Chapter 23

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

N ew Year's Eve . It'd never meant much to Patrin before—and meant less now. What kind of a year would he and Fell have without Moya?

Behind the bar at the Bullwhacker, he tried not to snarl as he filled drink orders for the annoyingly festive customers. He shouldn't take his misery out on them.

But fuck .

He walked to the end of the bar where Fell had been nursing a beer for the last hour or so. Even without trying, he could feel his brother's unhappiness.

I fucked up.

Only he wasn't sure how. An alpha was supposed to keep the pack moving in sync—that's what the bonds were for. How could Moya not understand that? He hadn't singled her out, hadn't used the bonds for his personal desires.

She'd been so angry.

"Yo, Patrin, Fell." Ramón and his brother stood at the bar, shoulder-to-shoulder, both with narrowed eyes. "What'd you do to Moya?"

Fell snorted. "You were there. On the run."

"What? I didn't see anything. Did you do something after we left?" Zorion clenched his fists.

"No." Patrin shook his head. "She's mad because I kept our group of wolves from charging the herd until the deer reached the right spot to drive them to the creek."

"Yeah, sweet timing. You controlled—" Ramón stiffened. "Gods, the pack bonds…"

Zorion's eyes widened. "Frigging fangs."

"Yeah, that," Fell said in a rough voice.

"But you weren't…didn't…" Ramón protested.

"Moya wouldn't care, bro. Just that the bonds were used." Zorion set his drink on the bar and curled both hands around the glass. "Did she bury your relationship under a pile of dirt?"

Like a cat buried its scat? Patrin rubbed the bruise on his jaw that was thankfully concealed by his beard. "After she punched me."

"Gods-dammit. I was cheering for you two. She was so happy ," Ramón said.

"We don't want it to be over." Patrin held up a finger, went to fill a beer order, and returned. "Got any advice for the clueless?"

Ramón thrummed his fingers on the bar top as he and Zorion considered.

"She's got a hot temper but is reasonable once it cools," Zorion offered.

"I don't know, bro. To her, an alpha using pack bonds is"—Ramón waved a hand in the air—"is like dumping water on a salamander's bonfire."

Patrin winced. A pissed-off fire elemental would scorch a shifter.

Kinda like he'd felt after Moya got through with him.

"Why?" Fell spoke for the first time. "Why does she fear the bonds so much?"

Her brothers exchanged glances.

"Her past isn't ours to tell. Just…ask her what happened before we moved here. Why she moved," Ramón said in a low voice.

"Aye, that," Zorion agreed. "Ask to talk, to understand, to apologize."

Ramón gave them a rueful smile. "Only if you mean it though. She can tell."

Patrin breathed out a sigh. "That won't be a problem."

Yelling started then, around the bar. "Ten. Nine. Eight…"

Right . He gave his littermate a half-hearted smile. "Happy Fucking New Year."

At her kitchen table, still awake, Moya had heard cheering at midnight. Probably from people partying at the Bullwhacker.

Good for them.

A glance at the clock told her it was now past one o'clock.

"Happy New Year to me." Only, face it, right now, it was more like "Miserable New Year." She'd been too depressed for even a pampering session and had simply showered and pulled on her comfy, fluffy robe. Then she spent the evening studying her business records, in-between trying to decide how to talk with Talitha about moving away.

Her friend would be madder than a bee-stung badger. And once she got past being angry, she'd point out how unreasonable Moya was being.

Dammit, she knew she was stupidly jumping off a cliff for something no one else thought was a problem. Yet every time she remembered how Patrin had used the bonds, controlled her, paralyzed her, she wanted to throw up. And blindly flee anywhere to get away from him.

Not even Leonard, the alpha in Stanislaus Territory, had been able to steal her will so thoroughly.

Patrin was stronger.

Elbows on the table, she rested her forehead in her hands and tried not to cry. Her heart felt empty, aching with hurt.

He'd promised .

That hurt worst of all.

Only…only…Patrin wasn't a liar. How could she reconcile what she knew of him with how he'd acted? She'd considered him and Fell to be two of the most honorable males she'd ever met.

He wouldn't lie—only he had.

Her jaw tightened. I should talk to him. To them.

There was a tap at the door. Her stomach clenched.

I'm not ready to face them yet.

