11. Everly

11

Everly

I didn't return to Pandora's Box the rest of the week. After what happened with Cooper, I stayed away.

But I was miserable.

Not skating left a gaping hole in my chest. I tried to focus on my studies, burying myself in textbooks and notes, but my mind kept drifting back to the rink. The feel of the cool air on my skin, the satisfying scrape of blades against ice, the rush of adrenaline as I pushed myself faster and faster.

Skating made me feel alive in a way nothing else did. It was an escape from the suffocating expectations of my mother, from the pressure to be perfect all the time. On the ice, I could just… be.

But now, without it, everything felt dull and lifeless. I went through the motions of my days—getting textbooks for next quarter, helping Holly study, eating—but it all seemed pointless. What was the point of any of it if I couldn't do the one thing that brought me joy?

I knew I was being dramatic. It wasn't like I'd never skate again. But right then, it felt like my whole world had come crashing down around me. I couldn't stop replaying that moment with Cooper over and over in my head—the way his scars felt, the anger because I told him the truth.

I didn't know what to make of him. He was gruff and aloof, but there was a kindness to him too. A protectiveness that made me feel safe, even as it unnerved me.

I shook my head, trying to dispel thoughts of amber eyes and strong hands. I needed to focus on the last quarter before summer, on getting through this week.

But deep down, I knew I couldn't stay away from Pandora's Box forever. Skating was a part of me now, and sooner or later, I'd find my way back to the ice.

After a few more days, I couldn't fight my curiosity anymore. I needed to know more about him. Needed to understand what made him tick.

On Saturday, I found myself hunched over my laptop, searching for anything I could find on Cooper Sinclaire. It didn't take long to stumble upon the video. Judging by the headline and the comments, this was what caused Texas to suspend him indeterminately.

My cursor hovered over the play button, hesitating. Did I really want to see this? But morbid curiosity won out, and I clicked.

The video was sharp, clearly taken during a game… the one on February 29, based on the date. It was easy to make out Cooper and another player—Matthews, according to the title and the name on the back of the jersey—squaring off on the ice.

Matthews said something, his lips curling into a sneer. Cooper responded, his posture tense and coiled like a spring. Matthews laughed, shaking his head, and that's when Cooper snapped.

He dropped his gloves and launched himself at Matthews, gloves flying. The other man tried to defend himself, but Cooper was relentless. He pummeled Matthews mercilessly, his face twisted with rage.

I flinched as Cooper's fist connected with Matthews' jaw, sending him sprawling to the ice. But I couldn't look away. It was like watching a car crash in slow motion—horrifying, but impossible to turn away from.

Blood spattered across the pristine white ice as Cooper continued his assault. Matthews was limp now, clearly unconscious, but Cooper didn't let up. He just kept hitting him, over and over again, until the refs finally managed to pull him off.

I sat back in my chair, my heart racing. I'd never seen anything like that before. The sheer brutality of it, the way Cooper had lost control… it was terrifying.

But beneath the horror, there was something else. A twisted sort of fascination. I couldn't deny that seeing Cooper like that, so primal and unleashed, sent a thrill through me.

I closed my laptop, trying to push the image from my mind. But it was seared into my brain now, impossible to forget.

Cooper Sinclaire was dangerous. I knew that now more than ever.

But God help me, I couldn't stay away.

I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd seen in that video. The way Cooper had lost control, the sheer violence of it all. It was like nothing I'd ever witnessed before.

But what really stuck with me was the reason behind it. I remembered what he'd said to his ex-fiancée, about defending her honor. Had Matthews said something about her? Something so vile and disgusting that it pushed Cooper over the edge?

I tried to imagine what that must have been like. To love someone so fiercely, so completely, that you'd be willing to risk everything for them. To throw away your career, your reputation, your whole life, just to protect them.

My mother had always told me that the right man was a gentleman. He wouldn't hurt a fly, she'd say, just like my father. And I'd taken pride in that, in the idea that I'd find someone gentle and kind, someone who would treat me like a delicate flower.

But this… this was something different. There was a savagery to it, a primal sort of protectiveness that I couldn't quite wrap my head around. The way Cooper had gone completely feral, like a wild animal defending its mate… it was both terrifying and strangely thrilling.

I didn't know what to make of it. On one hand, the violence of it all repulsed me. I'd been raised to believe that fighting was never the answer, that real men solved their problems with words, not fists.

