Chapter 73

JAX

I don't hear anything.I don't see anything.

I just walk.

My eyes not even really focusing forward either.

I just keep walking.

No destination in mind.

Maybe I'll go to the rink, skate and take slap shots so hard, I'd break everything in sight. Maybe I'll go to the gym and lift until my body physically cannot lift another weight.

Hey - ironic enough - maybe I'll just go get drunk.

Get drunk and start the whole process of fighting to forget as much as I can.

Because one thing I won't do is be the sucker that keeps going back for more.

I've never done it and I'm sure as hell not going to start that shit now.

I let myself slide with this situation. I let things go way too far. Somewhere in my head I forgot to put up the normal boundaries. It all became way too casual, way too quick.

Fuck, what was I thinking? Of course I was nothing but a rebound to her. I filled in a certain spot that was empty in her life. For what? All she wanted was to come… and she did. A lot.

This whole notion of being or feeling used did not sit well with me.

I got what I wanted with Mila too.

I wanted to touch her. I wanted to taste her. I wanted to fuck her.

There's no regret there.

Anything that feels like regret is coming right from me.

I'm owning this.

That's all I can do.

I probably shouldn't have snapped at Mila.

Then again… were she and Ward even really broken up?

That thought bothers me like crazy.

I can't believe that to be true.

Mila is not that kind of girl…

Even if she is… what does it matter now?

I'm the one who has to face the truth here. The actual reality of what's going on.

Something I didn't see coming.

Like driving with a blindfold on and then feeling surprised when you crash.

That's me.

It's clear as day. Right in front of me.

So clear that I stop walking to think about it.

All these feelings, now rotten… it proves one thing to me.

I'm fucking in love with Mila.