Chapter 11

11

SLOAN

D eep breaths. In through the nose. Hold. Out through the mouth. I'm safe. I'm not there. I'm with safe people.

I'd been repeating one of the grounding exercises Dr. Grayback had taught me since I'd left Sydney's. I was impressed with the Cerberus Securities building, with the large image of the Knights of Hades emblem on the walls--a three headed Cerberus within a circle of chains. I had expected it to be like the Justicar's leadership building, a place where the powerful displayed their wealth and the legacies of the past. Instead, the headquarters was open, bright and welcoming. The open layout showed the building's past as a warehouse but it didn't make the place feel any less secure. At the back, directly across from the front doors, was the large black glass conference table where six other demons waited. Including Bones.

The grounding exercise worked right up until Reaper confirmed my worst, silent fear: Father Xavius is still alive.

My vision starts to darken around the edges and a tight band constricts around my chest. I can't take a deep breath. I can hardly breathe at all. Dizziness makes me sway in the seat I'd taken and I do the only thing that makes sense. I look at Bones, knowing in my soul that he will keep me safe. That he'll keep the panic at bay.

The moment our eyes collide, he's up on his feet and moving around the table. He never takes his bronze flecked eyes off of me. If any of the others say something, I don't hear them. The world is too much for me right now, so I focus on Bones. Because he's big enough to be my entire world. I shouldn't trust a demon after everything I'd been taught about them, and maybe I don't trust demons in general. But Bones?

I trust him.

He turns my chair towards him as he crouches, his hands gripping the back of the armrests so I'm caged in. Rather than making my panic worse, I settle down. Like he's put his massive body between me and the rest of the world. In his arms, surrounded by him I can think.

"Breathe, Sloan," Bones tells me, his voice not much louder than a rumble. "It's just you and me here. Talk to me, no one else."

I inhale deeply like he says, my eyes roving over his hellish facial tattoo. His warm, spicy scent wraps around me and the steely focus of his eyes gives me something to anchor myself to. He gives me another nod of encouragement, letting me take the time to corral my thoughts.

I try to look past Bones towards Reaper, but my stomach knots and my eyes snap back to Bones'. Talking to him doesn't make my neck go clammy with sweat. I can't bring myself to say Xavius's name, but I'm not going to let myself freeze over that. Small steps forward is still moving on.

"He told me I was an amplifier," I say, my throat dry. I swallow hard before continuing. "That I was able to make someone else's gifts exponentially stronger."

No one says anything and the band around my chest loosens and I'm able to keep talking. "It was a couple years after I first joined them because of Paul. After Fath-- -he- started paying more attention to me, Paul stopped spending time with me. I thought I was special. He started having me practice letting him and only two others use me. I hated how it felt, like something wrong was inside of me, how each time it made me want to do...whatever they were doing. Like when you're strapped down and all you want to do is move but you can't? That's how my head felt. But he said it was the burden I had to bear. Then, after I tried to leave, it was worse. I wasn't special anymore. I was just a tool for them to use."

When I'm done, I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed for the demons around me to know how pathetic I'd been. My shoulders lower, some of the constant tension slipping away like silt after a cleansing rain.

"Were you the one to establish contact with the other person?" Bones asks, his tone easy. "Or was someone else always in control?"

My brows furrow. "Amplifiers can't connect. If someone never connected with me, I'd never even know I had the ability."

Bones' blackened lips purse and he darts a look over his shoulder at Reaper. I'm able to follow his gaze without the petrifying nausea from earlier.

Reaper's face is no more harsh or upset than earlier as he studies me. Except I get the sense he's trying to guess what the Justicar's did through me. After a long moment, he asks, "Have you ever experienced someone else's powers after they broke the connection between you? Like an echo?"

I swallow hard, cold flashing through me. I nod slowly. "The longer I was connected to someone, the longer it'd feel like I still had their powers inside of me. Sometimes, if I concentrated really hard, I'd be able to release it. But I stopped after Father Xavius locked me in my dorm for a week as punishment. He said I must want to steal their powers so until I learned to not give into the temptation of stealing, I'd be kept isolated."

"Fucking hells," someone--Blaze maybe?--mutters, disgust evident in his voice.

Reaper nods in acceptance of my answer. He leans forward over the table, both of his massive palms pressed flat to the top. "That's inline with what I expected. Since the fight at the clubhouse, I've had a theory about you. I don't think you're an amplifier, not with you confirming your use of the powers outside of a mental connection."

The knots in my stomach return with vengeance. I look between Reaper and Bones, eyes wide with confusion. "What else could it be? I know I'm human. The Justicars wouldn't have let me stay with them if I wasn't. Not even to use me."

I know that truth all too well. There'd been the occasional zealous supernatural person who believed in the ways of the Justicars. They'd be welcomed into the compound, all too eager to give up locations and answers about their own kinds, then Father Xavius would have them killed in the name of purifying the world.

