Chapter 54

Hayden

I'd submitted to the suit fitting with as much grace as I could muster, but what I really wanted wasn't new threads. She stood outside the changing room, Jamie and my sister's laughter filtering in through the walls as Mac went to work.

"Almost done," the tailor said, shooting my reflection a look.

She knew, everyone knew, where I wanted to be. By Jamie's side, standing close enough to smell her shampoo in my nose, to touch, to feel her body against mine. My mouth on hers, that's what I needed most, and when Mac eased the suit off my shoulders, I thanked her and then went in search of my girl. She was standing with Millie and Brock, tucked into my brother's side, when I approached.

Jamie turned towards me as soon as I got close, somehow able to sense my presence. My eyes locked with hers and her smile faded when she saw what my gaze contained. My hand was in hers and I was drawing her closer, when Brock's grip tightened. He shot me a knowing look, making clear I could make my move, but that he wasn't going anywhere.

"Jamie…" I said. Millie stopped talking, frowned slightly, then made a nauseated sound, but I didn't care. Jamie, that's who I was focussed on. "I need?—"

But she knew. Her arm snaked out, wrapping around my neck and drawing me down. When her lips grazed mine I made a small sound of hunger, then took over, crushing her mouth with mine. Kisses, so many kisses, but they never seemed to be enough, so I went back for more until my sister interrupted.

"And that's my cue to leave."

"What?" I liked the way Jamie blinked, as if trying to reorientate herself when she pulled away from me. It was somehow comforting to know she was just as off balance. "No, stay. We haven't caught up much lately?—"

"Because you've found happiness." While I saw some sadness in Millie's eyes, she smiled at Jamie. "This is what I wanted all along. I mean I didn't totally think this through. If I saw you make out with one guy while another holds you, I'd be cheering you on, but seeing my brothers do that? It's kinda nauseating."

"So we'll stop."

Part of me cursed my sister because Jamie pulled away, but anyone that knew and cared about the two of them would never try to keep them apart, so I let my girl's fingers trail through mine.

"No, you won't. You'll go and have hot monkey…" Millie gagged and then swallowed hard. "Sex and…" Another horrendous gagging sound. "And have multiple?—"

"I get the idea," Jamie said, stopping her cold.

"But tomorrow." My baby sister pointed her finger at me and Brock. "At Mum and Dad's, Jamie's all mine. I knew I'd have to sort out a custody arrangement with one of you, I just didn't anticipate all three. You know you're gonna have to tell our parents, right?"

"We've got this covered." Brock was pulling the big brother card, calming everyone down with just a few words. "Jamie hangs out with you tomorrow night and me during the day at work?—"

"And us tonight." Hunter emerged from the changing rooms with a smug smile.

"We'll take my car." Brock went to toss Hunter the keys, but Jamie caught them mid air. "Go downstairs and start it up and I'll look after payment."

We thanked Mac for her time, but when Jamie went to ask about the details, I stepped forward.

"Brock's got this."

"And we've got you."

Hunter kept his voice low and he smiled as he took her hand, tugging her down the stairs. Jamie tried to say goodbye to Millie and Mac, but she was gone before she could get a reply. Down the steps and towards the gleaming beast that was Brock's car, we were like sharks in a feeding frenzy as we drew closer. Jamie unlocked the car, but our focus was on her.

"Tell me you've got no regrets," I said, pressing her against the car, needing to feel her beneath me. "Tell me that nothing has changed from the other night."

I went to kiss her but she froze, staring up at me.

"I can't," she said. My heart stopped beating, the world no longer spinning on its axis as I stared down at her. "Things have changed." I watched her hand move slowly to caress my cheek, hoping, praying that this wasn't the big brush off I'd feared was coming. "We're different." Her fingers were tentative as she traced the shape of my lips, but when I nipped her fingertips she let out a little hiss. "I…" I felt like I was teetering on the edge of a cliff, waiting to jump off. "I feel different."

"How different?" Hunter settled down beside her, staring into her eyes and I cursed him silently. We were crowding Jamie right as she was about to take a major step. I read things wrong, though, because rather than stiffen and clam up, she let out a long breath. "How different, Jamie?"

"You guys have been so good to me and I think in some ways I was holding back, not sure how this would work." She was speaking faster and faster now. "Like I liked Brock, and then Hayden, then Hunter."

"Please tell me not in order of importance," Hunter prompted.

"No, in response to your dates." She looked up at him then me, pleading for us to understand. "You were just so perfect and I… It stopped being fake days and days ago, so what did this become if we aren't pretending anymore?"

I knew. I always knew, and I shot Hunter a dark look, warning him to shut his mouth, but he didn't spare me a glance. Instead, he stared at her intently, unable to look away. My heart was beating too fast, my chest feeling tight, but I would've done anything right now to prolong that feeling. It was like that short moment when you were riding the crest of a wave, like you could just go on and on. I didn't want to wipe out, fall from my board and into the water. I just wanted to be right here. Her hand grabbed mine, her thumb moving restively across my knuckles, as if in recognition of that.

"It becomes real, doesn't it?"

"You know it is." We all turned to see Brock standing there staring at our girl as if his heart would break, and I knew how he felt. She just needed to make the jump with us, because we were already there. "You know exactly what this is, Jamie, don't you? What we feel for you, but more than that." Hunter and I pulled back slightly to let him get closer. He pressed her into the side of the car, stroking her hair back from her face. "What you feel for us."

My grip tightened as I saw her frown, felt her hand trying to jerk free, but I couldn't allow that to happen. She had to know. What this was, what she was to us, but more importantly, what we were to her.

