CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

I walked along the sun-streaked golden road, the scent of blood and death clinging to me.

Ahead, the polished marble and diamond Rise stood tall.

Through the mist shrouding what lay beyond, guards in golden armor rushed along the top of the wall. Several lifted gold-plated bows, aiming shadowstone -tipped arrows in my direction. Others exchanged wary looks. They inched back, their attention shifting to the dark clouds above them. It was almost as if they had been expecting me.

"Halt!" a guard shouted from above the gate.

That would not happen.

Eather swelled inside, and I lifted my hands. Gold-laced essence streaked out from my fingertips and raced across the ground. The clouds above continued to thicken, blotting out the sun. Some guards ran. Others fired arrows.

But it was too late for them all.

Wisps of eather rose, shattering the arrows as the thicker strands of energy poured into the diamond-encrusted Rise. Gold-tinged silver light spread, forming a network of veins that traveled the length of the wall surrounding Dalos .

I snapped my hands into fists.

The crack was like a blast of thunder, freezing the guards where they stood. All across the Rise, gold-winged faces contorted in shock and disappeared. The Rise exploded into fragments of stone and ash.

Lightning struck the ground as I walked forward, the diamonds beneath my feet shattering. Wind tore the purplish-pink trees from their roots and twisted their limbs until they broke. The smaller wall around Cor Palace came into view. It, too, turned to dust. I toppled the trees that bodies had once hung from.

The palace went next as I called for Death to show himself. I shattered the glass doors and peeled back roofs. I brought the walls down, and all that answered was a chorus of short-lived screams.

Chest throbbing, I closed my eyes and shadowstepped farther into Dalos , appearing just outside the sprawling fortress and before a line of ready guards.

Several arrowheads hit their marks, but I didn't care. I welcomed the pain and gave myself over to it because it was nothing compared to what I felt inside. I stalked forward, sending a crackling web of energy ahead of me. The lines of guards fell. I lifted my hand, ripping the heavy, gold-plated doors from their hinges.

"Kolis!" I shouted, entering the Sanctuary and ripping arrows from where they were stuck. This part of Kolis's domain had remained unscathed after I escaped.

It would not stay that way.

He'd taken my control. My sense of self. My family . I would take all he had taken from me—threefold.

A bolt of eather came at me when I passed the gold-adorned archways. I spun to the left, spotting several armed gods.

I sent one through the glass and another through a wall as I shot forward, dipping under a raised shadowstone sword. Catching the god's arm, I rose behind her. "Where is Kolis?"

"Fuck you," she spat.

"No, thank you." I tore into her throat, drinking deeply. Hot, thick blood poured into my mouth, and footsteps pounded.

Still latched onto her neck, I spun around just as a shadowstone dagger tore through the air. The blade struck the goddess between the eyes. Catching her sword as it fell, I released her body.

And locked eyes with another god. The stupid fucker charged me. Deflecting the blow, I landed a vicious kick to his knee, shattering it. He shouted, going down. I drove the sword through his skull and threw out my left hand. Streams of eather hissed through the air, hitting another guard as a pale-eyed Revenant took his place.

I yanked the shadowstone sword free as the Revenant came at me.

I didn't have time for their shit.

Twisting, I swung the sword in a high arc, cleaving the Rev's head from its shoulders. Remembering what I'd been told about Callum's head reattaching itself, I kicked this one down the hall.

"Kolis!" I screamed. The door to my right opened.

A blast of eather knocked the sword from my grasp, spinning me back a few feet. I caught myself before I went down. My skin smoked, my flesh charred, and I couldn't feel my blood-soaked hand. I lifted my head.

A god stood before me, breathing heavily. I thought he looked familiar as he lifted both hands and took a tentative step back, a lock of brown hair falling across his forehead.

"I'm not going to fight you," he began.

"Shut up," I said, snapping forward. I gripped his throat with my ruined hand. It hurt, but I drowned myself in the pain and sent a rush of eather through him.

The god's head kicked back, and he screamed, eather pouring out of his open mouth.

I dropped him, throwing out my hands. Eather spread across the interior wall. "Kolis!" I yelled. "You wanted this! Face me!"