When the handle turned, she remembered she hadn't locked it when carrying in groceries earlier. Because she'd never bothered to lock up before.

Patrin and Fell walked in, so big and male, and for one second, joy filled her.

Then dark anger—and fear—boiled up inside. "Get out."

Patrin held up a hand, and they both sat on the floor, right in front of the door.

Didn't I want to talk to them?

No, no, I don't.

She picked up her glass, wanting—needing—to throw it at them. To hurt them. Her hand shook as she forced herself to set it down. "I want you to leave." Her voice shook just as badly.

"One minute," Fell rasped out. "Then we'll leave."

She gritted her teeth—and nodded.

"I'm sorry, Moya. I fucked up." Patrin closed his eyes and pulled in a breath. His usually smooth baritone was as rough as the bricks in the square. "What I promised you… I thought I was promising not to use the pack bonds for personal desires. You thought I was promising to never use them at all. I never meant to break my word to you. I wouldn't do that."

As she stared at him, he just…waited. His eyes, black as the night, met hers. Openly. Pain had tightened the hard lines of his face.

She was just sitting here, so why was her heart beating hard enough to hurt her chest? Unable to tear her gaze away, she could see the unhappiness in his eyes and the darkness beneath that indicated a sleepless night.

Hurting for him and hating herself for it, she turned her gaze to Fell. If anything, he looked even more miserable, more tired. He opened his mouth—and didn't speak.

And that simply tore at her heart.

Patrin scrubbed his hands over his face. "I wouldn't have promised to never use the bonds, Moya. I couldn't. I can't. The ability was given to the alpha for a reason—to keep the pack safe when our animal instincts drive us past reason and into danger."

She pulled in a breath and tried to understand despite the angry, fearful pulse in her head.

"Brett used the bonds in the opposite way," Fell rasped. "To incite our instincts and put the pack in danger."

Brett had done exactly that, pushing anger into the wolves to get them to attack the felines.

On the hunt, Patrin had held the pack back to prevent them from charging forward as their hunting instincts demanded.

Then she remembered how his control had felt. "I couldn't move." Her whisper was hoarse, and her anger rose again. "Not at all." Horror shuddered through her.

Fell's eyes narrowed. "You're cold. Sit by the fire?"

Sit there with them…closer? But the alpha could?—

"Just to talk," Patrin said softly. "Nothing more."

He didn't think he'd broken his promise. Had seemed dismayed she thought he'd sworn something different.

A tiny edge of her hurt retreated, letting her take a deeper breath. "Okay."

Before she could stand, Fell was there, offering his hand, as if she had broken legs. Only, her legs were shaking enough she did need his hand.

His warm, warm hand, so strong and steady.

Patrin tossed a chunk of wood onto the fire, then sat at the far edge of her huge floor cushion, as if to avoid crowding her.

Arm around her waist, Fell settled her close to the woodstove, then took a seat also at the edge of the cushion by Patrin where she could watch them both.

After a moment of studying his hands, Fell looked up. "Patrin's order held me back. But it wasn't upsetting. None of the wolves seemed unhappy afterward."

Her jaw tightened. They thought she was just making stuff up or?—

"Something happened to you in the past, didn't it?" Patrin asked. "Someone used the pack bonds on you in a bad way—even before Brett."

How would they know that? "What have Ramón and Zorion been telling you?"

Patrin huffed. "They said to ask you about what happened before you moved here."

Oh, okay. She wouldn't have to bite her brothers. But to talk about Leonard… She shook her head, emotions raw enough to bleed.

"Moya. I— we —don't want to call this quits. We care for you. A lot." Patrin leaned forward and took her hand. "Please, tell us what happened."

Could she? "It was so ugly," she whispered.

" Cariad , we've seen ugly." Fell moved closer, leaning against her in the way of wolves. His hard body against hers felt as if he'd wrapped her in a warm blanket.

They…deserved an explanation. She had to try. "I grew up in Stanislaus Territory down in California. Mom's sire ran a construction company and taught Ramón and Zorion. When I was eighteen, Mom moved to Colorado with her new mates."

After that, sometimes she felt all grown-up…and other times like a forlorn cubling. "It was only me and Grandsire then, since Ramón and Zorion went on their year of exploration."

"Sounds as if you had a pretty good childhood." Patrin slid closer until he warmed her other side.

