Chapter 14

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"God, I love that kid," I say with a chuckle as I enter the kitchen after putting Elsie down for a nap.

Ada smiles at the sink as she washes some of the dishes. "She is definitely an amazing little girl. And with a heart of gold. She must get that from you."

"You think so?"

"Mhmm. And so smart too. Dr. Elsie knew just how to take care of me."

I shrug with a grin and lean on the counter opposite Ada. "I mean let's not give all the credit to the four-year-old. She'd be nowhere without Nurse Daddy."

"I guess you have a point." She laughs. "So, it's really you I should thank then. For taking such good care of me."

"It was my pleasure, Ada. I'm glad you're feeling better."

"I am. Much better. Thank you."

"The sweatshirt looks good on you, by the way," I tell her, raking my eyes over her body. There's nothing better than the woman you're attracted to wearing your name and hockey number on her back. Well, except when that woman is underneath you with her pussy clenched around your cock and she's screaming your name as she comes…but I digress. I wish like hell I was Superman right now, with x-ray vision so I could see what she looks like in the red lace bra and panty set I know she's wearing under my sweatshirt. It's almost like the one from the boudoir picture I saw, which is what made me choose it.

And red happens to be my favorite color.

There's an awkward silence that falls between us and it makes me anxious. I know this would be a safe time to finally talk things out about the other night, but how the hell do I bring this up?

"Hey how about that dry hump, huh?"

"You touched my penis and it made me happy."

"The sound of you coming is music to my ears."

"I'm really attracted to you but this is all sorts of weird because you know, you're the nanny."

"Can I kiss you again and still pay you to watch my kid? Is that weird?"

Hell.

I can't say any of those things to her. And on top of all this, I still have Lori to worry about. I shouldn't have to worry about her as she hasn't been in my life for years, but technically I have to assume we're still legally married. And until I can track her own and manage this situation I'm trapped in a marriage that isn't a marriage at all.

I'm glad I have the best lawyer money can buy. Grady's a good guy. He understands my situation. If anyone can help resolve this, he can. My teammates are right. I need to put an end to all things Lori and get her out of my life for good.

"Zeke?"

"Yeah?"

"About the other night. Would this be a good time to…you know, talk?"

I knew this was coming.

I take a deep breath to calm my nerves and nod my head. "Yeah. Sure."

She turns off the water from the sink and places the last washed dish in the drying rack and then turns to face me. Our eyes meet and whatever awkward tension is going on between us is now palpable. My mouth is dry and I can't think of what to say or how to say it so I blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind at exactly the same time she starts talking.

"You left—"

"—feel like I owe you an apology."

"Did you not—"

"—touched your penis and—"

"—your hands were on me and I couldn't help—"

"—you kissed me and—"

"—you left. And I heard you crying."

Her eyes grow huge at that last part and then they glisten with tears she's trying way too hard to hold back.

Fuck.

"I over-stepped, Ada. You were so…flustered and it was kind of adorable. I lost control and fuck. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, scare you, or make you do something you didn't want to do. God, I was a douche and I'm so sorry."

"No, no, no." She shakes her head adamantly and grabs my forearm. "Zeke, you didn't hurt me."

"You were crying, Ada. I made you cry."

"It wasn't you, Zeke." Her tears cascade one by one down her soft pink cheeks. "Shit. I'm so sorry. It was me."

"Really?" I challenge with an anxious laugh. "You're giving me the it's-not-you-it's-me line?"

"Okay." She shrugs. "So, it wasn't you and it wasn't really me." Her hazel eyes pierce mine. "It was Luke."

My brows furrow. "Luke…" I think for a minute and then remember. "Your husband."

More tears stream her face and she silently nods.

Way to fucking go, Miller. Your horny dry hump drove the girl to tears.

"Ada." My shoulders sag and I sigh and give her my most sincerely sympathetic expression. "I am…Christ. I'm so sorry. I never even thought—"

"I didn't either," she tells me. "I promise I wasn't thinking it in the moment. What we did, it…" She closes her eyes and I see the corner of her mouth turn up even if for only a moment. "It was unexpected, yes, but not unenjoyable. Not unwanted. And not disliked in any way whatsoever."

