Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

KENAN

I knew right away what he was referring to. Even though it had happened at least two years ago, our conversation had stayed with me. I'd already felt sure my attraction wasn't one-sided, but that was the day I knew he wasn't ready to act on it.

He was clearly terrified. And I hadn't blamed him one bit. President Ashley couldn't risk a short-term relationship during his presidency. He would be harshly judged even by his supporters for not focusing all of his attention on the job.

So I'd let him pull away. I'd let him duck back behind his protective shell and pretend there was nothing between us.

But I'd turned my daydream sessions into strategy sessions.

His presidency wouldn't last forever. His need to focus on the job wouldn't last forever. And hopefully, his fear would eventually be overcome by his bravery.

Because Garner Ashley was brave as fuck. He'd withstood floods of hate to get where he was today. He continued to be the target of death threats, and there were even some global leaders who refused to sit down with him one-on-one because of his sexuality. And still, he continued to show up and work his ass off for our country, for our future, for the good of people all over the world who were impacted by our country's leadership choices.

I looked down at him with more than tender affection. "Only you," I promised. "It's only ever been you."

His eyes fluttered closed as he leaned forward and rested his face against my hip. My dick was so hard it hurt like a bitch, but this encounter was turning out to be about more than the quick stress relief I'd originally anticipated. We both seemed eager to get off, but we were also anxious to make the emotional connection we'd been fighting against for so long.

"Tell me what to do," he whispered. "I always know how to handle any situation that comes my way, but not this. I feel like… I feel like I'm standing on the edge of cracking ice, Kenan."

I leaned down and grabbed him under the arms, hauling him up to his feet before moving him to the bed. I began unbuttoning his shirt as quickly as possible. I wanted skin-to-skin contact, and I wanted the two of us in bed.

"I want you," I began, focusing on not tearing the buttons as I worked them through the tiny holes. "I've wanted you for an embarrassingly long time. And before you interrupt me to tell me why it can't work, I want you to listen to me."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the edge of his lips turn up in an affectionate smile. I exhaled. "I don't need you to be all in right now. And I don't need you to make me any promises. But I need you to know I… I care about you deeply. You're truly the first person I think about when I wake up and the last image in my mind before I fall asleep, and no, it's not because of my job." I chanced a glance at his face. His eyes carried warmth and happiness. "Garner, you deserve to be with someone who cares about you. You deserve to have pleasure and joy and comfort just like everyone else. Watching you deny yourself for these past five years has broken my fucking heart."

His hands moved carefully to my own shirt buttons and began to work them open. "And what about you? Don't you deserve the same?"

I met his eyes. "Yes. That's why I'm asking you to take a chance on me. This isn't just a one-night thing. If you need it to be… well, then… I guess I can pretend. I'll tell you what you want to hear, and then I'll continue loving you anyway."

His eyes widened in surprise.

Which was how I realized what I'd said.