg in a cast, and he is trying to stand with the help of a crutch. His gaze lands on me. “Little Love.” He sounds so relieved, which confirms that Rueben lied about Jasper as well.

“What happened?”

He shakes his head. “A little accident.” He doesn’t blame me or my father—who I’m sure is behind Jasper’s broken leg—and it makes me forgive him for abandoning me when he found out I couldn’t have children. “Stupid leg,” he mutters when he gets up, “preventing me from coming to you when you need me.”

The corner of my mouth twitches because Jasper is so funny, being upset about something he can’t control. I finally show him why I was calling his name. “I just wanted to let you know that Miss Teapot is back.”

Jasper hobbles to where I am. “I missed you so much,” he says before bending his head and kissing me. His mouth is needy, and so is mine.

I missed him, too. “You don’t seem that happy that Miss Teapot returned home.”

Jasper pets Miss Teapot. “I’m glad that she’s back safe and sound, but I was more worried about you.” Between us, Miss Teapot starts to purr. “My woman is back. My cat is back. Mose is back. My life is perfect.”

“Except for your broken leg,” I tease him.

Jasper kisses me again. “What broken leg?”

Is it me, or are the guys acting differently? They are more…loving. Not Rueben, since he hates my guts, but the rest of them. Maybe returning to the farm wasn’t such a bad idea. It’s not that I wanted to leave Mose alone. That was a lie I told myself. I…missed Jasper and Ansel. Maybe Tyson too, but just a little bit. How awful it is to miss someone, but how beautiful to see they felt the same.

“I’ll go take care of Miss Teapot. She looks like she needs a good meal. Are her things still in the kitchen?” I ask.

Jasper nods. “Yes. How about I help?”

I zero my eyes on his bad leg before my gaze trails up. “How about you wait for me in bed?”

Jasper’s eyes flash red. “Yes, ma’am.”

That’s not what I meant. If it means he’s going to stay put, then I’ll let him believe that when I crawl into his bed to take a nap, since last night left me exhausted, that I’ll actually jump on his dick and ride him like he’s my personal stallion.

I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips to Jasper’s cheek. “Good boy,” I whisper against his skin. He groans. “I’ll be quick,” I say before stepping out of his room.

Mose and Ansel are waiting for me in the hallway. It stings that Tyson and Rueben have already returned to their usual routines. I get that I wasn’t in any danger, but….

Get it together, Olivia. You want them far away from you, not fawning all over you like they are your fans.

After what I said to Tyson, it’s no wonder he doesn’t want to see me, but Rueben could at least have the decency to explain why he lied about Tyson and Jasper not wanting to see me. But to expect that of Rueben is like wishing that the sun would never set.

“Ansel, do you still have the wings the demons ripped from your back?” I ask.

Ansel frowns. “They could be in the car’s trunk, but I didn’t check.”

“Can you go see? And if they are there, bring them to the kitchen,” I say.

Ansel opens his mouth to argue but stops when he realizes I’m dead serious. “Fine,” he mutters before leaving.

Which leaves me with Mose. He quickly puts his hands in the air, his palms facing me. “Bath.”

He wants to take a bath? “It seems you already took one.”

“You.”

Mose is not wrong. I do need a bath. “You need to learn to say more words at a time.” Maybe it was wrong to say that, but guessing what Mose is trying to say is not my favorite game.

“No,” Mose says before going to his room.

Stubborn demon.

I turn my attention to Miss Teapot. When I opened the backdoor and saw her on the threshold, I was so relieved she was back that it didn’t cross my mind to see if she had any injuries.

I search her paws for wounds as I go to the kitchen. When I don’t find any, I let out a sigh of relief. “Apart from some weight loss, you appear to be fine,” I say before kissing the top of her head. You need a bath, too, but after I take mine, because I want to eliminate any trace of Azael off my skin.”

“Blowing his brains out was a kick-ass move.”

Rueben’s voice stops me in my tracks. I was so focused on Miss Teapot that I didn’t notice Rueben making a sandwich over at the table. I quickly turn on my heels because I know he doesn’t want me in the kitchen while he’s in there.

“Olivia.”

My legs stop instantly as if glued to the floor. I wait for him to speak, as I don’t know what to say. He saw the videos; he knows what happened.

Rueben is as silent as I am. It takes him a few minutes to finally say, “Thank you for protecting Camila.”

My chin trembles. “I didn’t. I killed her.”

Rueben gets up from the table. My shoulders tense when he stops behind me. “Look at me.”

