Chapter 4

Cora

F ive months later

I’ve always hated parties. They’re loud, overcrowded and I always felt like people were watching me. I don’t like when attention is on me, so on the rare times I went to one, I did my best to blend in, to be a wallflower.

That was hard when my best friend is a social butterfly, the life of the party.

It hasn’t bothered me though. The benefit of having friends who are liked by many is that no one causes any problems with me. Everyone has been fairly nice. At least to my face. My high school years were memorable and pleasant, filled with lots of memories.

Most of them consist of the two people who mean the most to me in the world.

Over the past few months, though, I’ve noticed things changing. Some for better, some not so much.

Kimmy and I have grown closer. Since Zack left for college, it’s been mostly me and her. Zack would hang out on the weekends or when he wasn’t working. But with school and his job with this father, he didn’t have a lot of free time.

After the night I confessed my love in my partly drunken state, things were strained between us. I couldn’t look him in the eyes for weeks. We hardly talked. I thought for sure he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

But after a while, things slowly went back to normal. We started talking again, hanging out. Everything felt good. For the most part.

There was always this little part of me reminding me that he brushed my confession under the rug, never to bring it up again.

Not that I can blame him. I’m his step-sister, I put him in an odd position that almost cost me our friendship. I was a foolish lovesick girl.

And while my feelings for Zack haven’t really changed, I’ve never brought that night up again.

Things between me and Zack aren't the only changes that have come between our friend group.

Over the past year, I’ve been developing feelings for another person that’s off limits. Why, of all the people who could steal my heart, does it have to be two of my best friends?

I don’t even know when my attraction to Kimmy started, but I found myself unable to keep my eyes off her, hanging on her every word. Eager to be around her, to spend time with her.

At first, I told myself it’s because she’s my best friend. Of course I’d care a lot about her.

That was before the dreams started. Dreams that left me breathless and a fire in my lower belly.

After the first dream, I started paying more attention to the smaller things. The way she laughs, how she looked when she smiled, the way she licked a damn popsicle.

Before long, I realized I was utterly and truly fucked. Because I was head over heels for not one, but two people. Two people I can never have.

With what happened with Zack, I don’t dare tell Kimmy how I feel. Mostly because she’s straight. If she isn’t, she’s never mentioned anything to me.

How horrifying would it be to tell her how I feel and make her uncomfortable. To have her hate me and never want to see me again.

No, no, she can’t know.

We’re going to college soon. I’ll meet someone new. Someone who will help me forget all about my feelings for them.

I mean, here's to wishful thinking.

The music is making my head pound and I’m starting to get hot. I wanted to leave a while ago, but I’ve done my best not to be a downer. It’s Kimmy’s birthday weekend and she’s thrown a massive party for herself. I couldn’t say no, I’d never miss this.

I’m also the only one not drinking. At first, it was fun. We danced and hung out for most of the night. But then she started drinking, and onceKimmy is tipsy there’s no holding her down.

I lost track of her about a half hour ago, retreating to a dark corner to read my book on my phone.

Now, I want to leave. It’s late and also a school night.

“Hey, Cor. Where are you going?” Tyler says, appearing in my path as I head to look for Kimmy to say goodbye.

“Hey, Ty.” I give him a smile. “Not really feeling the best. I’m gonna find Kimmy and head home.”

“What? No!” Tyler pouts. “Come on, stay. Have a drink and dance with me. It is my birthday too after all.”

Tyler is a good looking guy. Someone I might find myself into at my old school. He’s nice, kind and funny. I also think he may like me?

I could be wrong, but he’s been paying more attention to me the past few months, joining Zack when we all hang out as a group. I’ve gotten to know him a lot better and I can see why Zack is friends with him. And it’s been nice to add another friend to my small list of close people.

“I would. I really would. But it’s late and a school night.”

“Leave it to my sister to plan a party on a school night.” He rolls his eyes. “But, the party is pretty epic.”

I nod and look around at the sea of people. It’s bigger than the usual parties Kimmy drags me to.

“Come on. I’ll help you find her.” He says, grabbing my hand.

“Thanks.”

