Chapter 17

Cora

S ometimes, I lay awake at night and wonder, is this really my life?

Part of me feels like it’s too good to be true. How could such a perfect opportunity just get handed to me? And I’m not talking about the money.

Yes, it’s literally saved my life and now I have a job where I’m going to make around six grand a month when I used to break my back to maybe make two grand, just enough to pay bills and rent.

I’m talking about how I not only get the two people who’ve ever truly meant something to me—apart from Zack’s mom, Rose— back in my life when I thought I’d never get to see them again. Plus, I get to live with them.

Every morning I wake up to Kimmy making me coffee and Zack making us food. When I get home from work, they’re both waiting for me, as if they can’t bring themselves to go to sleep until they know I’m home safe.

My chest tightens every time I think about the fact that they care about me. Truly. I can see it in the way they are with me. No fake smiles or playing nice just to be polite. They mean every nice thing they say and do.

A part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop, but the other is enjoying everything while I have it.

There are times where my pride wants to take over, but the needy part of me shoves it down because I need these people. I’ve been alone for so long and I don’t even care if I’m a third wheel.

My mind has also been at odds with me, because the more time I spend with the two of them, the more I know that it’s more than attraction I feel for them. Similar feelings as the ones I felt as a teenager are creeping in. But now that I’m an adult, they’re different because we’ve all grown and changed.

I still see the old parts of my best friends, the reasons why I made them my people and couldn’t imagine adding anyone else to my little circle of people I bother with.

Today is my day off as well as Kimmy and Zack’s. They asked if I wanted to hang out with them, and I said yes because I couldn’t think of anything else I’d rather do.

Trenton also asked if I wanted to go out tonight, but I turned him down. I know it sounds bad, but the only times I feel okay with accepting an invite is when Kimmy and Zack are busy.

When I know they’re home and I could be there with them, it’s all I can think about.

God, I’m pathetic, aren't I? Am I a little too obsessed? It’s not like I’m inserting myself into their life. I always wait for one of them to ask me because I fear I am intruding.

It’s been a few weeks now and I’ve made enough money to get my own place but now I’m finding that I don’t want to go.

Maybe I can stay until they ask me to leave?

“I hate this.” I hear Kimmy as I head down the stairs. I pause and listen. “I wish more than anything I could be the one to carry our baby.”

My stomach drops at the pure sorrow in her voice. When they told me they were looking for a surrogate, it broke my heart. Not the surrogate part, but the fact that even after years of trying naturally and then a year of IVF, they still were not successful.

Kimmy deserves to be a mom and I hate how hard they have to work to make that a reality.

“Shhh.” I hear Zack consoling her. “I know, baby, I know. And maybe someday that will happen. If you want to wait and keep trying, you know I’m happy with whatever we choose as long as you’re happy and healthy.”

“Healthy,” she huffs out a humorless laugh. “I’m not healthy though, am I? My inhospitable uterus made sure of that. Add in the fact that my body rejected the only other way for me to carry a baby.”

“Getting a surrogate is still a wonderful option.” Zack says.

“Yeah, but it’s not my egg making a baby!” she sounds a bit frantic. “It’s your sperm and an egg of a complete stranger. All of these people seem great. And I’m sure they would be wonderful to help out another family, but none of them give me ‘that’s the one’ feelings.”

“Then we find another agency,” Zack says in a soft tone.

I know I shouldn’t be eavesdropping but instead of heading back upstairs to give them privacy, I take a few steps down, enough to see them in the study through the open door.

“I’ve been through so many.” I watch Kimmy drop into the chair, looking defeated. “Maybe this isn’t meant to be.”

Zack crouches down in front of her, placing his hands on her thighs. “Don’t talk like that, Firecracker. You were meant to be a mom, I know it. And we still have some viable eggs, we can see if they will take to a surrogate.”

“No.” Kimmy shakes her head. “They’re all we have. I don’t want to risk losing them. I can’t. I just can’t.”

Tears are streaming down her face and I want to go over to her and give her a hug. To tell her everything will be alright. But I can’t because I don’t know. I can’t give her that kind of false hope.

“Just the idea of a stranger being in our lives so closely, carrying something so precious. It bothers me.” Kimmy wipes at one eye while Zack wipes at the other.

“We can ask some people in our lives. Maybe someone would be willing. At least we would know them.”

“We can’t do that, Zack. Also, I don’t even like ninety-nine percent of the people in our lives. The only women I can stand being around is my mom and your mom.” She gives him a deadpan look that has him chuckling. “Well, there’s Cora too but...”

My heart starts to beat like a drum as my eyes widen, glancing over to Kimmy off to the side of the room for a second, then back to Zack. “Do you think she would be willing to?” The hope in her voice has me feeling dizzy.

“Kimmy.” Zack sighs. “We can’t ask something that big of her.”

“Why? Are you telling me you wouldn’t want her to carry our baby? I can’t think of anyone better to do it. She’s our best friend. The only one we trust, apart from our parents and each other.”

“I’m not saying that. Of course, I wouldn’t mind having Cora be our surrogate. If anything, she would be the best option. At least in theory. We don’t even know without tests if it’s even a possibility. And the fact that we don’t know if she would even say yes.”

Holy shit. I’m sweating like crazy right now. Am I hearing them right?

I don’t hear anything else they say as I drift into my own head.

Me, be the one to carry their baby. Could I do that?

The more I think about it, I feel like the answer is yes. If I could be the reason they get the family they’ve been trying to have for so long, if I could be the person who does that for them, how could I say no.

I have to at least try, don’t I?

This is crazy. I’m crazy. Am I really thinking of doing this? Is this really the best time in my life to be having a baby?

It will mean I get to stay here longer. I’m sure they won’t ask me to move out if I’m pregnant with their baby.

God, that really is fucked up. Yet, I rush back upstairs to my room. Quickly, I pull out my phone and start looking up what I need to do to become a surrogate. With shaky hands and a pounding heart, I scroll through different articles. I pause when I seehow much a surrogate gets paid. “Holy shit.” My eyes widen. Could it really be up to a hundred grand to do this?

But as much as that money would help, they’ve already done so much for me. Them buying me for that weekend changed my life. Would I really charge them more to help change theirs. I’d do it for free, if it meant Kimmy and Zack got everything they wanted.

“What do I do?” I groan, flopping back onto the bed. Having a baby isn’t a small thing. There are so many things to think about. Would they let me be in the baby's life? What would I be to this baby?

Would I be able to hand over the baby with the chance that I may never get to see that little one grow up?

I want kids, I always have. But even if I had this baby, this baby sharing my DNA, it wouldn’t really be my baby, would it? It would be my best friends’. I’d be Auntie Cora.

I’m spiralling and I need to stop. These are things I’d be best to talk to them about before freaking out.

Do I want this?

“Yes.” I answer myself out loud. Call me crazy, but shit, I’m gonna do this.

Standing up, I head out of the room and back downstairs, every step filling me with anticipation.

I don’t stop until I’m in the doorway of the study.

“Cora?” Kimmy’s voice sounds concerned. “Are you okay?”

I realize I might look like a crazy person with how I’m shaking. “I’ll do it.” I look between Kimmy’s puffy red eyes to Zack’s sad ones.

“You’ll do what?” Zack asks, brows furrowing.

“Please don’t hate me, but I overheard what you were talking about. You mentioned asking me and I want to do it. I want to help give you a baby.”

Kimmy’s eyes widen, her lips parting as Zack looks at me like I’ve grown two heads.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Did I mess up? Did I just ruin everything? I should have waited for them to ask me.

I’m about to tell them sorry, that I was out of line, when Zack nods. “Let’s talk.”