Chapter 13

Cora

“ L ies!” I gasp before laughing. “That’s not at all how it happened.”

“Oh, but it was.” Kimmy grins. “I got you so trashed you stood there talking to a coat rack for a good five minutes before Zack asked you what you were doing.”

“And then you said. ‘Just talking to my new friend here.’” Zack’s grin makes my heart flutter. “When you asked him what his name was, you realized it wasn’t even a person. Do you know how hard it was not to laugh so you didn’t feel embarrassed?”

“Well, thank you.” I smile. “For being so kind and saving my feelings. To be fair, I wasn’tbig on drinking back then, even now, I’m still not. I do remember having fun that night though.”

“You mean when we danced together and this one here was the fun police and dragged us off the dance floor?” Kimmy says, nodding her head at Zack.

We’re having supper before Zack brings me back to the club. This weekend has gone by so fast. Too fast.

I thought I’d be having sex with some stranger the whole time, instead I got to spend an amazing weekend with old friends.

It was awkward at first, but Kimmy being Kimmy made it so easy to smile and laugh. The sad part was, the last time I smiled and laughed, like real genuine ones, was the last time I saw her before this weekend. The last ten years was nothing but pushing through and working.

For the first time in a long time, I’ve been able to relax, to breathe, to just be. And it’s thanks to Kimmy. Zack too. Although, he’s been a little distant this weekend.

I don’t think it was because he didn’t want to be around me, but more like he was enjoying watching his wife be happy and didn’t want to get in the way of that.

When she told me just how lonely her life is, it showed me that some things haven’t changed. And it’s a shame, because everyone needs a friend like her in their life.

It’s weird and it’s going to take some getting used to, but when she told me she wanted me back in her life, I felt so much joy I almost cried. I missed them both so damn much and I didn’t realize just how much until this weekend when I was faced with reality and not pushing my feelings deep down where I can’t get hurt.

“I think he was jealous of all the guys watching us dance.” I laugh. “It wasn’t until they started dancing with us that he stepped in.” I look at Zack. “I don’t think you liked someone else dancing with Kimmy.”

He stares at me, with his dark intense eyes before picking up his glass of whiskey. “And you,” he murmurs before taking a sip of his drink, all while keeping eye contact.

My heart races and I want to squirm under his watchful eyes. I can see Kimmy smirking out of the corner of my eye before she takes a bite of her food.

“You know what I miss?” I say, breaking the stare down and looking to Kimmy. “The cabin at the lake.” Zack’s grandparents owned this stunning cabin that we spent the whole summer in one year. Nothing but swimming, bonfires and late nights. “There was something about that place that always made me feel... free? I don't know.” I laugh lightly.

“We’ll go soon,” Zack says, surprising me. “All three of us.”

My eyes dart up to his. “You still have the cabin?”

He nods. “My grandparents left it to me in their will. Kimmy and I have gone a few times, but with our busy schedules, we haven’t gone in a while.”

“But,” Kimmy adds. “We’ve been taking work slow since we started trying, haven’t really gone back to work full time just yet. So we got some time.”

“Trying?” I ask, looking between the two of them.

Zack clears his throat. “For a baby.”

She gives me a smile but I can tell it’s not how she feels. “We tried getting pregnant the natural way, but unfortunately it was years of negative tests.” She looks so sad as she looks down at her plate. “Then we gave IVF a try last year. I just recently stopped.” Her voice cracks and so does my heart as she starts to cry.

“Shh.” Zack wraps his arm around his wife and kisses the top of her head. She buries her face in his neck. I feel like I’m intruding on an intimate moment that I don’t understand.

Kimmy wipes her face and sighs. “It just wasn’t meant to be. At least not this way. We decided that it would be best if I go off the treatment because it was damaging to my mental health. I ended up with every negative side effect, plus depression and bad anxiety.”

“But, we haven’t given up just yet,” Zack adds, giving Kimmy a smile. “We’ve been looking into surrogacy. I’m feeling very hopeful about that.”