I should obey him without hesitation but I don’t want to see how remorseful he is, so I look at the floor.

“I said look at me,” Rueben insists. I force my gaze on him. “It was an accident. You were trying to protect her.” Tears fall from my eyes down my cheek. “Fuck. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he mutters and takes Miss Teapot from me. “Stay where you are.”

Being ordered around is degrading to most people, but for me, it is…a breath of fresh air, as I don’t have to think about what I have to do. My body takes over while my brain shuts down. Not around Rueben, though. Around him, I always have to be cautious.

Rueben opens drawers and cabinets until he finds Miss Teapot’s food. He fills her bowl, puts fresh water in the other one, and returns to me.

I’m still crying as I think of the night Camila died. Rueben might say that it was an accident, but the truth is that I pulled that trigger. If I had my darkness back then, Camila and Spencer would still be alive.

Rueben picks me up in his arms, and I inhale sharply.

“I’m not going to ask you not to be afraid of me after what I did to you, but I want you to know that from now on, if I touch you, it is because I want to fill that little pussy of yours with my cum.”

I chew my bottom lip. This is so fucked up. “Are you sure you want to fuck my diseased cunt?”

Rueben puts me on top of the kitchen island. “I want to eat your pussy, then fuck it with my tongue before I make you come on my dick.”

No, thank you very much. I’d rather have Jasper fuck my ass.

I shrug and look away from him. “If that’s what you want.”

Rueben fists my hair and forces me to meet his gaze. “I want you to be my bonded.”

My stomach turns in knots. I don’t want to be his bonded, but I owe it to him after killing Camila. “I understand.”

“I fucked up everything, but I like you, Olivia. Very much,” he murmurs before kissing me.

My shoulders tense. What do I do now? Do I kiss him back? Maybe he doesn’t want that. But if I don’t react and he does want me to kiss him back, he’ll for sure get mad with my lack of enthusiasm.

Rueben pulls away from me. I put on a poker face, not wanting him to know how relieved I am that he stopped kissing me.

“You need a bath,” he grumbles.

I never thought that being covered in blood and dirt would save me from being fucked by Rueben.

“Mose is preparing the bathtub for me,” I say.

“How about I join you?”

How about you fuck off?

“That won’t be necessary,” Ansel says as he enters the kitchen through the back door. I’ve never felt more relieved to see him. “I’ll take care of her.”

“I want to spend time with her,” Rueben snaps.

I should have stayed in the office with Tyson. If I apologize for how I spoke to him, maybe he’ll let me spend the night there. I’ll even fuck him if he keeps Rueben away from me.

Why do I always seek out Tyson when I need comfort? Why do I still need him after everything that happened?

When I told Jasper to wait for me in bed it was so I could take a look at his leg and see if I could heal it, as I did with Mose, but he immediately thought that I was going to suck his dick. Fuck it. I’m going to do it. I’m going to ask Ansel and Mose to fuck me too, until my mind and body no longer want Tyson. I’m going to let them do whatever they want to me each day if that’s what it takes to get Tyson out of my system.

I hate how a few nice words and kisses reminded me of why I fell for Tyson in the first place. Tonight, he was like his former self—so kind and gentle. He was right when he said it wasn’t supposed to be like this. We had a whole future planned. That’s why I chose to protect him—in my delusional mind, I thought we could still find our way back to each other. After he tortured me, I knew that he destroyed the last chance we had at happiness.

“Can’t you read the room?” Ansel questions Rueben, who frowns. “For fucks’ sake, how dense can you be if you can’t tell she wants you to leave her alone?”

Rueben looks as if I slapped him. “It’s because of what I did to you when I was drugged out of my fucking mind?”

Yes! A thousand times, yes.

“No.” Lying about this is so easy.

Rueben mutters something under his breath. Did he really believe that I’d gladly bend over and let him fuck me just because he suddenly decided that he wants me as his bonded? “I’ll give you some space for tonight. But tomorrow, we will continue what we started here. The sandwich is for you. I thought you might be hungry,” he says before leaving me alone with Ansel.

I exhale loudly and almost jump on Ansel and shower him in kisses for appearing at the right moment.

“You should grow a backbone,” Ansel says as he drags in his wings.

“And give Rueben more reasons to beat me? No, thank you.”

“If he dares lay another finger on you, he will become food for the worms.”

“Poor worms,” I say, making Ansel laugh.

Ansel puts the wings next to me on the island. I grab one and look at it. The wing doesn’t appear to have signs of decomposition. Do demon wings even rot away like human bodies?