"I did. Until my Grandsire got sick when I was nineteen." She sighed. "Our wolf pack had a good alpha and betas, although they were sad since their mate died a few years before. As I matured, I looked more and more like her."

Moya held out her arm, showing her brown skin. "She was Latina—and us dark-haired, brown-eyes shifters stand out. It seems as if most of the Daonain are descended from Celts and the north of Europe."

"I get it. Darcy and I have Romani blood." Patrin's black eyes glinted. "I'm guessing the alpha wanted you for his mate?"

Fell snorted. "A lookalike replacement."

"He was… It was like he was obsessed. He kept trying to get me interested, only I wasn't at all. I wasn't twenty, hadn't had my first mating heat or anything." She shook her head. "After a while, whenever he talked to me, my feelings got twisted up, and suddenly, I'd like him. Only when he wasn't around, I didn't."

She'd been so confused, unable to understand why her feelings kept switching back and forth. "I thought I was losing my mind." Gods, she hated remembering the dark morass of emotions. How she'd been so alone with no one to turn to and more terrified each day.

"The putrid spawn of a maggot." Patrin's anger was so intense she could feel it radiate from him.

On her other side, Fell growled.

"He wouldn't leave me alone—and no one would help. Grandsire was dying. Mom had left. Zorion and Ramón hadn't returned. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. I was a mess."

"All alone." Patrin slung an arm around her waist. "Did you tell anyone?"

"The whole pack adored him, and all my friends were wolves. No one would believe me. I thought I was going crazy—feral or something. Then Grandsire died, and it all got worse."

When Patrin hugged her closer, his silent sympathy made tears well up in her eyes. She swallowed hard.

"Go on, finish the tale," he whispered.

"So, one day, he put his arms around me." Pulled against his chest, the scent of him too strong. Too… No, she loved his scent. Loved him. Snuggling closer. Stomach twisting with revulsion rising, making her gag. Pulling away. "I—I…"

Panic ripped through her.

A hand cupped her cheek. "Moya." The voice was raspy, deep. She managed a breath, and Fell's scent brought a sense of warmth and safety.

"S-sorry." Her eyes lifted, meeting his piercing blue gaze.

He studied her for a second and released her. "Finish the story, little wolf."

"We're here." Patrin gave her a squeeze as if to remind her she was safe, then prompted, "The fleabag alpha grabbed you."

"My emotions, they went back and forth. One moment I loved him, and then next, he made me sick. And it felt like something was ripping apart in my chest. Someone called his name, broke his concentration, and I realized what was happening. That he was using the pack bonds."

Patrin and Fell growled again, together in a deadly chorus of support.

And just like that, the tight band around her chest loosened. "The next time, when I started to feel as if I loved him, I punched him as hard as I could. And it worked."

"Ah, our slugger." Fell picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles.

Patrin kissed the top of her head. "No wonder your first instinct is to nail someone in the gut."

"Yes. I hit him anytime he got too close, and he was furious because he was the alpha. The other wolves were angry and would corner me and yell at me for showing such disrespect to the alpha." She'd felt so lost. Nowhere to turn. Unable to figure a way out. "Ramón and Zorion came back and had a fit. I was way underweight and hollow-eyed and frazzled. When I told them, they believed me."

At the relief of their belief, she'd cried like a cubling. "They went to the Cosantir."

"Why didn't you?" Patrin studied her, and his eyes narrowed. "Maybe because the Cosantir has a power over our minds in much the same way?"

"Uh-huh. He was—is—a very pushy Cosantir, and by then, everything was making me panic." She stared down at her knees. How much time had she spent feeling more like a rabbit than a wolf.

Fell gave her hand a squeeze. "What'd the Cosantir say?"

"He didn't believe Ramón and Zorion, but they insisted he watch Leonard with me. When he saw Leonard's face—and mine—and what happened when I punched him, he came down on the alpha like an avalanche."

"Banishment?" Fell asked.

"No, he said the mental assault of abusing the pack bonds wasn't serious enough of a transgression for Leonard to be banished. He sent Leonard away to find a soulweaver and forbade him to return without the soulweaver's permission."

"Huh. Not a bad judgment, " Patrin murmured.

After a moment, Fell commented, "Should've bit his tail off first."

