15. Clarissa

15

CLARISSA

I couldn't believe I agreed to have dinner with Kyle. What was I thinking? Clearly, I wasn't. But I had been smart enough to have him give me a couple of days to arrange for a babysitter. Even though he did not know that was the delay.

I held my breath as I sent Kyle a message that I would meet him at this little Italian place. He'd have no problems finding it. It was a family friendly restaurant, bright lights, no secluded tables. Nothing vaguely romantic about it.

I didn't wanna be caught in any kind of situation that would make me think of romance and Kyle in the same thought.

I forgot how handsome he was every time I saw him. The way the light played in his blue eyes, or when he smiled, and he showed off his teeth in a wide, predatory grin. I had to catch my breath and pretend his presence wasn't causing my heart to beat faster.

"Tell me, how have you been, Clarissa?" he asked after we were sitting at the table and our waitress took our drink order.

I looked at him and narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out what he was asking. Was there more to his question than simple, generic pleasantries? How much did I want to share with him? Did he deserve to get more than general small talk from me? How entangled into the details of my life did I want to take Kyle Love, and did he deserve to know that much about me?

"Life has had its ups and downs," I admitted. "How about you?"

He laughed. "Life has been a complete adventure. I am excited that it has taken me to some very interesting places. After all, I'm back in Chicago. Looks like James and I are going to come to an agreement, and I have the very good fortune of having dinner with you again."

He made it sound as if I were some kind of added bonus toy he was going to get by purchasing James's firm. If he was going to be around, maybe he needed to find out about all of the excessive details of my life. I still didn't plan on telling him about Leo, but there were other messes I could tell him about.

"Tell me why you're working for James."

I relaxed a little bit. Maybe this really was just an interview type situation where he wanted to find out about work life at the Stone Group. Maybe he wasn't interested in me on a personal level and didn't really care about how I had been the past few years since he left me. I took a sip of wine and steadied myself. I had to pause and think about it.

"Initially, I applied because it was a job in an architectural firm. Even though my school to job trajectory had changed rather dramatically for personal reasons, I still wanted to be in the world of architects" I admitted. "I no longer wanted to take on meaningless jobs so I could pay the rent. Even if I couldn't be an architect right away, it didn't mean I couldn't work for one when the opportunity presented itself. So, I went for it."

I continued to describe my process, how I ended up applying to several different architecture firms without ever letting Kyle know that I had spent several hard years out of work and ended up as a waitress and doing what I could to scrape by to support myself and my child.

"I got lucky and landed what I thought was a decent job right away. But their actual exceptions were not as they originally told me. There was some conflict, so I kept looking and ended up at the Stone Group. I've stayed with James because he proved to be a good boss. It's a small firm, and he treats us all like humans. If somebody has to take a day off, there's no question. They're allowed to. There's no drama about not being at your desk at a certain time or clocking in or staying until exactly five o'clock. He really understands that it's the people who work for him that make his business a success. He is a leader we all are willing to follow. He's not some kind of drill sergeant or task master who expects us to obey his command."

Kyle smiled and nodded and listened as I spoke.

The more I talked about working for James, the more I relaxed in Kyle's presence. I realized it was okay to not want a relationship with him anymore, and I didn't have to second-guess his motives. It was a nice moment of realizing I had grown up, and despite our past, I could be a civil person around Kyle. I didn't need to escape to another city to get away from him.

I almost completely forgot why Kyle had made me nervous before.

After he was done quizzing me about working with James, the conversation turned personal, but on a very surface level. I didn't feel the need to get emotional or philosophical with my answers.

"How did your studies go? Did you end up graduating?" he asked.

I took an unusually large gulp of wine and cleared my throat. "I graduated eventually." I sputtered and wiped my mouth with my napkin.

He lifted one eyebrow in question, a move I have always been envious of. "Eventually?"

"I returned to school in fall, expecting to be able to graduate the following spring. But I never finished my last semester. Some stuff happened, and I had to take a break for a year or two. I graduated from the program, and I have been taking classes to get my master's degree. I'm actually working the last course in my master's program this semester."

"And then what?" he asked.

I shrugged. There were too many possibilities for me to be able to give him a clear answer. However, one possibility I had been counting on, I no longer knew whether it was going to be possible or not.

"And then, hopefully, I will finally be an architect."

We were finished eating, and I didn't think Kyle needed to know any more about me.

"Thank you for dinner. It was good to see you. I hope I was able to answer your questions about working for James. You might want to offer to meet with his architect, Phillip, and draftsperson, Michelle. After all, I'm just a receptionist. I don't really work with him as much."

Kyle walked me out to the front of the restaurant.

"Can I walk you home?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, I'll be fine. I live close by."

"Clarissa, are you sure? Let me call you a car," he said.

"I'm fine. I'm really only just a block away." I inwardly flinched when I said that. I didn't want him following me. He didn't need to know where I lived.

"I'm home," I announced when I walked in the door of my small apartment.

Marci unfolded herself from the couch and stood up. "How was dinner?"

I could tell from her expression that she was eager to know all the details. After all, she already knew everything.

"He wanted to know what it was like to work with James. There was no flirting, nothing that makes me think he's even interested."

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm good," I said. "I'm actually glad. I don't want him to be interested."

"Why not? You know I'm happy to babysit when I can. And if you want to go on a date?—"

"It wasn't a date," I said.

"If you say so. Like I was saying, if you want to go on a date with him, I will be here for you."

"Thank you for helping me out tonight. Now go home." I practically pushed her out my door.

She waved her fingers at me as she danced down the hall and into the apartment she shared with her boyfriend. Marci had been a great roommate, and I loved that we were still able to be neighbors.

Something Kyle had said over dinner stuck with me, and when I was back in the office on Monday morning, I went and saw James.

"Clarissa, what can I do for you?"

I stepped into my boss's office and sat down, twisting my fingers together nervously.

"I had a very interesting dinner with Kyle Love," I admitted. "He wanted to know what it was like to work for you."

I wasn't planning on keeping secrets from James, just as I wasn't planning on keeping secrets from Kyle as long as it was related to work.

"It sounds like you guys are coming to a rather quick deal," I said nervously. "He didn't tell me anything that I couldn't have asked you about, so I didn't think that would be an issue. But remember how you agreed to start my internship this semester?" I continued to twist my fingers together.

"Yes, I remember."

"Well, if you're selling the firm to Kyle, do you think he'll honor our agreement to allow me to work part-time and do the internship part-time?"

"You'd have to ask him that yourself," James said.

I bit my lip. I didn't want to ask Kyle for anything, but this was important.

"Clarissa, if he isn't willing to complete your internship or doesn't want to take you on as one, I'll help you find a situation with one of my colleagues. I won't leave you on your own for this. We had an agreement, and I'm the one changing everything, so it's the least I can do. Besides, I'm proud of you. You've really stuck with it."