“Do you think you can…put them back?” Ansel tries not to sound excited, but I can hear that glimmer of hope in his voice.

“I don’t know unless I try. Take off your hoodie.”

“So eager to see me naked,” Ansel chuckles as he does as I ask.

When he remains only in his pants, he turns away so I can examine his back. The wounds left by the demons are all healed. I trace the scars where his wings should be. Tears fill my eyes. He got hurt because of me. I kiss his back. His shoulders tense.

“Thank you for protecting me,” I say as my lips caress his scars.

“Always,” he promises, and I believe him. I trust him more than I trust Tyson.

He did so in the facility as well when he was brought to me. It was after Tyson fucked me. I was scared Ansel would either beat me or want to fuck me as well. He did neither. Instead, he sat in front of the door, his back pressed to it, and watched me, not uttering a single word. I didn’t understand back then what he was doing, but he was protecting me.

My lips trail up until they reach his ear. “Our bond is permanent.” I wrap my arms around him, and I press my chest to his back. “My ring size is seven. I prefer salt and pepper diamonds. I like the Alexandrite styles.”

Marriage is the next logical step for a bonded Lord. I thought about this while I watched 919 pace back and forth through his cell or do push-ups. If I become a Lady, the Dukes can’t touch me anymore. It will also protect me from my brother and father. I don’t want to marry Ansel only for this. I truly believe I can learn to be happy with him. Plus, Jasper and Mose are a package deal—three in one for the same price.

It will also mean that I have to see Tyson and Rueben daily, but I’ve endured worse.

Telling Ansel my ring preference will only guarantee that I get something that I like. After all, I’m going to wear it all my life.

“Noted,” Ansel says.

I kiss his neck before saying, “Back to your wings. How about you show me the other ones, so I can get an idea of how they should…ummm…look.”

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I want to do this because you matter to me.”

Ansel looks over his shoulder at me. “I should have fought for you as you did for me. I should have looked for you and not believed the lies your father said about you leaving the country.”

I don’t blame Ansel for believing my father. He’s a very good liar. It comes with the job, I guess.

“I should have known better. I am your Guardian, after all.”

“If you want my forgiveness, you have it.”

“Why do you make this so easy for me? Why aren’t you angry? You should hate me, not want to marry me.”

Because I have no other choice than to get married. Sure, I can always go with Wasp, but everyone has a hidden agenda. The question is, who will use me less? The Lords or the hellstars?

Wasp seems interested in my powers. I saw the expression on her face when she realized I could heal. She wanted me to go with her. I am not her pawn in whatever game she’s playing with the Lords and the Dukes. I have my own things to worry about. Like my father and brother.

As for the Lords… they will use me to take down my father. I can use that to my advantage. If he thinks he can come here and hurt or kill those I care about, and get away with it like he did for years, he is wrong.

Ansel is right. I need to grow a backbone. I let everyone step on me for years because my family conditioned me to do so. That’s why I saw Tyson as my savior, the one person who would take me away, and we would have had this amazing life together. I don’t need him to come to my rescue anymore. I’ve made friends, if I can call them that, who proved that I can count on them.

When Azael comes after the daggers, who will fight beside me? The hellstars will. But how many of them are out there? Are they strong enough to face the Dukes? Placing the experiments with the hellstars was a bold move. I’d rather have them somewhere I can keep an eye on them than have them scattered all over the city. As long as they don’t forget what I did for them, I know I can call them in times of need.

If I’m a Lady, the Lords will protect me.

With only two moves, I secured three allies against the Dukes and the Blight.

Now I only have to get ready for when they come for me.

“The opposite of love is not hate but indifference,” I say. “Besides, hate is such a strong feeling. I don’t have the energy for it right now. I’d rather focus on other things right now.”

“Like what?” Ansel asks.

“Like fixing your wings,” I huff. “Show me your good ones because I don’t plan on being here all night long. Jasper is waiting for me.”

“Lucky fella. Can I join?”

Why do men always think of sex? Why can’t they just cuddle from time to time? It would be nice to be held without any expectations. Jasper did that. Only because I was hurt. Once I was better, he deepthroated me while Ansel ate my pussy like it was his sole purpose in life.

I wouldn’t mind if the guys took turns kissing my pussy and making me feel good before tucking me in bed.

“Sure, whatever,” I reply.

Wings spring from Ansel’s back. “You need to learn to say no if you don’t want to be fucked.”

I examine both sets of wings. “Who said I don’t want to be fucked? Or have my pussy licked.”

