35. Clarissa

35

CLARISSA

S everal weeks later

Kyle seemed to have been true to his word when he said he was staying in Seattle. Not that I reached out to him, but he shared with me the results of his attempting to find a local apartment nearby. And he asked me to dinner at least once a week.

I know how Leo feels about dinosaurs. What are his thoughts on the zoo?

I smiled as I read Kyle's text. He was definitely trying to engage with us in a family positive manner. If he was finally willing to admit that he was Leo's father, it didn't seem fair that I withheld that relationship from our son.

Leo loves the zoo. He also likes the Museum of Natural History , I texted back.

I didn't even know Seattle had one.

There's also a pretty terrific science center here, but we can't do both in one day. That's too much stimulation. Both have dinosaurs , I informed him.

Which would you prefer? Kyle asked.

I had to think about that for a minute. Was I really discussing meeting Kyle for an outing with Leo again? In the end, we arranged to meet at the science center.

I didn't tell Leo exactly what we were doing, leaving the meeting Kyle part as a surprise on the off chance that he actually didn't show up, I didn't want to disappoint my baby that way. However, Kyle was there waiting for us.

"There's my b—" he started as he crouched down low and held his arms out.

I caught his eye and shook my head.

"Buddy!" Kyle changed gears on what he was saying rather quickly. "I missed you," he said as he swung our son up into his arms.

Leo squirmed and giggled with excitement.

Kyle leaned close to me as I stepped up to the two of them and unexpectedly gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

"You haven't told him?" he asked in low tones.

I shook my head. "You weren't ready. I decided it would be better to wait," I confessed.

"You can tell him at any time now. I know I made a mistake by not letting you do so before."

"I'll think about it," I said as we walked into the science center. I wanted Leo to know that Kyle was his father. I also needed to protect my son. I still wasn't certain about Kyle's determination to be there for us. After all, he had left without warning twice before.

"I noticed we're right next to the Space Needle," Kyle pointed out.

"Maybe if we get done here and somebody isn't too tired, we could take a ride to the top." I hadn't yet done many of the touristy things since we moved, but it sounded like a fun idea to me.

What I thought was going to be a long morning looking at interactive exhibits and planetarium shows turned out to be much more engaging, and we were there for hours longer than I had expected. I knew Leo was done for the day when he started to fall asleep on his feet. As soon as I hauled Leo into my arms, he went limp with sleep.

"Does he always do this?" Kyle asked.

He took Leo from me. It wasn't fair. Leo was a sturdy kid and getting harder to carry every day, but Kyle made him look as if he weighed nothing more than a feather. I wasn't jealous that Kyle was carrying the boy, only that he managed to do so with ease.

"I think when he gets excited, he just expends his energy faster," I said. "He was excited to see you today."

"We had a good time today, didn't we?" Kyle asked.

"I think he only falls asleep around you," I said teasingly. "He never seems to run out of energy when it's just me." My son was exhausted. I was glad he had a good day and that he and Kyle seemed to be getting along well.

"Last time, you took our boy home and let him take a nap before I met you for dinner. I have to confess I'm not ready for the day to be over just yet. Is that something that you might be open to doing again?"

"Yes." I didn't even have to think about it before I agreed.

"There's a little sandwich and soup shop in the neighborhood. If you haven't tried it yet, we could meet there for dinner."

Kyle stayed with us until the car I arranged for arrived. My insides started doing flips on the ride home. Not big ones, but little ones, letting me know that I really wanted to see Kyle again.

Maybe this time, everything would work out, and I should let it happen.

Maybe this time, he would disappoint me and I would be left broken hearted again. I was having a hard time getting over his past rejection.

As a single mother with a small child, I was very aware and conscious of not maintaining the stereotype of always being late. I hadn't yet decided whether Kyle's constant ability of being at a place when we arrived was his attempt at trying to be present or some commentary on my ability to be anywhere when I said I would be. He was waiting at the restaurant when we arrived.

"I've walked past this place more times than I care to admit," he said, "and I never realized what kind of food they would have."

"Leo likes it, and he can be a picky eater," I said.

We ordered off the menus—large chalkboards hanging behind the counter—and carried a table number and our empty paper cups to a table. I grabbed a booster chair for Leo and got him situated. Kyle took our cups and returned with drinks from the self-service counter.

"Is that how you pick most of the restaurants you go to?"

"That's how I pick all the restaurants I go to," I confessed. "There's no point in taking him somewhere if he can't or won't eat. We don't eat out very often. I Mostly cook."

"That's why Friday is always spaghetti," he said with a chuckle.

"You remembered?" I found myself smiling more in Kyle's presence than I had been in the previous weeks.

He glanced down at the table before locking his piercing blue gaze with mine. "I remember everything, Clarissa."

He was so intense at that moment that I had to look away. I blinked, dashing away the sudden appearance of unexpected tears. If he remembered, why couldn't he commit to staying around?

The moment only lasted like a lightning bolt, sudden, hot, and gone with only an after image burned into my mind.

"I thought it was good for kids to eat the same foods their parents eat," he said as if he hadn't just driven a nail into my soul.

"It is, however, his palette isn't overly sophisticated or developed yet. It's going to take him some time before he's ready to venture into all the amazing food that is out there for him."

Kyle looked down at a grumpy Leo. "Did you have a good nap?"

Leo whined and shifted in his seat, turning his back to Kyle.

"Somebody," I said with a heavy sigh, "didn't have much of a nap today. He woke up about halfway home."

Kyle nodded in understanding. At least I hope he understood. After a brief moment of severe cranky attitude where I reminded Leo that we would go home if he didn't calm down, he immediately fell asleep with his hand in his food.

Kyle chuckled. "I should let you take him home," he said.

"There's no rush. He's already asleep," I pointed out before taking another bite of dinner. "He'll be fine." I reached out and cleaned Leo's hand before adjusting his position so that he would be more comfortable and not accidentally flop into his food. "We can finish dinner."

"That's good. I haven't had good company like yours in a long time. I appreciate your staying."

I tried not to blush, but I was very aware that I'd failed miserably.

Kyle reached out across the table. His fingers brushed the back of my hand.

My insides did that thing I hadn't felt in a long time. It was desire. I still wanted Kyle, even after all the pain he had caused me. And from his hooded gaze, I was pretty certain he wanted me. He wasn't sticking around simply to be a father to Leo.

I knew that's what he was trying to prove to me, that he could be a father to our son and that he wanted to. But it was nice to know that I was wanted as well.

The restaurant had bright lighting and could not be described as romantic, but at that moment, we might as well have been sitting in a secluded corner of a dimly lit, high-end, exclusive fine dining establishment. I had tunnel vision. All I saw was Kyle, and all I felt was the way he was stroking my hand.

"We should do this again," Kyle suddenly suggested with a clearing of his throat.

"I would like that," I admitted. I liked seeing him and Leo together. I thought it was good for both of them. But I also liked those moments of lightning between us. Would they come back?

"Here, let me get him," Kyle said, picking up the sleeping child. "Do you need me to get you a car? You aren't planning on walking, are you?"

I already had my phone out and was requesting a car through the app on my phone. I held it up to show Kyle. "I'm good. Would you like to go to the zoo with us next weekend?"

The smile he gave me was all the answer I needed.