37. Olivia

Olivia

I don't think that I can take any more

J ason didn’t always have to beat me to incite fear in me. His favorite way to control me was to lock me up in a closet and leave me there for days. The longest time I was locked up was a few months before he took me to the Celestial Heaven.

Celestial Heaven, my ass. I don’t even know why it’s called that when women are abused there constantly. Angels were supposed to be the good guys but the reality is another thing. Not that the demons are any better, but so far, I have been treated better by Mose and his blood-brothers than any of the Dukes, even if they don’t give me drugs and Tyson and Rueben tortured me.

Mose runs his thumb over the bandage that still covers my right arm. “Tomorrow, I’ll remove the stitches. Only a few more steps until we get to the kitchen.”

I almost forgot about the stitches.

If Ansel had not entered the house that day, what would have happened to me? I would probably not be here today. In a way, Ansel saved my life, opening a new chapter. I’m still not sure what that means, but with each passing moment, the bond between me and him grows stronger until it will become permanent. And now Mose wants to bond with me. I don’t think I’ve been more confused in my entire life. I don’t understand what Jasper, Ansel, and Mose want from me. There is nothing left that I can give them.

“Can I take the blindfold off now?” I don’t know why I bother asking since I already know the answer.

“Not unless you want to break our promise.”

Not ripping the blindfold off and letting Mose guide me around the house is a bigger challenge than I expected. I’ve spent so much time in the darkness, staring at it until it stared back at me. I hate not being able to see. But I have to keep my end of the deal—trust Mose—and he won’t tell the others what I confessed to him.

I still don’t know why I told Mose that I have something evil inside me. When the doctors placed it inside me, inside my uterus, I was numb for days, refusing to accept such a cruel thing was done to me, but now, after years of feeling the darkness spreading inside me, I can no longer ignore it. What will happen to me when it overpowers me? It will turn me against those I tried to protect.

I can’t let such a thing happen.

This is why Rueben has to kill me. Because I refuse to be another pawn in this game the Dukes, the Lords, and Azael are playing. Too many people have been affected already. And for what? To destroy the Garden of Eden. Or perhaps they want to control it? They are not the only ones plotting against God and his creation. There are others like Carlos. But after he tortured Angelica and she got away from his clutches, he has been in hiding. I hope he never returns to Veross City. With a bit of luck—although luck is something subjective—he has found his end by now. Or maybe he got some incurable STD from Salma. She is just as evil as Carlos.

And then there’s this Blight that Wasp told me about.

Wasp expects me to fight when the time comes.

There’s nothing left in this world for me worth fighting for.

In the beginning, I fought with all my strength, hoping, praying that he would come for me, but it never happened. When Jason showed me videos of Ansel, Tyson, and Rueben fucking woman after woman, I knew I had lost everything. But I still hoped that I could escape… until I was taken to the facility. That’s when I lost all hope and my will to live. Soon, though, soon, I will die. My time was up years ago, but fate can be so cruel sometimes.

The sound of an opening door pulls me out of my thoughts. Without the sweet numbness of the drugs, my mind is slowly clearing and I can think logically again. Or at least I’m trying to do so, but there are still so many dark thoughts and memories that can have me spiraling at any moment of the day.

“One more step and we are in the kitchen,” Mose lets me know. I tilt my head back, trying to peek from beneath the blindfold, but I can’t see a thing. “It seems Jasper and Ansel are not here.”

They aren’t? Maybe they don’t want to eat with me.

“Maybe they went to check on the horses,” I suggest.

Mose has me walk several steps more before stopping.

“Could be. Wait here until I go see.” Mose kisses me. “And don’t take off the blindfold. I’ll know if you did, and then I’ll have to punish you for being a naughty girl.”

I nod. “I won’t,” I promise.

Mose leaves the kitchen and the backdoor creaks shut.

I don’t move from the spot Mose left me because if there is one thing that I’ve learned, it’s to stay put no matter what. Once, while I was in the Celestial Heaven, Carlos had me stand in the middle of a room, and he had his men shoot around me. The sound of the guns reminded me of… the night when Camila died and… I moved. A bullet grazed the back of my neck. It left a scar, but my hair covers it, and the scars left by Carlos’ whip are still visible on my legs. A reminder to never move unless I’m told so.Not that I also do what I am ordered. I keep making mistake after mistake.

I feel stupid for standing blindfolded in the middle of the kitchen. But I never had a choice. Even when I thought I could build my life the way I wanted, I still didn’t have a choice regarding my future. Just like the night Camila died. If there had been another way, I would have never pulled that fucking trigger. But I did it and now I’m living with the consequences of the choices that have been forced upon me.

I wish Mose and the others would hurry.

The door to the kitchen opens and someone enters. My pulse quickens because I recognize his footsteps.

Why is he here? I thought Mose said that only he, Ansel, and Jasper would be dining with me tonight.

“Look what I found here. A lost Little Rabbit that can’t see.”

My breath catches in my throat. It’s been happening a lot lately. Especially when his tone is so…gentle. Like before, when we still loved each other.

I move my head in the direction of his voice. “Don’t call me that.”

“Why?” he asks from behind me, startling me. “You are as skittish as ever.”

“Because you took me by surprise,” I say and try to pull up the blindfold but he puts his palm on top of my hand.

He steps in front of me. “Keep it on.”

Blood rushes to my ears. I don’t like this…whatever this is. “What are you doing?” I shouldn’t question him but what’s happening right now has no logic.

His fingers touch my cheek and I flinch. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he says as he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear.