He didn't appear, even as I moved deeper into the building, leaving a path of ruin in my wake. Panting, my steps slowed when I entered a windowless hall. I'd been here before.

I stopped and listened. The fingers of my good hand twitched, and my head tilted. There were sounds. There had been noises the entire time. Quiet ones. Moans. Whimpers. Some louder. But I didn't hear the rumble of a draken as my stare fixed on the wall.

Kolis wasn't here.

The son of a bitch likely suspected I would come for him and took his draken and most of his Revenants.

But I knew what he didn't take.

My chin lowered, and I pulled the essence to the surface. It pulsed and then crawled over the wall. I tore the innermost wall of the Sanctuary down, block by fucking block, exposing what Kolis kept inside to the sun.

There were many of them. Hundreds of Ascended. Most started to run, their skin smoking. Some came at me. Others headed for parts of the Sanctuary that still stood. None made it, their flesh catching fire. My gaze collided with the fine features of one not much older than me.

Jove.

I couldn't look away as his face contorted in pain—the same features I'd seen fear in not that long ago.

He'd been a Chosen.

But he hadn't chosen this. He hadn't chosen any of this.

The throbbing in my chest intensified. I staggered sideways and turned. Jove fell in a fiery heap. My gaze landed on the path of destruction I had left as the smell of burnt flesh filled the air.

Through the smoke and crumbled stone, I saw a section of the Sanctuary still standing with strips of white rippling in the wind. I walked through the smoke, jerking to a stop.

A group of Chosen stood huddled together, pressed against one of the walls. Most were veiled, but others were not, their faces masks of fear and horror as they…

As they stared at me.

"It's okay," I assured them, lifting a hand.

They shrank back, some even screaming. My gaze fell to my hand, where eather still swirled around my bloody, charred fingers, wisps licking the air. Through the gore, I saw the still-shimmering golden swirl of my marriage imprint on the top of my right hand.

Every muscle in my body locked up as patches of shiny new pink flesh appeared. What…What was I doing?

My gaze flew back to the Chosen—to those I would give a real choice to once I'd dealt with Kolis. They could serve as intended without fear of exploitation or return to the mortal realm. I would set them free. Not harm them. But it was clear they were terrified of me. And this time I…

I had given them a reason to be.

I reeled back, inhaling sharply, and shook my head in disbelief. Of course, Kolis wouldn't have taken them. He'd known I would come. All the guards were proof of that. Yet he still left them here. He didn't care about life.

Did I?

The strips of white billowed as the clouds overhead began to break apart. The sight of them cowering in fear was startling, but the realization of all that'd led me here was monstrous.

I'd taken lives. Countless lives.

Oh, gods.

I stumbled, my heart thumping. "I'm sorry," I whispered, my chest seizing. In my mind, I saw the villagers, their arms raised to a sky I'd brought down on them in an act of justice.

An act of vengeance.

I kept walking backward, hands and arms trembling. My thoughts raced. I had to fix this. I had to. I could. I would .

I returned to Terra. The bells of Masadonia had ceased ringing as I walked into the blood-drenched forest. Slivers of moonlight filtered through the heavy canopy of crimson leaves, reflecting off the ash-hardened shells of the fallen villagers.

I knelt by one and saw there were two. A man or a woman with another beneath them—a desperate attempt to shield a child.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, lightly placing my bloody hand on the shell. "I'll fix this."

I put my other hand on the ground. I didn't know what I was doing—it was instinctual. I summoned the eather , and it responded in a hot rush. My skin tingled with warmth, and gold-laced eather seeped from my pores and dripped onto the ground beside drops of blood that had fallen from me. I lifted my head and stared at the forest floor through strands of pale, bloodied hair. Tendrils of eather rolled out, casting a glow as the essence swirled under and over the shells of the dead, leaving glittering daylight in its wake. My fingers dug into the soil. Wisps of Primal mist seeped beneath them, curling and spreading across the ground.

Beside me, the shells shuddered, and the ash flaked off. Patches of pink flesh and ragged clothing appeared. Singed blond hair. My eyes locked with wide, blue ones full of fear and awe, reflecting the golden glow of eather . I pulled my hand back, and ash mixed with blood, smearing my fingertips.

