Chapter 29

Jamie

"More irises?" I tried to smile as Hayden brought them in, because otherwise I had to focus on this. Him, so tall it felt like he filled my kitchen, those bare feet tracking sand over my tiled floor. Golden brown skin. A bare chest without an inch of softness on it and then, those eyes. They were like blue lasers, slicing right into me.

"That's what blokes do when they fuck up, yeah?" He thrust them my way and my hands rose, but I didn't take them yet. "Bring flowers, apologise."

I moved around the kitchen, filling the kettle instead, getting out coffee mugs, knowing exactly how he liked his. Almost black with just a splash of milk and no sugar, the freaking savage. But that knowledge was somehow tainted. The fake date, the banter last night, Hunter's words, and that kiss. My fingers went to my lips and his gaze sharpened. I shoved them back down again, snatching the flowers quite gracelessly before finding another vase to put them in. As I filled it with water, I felt him move.

I had a sixth sense when it came to the guys, some part of me always aware of where they were. I felt Hayden come closer rather than heard him move, then saw one hand come to rest on the edge of the sink. He was leaning over me, his breath ruffling the baby hairs on the back of my neck, and that brought it all back.

The moment when the fun became something else.

I'd intended to play along and kiss Hayden when he claimed that as his prize. It felt like we were playing a game of chicken, each watching the other to see if they would flinch away. But neither of us did, and that changed things. We'd both moved around his mother's kitchen, even collided, and there was none of the heavy atmosphere there was right now. Sure enough, I turned around and found his face hovering over mine. It was different now. I felt like I'd almost lost something, a brotherly kind of vibe, and that had me frowning.

"What do you have to apologise for?"

I didn't mean that to be accusatory, but it came out that way anyway. His tongue flicked out, sliding over lips, chapped and reddened by salt and the sun.

"I… Hunt…"

"Not him." I shook my head sharply. "What do you have to apologise for?"

My finger had risen of its own accord, poking his chest, but if I was trying to make a point, I quickly lost track of it. His hand wrapped around mine, holding it where it was, forcing my palm to flatten against his chest. The skin was hot, gritty with sand, but there was more than that. Below, I could feel his heart beating so damn fast. It was a twin of my own, both of our heartbeats racing the other as the moment stretched on.

"I would've told you," he said finally, trying to smile and failing. "At any point you liked. Last night, last year, and any year before that. In high school?—"

"High school?" I went to jerk away, but he held me fast. "You had every straight girl in the school panting after you, and also a gay girl who got really confused at one point."

"Laney?" He shook his head. "I didn't give a shit about any of them. Just you."

It was tempting to consider what that meant, what it would've been like if he'd made clear how he felt. What would I have done about it? Part of me was still sixteen and thrilled that one of the cool boys liked me, but the other part…? I remembered my anger from last night, and that had me pushing him back.

"But you didn't." I flicked the kettle on and spooned instant coffee into the cups, then added a metric fuck tonne of sugar to mine. "You didn't, Hayden. You didn't tell me that last night was a real date, that it was a real kiss."

"And if I did?"

He was back to crowding me, filling my nose with the scent of the sea and boy, until I was forced to wave him back so I could get to the fridge. The milk carton felt pleasantly cool against my skin. I focussed on pouring the right amount into each mug, not his question, because I think we both knew the answer.

I'd have freaked out, just like I was doing now.

Him, Hunter, even Brock, it was easy to check them out surreptitiously, even sigh over them like I had the twins in high school. Back then they were as distant as gods and worshipped by everyone around me in the same way. Now… He was a guy in my kitchen, barely dressed. A man I'd kissed, but more than that. As I stared into his eyes, mutely trying to answer his question, we both knew.

Our history stretched out between us, a million little moments that were all woven together into a rich fabric. Kissing him for real pulled one or more of those threads, and then what would happen?

"I wouldn't have kissed you," I replied, sounding oh so prim.

"Right."

"I wouldn't have gone on that date. If I knew there were real feelings there, I wouldn't have led you on."

"So protective of my feelings," he said, eyes shining with a dangerous light. "Thanks for that."

"I would've stuck to my story and told Mum I'd broken up with you guys." My words were coming faster and faster. "I would've said you weren't interested in meeting her. Shit, I would've even confessed you were all made up?—"

"That's not it," he said, eyes flicking to take all of me in. "Your pulse isn't jumping in your throat because you're worried about my feelings. It isn't altruism that's got you gripping the kitchen counter like that." I looked down and saw my knuckles were white. "I'm sorry I wasn't upfront with you, Jamie, but I didn't tell you for a reason."

His throat bobbed as the kettle really began to bubble.

"Part of me just wanted whatever I could get, and if it was fake, then so be it. I'd still be with you, taking you out, showing you a good time, as if you really were my girl. But the other part?" One brow raised. "I had to know. If you were forced to see me as a man, not Millie's brother, how would you respond?"