On the other hand… there was something about the depth of Cooper's devotion that called to me. The fact that he loved someone so much, he'd be willing to risk everything for them… it was a kind of love I'd never seen before. A love that consumed you, body and soul.

I sat there for a long time, staring at my closed laptop, trying to make sense of the warring emotions inside me. I knew I should be disgusted by what I'd seen, knew I should want nothing to do with a man capable of such brutality.

But I couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to Cooper than met the eye. That beneath the scars and the gruff exterior, there was a man who loved deeply and fiercely, a man who would do anything to protect the ones he cared about.

And God help me, but I wanted to know more.

I sat on Holly's bed, fiddling with the frayed edge of her comforter as I gathered the courage to ask the question that had been nagging at me all day.

"What happened between you and Damien?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

Holly furrowed her brows, looking up from her textbook. "Damien?"

I nodded, biting my lip. "Is Cooper Sinclaire Damien's older brother?"

"Uh, yeah..." she responded, her expression guarded.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for her reaction. "When you were with Damien, did you know Cooper?"

She closed her eyes, a pained look crossing her face. "Where is this coming from?"

"Cooper's my skating teacher," I explained, my cheeks heating up at the admission.

"Cooper's a gigantic dick," Holly said, her tone sharp. "Probably has one, with the amount of arrogance he has too."

I felt my face flush even more at her words, my mind wandering to places it definitely shouldn't. "Does size really matter?" I whispered, unable to meet her gaze.

Holly's eyes widened, her mouth falling open in shock. "Oh, my gosh, Everly."

"What?" I asked, feeling defensive. "Look, you know I want to fall in love. You know I want to have sex. Why do you think I'm going to this party tomorrow night? Because Zach could be the one!"

"The one?" she asked, her tone doubtful. "Ev, he's the first guy who's talked to you for more than three seconds. Just because he's cute doesn't mean he's the one."

I sighed, knowing she was right. "I know," I said. "Of course, I know. That's why I'm asking about Damien."

Her expression softened, and she set her textbook aside.

"I know you don't like talking about it," I said quickly. "So, if you don't want to, I understand. I just... I guess I just want to know what it's like. Being in love. Having someone love you back."

Holly took a deep breath, her gaze distant as she began to speak.

"Honestly, I don't even know if Damien actually loved me," she admitted. "But... I loved him with every fiber of my being. And it was... the best feeling ever. Having someone like him love me? He was... possessive and protective and needy. He always wanted to be around, always wanted to touch me, but he would also keep away because he would say he didn't want to love someone that much." She shook her head. "Honestly, his family is a mess. It was only a matter of time before he took what we had and smashed it all up because he was afraid to love me."

I frowned, unable to comprehend such a thing. "How could anyone be afraid of love?" I asked.

"He didn't want to get hurt," she said. "And he didn't trust me enough not to hurt him." She pursed her lips. "It happened around the draft. I mean, I could understand wanting to be single for college, for being introduced to the NHL. And the two of us... I was a freshman, and he was a senior. So, I get it, you know? My father caught us. I don't know what happened after that. I'm positive my father threatened him, maybe even was ready to take him to the cops and claimed he raped me because of our age difference, but I begged my father not to. And Damien... who would want to deal with that? I couldn't blame him. I didn't hear from him after that."

"But you were heartbroken," I said softly, remembering how she'd been back then. "I remember that."

"Yeah," Holly said, her voice tinged with sadness. "And seeing him after so many years... it's brought that up again." She forced a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Sorry. I'm not sure this is what you wanted to hear."

"Do you think Cooper Sinclaire loved his fiancée?" I asked. "To do what he did?"

Holly pursed her lips. "Why do you care so much about Cooper Sinclaire?" she countered.

I felt my cheeks heat up. "Because I'm around him," I admitted. "I want to understand. He's like no one I've ever met before, and I know that's not saying much because I haven't been around many people, but... He's loud and abrasive. He's rude. He yells all the time. He's already made a student cry. But I've seen him on the ice, and it's like... he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

She sighed, her expression softening. "Honestly, yeah, I think he did," she said. "I think Matthews said something stupid and Cooper defended her, and I think it sucks that she just dumped him after because Cooper... He's hard to love."

"Why?" I asked, my brow furrowing.