"Momma?" a small voice trembled. "I had a bad nightmare."

The woman's attention immediately shifted to the small one in her arms. A sob shook her body as she held the little boy close.

I rose slowly, my body aching. Villagers stood throughout the forest, their faces pale or marked with confusion as they shook ash from their hair and clothing. They moved slowly, helping others stand, and some stood transfixed as the gold-laced silver tendrils disappeared into the mist, still gathering along the forest floor—

"Thank you," a man whispered, dropping to his knees, the weathered skin of his jaw slack. "Thank you, my—"

"No." I flinched as the man looked up at me how that guard Wil Tovar had. Others followed suit. Like I was a blessing. A miracle bestowed upon them. A benevolent Primal Goddess of Life. But I wasn't. I was the opposite. The nightmare the boy had spoken of. I had not earned their praise or worship. I deserved their fear.

"Rise and leave," I said, pushing with my voice—with my eather —until all were standing and backing away from me. "Leave this place." The corners of my vision were filled with silvery, golden light. "Leave this place and never return. There is nothing but death here—in the Blood Forest."

As they fled, I left and returned to Wayfair. To my family.

It was not quiet here. Deep, hollow bells rang from the Shadow Temple in a solemn rhythm of death as I limped forward. My gaze lifted to where Ezra remained impaled to the now-cracked wall.

My heart shattered again.

But I would fix it. I was the true Primal of Life.

I could bring them back.

All of them.

My clever, fair sister and her kind, loyal wife. My mother, who had named me after the brave and revered Queen of the Vodina Isles. The small ones in the gutters. Those in the sea, lying in the streets, and beyond Lasania . I would return them to what they were, just as I had with the villagers in Terra.

I moved fast, summoning the eather to draw the spikes from the bodies of those impaled and gently lowered them to the ground. I kept Ezra and Marisol side by side, not changing the direction in which Marisol looked. It didn't feel right as I knelt beside my sister.

Purpose filled me, and the humming eather rose once more. I reached for Ezra's hand—

"Sera?"

I spun, eather crackling from my fingertips.

Awash in a fiery glow, Holland stood before me, the heated wind tugging at the white linen pants and tunic he wore. Somehow, the pristine material remained unblemished as he stood among the dead—those he'd shared suppers and stories with. His ageless face mirrored those scattered around him. His expression showed horror. He wasn't looking at me. He was looking at everything around us.

Seeing him stunned me and conjured a wealth of emotions and memories—from when I was just a young girl holding a blade for the first time up to the last time I'd seen him in the throne room. In an instant, I was some other version of me. A mixture of that young girl and the woman he'd raised like a daughter.

The eather fizzled out. Pain flared all along the length of my body, and I took a stumbling step toward him.

His head turned back to me, and I saw that his once hickory-hued irises were now like Aydun's—bursts of silver sprinkled through the colors, appearing like the stars they had come from. "What have you done?"

I jerked to a halt with a wince. I didn't understand what he was asking. "What have I done?"

"You killed a Primal, Sera."

I drew back in disbelief. That is what he had to say to me? That ? After everything? It took several moments for me to snap out of my stupor. "Do you not see what Kolis did? To everyone here? To my mother? To Marisol and Ezra?" My voice cracked, and, gods, it hurt. It hurt even worse to see Holland's gaze flicker behind me and witness his flinch. "I gave him a chance. I made him an offer. This was his answer. He nearly killed everyone in the city. He acted, and I am reacting."

Holland's chest rose with a deep breath, and he returned his gaze to mine. "And you killed nearly as many."

My head jerked back as if I had been slapped, even though I knew I had unleashed ruin upon those here and beyond. I inhaled through my stinging nose. "I'm fixing that." I started walking backward. "I'm going to undo—"

Holland took a step forward. "You cannot do that. You have already brought Marisol back once," he said. "You cannot do it again. Her soul is now beyond your reach and can only be released by Death—the true Primal of Death. Why do you think Eythos hid Sotoria's soul?"

Shaking my head, I looked back at Marisol, unable to see past how she had turned her head toward Ezra in her final moments.