We make our way through the crowd and stop in the living room. “I saw her talking to a group of people not too long ago,” Tyler says over the loud music as he searches for her. “Oh, there she is.”

I follow the direction he’s pointing and my stomach drops.

In the middle of the makeshift dance floor is Kimmy and she’s not alone. Zack stands behind her, a drunken smile on his lips matching her as the two of them move to the beat of the song.

My breaths become quick as I feel light-headed. “Well, I’ll be damned. Took him long enough.” Tyler laughs.

I blink my stinging eyes over to Tyler. “What do you mean?”

He looks at me grinning. “Oh, just that our boy here has had a thing for my sister for a while now. I gave him my blessing to date her a while ago, but he hasn’t made a move. Guess that's changed now. Good for them. They deserve to be happy. They’re good together.”

A ringing starts in my ears and I feel like I can’t breathe. My eyes find them again, the way he holds her tight, the look of pure lust in their eyes. I knew how Kimmy felt, but I was blinded by my feelings for Zack, and I didn’t see how he felt for her.

A wave of nausea hits me as I feel myself starting to panic. I need to get out of here. I can’t watch this anymore.

“I gotta go,” I say, on the verge of crying. Pushing my way through the crowd, I take off running out of the house into the crisp January night air.

Ignoring the ice cold breeze, I take off through the snow to my car.

Once I’m inside with the doors locked, I break. A feeling of sorrow takes over. So many emotions hit me at once, as well as Tyler’s words.

He’s right though. They are good for each other. Zack can give Kimmy the love she deserves. And Kimmy can be someone he can be with, without having to hide or keep secrets.

It shouldn’t hurt this much, I knew there could never be anything between me and Kimmy, or me and Zack. That still doesn’t take away the feeling of having someone shoving their hand into my chest and ripping my heart out.

“Get a hold of yourself,” I tell myself, angrily wiping at my tears as I struggle to get my breathing under control. “They are your best friends. That's it. Be happy for them. That's what you're supposed to do for the ones you care for.”

I blast my music the whole way home, doing my best to sing along to distract myself because the last thing I need is to crash on the icy roads from being blinded by tears.

It feels like a lifetime before I’m pulling up to my house. Putting the car in park, I quickly rush inside.

The lights are on, meaning my dad or Rose must be up still. It’s quiet when I get inside, so I quickly head to my room so I can break apart in private.

I toss myself on my bed and bury my face into the pillow and let go.

I’m not sure how long I cry for before I drift off to sleep. The next thing I know, I’m waking up to screaming.

My head pops up off the pillow, the sounds pulling me from my sleep. I look around, half asleep and see the sun is up. What time is it?

Looking at the clock on my dresser, I see that it's eight in the morning. I’m going to be late for school.

The shouting gets louder and I’m up and out of my bed, stumbling towards the door.

“Zack, stop!” I hear Rose’s frantic voice.

My eyes widen as panic fills me. I make it to the banister in time to see Zack on top of my father. He’s screaming, face red in anger, as he smashes his fist into my father's face over and over again.

“You fucking piece of shit!” Zack screams. “I’m going to kill you! How fucking dare you put your hands on my mom!”

“No,” I whisper in horror. Not at what's happening to my dad, but the fact that my dad hurt Rose. What is wrong with him? Why would he do that, I thought he loved her.

Rose is standing there, screaming at her son, demanding he stop.

“Please, Zack. He’s not worth going to jail for!” Rose sobs.

My feet are planted to the ground. I want to go to Zack, but I can’t bring myself to move, too frozen in shock and disbelief at what's happening.

“Zack!” says a booming voice. I look over to see a man rush over and pull Zack off my father. “What the hell are you doing?”

Zack pulls himself away from the man. “This son of a bitch had the fucking balls to get pissed off at mom when she found out he was cheating on her. As if it was her fucking fault.”

What? Why would my dad ever do something like that? Rose is an amazing woman, a good mom and she’s gorgeous.

“Look, I get you're protective of your mother, but that doesn’t give you the right to put your hands on another person. We’ve talked about this, Zack. You're already on thin ice from the last time.”