Kimmy shifts in her seat. She smiles but it’s not a real one. Something tells me she’s not a fan of that. But it’s not my place to ask questions or pry.

“I hope everything works out.” I smile. “You two would make amazing parents.”

“How about you?” Zack asks.

“What about me?” I tilt my head to the side in confusion.

“Kids, do you want any?”

“Oh.” I blink a few times. “Yeah. I’d like a few. But I’m in no place to have kids anytime soon. Honestly, I don’t think it’s even going to be a reality for me.”

“How come?” Kimmy asks.

“Seeing how my dating life is non-existent and has been for years, having a family with a man, or woman doesn’t seem promising.” I shift in my seat. “I’d be willing to be a single mom, but that would require a stable life and that's also not something I can provide. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.” I laugh when inside I’m fucking dying.

“Cora,” Kimmy whispers and I hate the pity in her voice. She has it much worse than me. If anyone deserves to be a mom, it’s her.

“But, hey.” I plaster on a big fake smile and will myself to feel it. “This is my new start. So who knows, maybe I’ll find a good person, fall madly in love and start a family too. Like you two did.” I try not to be bitter about it, but inside I’m beyond jealous. And the messed up part is, it’s not because the two of them are together, it’s because I’m not with them also. Teenage Cora had this fucked up fantasy that maybe one day we could have all been together.

Knowing they are possibly looking for a third sucks to hear because some woman is going to get to live my old dream and that hurts.

Although, I don’t think I could be in a relationship with them and only be with Kimmy. It would be pure hell being around Zack all the time and not be able to touch him.

But, that’s not my issue because it has nothing to do with me. They’ve moved on and the feelings that this weekend have stirred up, I have no right to be feeling.

Kimmy gives Zack a look. It lasts a few beats before Zack clears this throat. “Dessert?”

THE CAR IS FILLED WITH silence and awkward tension. Zack is bringing me back to the club and Kimmy is staying home to deal with a work problem. One of her high end clients ended up gaining a few pounds and now Kimmy has to rush and get her dress altered before a red carpet event the person is going to.

I’m so damn proud of her. She worked so hard and made her dream come true. Now she designs clothes for some of the biggest names in Hollywood. And almost every major fashion show around the world showcases her designs. If anyone deserves the world and all the good things it has to offer, it’s her.

“You okay over there?” Zack asks, breaking the silence.

“Huh?” I say, a little dazed as I come out of my inner thoughts.

“You’re pretty quiet over there.”

“I always have been. That’s not something that’s really changed.”

He gives me a side glance. “Cora.”

“How come you hardly talked to me this weekend?” I blurt out and groan internally.

His hands tighten around the wheel. “Because I didn’t want to overwhelm you. Plus, Kimmy was having the time of her life. I wanted her to enjoy her time with you.”

Why does he have to be so damn sweet? “Why would you have overwhelmed me?”

His sigh is heavy. “Because.” He casts me another glance. “Because I would have wanted to tell you all the things I’ve felt and thought about over the years. How losing you was single handedly the worst thing to ever happen to me. But, I didn’t want to scare you off.”

I’m stunned by his words. I don’t know what to say. I know we were close and not having them both in my life has been hell. I didn’t think I meant that much to him. I was only a step-sister and a best friend to him for two years. People leave, they move on with life.

Chewing on my lower lip, my mind races on what to say. “Why did it hurt so much?” I ask, my heart thundering in my chest as I wait for his response.

“The honest truth?” he asks me, sounding a little hesitant himself.

“Yes, I’d rather hear the truth than a lie.” I answer, my voice soft.

He swallows hard. “Because, even though I knew it was wrong. That it could mess up everything, I couldn’t help it.”

“Help what?” I feel like I’m going to pass out with how fast my heart is racing.