Time for some raw honest truth.

"Ada, I haven't been able to get you out of my mind for weeks. I tried to deny my initial attraction to you and then I saw those pictures of you in your bedroom. And I know that makes me sound like some kind of creepy perv of a guy and I am so fucking sorry for that. I just have to be honest with you. You deserve that much. I see you with Elsie and I watch her interact with you and you with her and it is so perfect. You two are perfect together." I give her a desperate smile. "Fuck, I'm attracted to you, Ada." I run a hand through my hair. "I didn't mean for it to happen. I really tried like hell to deny it, but I can't anymore. But I don't want to make it weird for you and I understand if—"

"I'm attracted to you too, Zeke."

"Wait." I lift my brow. "You are?"

"I am. Is that okay? Because I don't want to make it weird either."

I nod several times trying to take in her confession, my voice a shaky kind of nervous. "Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's good then."

"But if I'm being honest with myself, I should admit that I'm struggling with my emotions right now," she adds.

Wait.

She likes me but she doesn't like me?

"Okay. What does that mean?"

She swallows and peers up at me. "You're the first man I've ever…been with, since Luke."

I reach out and wipe some of her tears away with my thumb as she continues. "It hit me like a ton of bricks when we, you know, finished the other night. He hadn't entered my mind once the whole night until this split second that he popped into my brain and then I couldn't stop the emotions. The feelings of guilt. Like I had just done something very wrong. Like I was hurting him." She sniffles as more tears fall and my heart melts for her.

God, when she puts it that way I feel like a fucking monster.

"Ada, I'm—"

"And I don't want you to ever think I'm trying to take advantage of you," she tells me.

My brows spike. "Take advantage of…Ada, if anyone was taking advantage of someone, it was me taking advantage of you. You didn't ask to sit on my lap. You didn't ask to rock your body against mine. I did that. I took advantage of you. God, I was like a fucking horny teenager."

"Zeke, you didn't do anything to me that I didn't want you to do."

I bring my hand to my heart. "That's a relief to hear. And since we're admitting things, Ada, you should know you're the first person I've been with since Lori."

She cocks her head and gives me a look that says there's no way she believes that. Her disbelief makes me chuckle. "You don't believe me?"

"Well, I mean…" She shakes her head. "I just assumed you…you know."

"Fucked around with any woman who would have me?"

"No. I don't mean that. But, yeah, you know. You're a famous hockey player. You're wildly attractive. Your body is…" She shakes her head in amazement as she pats her hands down my torso and I try not to laugh. "Solid. And I know what my brother has gone through with women who simply want bragging rights with athletes and—"

"And you think I play those games?"

She bows her head. "I'm sorry, Zeke. I shouldn't have assumed."

I lift her chin with my finger so I can look into her beautiful eyes. "I promise I'm telling the truth. You can ask any one of the guys. They know when the puck bunnies come out to play, I leave. And now they all do too. Up until three years ago most of the guys were single. I was married to Lori at that time so I never needed to go out and meet women. Now, Lori is gone and I have Elsie to think about. I'd rather be here snuggling with her any night of the week. What kind of father would I be to her if I was out sleeping around every night?"

"That's fair. And I believe you," she says.

"I haven't as much as looked at another woman until you walked into my life, Ada. And now, I think about you all the damn time. I wonder what you and Elsie are doing during any given day, and I wonder what you're thinking, and I want to be here with you at night when Elsie goes to sleep. I miss you when we're on the road. I miss your smile and your laugh and your sunshiny attitude. I want to know you. More of you. All of you."

"And you're not put off by the fact you hired me to be your nanny?"

I cringe. "Well, when you put it that way it sounds like we're walking the line of forbidden relationships."

"Yeah."

Remembering what the guys have said to me more than once, I explain, "But then I remind myself we're both adults. We get to be in control of whatever happens here."

