Chapter 19

19

BONES

W et, hot scratchy wool fills my lungs. It's hard to breathe, harder to stay still. I've forced back the angry possessive and protective urges around Sloan that the fucker Paul triggered inside of me. I fucked up the mission to take out Father Xavius because I couldn't handle how small Sloan had suddenly become in his presence. According to Cinder, I lost perspective. If Cinder thinks that, Reaper definitely does.

Which is why I'm sitting in one of the leather chairs across from the motorcycle club's prez and our leader in his office. I keep my eyes trained on a spot over his right shoulder on the adobe wall.

Fuckity fuckity fuck.

Reaper told me to stay away from Sloan and I swore I would. Yet another promise I've broken. This is a broken promise I struggle to feel guilt over. Sloan is my mate. Our joining was inevitable.

I'll take any punishment Reaper doles out. I'd face Prince Tol'vazir's barbed whips each day if it meant I would have Sloan in my arms every night.

Reaper lets out a loud sigh, cutting through the silence of his office here in the clubhouse. I flinch at the disappointment so clear in the exhalation.

I bounce my knee, unable to contain myself. Bounce. Bounce. Bounce.

Gritting my teeth against his continued silence, I run a hand down my thigh and press hard enough to keep my leg still.

Reaper picks up the tablet in front of him, the screen lighting up before he turns it around and offers it to me. Brows narrowing, I take it from him and scan the document pulled up. I look back at him in a silent but obvious question.

He jerks his chin towards the tablet. "There's video surveillance, too. Not much, but Stubs was able to find it."

I swap to the videos he's referencing, automatically cataloging the timestamp and length of each video. There are three in total and the longest one is only seven and a half seconds long. I press play on the first one.

"Motherfucker," I breathe out. The chair creaks under my weight as I adjust, glaring at the scene in front of me. I swipe to the next video, this one only two seconds. I hit the settings and slow it down, watching it frame by frame. A growl burns its way out of my chest.

"Don't break it," Reaper says, his dry tone snatching me from the hold the clip had on me.

I'm fucking pissed and don't care that it's not Reaper who deserves my anger. "Paul's a lying piece of shit."

Reaper gives me a slow nod before leaning back in his chair and intertwining his fingers together as he props his elbows on the armrests. He studies me shrewdly. "It certainly looks that way."

I watch the final and longest video, my jaw ticking as I force my grip to soften. It's from a camera some distance away but the angle is just right to see Father Xavius approach a black sedan before Paul exits the parked vehicle. Paul is wearing the usual white cassock of the Justicars. The two men, both responsible in their own ways for Sloan's pain, embrace before Xavius leads Paul out of the security camera's frame. When it's over, I watch it again. And again.

Fuck that blond, slimy motherfucker.

"So Xavius suspected the trap and set one of his own," I mutter with distaste and return the device to the desk. Meeting Reaper's gaze, my entire being forges itself into steely resolve. "I want these fuckers dead. They will never get their hands on my mate again. I won't let these fuckers even look at her."

My leader says nothing, his stone gaze pinning me to the chair. I want to throw my head back and roar out in challenge against Xavius and Paul. My power boils under my skin, eager to be released. The multitude of bones I've buried around the clubhouse rattle against my mind, ready to be used to slaughter indiscriminately. No one will ever harm my mate again. If they even try, I'll strike them down before they get within fifty paces of her.

"Your mate."

I raise my chin at his statement. I refuse to apologize, not over her.

Reaper gives another sigh, this one more resigned than disappointed. He leans forward, bracing his thickly muscled forearms on his desk. He's large, even compared to the other demons of the Knights of Hades. "I confess that I expected this may be the case. There would be no other reason why you'd be unable to kill her as ordered. Has she gifted you her soul yet?"

I give a sharp shake of my head. "The bond is there." I rub the sudden ache in my breast bone with the heel of my palm. "I've told her she's my mate. But there hasn't been time to explain what mating a demon means."