“Falling in love with you.” He looks at me and all the air vanishes from my lungs. He looks back at the road and sighs. “I was at war with myself because I was also in love with Kimmy. But, you were my step-sister, and she was my best friend. I didn’t want to fuck things up, so I kept it to myself.

“There was a point I considered telling you. Then your father cornered me and threatened me to stay away or he would ruin my family and my life.”

“What?!” I gasp in horror, eyes widening.

“I never liked that man. And that made me hate him even more. When I found out what he did to my mom, I lost it. Years of pent-up rage and resentment towards him came out. “

I look away, out the window, with angry tears welling in my eyes. My fists clench against my thighs and I swallow down the ball of emotion clogging my throat. “I hate him.” My voice cracks. “All he ever did was use me. He never cared about me, only what I could do for him. I don’t even think he cared about the fact we were step-siblings, I think it was just some way to keep the upper hand. To control my life.”

“Now, with what I know about him and how he treated you, I think the same thing.”

He loved me. He wanted to be with me. I close my eyes and try to will myself not to cry. It’s hard, so damn hard not to break down right now.

I want to tell him I loved him too. That part of me never stopped. But I can’t. He’s married to the best woman. They’re happy and planning to start a family.

“Cora?” Zack says my name with cautionand concern.

“Thank you.” I whisper. “For telling me the truth. Unfortunately, it doesn’t change the past ten years.” I lean my head against the car window and close my eyes.

When I open them again, it’s to Zack shaking me softly. “We’re here.”

Blinking, I sit up and look out the window to see the warehouse. “Oh.”

“I guess there’s a car already waiting for you,” he says, looking out the window. I follow his line of sight to see the man who brought me to the club on Friday.

“I better get going then.” I get this wave of wanting to cry. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to go back to that motel and be alone again. I’m so tired of being alone.

“Cora,” Zack says, but I stop him.

“Thank you. For everything. I’m sorry you wasted your money on me. But, thank you.” A few tears escape. “This money, it’s life changing. It means more than you will ever know. I have Kimmy’s number. I’ll keep in touch. I promise.”

“Cora, wait!” Zack shouts my name as I rush out of the car. I don’t stop and head straight inside the building.

After I’m done checking out and the money is deposited into my bank, I head outside to the car that's meant to take me to the shitty motel I’m staying at.

I don’t look out my window and as soon as the driver is inside, I ask him to hurry and leave. Only when the warehouse is far behind us do I finally cry.

I’ve been forced to hold in everything for so long, it was the only way to get by every day. I didn’t have time to break down, to be sad or upset. Not if I wanted to eat or pay bills. There was no time to be weak.

But after seeing them again, talking to them, just being in their presence, it’s like a dam has burst open and everything I’ve stuffed down to be dealt with later has bustedfree.

By the time we get to the motel, my eyes are heavy and swollen, my nose is runny and my head is killing me.

I just want to go inside and sleep because when I’m sleeping, I don’t think.

Getting out of the car, I thank the driver and head towards the main lobby.

It smells of mildew and the walls are water stained. It’s to late to find something else tonight, but as soon as I wake up, I’m out of here.

Once I’m in my dingy motel room, I head for my bag to grab a change of clothes. Shit, I’m still wearing Kimmy’s shirt and pants. I’ll have to give them back, hopefully soon.

In the bathroom, I turn the shower on. I’m just about to strip when I hear banging on the door.

Fuck. I swear, if it’s that creepy dude a few doors down, I’m going to call the cops this time.

“Cora!” the banging on the door continues.

My brows furrow. They know my name?

“Cora, open up!”

Turning the water off, I slowly walk towards the door, heart racing as a feeling of panic hits me.

“Cora. I know you're in there.”

I know that voice. “Zack?” I ask myself and rush to open the door.

He stands there, all tall, dark and deadly, chest heaving, eyes hard, jaw clenched.

“What are you doing here?” I whisper, eyes wide in surprise.

“Pack your bags,” he practically growls, nostrils flaring. “You're coming home with me.”