"It is how the balance is kept," Holland continued. "You already gave Marisol a second chance. The realms prevent that from happening again." His voice roughened. "She is gone."

I didn't want to believe Holland, but instinct told me he wasn't lying. My shoulders curved inward, and a heavy ache settled in my chest. Only Kolis could release Marisol's soul now. I briefly closed my eyes as sorrow threatened to overwhelm me. I couldn't allow that. My hands fisted, and eather pressed against my skin. I opened my eyes and turned my attention to Ezra. I could almost believe she was sleeping if I didn't look at her face. "He doesn't hold the souls of the others."

"You cannot bring them back, Sera."

I whipped around. "I can't? I'm the true Primal of Life."

"I know what you are, but just because you can do something doesn't mean you should ."

I inhaled sharply. "Do not start with that philosophical bullshit, Holland. My family is dead." Anger pulsed through me. "My city is nearly gone."

"I know. I know this hurts." He lifted his hands, and when he spoke next, his voice had gentled. "And I'm sorry. I truly am. This shouldn't have happened. It's not fair."

"You're right. This shouldn't have happened, and it's not fair. That's why I'm going to make it right."

"But you won't, Sera. You will just end up repeating everything that led to this very moment. You've already started to with those you brought back."

"This is different," I insisted.

"Listen to me. Please," he said, the stars in his eyes brightening. "You know what happens if you bring them back. Other lives will be forfeited to take their place."

Oh, gods.

I hadn't even thought of that. How many villagers had I brought back? A hundred? No, more… Two hundred? Three? That meant…

I briefly closed my eyes. "I don't care." I turned back to Ezra.

"You must care," Holland insisted. "It is the only way balance can be kept."

"Fuck balance!" I screamed, and lightning streaked overhead. "Where were you to remind Kolis of balance when he ordered this? Where were any of you? Where— wait ." My entire body jerked. "Did you see this, Holland?"

Holland's eyes closed.

"Did you know this would happen?" I shouted. "And do nothing? You knew these people! You knew Ezra—" My voice gave out, and my hands fisted.

"Sera," he rasped, pain etching his features. "There are many threads, many possible outcomes. Ones we cannot interfere in—"

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" I had to force myself to move back and look away from Holland before I lost control.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

I looked down at Ezra and then swung my gaze to where my mother now lay on the ground. A shudder went through me. The gnawing pain seemed endless as another lightning bolt raced across the smoke-filled sky. "I told them to call my name. Said I would come. Ezra didn't do it. But I heard her shrieks—" I cut myself off. Anger and anguish flooded my senses. "Why didn't she call for me?" I looked back at Ezra. "Why didn't you do what I told you? Godsdamnit !" I screamed. "Why?"

"You know why," Holland said softly, sadly. "She would never willingly endanger you."

That made it worse.

Because this—all of this—wasn't just Kolis's fault.

"Ezra will be with Marisol and her father once more," Holland said. "You need to let her go."

I shook. "My mother…"

"You need to let them all go, Sera." His voice was closer. "This is not where you are needed, and you're in no condition to continue as you are."

Tremors ran up and down my arms as I closed my eyes again. "And where am I needed?"

"A god who serves in Lotho must be Ascended soon," he said. "The energy Embris's death released is making its way across all the realms. It must return to a vessel before it circles back—"

"I know what will happen," I cut him off. "That doesn't change what I must do. I have to bring Ezra back. I have to bring them all back."

Holland's sigh was heavy. "I don't want to hurt you, Sera."

Crushing agony formed a tight ball in my chest. I opened my eyes, slowly faced him, and all I saw at that moment was an Ancient standing before me. One who had known all along that those he'd laughed and fought beside would die like this.

Streaks of swirling eather brimmed beneath his flesh. " Eythos once found himself in a similar position. A plague struck down a village he favored. He brought them back—all of them—even though that was not what the realms needed. And he continued to do so, each restored life leading to others believing there would always be a second chance. And each life cost another theirs until he had ended the lives of as many as he restored. By the time he realized his folly, it was already too late. It was expected from him. You need to be better than that, Sera."

"I don't care what Eythos did," I spat. "Nor do I care about being better than him or anyone. That is what led to this!"