“Sign me up to eat your pussy. So you know, you looked very uncomfortable when Rueben was trying to seduce you.”

“That man doesn’t know how to romance a woman,” I point out as I try to heal the bad wings.

Ansel suggests, “He should read Tyson’s books. Maybe he will learn a thing or two.”

I blink. “How do you know that?”

Ansel shrugs. “I got bored one night, and I went into Tyson’s office. Don’t tell him that I read his books, though. He will freak out.”

“Why? Is he that bad?”

“He actually has some pretty decent books. I mean, I’m not into romance, but his books are…okay, I guess.”

“I don’t care.” I am so going to read his books and make fun of all the cringe moments I find.

I focus on his wings, but nothing happens for several minutes.

“You tried,” Ansel says.

Ansel giving up so fast frustrates me to no end. “Stay put,” I hiss at him before I angrily say, “Just heal already!”

My palms glow, and in a matter of seconds, any damage done to the wings by the demons is gone. I hold my breath as I place one wing against the scar where it belongs, and ask my darkness for help.

Tendrils of smoke come out of my fingers and wrap around the wing before disappearing inside it. The base of the wing sinks into Ansel’s back, making him grunt in pain.

“I know it hurts, but this might actually work,” I say excitedly.

Ansel stays still while I work on his wings. It takes me several attempts and about ten minutes to heal them.

“How does it feel?” I ask when I’m done.

Ansel rolls his left shoulder. “Strange. Like something is different about them. Thank you.”

Doing something for Ansel feels good.

I hop down from the island and back away a few feet so I can take a better look at how the wings align.

Both sets of wings look magnificent, one next to the other.

“Turn around so I can see what you look like with them,” I request.

Ansel sighs. “You better suck me good once you are done bossing me around.”

I step forward and pluck one of his feathers. “What was that for?” he complains.

“For being an asshole when I was only trying to help.”

Ansel faces me; his four wings spread wide. He looks…breathtakingly handsome. The set of wings that were ripped off are a bit smaller than the other ones, and are nestled on the inside of the bigger ones.

I run the tip of my finger across the edge of a wing.

Ansel crosses his arms across his chest. “You know that’s an invitation.”

“To what?”

“To destroy your pussy.”

I pluck another feather.

“You’re so violent with me,” Ansel dramatizes.

“I can only reply to destruction with violence.”

Ansel snorts. “Fine. I’ll use your pussy for cockwarming all night.”

I narrow my eyes. “Was that supposed to be a compromise?”

“The compromise would be me fucking your ass.”

I roll my eyes. “Take a bite of the sandwich.”

“I’m not hungry,” Ansel argues.

“I didn’t ask. I just want to see if Rueben put some weird shit in it.”

Ansel shakes his head. “You have no problem bossing me around, but when it comes to Tyson and Rueben, you are scared as fuck.”

“Tyson and Rueben terrify me. I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells around them. When I’m with you, it’s so easy to be me. I can say whatever I want without being scared that you’ll hurt me.”

Ansel snakes one arm around my waist, and his other hand caresses my cheek. I lean into his touch. “I never wanted to hurt you. My sole purpose is to love and protect you. Like you once did for me.”

After the incident in the forest, it took me some time to see that Ansel wasn’t like Tyson and Rueben. He broke my ribs, but we all make mistakes. When he was ready to lose his wings for me, I realized that he does care for me.

“This is the only chance you get to be with me. Wrong me again, and I’ll break your neck,” I threaten him.

“Such a violent creature you are,” he chuckles.

I’m not violent. I’m just trying to discover who I am. For years, I had no identity of my own.

I gaze into his eyes. Being with Ansel is so easy, so natural. Sometimes, I feel as if I’ve known him from another life.

Ansel cups my cheek. “You are looking at me like before. I love you so much,” he murmurs a second before his lips engulf mine.

We kiss for a long time.

Ansel hangs with me while I eat the sandwich and drink a glass of juice. Surprisingly, the sandwich was…edible. Rueben is good at something, after all. Who would have thought that?

After breakfast, I take a long bath and put on a robe before I go to Jasper’s room.

“You made me wait,” Jasper says.

I let the robe pool around my feet. “Was the wait worth it?”

Jasper’s throat bobs. “Most definitely.”

Behind me, Ansel says, “Get on top of him. I want to see how Jasper’s big cock disappears inside your pussy.” To Mose, he says, “Lay next to Jasper. Olivia is going to give you the best blowjob ever.” He kisses my shoulder. “Isn’t that so, Honey?”

“Yes, Sir,” I reply as I climb into bed.