14. Olivia

Olivia

I?knew it from?the jump

I t’s been about an hour since Jasper went to the barn to take care of the horses and Juniper—my cheeks still turn red when I remember all the moments when I thought she was a woman—and I find myself looking forward to him entering the house. It is because I need to go to the bathroom, and he strictly forbade me from getting off the couch until he returns. So here I am, sitting on the couch with Miss Teapot, watching a movie and waiting.

My feet are propped up on the coffee table, a pillow under them. Despite my protests, Jasper is carrying me all over the place, not wanting me to harm myself even more. My little visit to the barn put more pressure on my toes and resulted in them swelling even more, which alerted Jasper, who called in Mose to take a look at them. When they learned that I snuck out of the house, they not only strictly forbade me from walking until I healed, but they were upset with me, which makes no sense to me why they pretend to care. In a world full of people, I am alone. No one ever cares about me, no one ever sees me, hears me, or feels my pain. I am like 52 Blue, the loneliest whale in the ocean, his songs never heard by other whales.

Then why does Jasper pretend to hear me?

I glance out the window next to the front door, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, but all I can see is a few snowflakes falling from the sky.

My eyes return to the TV, but I barely pay any attention to what I am watching. My body still craves drugs and alcohol, but when Jasper is around, he usually distracts me. Miss Teapot’s purrs are another source of distraction, but Jasper is slowly growing on me. I should not allow him to affect me so much, not when I know Jason will soon come after me, but I didn’t realize how much I missed genuine human touch until him. He is different from the men I am forced to fuck. He doesn’t expect anything in return for nursing me to health, and I don’t know what to make of it. I am constantly on edge, knowing that sooner or later, he will show me his true colors. I hope Jason finds me before that happens because the memories of Jasper being kind to me are something I want to cherish forever. Apart from Camila, he is the only one to treat me with kindness from the moment he met me.

The scene of a woman giving birth appears on TV.

I start to feel sick, bile rising to my throat, and I fumble with the remote, trying to turn off the TV, when Jasper finally enters. My body relaxes, and I change the channel to another program.

Jasper takes off his coat and hangs it on the coat rack before smiling.

“I see that you followed my orders. Good girl,” he praises me, then comes to me and gives me a kiss on the top of my head.

His words should not affect me because Carlos and Jason always told me I was a stupid whore who was too dumb to do anything right, but they do. Being called ‘good girl’ makes me…think that maybe I am not as dumb as I have been told since I was little.

“Thank you, Master,” I say.

Jasper tilts my head up, making me look at him. “You don’t have to call me ‘Master’ all the time.”

My brows draw together. “My other Master would get angry if I called him anything else,” I say, referring to Carlos since Jason only liked to be called that by his women.

Running his thumb over my bottom lip, he adds, “I am nothing like him. You can call me whatever makes you comfortable.” His gaze goes to my chest as he keeps talking, “But when I destroy that pussy of yours, you will call me Sir. I will not only destroy your pussy, but every inch of your body.”

Destroy that pussy of yours.

I was right, Jasper will also hurt me. I don’t even want to think about how much it will hurt when he tears open my ass with his huge dick. The only time I had to fuck a guy as big as Jasper, a doctor had to see me because I wouldn’t stop bleeding. He ultimately prescribed me painkillers, assuring me I would feel better in several days. Since then, anal has been more painful, leaving me in tears every time a guy takes his time to finish.

Unaware of my internal anguish, Jasper dips his head and murmurs against my lips, “Do you need anything? Because I am going to take a quick shower, then I am going to take a look at your wounds.”

While I don’t want to be a burden, I say, “I need to use the bathroom.”

Jasper takes me to the bathroom, and once I am done, helps me back to the sofa. Miss Teapot is still there, sleeping.

“Wait for me here,” he says before giving me a quick kiss.

After petting Miss Teapot a few times, Jasper disappears into our bedroom.