"How?" Holland shook his head. "How can you think that?"

"Because trying to be better is what stopped me from going after Kolis. Trying to be better is what prevented me from refusing his deal and entering the eirini ." My wounded hand ached as I lifted my fists. "Trying to be what I'm not is what allowed this."

"And what are you, Sera?"

"What you trained me to be," I snarled. "A fighter. A killer. Not some fucking benevolent ball of goodness." I shook. "If I had just listened to my gut from the beginning—"

"Things would've been different?" he finished. "Maybe. Perhaps if you had rejected Kolis's offer, this never would've happened. Or maybe you would've lost those here and more in the battles that followed. Maybe if Kolis hadn't kept all his pain to himself, he would've turned out differently. Maybe if you hadn't held in all your pain, you wouldn't have given in to it now. Many things could've been different, but this is what happened," he said. "Now, you must do what is right for the realms."

"I don't give a fuck about the realms."

The bands of churning eather stilled in his flesh. "You don't mean that."

"Believe what you want."

The skin of his cheeks began to thin. "I will not allow you to make the same mistakes those who came before you made."

That was the wrong thing to say. Grief gave way to ruinous fury. Eather spilled from my fingertips, pooling on the blood-soaked ground. "Try," I whispered—or yelled. I wasn't sure. But my voice was both everywhere and nowhere. "Try to stop me."

Mist drifted from him, spilling onto the ground. It sparked with a thousand dazzling stars as Holland changed , became taller and broader. His features sharpened. His flesh became starlight as the mist formed wings and then thickened, solidifying until I thought I saw glossy, black feathers in the glow of the nearby fires.

"What in the actual fuck?" I whispered.

Holland shot forward, and instinct kicked in. I spun to the right, summoning the eather . I didn't want to hurt him, either, but I wouldn't allow him to stop me. I threw my arm out, and eather erupted from my fingertips. The raw energy slammed into Holland, rippling over his body before seeping into him.

His now hairless head tilted. When next he spoke, his mouth was full of starlight, and his voice boomed like thunder, rattling my bones. "You know better than that."

My lips parted as he rose into the air, his massive wings stretched high. Wisps of pure white eather swirled around his arms.

I took a breath.

That was all.

And then I was no longer in the courtyard but standing on the white limestone and granite steps of the Temple of Keella . I was in the heart of Croft's Cross.

Or what was left of it.

Holland grasped my shoulder. "Look."

The tall, narrow tenements had been reduced to piles of rubble. The already uneven cobblestones were shattered. Bodies lay everywhere. Survivors scrambled up heaps of jagged stone. There were screams for help, pleas for the gods to bring aid, and among the chaos, a dark-haired woman robed in white stood in the cluttered roadway, cradling a limp babe against her chest. She hummed and smoothed her hand over a pale cheek.

I recognized her.

She was the Priestess I'd seen when I came to retrieve Norbert's children, Nate and Ellie. The one who had said the age of the Golden King was over and that no Mierel sat on the throne.

And never would again.

The Priestess's sorrow-filled gaze lifted, meeting mine.

My body jerked, and then we were suddenly in the Garden District, bells chiming. The air was thick with smoke, and the destruction was vast. Homes were leveled. Fires raged. Survivors rushed toward crushed hills of stone as pale, gaunt, black-robed Priests moved through the debris, ringing the death knell.

"Look," Holland ordered. "Look at what has already happened to the people you were willing to die to protect." His fingers dug into my shoulder. "Are you willing to exchange their lives for your Ezra? Are you willing to take their lives?" He turned me to the left.

A man and woman huddled on the ground, their arms around two small children. They were all wounded, smudged with dirt and blood, but they were alive, a family still intact.

"Them?" demanded Holland. "That is who will pay the price. Everyone who walks will."

My chest cracked, somehow deeper and more unforgiving than before.

"And do you think those you bring back will not know the price that was paid?" His massive wings stirred the thick billow of smoke. "They have been dead long enough to know, just as many of the villagers were. They will return to see their family and friends dead in their place. Do you think they'd want that? Do you think those you've sentenced to that fate wanted that?"