“You already did,” I remind him .

“So did you,” he points out. “You broke my damn heart.”

Sadness washes over me. “It was never my intention.” My voice shakes.

“Why?”

I know he wants the truth but he didn’t listen back then, why would he now?

Behind the blindfold, my eyes close. “You won’t believe me.”

“Because the words coming from the mouth of a cheating whore are not to be trusted.”

I knew he would say this. “Whoever hurt you before, I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”

His hand wraps around my neck. “Don’t talk about shit you have no idea about.”

“But I do.”

Maybe our love was never real. Maybe we got close because of things that had happened to us in the past.

After a moment of silence, he says, “I don’t need your pity.”

“I don’t pity you, I only feel sad for that child who was hurt so badly that he can’t trust those around him.”

His thumb runs across my jaw. “The only one I don’t trust is you.”

“Fair enough.”

His free hand brushes against my exposed thighs, making me inhale sharply. When the ability to see is taken away, the body relies on the other senses to orient itself but it also makes everything…more intense. I might be blindfolded, but I would recognize his touch anywhere.

“I love that you are wearing a dress picked out by me,” he whispers in my ear as his fingers travel up my thigh until they reach my laced panties. My heart drums hard against my ribcage.

“I was blindfolded when I took it out from the closet. Mose refused to let me take the blindfold off even when I had to change my clothes,” I let him know.

The underside of his palm runs on top of my panties, his thumb pressing on my clit. My body ignites, my pussy throbs, my inner muscles clench painfully, the need to be fucked by him is overwhelming. I can’t believe I’m even thinking about fucking, not after years of being raped, but ever since Ansel and Jasper made me cum—many times, I might add—I find myself thinking of all the things they did to me. By all accounts, I should hate being fucked, and I do, but I don’t mind when Ansel and Jasper make me scream their names as they make me feel pleasure as I never felt before.

He is too close, he is too…much. His cologne, the same as always, wraps around me, making me dizzy, his scent making me remember good times. But I can’t forget the bad ones either.

His lips touch the shell of my ear and a shiver runs down my spine. “You are saying you didn’t specifically pick up this dress as a thank you for my gifts to you?” His breath is warm on my skin.

“I never asked you for anything. And I certainly didn’t put on this dress for you,” I deny.

His mood swings are driving me crazy. He is cold, then warm, then cold again. And now this.

“Liar,” he says before he walks away from me.

It’s for the best. There’s no more place for him in my life. The only thing that ties me to him is this stupid bond. I don’t know how it appeared since we never performed the bonding process.

A chair is moved around. Is he going to stay for dinner?

“Come here.”

Despite his commanding tone, I ask, “Why?”

“Because I want to see something.”

I bite my bottom lip, unsure of what to do. “Are you going to hurt me?”

“Not if you do as I say.”

After a deep breath, I take a few steps until he grabs my left hand and pulls me into his lap. Before I can react, something round and cold is pushed down my ring finger.

“It still fits you.”

My mouth goes dry. It can’t be.

I want to ask if he kept the engagement ring all these years, but his lips claim mine, and…God above…he growls like a feral animal.

I forgot how his kisses can turn me into a puddle.

I whimper and I moan and he grabs my hair, his tongue enters my mouth and my nails sink into his back. He doesn’t only kiss me, he wants to ruin me for any other men. I would gladly let him , only that this means nothing to him . He might think I don’t know the type of games he’s playing. But I do.

His palms grab my ass and he has me straddle him . Two can play this game. I can ruin him , too.

My dress rises to my hips, and I rub my pussy up and down his hard cock. He groans before grabbing fists of my hair and biting my bottom lip.

I might not see, but I can hear how hard he is breathing. I feel how hard he is beneath me. Despite everything, despite what he thinks about me, he still gets hard for me.

This kiss doesn’t affect only him .

It drives me crazy as well.

Can he feel how wet I am? I should not play with fire if I don’t want to get burned. My hips stop moving. He will never fuck me. I’ll never allow it.

I need to find a way to break this bond.

“You taste the same as ever,” he says against my lips.

“Why did you kiss me? As a punishment? Or only to show me what I had and lost?” It may be stupid of me to ask since he already made it clear to me, but I need to hear it again.

“Because I wanted you to know that I still own you. That despite everything, you are still mine. And what just happened is proof that I’m right.”

I stand and straighten my dress. “You don’t own me. Not anymore. Once, my heart belonged to you, but not anymore. I loved you with everything that I had. But not anymore. I feel nothing for you. And you know what the saddest thing is? Despite everything you did or you’ll do to me, I forgive you. Always. But that doesn’t mean that I want anything to do with you. Not anymore. Not after everything that has happened.” I take off the ring and shove it into his hands. “I would have married you in a heartbeat. But not anymore. The kiss means nothing. After all, I’m here to make sex tapes with all of you so you can use them against my father. But I warn you, my father is not someone you can take down so easily.”

The sound of the chair being pushed against the floor makes me cringe.

“I’ve already proved my point. And I don’t need your forgiveness. Not after what you’ve done.”

He walks away and I don’t need to see to know that he won’t be staying for dinner.

I reach out my hands in front of me and when my fingers touch the table, I lean my head against it and bury my face in the crock of my elbow and I take deep breaths.

Why am I so weak?

I should have never let him kiss me. But fighting him will only anger him .

What will I do if he wants to fuck me?

My stomach drops.

I can’t let him .

The backdoor opens.

“I hope we didn’t make you wait long, Honey, but I have a surprise for you in the stable.”