I try watching TV again, but since I am no longer allowed to take drugs, my mind is clear, and so many thoughts run through it. I think of the sex tapes I agreed to make, and a wave of nausea hits me when I realize I have to fuck Rueben and Tyson. They will probably kill me before they use my body to take down my father. If not for Jasper, I would have died that night in the forest. He shouldn’t play the hero when I never wanted one in the first place.

My gaze goes to the window. It stopped snowing. Pity. Camila loved it when it snowed. She used to drag me outside and have me make snow angels with her before we had a huge snowball fight.

My heart throbs painfully.

I miss her, especially on the days that end with y. She was so full of life, her laughter was infectious. There isn’t one moment that I don’t regret pulling that trigger and killing her.

Tears fall down my cheeks. It’s at moments like these, when everything becomes too much that I yearn for the numbness of the drugs.

Jasper returns to the living room, and I quickly clean my face, not wanting him to ask me about Camila or what happened that night.

“Are you hungry? Or thirsty?” he asks as he goes over to the open kitchen.

I reply as I usually do, “No.”

He opens the fridge and rummages through it. “Are you ever hungry?”

This time I take a few moments before I reply, “Not for food.”

Jasper looks at me before taking out the remainder of the cake Mose made yesterday. Surprisingly, it is fondant cake. Mose brought it, saying he was trying to make it at work, but the decoration turned out wrong, and he didn’t want to throw it out as it was for a birthday and thought that I might like it. “How about something sweet then?”

How about drugs, I want to say, but knowing Jasper’s opinion on my addiction, I decide against it. Instead, I ask, “Do I have to eat?”

Jasper sighs, then puts the cake on the table and cuts a slice. “You are as stubborn as Speckles.”

“She is not stubborn, she only misses her filly,” I try once again to make him understand what is wrong with the mare, but just like Ansel, Jasper dismisses me. I don’t even know why I bother when men never take me seriously.

Jasper walks over to me, the plate with a slice of cake and a glass of water in his hands, and sits next to me on the couch. After putting the plate and the glass on the table, he gently scoops me up in his arms and puts me on his lap.

Awoken from her nap by Jasper moving me from my spot on the couch, Miss Teapot lets out a noise of annoyance before disappearing into the bedroom, making Jasper laugh.

A moment later, Jasper turns his attention to me.

Cupping my left cheek, he says, “I never thought I would love having a woman in my house so much.” Brushing his mouth against mine, he adds, “I will never let you go, Little Love. Your place is here, with me. If my blood-brothers don’t want you, even better because I get to enjoy you all by myself.”

His words mean nothing to me. I have heard them before from the man I thought was my soulmate, my everything, yet he turned his back on me when I needed him the most, shattering my hopes and dreams in the process. I will never again trust a man with my heart. Loving someone is not worth the pain and the heartbreak.

The moment Jasper gets tired of me, he will discard me as well, but until then, I will pretend I trust what he tells me.

“Yes, Master,” I whisper.

A grunt of approval leaves him before his lips capture mine in a soft kiss. I reciprocate only because it pleases him. His left hand finds the buttons of my shirt, and he pops open a few, his fingers slipping beneath the thin fabric. His touch is gentle, but I brace myself in case he starts to twist my nipples painfully. They are still sore from when Rueben and Tyson tortured me.

Jasper pulls back his head. “Do your tits still hurt?” he asks as he pushes down my shirt down my shoulders.

“No,” I lie.

His eyes take in the bruises covering my skin. “A new rule you must follow: Never lie to me, else I will paint your little ass bright red. Do you understand, Little Love?”

I don’t like this rule; it makes me too vulnerable, but if I don’t follow it and he realizes I am not being entirely truthful, he will punish me. “Yes, Master.”

“Good. Now, again. Do your tits still hurt?” he asks again.

I think for a few seconds about how to reply, as I am conflicted between the need to please him and the urgency to tell him the truth. Besides, I don’t mind Jasper touching me. “I don’t mind if you want to play with them.”

Quirking an eyebrow, he says, “Olivia?”