We both knew how that'd gone. In the end, I'd ended up kissing him just as much as he kissed me.

"So what did you see happening?" I replied. "That I'd date each one of you in turn? Kiss you?" I stared into his eyes. "Sleep with you, like I did Brock?" That small flinch told me everything I needed to know. "Just bounce from one bed to the other, or shit, end up in one with all three of you."

Yep, that jaw muscle was beginning to tick.

"I shouldn't have slept with my own boss, but at the time, I thought it was no big deal. Just two people getting the other person off, but he had to bring feelings into things." The kettle was close to boiling, so I went to push him away, but this time he stayed right where he was. I looked up angrily now, but he didn't back down for a second. "You all did."

"You trying to make sure I don't get hurt?" I watched him shake his head slowly. "Don't remember asking you for that."

"So what?" As I stood taller, he was forced to give ground, lest our bodies collide. "You want me to come out on dates with you, with beard rash." I ran my fingers across the tender skin on my chin. "That I got from kissing your brother? What if when Hunter took me out for ice cream, I decided to lick his dick rather than the Cornetto he bought me?"

This was the point where he should have shrank back, got angry, and started raising his voice. I was convinced I had Hayden on the rails, but instead, he just smiled slowly. That lazy, sun-drenched smile that had sold a million surfboards, it was weird to see it in my kitchen.

"Was I jealous, seeing you walk into work looking freshly fucked?" The smile faltered for just a second but then was back twice as bright. "Hell yeah I was. I've never wanted to be my brother before, but I did that day. Thing is…"

The kettle was starting to whistle, demanding I attend to it, but Hayden was moving back in.

"You're not mine, so I can't tell you to keep away from Hunter's dick or Brock's, but…" It all came back to me now, the feel of him moving in for a kiss last night. That moment of hesitation, then a need to push past that rode me now as his mouth came to a stop just above mine. "If you gimme a chance, maybe I can persuade you that you only need mine."

It wouldn't take much. In my mind, the guys were picked up and placed in the no-go basket due to the fact they were Millie's brothers, so it was all look and don't touch, but what if…? What if they weren't? My hands were rising, wanting to test that, and his eyes followed that, turning molten as they got closer, but a shrill screech had me snatching them back. I blinked and saw that the kettle was boiling. I was forced to pull away and turn it off, just sucking in breaths for a second as I focussed on pouring the coffees.

"Jamie…"

Hayden had to step back as I thrust a coffee cup his way, the hot liquid splashing on the floor. I cursed and then went to grab a cloth from the sink, but he was already there. The coffee was put down as he grabbed a cloth and I grabbed a sponge at the same time, dropping down to wipe up the drips when we stopped. I was dimly aware that his hand was moving as he stared into my eyes.

"I'm not gonna ask for anything else today," he said, "but I'd give good money to know what you were thinking."

"I think you know," I rasped out.

This was insane. I'd only just gotten back from a date with his bloody brother, but my eyes dropped down, taking in those full lips and remembering exactly how they felt. I wanted to take him at his word, that he was cool, that everything would be cool, if I just leaned forward and?—

He read my mind, it felt, moving in closer, slowly enough that I could pull away, but I didn't. My hand went to the back of his neck, pulling him in closer, and that's when it happened. My thighs tensed, my entire weight resting on the balls of my feet, but that didn't matter. Just this. Salty kisses that stung my lips, growing harder, faster. His tongue thrusting into my mouth as he let out a little growl. Then my yelp as he grabbed me, picking me up and setting me on the edge of the counter before stepping between my legs.

"I'm a big boy." Another one of those crooked smiles at the unintended innuendo, his eyes dropping down as if to confirm just that, mine following. "I can look after myself." A finger redirected my attention away from that hard body and back to his eyes. "And you, if you let me."

"If things go to shit," I told him, feeling like I was howling into a hurricane. "If this causes issues with Millie or the guys, or even your parents, I'm out. Everything will go back to the way it was, yeah?"

He shook his head, ready to deny that, then pursed his lips and nodded.

"Then…" Touching forbidden fruit had a strange kind of thrill to it, and that's what I felt right now, my finger tracing a line down his chest. His body was just as perfect, just as impervious, as I'd suspected. "I might have something you can look after."

He stood perfectly still as I mapped the slope of his shoulder and the swell of his biceps before letting my fingertips trail down his stomach. The muscles flexed under my touch, then hardened when I reached the waistband of his board shorts. I tugged at the ties, but his hand covered mine and for a second, I thought I'd done the wrong thing.

"I said I'd look after you," he said, placing my hand firmly on the counter and then moving forward.

I believed him. That first kiss on my neck, the burning trail he created, leading down to the first button of my shirt. When his fingers popped it open to free his path, it became clear. Millie, Brock, my parents, whatever, I didn't care about any of them right now. Just this.

"Yes…" I hissed as his fingers opened another button and another. "Yes."