"I suppose you're right."

"Hey." I tenderly cup her face in my palm so she'll look at me. "I'm sorry for pushing you too far the other night. And I promise I'm not pushing you into anything more, okay? I can appreciate your feelings and your grief. I get it. It's different for me because Lori left me. She didn't love me anymore. She didn't love the life of a hockey wife. But you loved Luke and he loved you. You shared an unwavering bond, so I understand the need to work through those feelings when they arise."

"But what if…what if I want to try?" Her voice quivers and her eyes flit between my eyes and my mouth. "I've worked my way through my feelings. I did the therapies. I grieved. For years. I didn't want the ending of that night to go the way it did. Trust me. I thought it was…it felt…good. Really good. It felt right. And I wanted so much more until I scared myself. So, what if I want to try?"

"Then I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere and hopefully neither are you. I'll be here okay? For you. Whenever you want. I've waited three years to even think about another woman. I can certainly wait a little longer."

"But what if I don't want to wait?"

My breath hitches as nervous excitement blooms in my stomach. "What are you saying, Ada?"

"I'm saying I think I'd really like you to kiss me, Zeke."

She wants me to kiss her.

Inside I'm reeling like a teenage boy who just got permission to suck face with the hot girl. Outside, though, I take a slow steady breath and try to be the man I want to be for her.

The caring compassionate man she needs.

"I think I can do that."

I slide one hand around her waist and the other around the back of her head. With my thumb, I lift her chin so it's angled toward me and then I lower my mouth to hers.

Hell, her lips are soft. Supple. Sweet.

She opens her mouth and my tongue sneaks past her lips.

Jesus, she's delicious.

She tastes like the mint of her toothpaste, the strawberry of her Chapstick, and the promise of compassion and loyalty. I slowly swipe my tongue once, twice, three times, against hers, desperate to make up for all the moments I didn't kiss her before. Determined to fill my senses of her now.

I slide my hand up her back and step into her, pulling her tighter against me, not a care in the world that she's undoubtedly feeling my obvious arousal between us. She drags her hand lazily from my chest to my waistline where she hooks her fingers into my pants and I am once again keenly aware of how close she is to touching my dick. Her tongue peeks out to glide against mine and when they touch the sound that comes out of me is the perfect blend of a satisfied sigh and a pleasured moan. Ada Lewis has a perfect pair of lips and stepping away from them any time soon would be a fucking tragedy.

I want to carry her to the kitchen table and lay her out in front of me so I can see all of her. I want to strip her down and taste every inch of her. I want to gaze into her sunset-colored eyes as I make her come in every way imaginable.

"I'm all done with my nap!" a little voice calls from the top of the stairs. Ada startles and pulls her lips away, but I don't let go of her just yet.

"Did you go potty?" I ask from the kitchen.

"Oops! I need to go right now!"

"Okay."

I bring my forehead to Ada's and take a deep steadying breath. Her lashes sweep over the very top of her cheeks and then her eyes are on me.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're an amazing kisser?" she whispers to me.

Her question brings a smile to my face. "If anyone here is amazing, Ada, it's you. Fuck, I didn't want to stop."

"Me either." She bites her bottom lip and squeezes my bicep. "But for what it's worth, thank you for talking this all out with me. And for not skirting around it anymore."

"You're welcome. And listen, the ball's in your court, okay? Obviously, I want to explore things with you, but I don't ever want to put you in a situation you're not comfortable with. I won't push you. Take all the time you need. I promise I'm not going anywhere."

"Daddy can we play mermaids?" Elsie asks as she skips into the kitchen. I scoop her into my arms and give her a playful cringe.

"Are you sure you don't want to play something like…hockey?"

She shakes her head, adamant. "No. I want to play mermaids. You be the daddy mermaid and Ada is the mommy mermaid and I am the baby mermaid."

Resigning with a sigh, I nod and wink at her. "Then you better get your magic wand so you can help me grow my fins."