Rather than answering, Cinder asks from where he's seated at Reaper's side, "Did they teach you anything about shielding your mind or preventing unwanted connections?"

The knee-jerk response of horror at the suggestion is a red-flag to me now after so many sessions with Dr. Grayback. Taking another breath, anger replacing the horror as I understand how thoroughly I'd been manipulated. "I was taught that only certain people were able to connect with me and that keeping my abilities secret was the best protection I had." I twist my lips up in a mockery of a smile. "That if a demon ever knew of my ability, they'd claim my soul and enslave me forever. And that I should kill myself rather than allow myself to be used as a weapon to turn the world into a new Hell. Considering that I'm surrounded by demons, my soul safely in possession, and not even a request to use my abilities, clearly it's another thing they were wrong about."

"Or lied about," Brute countered, drawing my gaze. His name really fits him, with how massive he is. Even sitting, he's a head taller than the rest of the demons, and he's broader than the rest. Even with his rounder face, he looks like pure strength--not like the supermodels my friend and I crushed over in high school. Like those grizzled men who call the wilds not just their home, but their domains. The type of man who would and has taken on a grizzly bear with nothing but his hands and won.

I don't disagree that Father Xavius would have lied to me. I shrug, "I don't know what else I'd be, then. Questions were actively discouraged and it wasn't long before I stopped asking."

Bones lets out a rough breath and when our eyes meet, his are clouded with anger and something else. Something that makes my belly warm. He lifts a hand to my face, touching the back of one of his knuckles to my cheek so, so gently.

"Bones."

Reaper's voice is a clear reprimand and Bones pulls away without another look at me. My face burns as I turn back towards the conference table. Bones stalks to his chair, pulling it back towards the table from where it'd rolled away when he'd rushed to my side. As he takes his seat, Cinder raps his scarred knuckles on the table, calling all of our attention to him.

"We suspect you're what's called a Siphon, Sloan. It's similar to an amplifier, but more powerful and much more coveted by organizations like the Justicars. A siphon isn't just able to amplify another's abilities. With a strong enough connection, the siphon can take on the other's abilities and use them on their own. Sometimes even after the connection is severed. With enough training, it's something a siphon can willingly do."

I stare at Cinder blankly, not even registering the burned and scarred half of his face as he waits for my reaction. My brain whirls, trying to rationalize all the ways he has to be wrong. He has to be wrong, right? If I had this siphon ability, Father Xavius would have told me. More than that, Cinder can't be right because--because-- because there's no way it's possible. I start to laugh. How can I not?

"No way," I argue with a grin. "You're telling me I'm like, what, Rogue from the X-men? I can touch someone and use their powers? No way."

To prove my point, I reach out and grab Brute's wrist. My hand barely wraps halfway around his wrist and yet the demon tenses as hard as marble. I gesture to our connection with my other hand, like I'm a game show model and Brute is the next prize. "See? Nothing. Not even close to what it felt like when I amplified someone."

The moment I start to pull away, Brute yanks his arm away with a shiver. I frown at him, hurt at his clear offense.

"Ain't that simple, sweetheart," Chainz says, his lip curled up in an arrogant grin. He taps a thick finger on his temple. "You gotta be open up here. That takes practice, or brute force. Which, from the little you said, I gather is what they used."

I grit my teeth, clasping my hands in my lap under the table. "Well, then if anyone can force a connection, what's the damn point?"

I hate the ringing silence around me. My ears burn under the weight of their stares. I wish Bones was still here in front of me but I begin another grounding exercise Dr. Grayback taught me. I need to stand on my own, and I'll get there one day dammit. Father Xavius has taken enough of my life already. I'm not giving him my future either.

"It's possible to keep everyone out," Reaper says, the words disrupting the silence like a stone tossed into a lake. The implications roll into me like ripples. I look up at him shrewdly. "I suspect Xavius didn't want you to have the tools to deny him or anyone else." Then, his face softens with something like understanding. Something I didn't even think was possible for the stone faced president. "I swear to you that not a single one of us will ever ask you to use your abilities for our own use. I cannot predict the future, and with Xavius still out there, you may be forced to choose to use it for your own safety. However, that choice will solely be your decision and no matter the circumstances, it will be honored."

Emotions tighten my throat and my sinuses tingle with the threat of tears. Clearing my throat into a balled fist, I nod quickly. "Thank you. I--I appreciate that." I lean forward and grab the ignored water pitcher and fill one of the short glasses from the middle of the table. After draining one glass, I wipe the water from my lips and steel myself for my next question. I look between Reaper and Cinder, the leaders here and the ones who retrieved me from Sydney's. "Is that all you needed from me? Or...?

Reaper and Cinder share a look, an entire conversation happening in a flash of a second between the two. Reaper straightens from the table, folding his massive arms over his chest. "If you were an amplifier, Xavius would want you back. But a siphon? That's a resource he'll fight for. All of our intelligence shows him lying low. He hasn't even returned to the compound you came from. Which means something is keeping him near. We think that reason is you. We want your help luring him out."