25. Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Three

Tatum

What was I thinking?

What. The. Fuck. Was I thinking?

How could I kiss her like that? How could I kiss her at all? That was so goddamn stupid.

I’m supposed to be taking things slow. Easy . I have to treat her like a scared animal. If I push too hard, she’ll know something is up. I can’t force myself on her like that.

But she kissed me back.

She kissed me.

She isn’t the one who pulled away. I am. I’m the one who freaked out. I’m the one who ran.

Devon wanted it.

This could work in my favor. Or running away ruined it. I don’t know. I can’t think straight.

I pace my room, trying to work through everything flying around in my head.

I’m getting too caught up in this. I’m letting her get to me. I’m supposed to be playing a part to make her fall in love with me so I can shatter her heart. Yet here I am, falling for her tricks— again .

I need to get my head out of my ass. I can’t have feelings for her. Devon can’t be trusted, no matter how much she acts like she can. The sweet and innocent thing works well for her. So well that I’m losing myself while being around her. She always was so goddamn good at hiding her true nature.

I need to keep my head clear or I’m going to end up fucked over again.

And honestly, that just pisses me off more.

She’s a liar. She enjoys fucking with me. How in the world could I fall for someone like that?

I can’t and I won’t.

I refuse to.

I need to stick to the plan. She destroyed me once; I won’t let her do it again. It’s a dangerous game I’m playing here, knowing how easy it is to fall into her trap. But it has to happen. I have to do this.

Going into my bathroom, I splash some cold water on my face.

My phone rings from the bedroom, and when I see it’s my father, I pick it up against my better judgment.

“If you’re calling for Gunner again, I haven’t changed my mind.”

I’d rather die than do anything for that douchebag.

“It’s not why I called,” my father says.

“Then what?” I snap, not in the mood to deal with him. I shouldn’t have answered at all .

He sighs, giving me the impression something is wrong. I can’t imagine him telling me someone died. There isn’t anyone I give a shit about.

“Look, I’ve been thinking. There’s something I need to get off my chest. Will you let me do that?”

“Sure…” I say carefully. This is unlike him, and it’s slightly concerning.

“I just want you to know that I respect your decision. I know you don’t get along with Gunner, and I never should have asked for a favor like that. You’ve done an amazing job with the company, son. I’m proud of you. I left you with shit and you made something out of it. Not many experienced businessmen could do that, yet you did. I messed up a lot. Not only with the company, but with you. I wasn’t there for you when I should have been, and that ain’t right.”

“Please don’t start crying and tell me you want to make it up to me,” I say, rolling my eyes.

“No, that’s not what I was going to say, Tatum.” The annoyance is clear in his tone. “I was just going to say I hope you don’t end up where I am.”

“Meaning?” I’m losing my patience. I don’t know what crawled up his ass, but I’m not in the mood to deal with his weird shit today. My father has done a lot of fucked up things where parenting is involved, and he better not try making up for it now. It won’t do him any good. It’s too little too late.

“Meaning I’ve realized I made a lot of mistakes in my life. Held on to a lot of anger and resentment for things I shouldn’t have. When something was too hard, I ran away. You don’t run away, though, Tatum. You face things head on. You don’t back away from a challenge. You’re different from me. You—”

“Then I guess you don’t have to worry about me turning out like you, huh?”

“I was going to say what you do is worse.”

Excuse me?

“Did you call me to insult me? Because I am not in the mood.”

“I’m not calling to insult you, son. I’m just trying to give you advice. Where you’re going in life? It worries me. I mean, who do you have by your side?”

I grit my teeth, ready to smash my cell. “The same people I’ve had by my side my entire life. Anyone who isn’t you.”

I end the call and whip the phone across the room. It slams into the wall, but I’m already pacing so I don’t know if there’s damage. Quite frankly, I don’t fucking care.

Is he high? Drunk? What the fuck was that about? That is by far the shittiest phone call I have ever gotten from my father. I’d have preferred he blackmailed me into hiring Gunner over the shit he just spewed at me. Did he know I was in a bad mood and want to make it worse?

What a piece of work he is…

A gentle knock on the door has me holding my breath. Slowly, I turn toward it, glaring at it like there’s a fucking ghost on the other side.

Is she… No .

No, it must be a maid or something.

Running my hand through my hair, I pull the door open, and the air leaves my lungs when I see it’s not a damn maid. It’s her .

Devon is standing there, looking up at me with a wary smile. The blanket from her bed is wrapped around her shoulders, the middle bunched closed by her holding it tightly.

“Do you want to watch a movie with me?” she asks, looking up at me with bright green eyes.

“A movie?”

She nods. “Yeah. A movie.”

I’m speechless. Again, this girl has left me speechless. She’s such a mindfuck. She’s so…

For years, I’ve hated her for what she did to me. But I don’t think I ever stopped loving her. That’s my mistake. It’s a huge mistake. One that could cost me things I don’t want to give up. How did I not realize it until this very moment? How am I going to fuck her over in the end when I’m so stupidly in love with her?

It’s pathetic, really. It pisses me off. It makes me angrier than I can explain. Yet, standing here in front of her, I don’t feel an ounce of it. All I want to do is kiss her again. But…

Whatever I’m feeling right now, it’s wrong. I’m upset because my father is an idiot. Maybe I do still love Devon, but I’m not so stupid to think anything can come of it. It only tells me more than ever I need to follow through. Maybe breaking her heart is the exact cure I need to fix mine. It’s not love I feel for her… it’s just pain over what could have been. How could I still love her after what she did to me?

But even if I did still love Devon, it doesn’t matter because I hate her so much more. And it’s the hate that’s going to get me through this. Loving her will only destroy me.