My lungs burned when I dragged in a stuttered breath. My heart pounded as I stared at the family, the death knell continuing to ring.

I couldn't do that to them.

And that made the pain unbearable.

I wrenched myself free of Holland's grasp, trying to swallow, but it got stuck. I saw that he no longer looked like such an otherworldly being. His wings were gone, and his skin was no longer full of starlight. I recognized every inch of his features and saw sorrow in the kaleidoscope of colors in those eyes. I couldn't bear to look at him.

I turned to the once beautiful garden. Men and women, children, and the elderly were strewn about, their necks broken and twisted at unnatural angles.

This was Kolis's fault, but…

I couldn't let myself finish that thought. I couldn't . But I had to. Because Holland was right. Not only Kolis's choices had led to this moment. Mine had, too.

Pressing my hands to my temples, my chest tightened.

So many lives had been lost.

So many.

What have you done?

What I'd done was right in front of me.

Oh, gods.

A shudder went through me, and I stumbled forward. My legs went out from under me. I didn't hit the cracked streets. Instead, my knees pressed into damp soil as the weight of it all fell upon me. Each act of vengeance and retribution fell like the stones I had torn down and the mountains I had crumbled. I pitched forward, placing my hands on the grass.

Oh, gods.

Nightmarish images rose as I stared at the Blood Forest I had shadowstepped into. Toppled homes and burning forests. Deep crevices in streets and beneath homes and people's feet. In my mind, I saw the Priestess cradling the small child—one whose life I might have inadvertently taken in anger. The hills alight with fire. The screams I'd heard after ending Embris .

They were the screams of the dying. Lives I had taken. Maybe not thousands, but hundreds. And that…oh, gods, that was just as bad. It was just as monstrous as what Kolis did.

What had I done?

My fingers dug into the clumps of grass, and I trembled. Kolis had acted.

And I had re acted.

I summoned the eather , and the power responded to my will, stretching out and wrapping itself around each blood tree. I destroyed them one by one, unable to bear the sight of what I'd done. I destroyed all but a small cluster that stood at the foot of what remained of the Undying Hills.

I focused on them, but the eather rolled off them. Nothing I did removed the twenty or so trees that remained. I tried until I was exhausted. My gaze swept over the now-barren fields before returning to the remaining blood trees. For some reason, I could still see them covering the landscape as if all those haunting trees would one day return.

I pressed my forehead against the tainted ground, dragging in air. It tasted of the ruin I had caused.

The line between acting in rightful justice and lashing out in wrathful vengeance was a fine one. Incredibly thin and so easy to cross. I needed no vadentia to know that. I'd always known that. But I hadn't just crossed that line.

I'd destroyed it.

And had become a true monster in the process.

What rose then was just as choking as the rage. It, too, was an all-consuming tempest, and every heartbeat was an echo of ravenous sorrow.

I broke.

I rocked back, bloody hands fisting in my hair as I screamed. Tears coursed down my cheeks and fell from the sky. I screamed until I thought I might rip apart, until my voice gave out, and there was nothing.

I didn't know how long I remained on my knees, arms limp at my sides. I heard and saw nothing until I registered someone calling my name over and over.

Hands grasped my arms, shaking me. "Sera!"

Numbly, I opened my eyes, expecting to see Holland, but it wasn't him.

Attes was crouched in front of me, red soaking his hair and streaming down his face. "Sera? Can you hear me?" He squeezed my arms. "Do you understand me?"

"I…" I rasped hoarsely. "Look…at what I did."

The Primal shook his head and swallowed thickly. "That doesn't matter right now."

How could he say that? My gaze drifted behind him to the crimson leaves.

"Look at me." He caught my chin, forcing my gaze back to his. "I need you to focus on me and listen. If you don't, there will be more death and destruction. Lotho needs a Primal, and only you can Ascend one. If you don't do it and do it now, the essence will circle back, and there will be even more damage. You must stop this."

The screams…

Those lost when Embris's essence was released. I flinched, and Attes cursed. Their blood was on my hands.

"Sera," Attes pleaded.

"I know," I croaked.

Relief poured into his features, and he helped me stand. As the blood leaves swayed in the wind, we shadowstepped to Mount Lotho .