"Yeah." Patrin ran his hand up and down her arm comfortingly. "Since you're here and not in Stanislaus Territory, I'm guessing things didn't improve."

"The pack blamed me for him and the betas leaving. Said I was just being all dramatic and casting blame." She sighed and added, "Leonard and his brothers had led the pack for a couple of decades."

Her friends had turned on her with the rest. Their voices still haunted her memories. Screaming at her, "It's all your fault." "You should've been the one to leave, not our alpha." Two of them had thrown rocks at her. Called her foul names .

Gods, the sense of betrayal, of loss, had almost broken her.

She pressed her hand over her mouth to hold the sob in. Don't cry. It's past.

"Easy there," Fell murmured, wiping the wetness from her cheeks. "S'over."

"It is." She took the tissue Patrin handed her and blew her nose. "I gave up and left. I should have, would have, done it before"—she huffed out a breath—"only when Leonard first started coming after me, and I said I was leaving, going to Mom's, and then somehow, just the thought was too frightening."

"The stinking coyote used the bonds on her to keep her there," Fell gritted out, his voice like gravel.

"He had you going and coming, the bastard," Patrin said.

"After he was gone, the fear went away. I checked out some places and then moved here. Ramón and Zorion were so angry with the pack, they sold out and followed. I helped them start the construction company here, and when I got my part of Grandsire's money, Talitha and I went in together on Espresso Books."

"No wonder you reacted badly when I used the bonds." Moving back a little, Patrin rubbed a finger along his beard-covered jaw.

She nodded.

"To me, using the ties for anything other than pack hunts or keeping our wolves safe is wrong." The muscles in his face tightened for a moment. "When we talked, I thought I was promising to refrain from using the bonds for anything other than for the good of the pack. I'm sorry, Moya."

She realized she was leaning against Fell and tried to straighten.

With an admonishing sound, he stopped her and stroked his hand up and down her back.

He probably had no idea how much comfort she took in his support. After a moment, she looked at Patrin. "I'm sorry too. I wasn't clear and heard what I wanted to hear. Maybe because I didn't know the bonds could be used for something good."

"I should have warned you." Patrin turned his face, staring at the fire. "I knew I'd be using them and trying to learn how they work. There were times with the Scythe…" His voice came out raw as if forced through a tight throat. "With the shifter-soldiers. If I could have made the hotheads stop and listen, kept them from attacking, maybe more would've lived."

By the Mother, what had happened?

"Had a sadist combat instructor." Fell sounded as if he was trying not to growl. "He hit a young werebear too hard. Killed him."

"His littermate lost control and attacked." Patrin's hands were in fists. "He wouldn't listen to me or Fell. The instructors beat him to death."

"Only fifteen." Fell's words held a mournful sound.

"Just a baby," Moya whispered. Barely older than Mateo and Alvaro. Her eyes burned with tears.

"That kind of thing happened too often," Patrin said, his shoulders slumped.

Grief shrouded Fell's eyes.

And Patrin blamed himself. Of course he'd welcome pack bonds to keep others safe.

Her sense of betrayal faded into nothing.

With a sigh, she kissed Fell's cheek. "I'm sorry I was angry with you." He hadn't made any promises to her, just been dragged into this mess.

"Forgiven." He curved an arm around her waist. "Always."

"As for you, Top Dog…" She rubbed her cheek against Patrin's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I should have talked to you before hitting you."

After a second, Patrin straightened. Then his eyes started to gleam with humor. "You should have," he said, oh so seriously. "I have a big, ugly bruise on my face. Don't I, brawd?"

Fell gave him a disgusted stare. "With your hairy muzzle, who'd see it?"

"Damn, Fell, if you'd backed me up, I might've scored frosted cookies." Patrin picked up her hand. "Are we friends again?"

"Yes." Relief and happiness blossomed inside her. "I'm happy to start the new year as friends."

"Maybe more than friends?" Fell said the words for her and wasn't that amazing?

"We want more, you know." Patrin ran his hand down her hair. His scent was changing, to a musky, very male scent. Bending, he caught her lips and kissed her, slow and tender.

"Lots more." Fell pulled her against his rock-hard chest and took his own kiss. Rougher, deeper.

"Not just sex, cariad , but for right now, I do want you in our bed." Patrin scooped her into his arms.