Guilt washes over me. When Sloan accepted me in my demon form, giving me her body, I didn't care about the horrific deeds of my past. I'd let myself indulge in the shared happiness as our new mate bond formed. Except my past haunts me, taunting me from the darkest depths of my tattered soul. How could someone who went through so much pain like Sloan ever be willing to bind themselves to a beast like me forever?

A demon who tortured and abused all types of gifted creatures, breaking them until they were mindless puppets for Prince Tol'vazir to use in his wars. I was worse than Xavius, even. Xavius could not consume their souls to further grow his abilities like I had. Like I had reveled in at the beginning.

As if he can read my thoughts, Reaper asks, "Have you told her about what you've done?"

I scoff, a disparaging sound that cuts my own heart. "Of course not." My voice is rough like I'd eaten gravel for lunch. "If I tell her, she'll reject me."

"Sloan deserves to know."

I burst out of my seat, turning away and grip my short hair with both fists before letting out a shout. I fly back around, throwing my arms out wide. "Don't you fucking think I know that?"

"Then tell her."

"And watch the happiness leave her eyes as she rejects me?"

Reaper's jaw ticks but he remains unruffled. He watches me with an almost pitying expression, the bastard. "If you do not, then you'll lose her anyway."

I clench my fists and drop them by my side, forcing myself to relax.

"It's not about you, Bones. You've made mistakes, we all have. And most of yours weren't by choice."

"Not enough of them," I snap. "I will do whatever it takes to protect her. Even if that means from myself."

"What happens when Paul and Xavius come for her?" Reaper challenges.

I straighten, crossing my arms. "Then I'll kill them. That's what was likely to happen anyways. Men like Xavius don't give up an asset like her."

He studies me, like he's weighing me in a way that reminds me of the night he offered me a place in our escape.

"Have you asked her how she feels about that?"

I still then shake myself out of it, giving him a smile that's more like a barring of my teeth--made all the macabre tattoo on my face. "It doesn't matter what she feels about it. There's nothing I won't do if it's the best for her."

One imperious dark brow rises. "Even telling her of your past?"

My lip curls up before I fight back the response to my leader's even challenge. Fuckity fuckity fuck. He's right. I look away from his too-knowing gaze, queasiness making my mouth water. Reaper is right. She deserves to know the truth of who I am, what type of demon I am. Clenching my jaw until my molars ache, I torment myself with every reason she has to deny me once she knows everything.

I swallow hard, dragging my gaze from the floor to my tattooed and scarred hands in my lap. Hands I've used for centuries to deliver pain and agony.

"Tell her before she finds out on her own." Reaper's voice is as soft as it can be--soft like the rasp of a cat's tongue. "Trust me. It's better for a mate to hear the truth from you than anywhere else."

The way he says it makes me study him shrewdly. He's not looking at me, though. His gaze is distant, like he's lost in his own memories. With a start, I realize that his words were spoken with experience. But Reaper isn't mated, or hasn't been the entire time I've known him. Maybe he had someone back in the Hells, before I was under his command.

I stand, his eyes snapping to me when I move. "When do we move against Xavius?"

"When Stubs has a solid bead on his location. You'll be ready to go."

Of course I will; that was never in question. I don't bother answering before I leave his office, my shoulders heavy as if I've a thousand pound weight chained to my neck.

With footage of Xavius and Paul, it's a matter of hours--not days--before Stubs knows Xavius' current location. Reaper is right, as much as I wish to all the hells he wasn't. I need to tell Sloan about who I am and the souls I carry within me. Even when she turns away from me, I will still love her. I'll still destroy anyone in this world who tries to hurt her.

And if that includes me? For Sloan, I'll do it. Once Xavius and Paul and all the rest of those Light Justicar fuckers are gone for good, if she never wants to see me again, she won't. I'll protect her for the rest of her life, love her for the rest of my eternally damned one, from the shadows and consider myself blessed for the privilege.