Last time? When did Zack hurt another person physically? I know he’s gotten into some verbal altercations with some guys at school, but I’ve never seen him put his hands on them.

“Dad, you don’t fucking get it. He got in mom’s face, he grabbed her by the arm and yelled at her. There’s a fucking red mark.”

This is Zack’s dad? I’ve never met the guy in the years I’ve known Zack. Felt like it was weird, seeing how my dad is married to the man's ex wife.

Wait, my dad left a mark on Rose? Anger rises inside me as I look at my dad. I don’t even know this man anymore. He’s changed a lot over the past few years. It was as if he forgot about parenting after he married Rose, like he wanted her to take over for him.

Not that I think she minded. I didn’t need to be watched over, but Rose made sure I had everything I needed. She was a shoulder to cry on, someone to bake and cook with and to just sit and talk. A friend. A mother. Something I’ve never had before.

I hate my dad for hurting the only woman who’s ever loved me. I hate him for hurting her the way he did.

Zack’s dad looks at mine with a murderous glare. “You fucking what?”

“Oh, don’t act all high and fucking mighty,” my dad spits. “I know why the two of you got divorced. You're not any better.”

Zack’s dad grinds his jaw. “I might be a bastard for the things I’ve done, but I’ve never once put my hands on a woman, let alone my wife.”

“She’s my fucking wife,” my dad shouts.

“Not for long,” Rose says, wrapping her arms around herself. “I’m leaving for a few hours. I want you gone by the time I get back.”

My heart sinks. No. No no no. This isn’t happening.

“If you’re not gone by then, I’ll have a police officer waiting to throw your ass in fucking jail,” Zack growls.

I watch as a crying Rose leaves, her ex-husband's arm wrapped around her shoulder while he guides Zack out of the house.

My dad lets out a scream of rage before grabbing a vase off the table by the door and sending it crashing against the wall.

I jump back, eyes wide in fear. This can’t be happening. I don’t want to leave. I love my life here. I have friends, a home.

Tears spill down my cheeks as my father storms up the stairs. He sees me when he gets to the top, a look of pure rage on his face. “Pack your fucking bags. Grab as much as you can put in your suitcases.”

“But, Dad, I don’t... I don’t want to go.” I hate how my voice trembles.

His lip pulls back as he steps forward. “I don’t fucking care what you want,” he spits. “You’re under eighteen. You do as I fucking say. You are coming with me. Now, go fucking pack or you leave with nothing.” His chest heaves as he stares at me with this wild look in his eyes I’ve never seen before. I’ve never been afraid of my father, but with his bloody lip, blackening eye and maddening glare, I’m terrified. “Go!” he roars and I jerk in fear before running to my room.

I head for the closet and grab my suitcases. Tossing them on the bed, I open them and start filling them with handfuls of my clothes all while tears stream down my face as I cry heavily.

I hate this. I fucking hate all of this. Why is this happening? Why can’t I ever just be happy?

I’m just zipping up my second bag when my father comes in. “Give me your phone.”

“What? Why?”

“I said fucking give it to me!” he screams.

Frantically, I grab it from my bedside table and hand it to him. “What do you need it for.”

“I don’t want you contacting these people, do you hear me? We are leaving this life behind and starting over. You will not call that little prick, you will not talk to Rose. This life is done with, Cora. Don’t make me make you regret it if I find out you do.”

This man isn’t my dad, he’s a monster. Has he always been like this and I’ve never noticed?

I don’t agree, I don’t speak, I just cry because that's all I can do right now.

“Grab your fucking bags and bring them down to the car.”

He turns around and leaves me standing there, feeling broken and lost. Everything happened too fast, in the blink of an eye.

Grabbing my bags, I pull them down the stairs and out to the car. Dad tosses them into the trunk. “Get in,” he barks.

I scramble to get into the back seat, not wanting to be close to him by sitting in the front.

He revs the engine and pulls out of the driveway.

I watch through blurry, tear filled eyes as we pull away from the house. The further we get, the more I feel like I’m leaving behind more than just my belongings and car.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do, and how I’m going to recover from this. I’m not sure that's even possible.

Because I’m leaving behind my best friends, my mom. My heart and whole damn world.