"There's nothing to be scared of." My attempt at soothing her was ruined by the shake in my voice. "It's just us. We've been moving towards this moment since we were all kids."

"Kids?" she squeaked.

"Not romantically, not back then, but there was a need to protect you," I replied.

"To look after you," Hunter added.

"To make sure you have everything you need, back then and…" Brock's brows creased slightly, as if this hurt to say. "Going forward. Forever and ever, Jamie. Love doesn't have to hurt?—"

That one word triggered her: love. Her body bucked up and off the car and her hands pressed down on our chests, trying to shove us away. Running was always her first instinct, but she couldn't push us off. We knew that, knew her, and we were ready to catch her if she started to fall.

Or to run.

Our arms locked around her, and for a moment Jamie fought this, an animal sound squeaking past her lips.

"Love," I said, injecting everything I felt in that word.

"Love," Hunter repeated, pressing his forehead to hers.

"No, no…"

If she hadn't started this, if she hadn't brought this up, I'd have let her go, given her time to process, but she knew. She always knew, just as we did, how we felt about her.

"Yes, love." Brock's hands went to her jaw and that had her stilling, staring wild eyed into his, then mine and Hunter's in turn. There was a mute plea there, to follow through and back off, all at the same time, but we could only give her one of those things. "Always love. I…" I could count on one hand the amount of times I'd heard my big brother's voice shake and still have fingers to spare. "I don't know when it started, but all I know is I can't fucking stop." He darted closer, his mouth seeking hers I knew, because mine longed to do the same. "I can't stop. I can't."

"Don't want to stop." Her eyes jerked sideways to take me in, and I met her gaze with a feeling of defiance. I'd been hiding what I felt, who I was for so damn long, and I just couldn't anymore. "If you asked me to, I'd pretend, but I don't want you to. God, how I don't want you to." My spare hand went to my chest, clawing at the skin there. "It aches so damn much. Every time I see you the breath is driven from my lungs, my heart feels like it's going to leap out of my chest, and if it was anything else, I'd seek medical help, but…" I shook my head. "I don't want a cure for whatever this is. I love you, Jamie. I have since high school, and I don't think I'm ever going to stop."

This was when she told me she loved me too, right, right? Where she threw her arms around me, but instead she just stared, as if unable to believe what we were saying. Hunter stepped forward then, wrapping her up and pulling her close.

"You must be feeling pretty damn overwhelmed right now. It's OK. You're OK." His hand rose and fell, sliding down her spine each time. "That's a lot of big feelings to try to process." Brock and I watched our brother attempt to settle Jamie, and I was willing to bet he was eating his heart out, just like I was. "Maybe you think you're safe with me." Her head rose up off his chest and she stared at him then. "You're not. You never were. I hid it from you, Millie, even Hayden, but I was just as gone on you as my brothers are." He shot her a small smile and brushed her hair away from her face. "I know you don't know how to cope with someone actually loving you, treating you well, but… maybe this time you could try?"

She pulled away from him slowly, gazing at each one of us, those keen eyes taking in every detail. It felt like I was being subjected to some kind of silent interrogation. Jamie was looking for signs, I realised, of a lie, unreliability, because there was something wounded in her that had never been allowed to heal. I guess it wouldn't, with her family always picking at the scab, forcing her to bleed over and over.

"Try?" Her voice was thin, little more than a whisper, and a death's head smile formed and faded away in seconds. "Try? You make it sound like I've got a choice." When her hand started to claw at the other I was forced to grab it, lest she hurt herself, and so I felt the thrumming tension inside her. "I…"

I didn't want my girl to cry ever, but seeing those tears right now gave me a strange kind of hope. It was as if the hard but brittle shell she'd constructed around herself shattered in that moment, and all I wanted to do was crush the shards. Let her never have to build up such tall walls to protect herself again. Let her breathe freely knowing she didn't need a single defence, not with us beside her. We'd fight every enemy she might face, clearing the way for her to step forward like a queen.

"I think I caught feelings too…" she said finally.

"What feelings?" Hunter was being a prick, pushing her right when she felt vulnerable, but I understood why. We needed to stop her from collecting the shards of her cocoon and patching them together again once the mood was gone. This was a step we all had to take if we were to have a future. "What feelings, Jamie?"

"Love." She nodded, her head dropping down as her whole body went limp. "I…" A sidelong look at all of us before she forced herself to straighten up. "I think I love you too."

I was like a dog that had been let off its leash, lunging at Jamie then. My arms went around her, my mouth on hers as relief washed over me. It was a merciless wave, pounding into me, forcing me to surrender to everything I'd been holding back. My kiss was hungry and desperate, and she was right there with me. Her teeth nipping at my lips, her hands raking across my shoulders, her need was finally given a place to go.

But I would never be its only recipient.

"Got some of that sweetness for me too?" Hunter asked and she answered him in kind, kissing him just as hard.

Brock knew it was his turn now, staring down at her with a slight smirk. Jamie wasn't going to stand for that, but when she reached for him, he gripped her wrists.

"Let's get in the car. What I need can't be satisfied in this alleyway." He looked down the road, and we all noticed the traffic, the sounds of people passing by as if for the first time. "Not without someone calling the cops. We're going to my place."

Brock said he was the one in charge right now, so we all moved as one to do as he said, but getting in that car? Jamie wedged between Hunter and I, it felt different. There was no coming back from this, and I think even my girl knew that, because when I grabbed her hand, she held on tight.

"Ready?" Brock asked as the engine roared to life.

We all stared at Jamie.

"Ready," she said with a nervous smile and a nod.