"Because of what an asshole he is," Holly said bluntly. "Even Damien would say it. He kept everyone away. He treated his father like garbage, and his father played for the Tennessee Wildcats and is revered among the hockey community."

I sat up straighter, my eyes widening. "Wait," I said. "Was he on the team while my father was a trainer?"

She nodded. "I'm positive they knew each other, but Dad doesn't talk about his time there much," she said. "But anyway, to go back to the topic, you don't want someone like Cooper Sinclaire to love you."

"Why not?" I asked, my heart sinking.

"Because they love themselves more," she said. "At least, Damien did, and Cooper is like Damien but ten times worse."

I fell silent, mulling over her words. Could Cooper really be that bad? I couldn't deny the attraction I felt towards him, the way my heart raced when he was near. But if what Holly said was true...

I shook my head, pushing the thoughts away. I couldn't let myself fall for someone like that. Not when I had so much at stake, so much to prove to myself and everyone else.

"I guess you're right," I said softly.

But even as the words left my mouth, I knew it wouldn't be that easy. Cooper Sinclaire had gotten under my skin, and I wasn't sure I could shake him off that easily.

"So," she said. "Tell me about Zach. You said he's cute?"

"Zach was really nice when I met him behind the skate counter," I said. "He invited me to this party and everything. He was charming and cute."

Holly nodded, her expression serious. "Well, be careful," she warned. "College parties aren't exactly social gatherings."

I frowned, not understanding. "What do you mean?"

"People just use parties as an excuse to get drunk and have sex," she explained. "Sometimes drugs are involved, sometimes not if it's an athlete throwing the party. The Titans throw legendary parties, so if you get an invite to one of those, I'd go."

I shook my head. "I don't think it's a Titan party," I said. "I don't think Zach is on the team. Or, if he is, it's not varsity."

Holly's gaze bore into mine. "Just... don't be stupid," she said firmly. "And I say that with love, Ev. If anything about the situation feels wrong, if anyone pushes you to do something you don't want to do, leave. Call me, got it?"

A knot formed in my stomach. "Why? What do you think is going to happen?"

"Look." She sighed. "I'm not trying to scare you. You deserve to live a little now. But don't let anyone make you a drink, got it? Actually, don't drink at all."

I jerked back, my eyes widening. "What? Why?"

"Because guys drug girls and then have sex with them," she said bluntly.

The words hit me like a punch to the gut. "What?" I gasped.

"It's true," Holly insisted.

I shook my head vehemently. "Zach isn't like that," I said, my voice trembling slightly.

Holly gave me a pointed look. "You don't know him," she reminded me.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. "Holly, I don't think it's fair to make assumptions based on one interaction," I said, my voice trembling slightly.

She fixed me with a stern look. "And you trusting someone you don't even know is na?ve," she retorted. "Hell, you know Cooper more than you know Zach."

I opened my mouth to protest, but she held up a hand to silence me.

"I'm telling you, Everly, please," she said, her tone softening. "I know you see the good in people and I know how much you want love. I promise you, it will happen. But just... you have to be careful. Not everyone is good. Not everyone deserves your faith."

I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes, but I blinked them away. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew Holly was right. I had been sheltered for so long, homeschooled and overprotected by my mother. I didn't have the same life experiences as other people my age, and I knew that made me more vulnerable.

But at the same time, I couldn't help but feel a flicker of hope in my chest. Maybe Zach was different. Maybe he was one of the good ones. And even if he wasn't, I knew I had to start taking risks if I ever wanted to find love.

I took in a deep breath, steeling myself for what I was about to say. "Okay, Holly," I said, my voice steady. "I'll be careful."

She smiled at me, relief evident on her face. "Good," she said. "And remember, if anything feels off, just call me, okay? I'll come get you, no questions asked."

I nodded, feeling a rush of gratitude for my best friend. "Thanks, Holly," I said softly. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

She grinned, reaching out to pull me into a hug. "You'd probably be lost without me," she teased.

I laughed, hugging her back tightly. "Probably," I agreed.

But even as we joked and laughed, I couldn't shake the feeling of unease that had settled in the pit of my stomach. I knew I had to be careful, but a part of me wondered if I would ever find love. There were so many rules I didn't know about, and stopping myself from seeing the good in someone felt wrong. I didn't know how to turn that off. And honestly? I didn't want to.