Her head spun, and she gripped his shirt.

" Blodyn, I wouldn't let you fall," he murmured, and his arms were like iron bars beneath her back and knees.

With Fell handling the doors, he carried her across the hall and laid her down on the wide bed they'd created. "There. I like seeing you there."

The possessive, hungry look in his eyes set up a nervous shimmer inside her.

"Looks right," Fell agreed. Her head was on the pillow, and he bent over her, gathering her loose hair, holding her in place as he took a long kiss. Firm lips, so demanding.

"Oh, I missed you," she whispered.

"Me, too, you." His voice was a harsh rasp, and his blue eyes still held a trace of the misery she had also felt for the last day.

She could feel Patrin's hands undoing her belt and opening her robe. "These pretties are all yours, brawd."

Still kissing her, Fell ran his hand down her shoulder and took possession of one breast, humming in satisfaction.

The sensation of his hard hand on her sent arousal spiraling upward.

Patrin knelt between her knees, pulling her legs up and over his shoulders. Bending, he settled his mouth on her pussy. His hot, wet tongue made a lazy circle around her clit.

Her gasp was muffled against Fell's lips.

Fell sucked on her lower lip, nipped the upper, and moved down to play with her breasts. Capturing one nipple between his lips, he lashed it into hardness.

Then she felt his teeth. The light nipping pushed her to new heights.

She couldn't…think, just feel as both of them touched her, licked her, sucked her in the most intimate of fashions. During the last week, they'd learned just what she liked and used that knowledge now. Ruthlessly.

After sucking lightly on her clit, Patrin ringed it with his tongue, even as his mouth created a hot, torturous suction.

Moment by moment, her clit grew more sensitive.

Fell nibbled on her breasts, his teeth heightening everything she felt.

She went up, so fast and hard, her senses were shocked at how quickly she hovered on the edge of coming.

"That's right, little wolf," Patrin whispered. His teeth closed on each side of her clit, the shock of it freezing her.

He ruthlessly thrust two fingers inside her—and sent her over in a massive explosion of pleasure. Keening in a high voice, she bucked her hips against his mouth.

Chuckling, he released her, then licked her again, sending more jolts of sensation through her.

She swallowed hard. Gods, she'd never come so fast in her life. Didn't even know a female could.

"By the Mother." Her voice sounded as if she'd been running for hours. "Let me up and it's your turn. I can?—"

"No, I have apologies to convey—and this is a fine way to do it." Patrin lifted his head long enough to lick his lips and give her a thoroughly pleased smile.

"But…" She stopped, seeing his indomitable expression. The alpha had put his paw down. "Right, right."

Fell laughed.

Turning her gaze his way, she gave him her best pout—the one that worked on her brothers. "I need something to suck on, too, Fell. Please?"

His eyes narrowed, one finger circling her damp nipple, making her squirm at the tantalizing sensation. "Aye, you can have my dick to suck on while Patrin apologizes."

Over the past days, she'd gotten good at the blowjob stuff—and Fell adored it.

"Move her so her head is off the mattress." Patrin's lips tipped up.

Still standing, Fell gripped her shoulders, and they repositioned her so her shoulders lay on the edge of the mattress with her head tipped back and off.

Standing in front of her, Fell fed her his cock. It felt…different. She reached out and grabbed his hips—and realized how vulnerable she was.

Slowly, he moved his shaft in and out, carefully going deeper, and the sense of not having any control uncaged something deep inside her.

And then Patrin pulled her legs apart, settled between them, and took up where he'd left off.

Only she was a lot more sensitive.

Gods, Gods, Gods.

Patrin grinned as he drove Moya into another orgasm, then one more. By the God, he wouldn't mind keeping this up all night.

She'd probably bite his throat out for it…once she recovered.

But fuck, she was adorable when she came. Giving her pleasure was perhaps the finest thing he'd ever experienced.

After her third quick climax, Fell obviously worried the little wolf was no longer thinking clearly. Patrin's neck wasn't the only body part at risk. He'd pulled his cock from her mouth, resettled her on the mattress, and was enjoying her breasts instead.

Whenever Fell sucked hard or bit lightly on a nipple, her cunt contracted around Patrin's fingers. And made him harder than a rock.

She was very wet now, her pussy all pink and swollen.