My shoulders drop, and I brace myself for a blow as I say, “Yes, they still hurt.”

Not only does Jasper not hit me, but what he tells me next leaves me stunned. “I’m sorry.”

I blink several times, trying to figure out the ‘I’m sorry’ thing, whatever it means.

Jasper keeps talking. “I should have guessed that Rueben and Tyson would torture you. I could have stopped them.”

Kissing some bruises from my chest, he murmurs against my skin, “Rueben is on the verge of madness, and I promised myself to save him no matter the cost. Even sacrificing you if that meant he would be saved. Seeing what they did to you fills me with regret for not acting earlier. Do you think you can forgive me?”

His words make me panic. What do I reply?

“Yes,” I say, because what else am I supposed to tell him?

Looking into my eyes, he says, “I know you don’t mean it, but let me try to win your trust. It will be a long process, as you have been hurt badly in the past, but I know what I want, and I want you, Olivia.”

“Yes,” I breathe, but I don’t mean it.

Jasper knows I am not being truthful. “One day, that yes will come from your heart.”

It won’t because all men are good at lying and toying with women’s feelings, but I am past that point, I don’t trust a word that comes out of their mouths. Besides, what man would want a woman like me, who has been used by so many? A woman who doesn’t enjoy sex? A woman who dreads being touched and who can’t even have children.

Jasper gently sucks my nipples before his lips trail up my neck until they reach my mouth, and he kisses me softly, his left hand caresses the underside of my breast, making goosebumps appear all over my skin. I am not cold, yet a shiver runs down my spine. Strange. I don’t remember my body reacting like this to a man’s touch. Then again, no man has touched me in kindness like Jasper.

Except him.

I should stop thinking about the past. He hates me now. Besides, I don’t want him either.

“Is your pussy still sore?” Jasper asks against my lips.

I want to say no, but remembering his rule, I say, “Yes.”

He smiles. “Good girl for telling me the truth.” Giving me one last peck, he reaches for the plate on the coffee table. “After you eat, it is time for your medicine. Mose will listen to your lungs when he returns home, and Maddox will drop by tomorrow for another check-up. I want to be sure your ribs and toes are healing properly.”

He brings the fork to my mouth, and before I can eat, the door bursts open, and Ansel enters carrying a visibly wounded Rueben.

“He was shot in his neck,” Ansel says before both of them fall to the floor.

After putting me on the couch, the plate in my hands, Jasper immediately springs into action and jumps to his feet. At the same time, he pulls out his phone from his pocket and throws it at me. The phone lands on my lap.

“Call Maddox,” he instructs me as he is already checking on Rueben and Ansel.

I put the plate on the coffee table and grab the phone.

Rueben has fallen on top of Ansel, and Jasper rolls him on his back. A rag full of oil stains and blood is wrapped around his neck. I am pretty sure that is not hygienic and can lead to a serious infection. The hiss of pain coming from Ansel lets me know he is conscious, but Rueben looks like he is on the verge of dying.

Jasper removes the rag from Rueben’s neck. Blood covers his skin, and it is impossible to say exactly where he has been hit or how serious his wound is. Red drops falling on the rug in front of the entrance, white patterns stained scarlet, transport me to the most awful night of my life. My heart starts to race, my mouth turns dry, my hands start trembling. It took me years to come to terms with what happened back then, but I don’t think I will ever be alright, as things like blood or the color red will always trigger me, never letting me forget.

My gaze goes to the window as I try to gain my composure.

It was winter back then, too, a few weeks after he blocked me on the phone. For a long time I wondered why it had to be me, but I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore, not when he hates me so much, bruises left by him covering not only my body but my heart and soul as well. My love for him died years ago, and I don’t think I can ever feel anything for him or anyone else. He broke me indefinitely and irrevocably, no amount of gold can fix me.

