Chapter 27

MILA

What the hell did I just do?

I rush out of Willow's dorm and out of her building.

The worst thing that can happen right now is for me to run into Willow.

I can't talk to her. I can't talk to anyone right now.

Well, that's not true.

I wish I could talk to Violet.

She's the only one who can understand and not treat me like…

Because Ruby is such a bitch?

I shake my head and hug myself, then I start to move faster.

I hurry along one of the cobblestone paths and turn at some statue of some guy that I probably should know but don't really care about.

I can't believe the feeling I have in my chest.

A tight feeling.

It's not heart related.

You sure?

It's anxiety. With a twist of panic.

A fun mix of emotions and chemicals all colliding inside my body.

I know all this. I know all the medical terms and what's happening.

Doesn't make it any easier to deal with though.

I gravitate toward the cafe and I treat myself to a coffee.

Caffeine will certainly calm my nerves.

Isn't that right, Doctor Mila?

I collect my coffee and walk to the little metal cart to add some cream and sugar.

I see the sugar packets and I see the container of sugar.

I have no idea why my brain is processing every little detail right now…

I grab to container of sugar and turn it… and the lid falls off.

Right into my coffee.

Sugar piles onto the lid for a second, pushing the lid deeper into the coffee.

To my left I hear chuckling.

When I turn my head, I see two douchebag baseball jocks sitting there, covering their mouths, laughing.

They obviously twisted the lid off the sugar on purpose and waited for someone to use the sugar…

So my coffee is now fucking ruined.

"Fuck you, assholes," I yell, then storm out of the cafe.

I'm sure everyone is staring at me as I jog away.

I'm also sure if I hung around, I could have gotten another coffee at no charge.

Nope.

I'm on the move again.

Desperately trying to convince myself that this is okay.

And it is okay.

It's the right thing to do.

There are no coincidences. There is no fate.

Whatever Jax has been doing has been planned out by him.

And it's not right and it's not fair.

Not in the position I'm in.

Because you know what…? If things were flipped around…

I wait for my mind to finish the thought.

I wait to feel something gut twisting at the notion of Ward cheating on me.

Yet I don't feel anything at all.

I'm numb.

I'm totally numb right now.

That's okay.

My body is reacting to what happened.

That sense of anxiety and then panic.

All my senses are going nuts.

My brain is releasing so many chemicals at once.

My body has activated the fight-or-flight sequence.

I just have to ride this out.

I pause and take three deep breaths.

You know, sometimes in life, the right thing to do kind of sucks.

It really does.

I can't be near him.

There's no way.

I can't be near someone who doesn't respect that I have a boyfriend.

You know?

And what's Jax going to do? Keep following me around? Showing up to random places? Act like he's better than what I have?

As if I don't know what my reality is right now…

I spot a bench and I quickly sit down.

I place my elbows onto my legs and I lower my face into my hands.

I repeat to myself in my head…

I did the right thing just now.

Over and over, I keep repeating it in my head.

And then out of nowhere a question pops up.

If it was the right thing to do, then why do I have to keep repeating it… and why do I feel crappy right now?