"Brawd." Patrin pointed to a place on the bed beside Moya.

Figuring out what was planned, Fell lay on his back with his lower legs hanging off the mattress. "Come here, cariad. " He pulled Moya on top, so she straddled him.

She blinked a couple of times, then smiled down at Fell. "Hey. I get to be on top?"

So fucking lovable.

Fell tangled his fingers of both hands in her hair and pulled her down for a kiss.

Patrin smiled at seeing his brother's happiness. Opening the bedside drawer, he pulled out lube and one of those human condoms.

"Aaaah." Moya's breathy sound of pleasure made Patrin's dick throb with urgency. He looked over and saw she was lowering herself onto Fell's cock. He curled his fingers around her hips, half supporting her.

And when she tried to bounce on him quickly, he made a reproving sound and tightened his grip, imposing a slow rhythm. Up…down. Up…down.

Having rolled on the condom and lubed it, Patrin moved between Fell's knees. Moya's beautiful ass was perfectly positioned. Opening her buttocks, he squirted lube onto the puckered hole—and grinned at her startled squeak. "I'll go slow, little wolf."

As Fell held her motionless, Patrin penetrated her with one finger and worked up to another. They'd done this all week, getting her ready.

But he was bigger than fingers.

Setting his cock against her, he pressed in against the resistance.

By the Mother's breasts. Patrin was huge, and Fell was already inside her. "I don't think you'll fit," Moya gasped as the burning in her backhole increased.

"I will." Patrin ran his hands up and down her back, even as Fell reached up to play with her dangling breasts.

Should she be grateful it was Patrin behind her? Although very long, he didn't have Fell's girth.

Burning, stretching. Feeling so uncontrollably taken as Fell held her breasts—and her top half in place. Patrin's hands on her hips kept her from pulling away. She was pinned between them—and her insides melted with an overwhelming arousal.

Her clit was tingling as she throbbed around Fell's unmoving shaft inside her. She could do nothing except accept the relentless advance of Patrin's cock.

"Almost, cariad ."

When she whined like a cowed puppy, Fell curved his hand behind her head to pull her down so he could kiss her. But it made Patrin's cock change positions, and she whined again. His penetration felt good and bad and hurt, yet somehow still felt so amazing. Like everything had lit up like the sun and was ready for action.

"All in." Patrin bent down over her back, nuzzling her shoulder. "You're so good. And you feel amazing." Slowly, he pulled back, then pressed in again.

Stretching her. Getting her used to what was happening.

"Good?" Fell asked.

Everything down there throbbed. "Yes?"

They both laughed, and then Patrin lifted her hips up and off his brother. But even as Fell's cock slid almost out, Patrin pushed in. He slowly withdrew then mercilessly slammed her down on Fell's shaft.

Gods, the feeling of being filled and emptied in different places was terrifyingly intense. Shivers ran through her at the sweeping pleasure. Her mind hazed, leaving only the sensation of being controlled and driven to…

To a place where she had no control and was just feeling…everything.

As Patrin increased the speed, the fiery pressure built inside her.

The inescapable climax rolled over her like an avalanche, sweeping everything before it, burying her in pleasure.

Fell grinned and could only watch as the most beautiful female in the world flew to pieces in their arms. Her hips were wiggling—as much as they could with both of them gripping her ass.

Chuckling, Patrin kept up the rhythm, staying in control as they found what worked best. Fuck, nothing felt quite as good as sharing a female in this way. And when the female was Moya, there could be no finer pleasure.

She was magnificent, giving far more than she took, and so open in her response.

Fell tightened his grip on her hips, letting Patrin raise her and set her down—but with Fell determining how far to lift to ensure he stayed sheathed.

The way she throbbed around him tightened his balls to nearly unbearable. Meeting Patrin's gaze, he nodded.

Their pace picked up into quick, short thrusts, and the pressure increased until, with a low growl, Fell let it go. Burning pleasure shot through him in mind-blowing jerks as he gave himself to Moya, filling her.

And he felt his littermate follow.

Again, Fell pulled Moya down for a kiss, and this time, he couldn't keep the words back, "I love you, cariad . Our Moya."

Her big brown eyes met his and spilled over with tears. Kissing him, she murmured the finest words in all the world, "I love you. Love you both."