Chapter 9

NINE

Anders

Claudia is waiting out in front of her hotel when I pull up in my convertible Corvette the next morning. She looks amazing in a halter-style pink sundress, with her hair up in a high ponytail and sunglasses perched on her nose. I know she sees me, because she lifts a hand in greeting. I jump out as soon as I stop, walking around the car to grab her beach bag.

“Hi,” she says, tilting up her face.

She wants me to kiss her and I’m pleasantly surprised.

“Hi.” I lean down and press my lips to hers.

“You smell good,” she says softly.

“Thanks. You smell nice too.” I smile down at her. “You ready?”

“Yes.”

I toss her bag in the back and open the door for her. She gets in with a grin and I jog back around to the driver’s side.

“Is Hana with Johan?” I ask as I pull onto the street.

“Actually, no. Felix picked her up.”

“Felix?” I shake my head. “Seriously?”

“Yes. Why?”

“He’s…well, it’s not my place to get involved.”

“If you know something, you should tell me.”

“I can’t divulge things told to me in confidence. Just like you wouldn’t want me to tell anyone your secrets, you know?”

“My secrets don’t involve anyone else,” she says. “But if this can impact Hana, she should know.”

“He said he would talk to her,” I say, “but if he doesn’t, I’ll say something.”

“We’re guessing he has a girlfriend.”

I sigh. At this point, the cat is pretty much out of the bag. “He has a…woman he met not that long ago. But she’s in Canada. It’s not serious. Yet.”

“Hana isn’t stupid. She figured it was something like that.”

“The life we lead, as professional athletes, makes relationships complicated sometimes. We travel and spend eight months of the year completely immersed in hockey. It’s more than just games and travel, you know? Working out, studying video, meetings, practices, visits to trainers and chiropractors and massage therapists to stay in top shape…it’s a lot.”

“Are you trying to talk me out of going out with you?” she jokes.

I laugh. “No, but there’s a reason so many guys wind up divorced. The number of guys who cheat is embarrassingly high. It’s not an easy life, so I think some guys manage the best that they can. Remember, a lot of us aren’t American. We’re far from home, from our families, support systems. Don’t judge Felix too harshly. He didn’t plan to meet someone he liked here after meeting someone he liked back home in the off-season. I don’t think you can plan that kind of attraction.”

“Right, but if he likes and is attracted to the woman in Canada, why is he attracted to Hana? I mean, I can see two handsome men on the street and think they are equally hot or whatever. But once we talk, if there’s a connection, I can’t imagine I’m going to turn around a day later and have that same connection with someone else.”

“That’s just it, I don’t think it’s the same connection. Whatever it was that he was attracted to with the woman in Canada, he’s getting something different from Hana.”

“I suppose there’s that. And I’m probably the last person who should ever give relationship advice since I’ve had exactly one.”

“I’ve had more than my share,” I say quietly, “and it’s still tricky to navigate when you meet multiple people you like. But Felix has been very footloose and fancy free until now. In fact, he’s been anti-relationship, so I’m wondering what changed to get him thinking about it.”

“Growing up?”

I shrug. “Eh, those two things aren’t necessarily related. I feel like I’m pretty grown up, but I’m not in a hurry. I want to meet the right woman, not just deciding the time is right and marrying the first woman I meet.”

“How come you don’t have a girl back in Sweden?”

My hands momentarily tighten on the wheel.

I really don’t want to talk about Martika today.

But I’d promised her one of my own stories.

Maybe it’s best to get it over with.

“I did,” I say after a moment. “She was busy with her career as a teacher. We met two summers ago, and spent most of the summer together, but we kept it casual because she has to be in Sweden and I have to be here. We opted to keep dating other people and see what happened going forward. She was going to come for a visit during her winter break, but her father fell and broke his hip, so she was needed at home. When I went back last summer, we seemed to pick up where we left off. It was nice. Comfortable. My gut was telling me she wasn’t the right one, but I couldn’t figure out why. She’s beautiful, Swedish, lives in my hometown. She has a good job, we seemed to share the same values, all of it. But…”

How do I explain the rest?

“Something didn’t feel right,” Claudia says softly.

“Right. She was pushing for a commitment, hinting she wanted me to move her to Florida, but every time I thought about it, I felt uncomfortable. Then…in early August, a couple of weeks before I was supposed to come back, she told me she was pregnant.”

“Uh oh.”

“Everything about it bothered me because I’m extremely careful about condoms, and she was supposedly on the pill. There were no accidents, no broken condoms, no bouts of passion where we forgot ourselves in the heat of the moment. She was so excited, making plans to move to the US, telling everyone we were getting married…it was a whirlwind. And because she’s from my hometown, because we have so many mutual friends, because it was so convenient to date someone like her, it was impossible to back pedal.”

“But you’re not together.”

“Oh, no.” I really hate this next part. “I have a small house in Sweden, where I stay when I’m home. Anyway, she kept some of her things there, and obviously, I have condoms there. On a whim, I went into the box and started inspecting them. I used the flashlight on my phone and a magnifying glass. And guess what I found?”

“She poked holes in them?” She sounds affronted.

“Yup.”

“Did you confront her?”

“I did. We had a huge fight. She tried to deny it at first, but then she broke down and said she loved me so much, she just wanted me to give her a chance to show me how good we would be together. She would be the perfect hockey wife. She wouldn’t complain about moving when I get traded, we’d go home in the summer to our shared hometown, and we’d have beautiful babies.”

“Ugh.”

“Exactly. I told her I would take care of the baby, but there was no way I was going to marry someone so deceitful. She was on her own. She cried and begged and told my parents on me, like I’m some kind of child.”

“Did they take her side?”

“No, but they’re a little old-fashioned, you know, reminding me that it’s better for the child if we’re at least married when it’s born. If things don’t work out, we can divorce later. That kind of thing.”

“But you didn’t.”

“No. I told her I wouldn’t give her a dime until after the baby came and we could do a paternity test. Then I left to come back to get ready for training camp. Three weeks later she had a miscarriage.”

“Did she really or did she just say that?”

“From what I understand—my sister works at the same school she works at—she was bleeding all over the teacher’s lounge. They had to call an ambulance.”

“Oh, Anders. I’m so sorry.” She reaches out to slide her hand onto my thigh. “Do you believe it was your baby?”

“Yes, I’m pretty sure. She knew I would be mad, so if it wasn’t mine, there would be hell to pay. Honestly, I believe she loved me. I can’t help the fact that while I liked her, and enjoyed her company, I wasn’t in love with her.”

“So I’m sure it hurt, knowing it was your baby.”

“I don’t know what I felt. Not really pain, more just an overwhelming sadness at the whole situation. Sad that she felt the need to trap me. Sad that she had to go through something so traumatic on her own. Sad that it ended the way it did. But she brought it on herself.”

“You didn’t feel anything for the baby?”

“It wasn’t real to me,” I admit. “I was so mad when I saw she’d poked holes in the condoms, that was all I could think about. Then I left and really wasn’t part of it. I was determined not to care about it until we did the paternity test, just in case. I was subconsciously protecting myself, I guess.”

“Totally understandable.”

“And on top of that, it was big news in our little town. It’s a suburb of Stockholm, but one of those areas where everyone knows each other, and of course, because I play in the NHL, everyone knows me and my family.

“Do they think you dumped her because she lost the baby?”

“No, but there was still a lot of gossip for my parents to deal with.”

“That sucks.”

“So, yeah, that’s the story. You’re not the only one with a horrible ex.”

“I guess there are a lot of horrible exes.”

“There are. Which is why I’m determined not to be one myself.”