Maybe it is for the best that things happened as they did—not Camila’s death, though. That would forever be my biggest regret. But he and I would have never worked out, not when we come from different worlds, him a Lord and me the daughter of a powerful Duke. Yet, there had been days when I couldn’t stop myself from imagining how my life would have been if Camila were still alive.

I eventually told her about my feelings for her brother and she supported us. Just like my maternal grandparents did.

Thinking of them brings another wave of pain and sadness, and the need for drugs hits worse than ever. I need to forget about everything—that boy with turquoise eyes that shattered my last glimmer of hope, Camila, my grandparents, and that perfect life I envisioned ever since he kissed me for the first time.

“Now, Olivia!” Jasper orders me, pulling me out of my trance.

I push all thoughts of him to the back of my head and turn my attention to the phone in my hands. Despite not having used one in years, I have no problem unlocking the screen since Jasper doesn’t have a password, and I go to the contact list.

Jasper drags Rueben across the living room floor to one of the spare rooms. I scroll through Jasper’s agenda while my gaze lands on Ansel—who is still lying on his stomach on the floor, with a grunt, he rolls on his back. He is pale, his jacket stained with blood, and from the rips on the right sleeve, I bet he has been shot as well.

While I don’t care, I find myself asking, “How many times were you hit?”

Ansel tries to stand but ends up falling back to the floor. “I am fine,” he says, his voice weak.

Even before, Ansel always tried to hide when something was bothering him or if he was hurt in any way. Once, when he was involved in a car accident, along with Tyson and Rueben, he hid that he had fractured his wrist and insisted the paramedics check only on others, claiming he was fine. If not for Rueben’s parents, who were informed by Ansel about the accident, he would not have gone to the ER.

“The fuck you are,” Jasper says from the room.

Ansel chuckles. “I only have a scratch or two.”

It looks like more than a few scratches, but I keep my observations to myself, not wanting to anger Ansel by calling him out on his lie.

I finally find Maddox’s number, and I dial it.

I remember little to nothing about Maddox from the few times he came to check up on me when I was drifting in and out of consciousness and running a high fever. From what I heard from Jasper and Mose, he and his blood-brothers are the ones to treat the Lords or their wives in Veross City, as they all work in the general hospital.

Maddox takes forever to answer. “If it’s not a life or death situation, it can wait.” He sounds like I woke him from a deep sleep. While I feel bad about having to call him over when he sounds like he needs a few days of rest, Rueben and Ansel need his help. “Jasper?”

“It’s Olivia,” I let him know. “I am sorry to bother you, but Rueben and Ansel have been shot, and they are gravely injured. Especially Rueben, since the bullet hit him in the neck.”

Maddox swears before asking, “How bad is it?”

“Pretty bad. Rueben… There’s blood everywhere and while he is alive, I don’t think he will last long. As for Ansel—”

“Tell him I am fine,” Ansel interrupts me.

Even if I know better than to ignore what I was told, I say to Maddox, “He looks like he’s in a lot of pain. It would be best if you hurry.”

“Apply pressure directly on the wounds until I get there,” Maddox instructs me before he ends the phone call.

I repeat to Jasper what Maddox said as I put the phone next to the plate and try to stand, which alerts Ansel, and he suddenly stands.

“What the fuck are doing?” he snarls, taking me by surprise.

I chew my bottom lip as I try to come up with the words to explain to him what I want to do. Normally, when a man gets angry, I freeze, knowing that being submissive will lead to a lesser punishment.

“I want to help you,” I whisper, hoping it will be enough for him to understand my intentions.

“Always the martyr,” he sighs.

His shoulders drop, and he drags himself to the couch, where I help him remove his jacket and his shirt, leaving him only in his black tank top and pants. A tattoo is on his right arm—five skulls connected by a king cobra with red eyes, and beneath each skull is a black rose. Under this tattoo is another one, that of a 3D white butterfly with broken wings. A bullet has grazed it in half, dry blood smeared on the delicate wings.

While blood triggers me, seeing Ansel hurt doesn’t settle well with me. I reach out my hand, the tips of my fingers brushing against the wound.

“Does it hurt?” My question comes out as a whisper, but Ansel hears me.

“No,” he replies before making me look into his eyes. They are a warm shade of brown, but for a second, they flash ruby before returning to their natural color.

My brows draw together. “I did not expect that,” I say as I search for more wounds.

I lift up his tank top. A long scar covers his chest, starting from the top and going down in a straight line. Maybe he had a heart operation, but I never knew he suffered from any conditions. I ignore the scar as I take in a wound on the left side of his torso, blood gushing out of it.

“That looks painful,” I comment as I lean over to take a better look at it to see if the bullet is still in the wound.

Ansel leans his head on the couch. “I will live.”

“Your… demon will help you heal faster,” I say as I try to use his shirt to apply pressure to the wound, but a hiss coming from him lets me know it would be best to let him do that. “How is Rueben?” I ask Jasper as Ansel puts his palm on top of the shirt.

“If Maddox doesn’t hurry, I will lose another blood-brother.” The pain in his tone awakens something inside me, something I thought I lost a long time ago—feelings.

When I was taken to Azael’s facility to have my tubes removed, I lost the ability to feel most feelings, except for fear and a few others. But they also did something else to me, something that changed me forever, transforming me into something more than a simple human.

“Olivia, call Maddox again and tell him to hurry! Rueben stopped breathing!” Jasper yells, his panicked voice telling me what to do.

I place my feet on the cold wooden floor, and I stand.

“Get your ass back down!” Ansel sneers, but I barely register what he is telling me.

While I was in the medical facility, I was strapped down to a chair, and doctors told me that if I sacrificed something, they would give me an incredible gift. I didn’t want the gift, the price was too high—I could never have children again. The doctors did what they wanted, cutting me open, removing parts of me, and adding something that didn’t belong inside of me—something I am not quite ready to accept.

When I don’t do as he asks, Ansel tries to grab my hand, but I jerk it away from him and rush to the room where Rueben and Jasper are. Pain shoots through my toes and feet, but ignoring it is easy, as I have years of practice.

Ansel comes after me, and I walk faster, not wanting to be stopped until I reach Rueben.

Jasper is performing CPR on Rueben, but when his eyes land on me, he stops. “You disobeyed my rules.”

“I did,” I say as I reach the bed and take Rueben’s hand into mine, emptying my mind of any thoughts or feelings. He is cold, and I no longer can feel a pulse. I have never done this before, but something tells me I can do it. Remembering the old times, the good times, and everything else, I close my eyes. “Live,” I wish with all my heart.

Ansel finally reaches me, but it is too late to stop me as I free whatever is inside of me.

An invisible force hits me in the chest, knocking me on my ass, and everything turns black.

Flashback, 16 years old

“Have you ever heard of hellstars?” Camila whispers her question to me.

We were supposed to be studying together in the library after school, at least I have been, but Camila has been reading from a book with a black cover and a golden pentagram on it.

“I know something about them,” I reply, remembering a discussion between Rueben and Ansel that Camila and I overheard. “What about them?”

Camila shows me the book. Half of the page is missing. “From what we know, they are soulmates to demons and angels.” I nod because that’s what Rueben said. “But what if there are other special women out there?”

I narrow my eyes. “What other special women?”

Camila taps on the ripped page with her finger. “I found something interesting here. It talks about a group of women who used to have power.”

“Powers?”

“Look,” Camila says, and I do so. “On this page, it says there were some women born from hellstars and their mates who could heal with one touch.” Looking at me, she adds, “There is at least one hellstar from my mother’s side. What if I have powers?”

I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. What is Camila talking about? “Powers as in magical powers?”

“Something like that.”

I shrug because I am just learning about the Lords and the Dukes and how they came to be, and hellstars are an entirely new thing. “Sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me.”

Camila laughs, and someone shushes her. “We need to find out more.”

Here we go. Camila playing detective. “Can we do this after we finish our homework?”

End of flashback