44. Forty-Three

I blinked, my vision slowly coming into focus as I regained control of my body. Disoriented, I looked around, trying to get my bearings. Garland and twinkling lights adorned the walls. A towering spruce stood in the corner, decked out with shimmering ornaments and tinsel that sparkled in the morning light filtering through the frosted windows. It was Christmas morning, but something felt off, a gnawing unease in the pit of my stomach.

Why was I lying on the couch instead of my bed? And where was Eli?

My cell phone buzzed insistently in my hand, the vibrations sending an unpleasant tingle up my arm. I glanced down at the screen but didn't recognize the number. Probably one of my brother’s burner phones. Swiping to answer, I held it up to my ear.

“Hello?” My voice came out hoarse, my throat dry.

“Shepherd? It's River. We have a problem.”

I frowned. River never called me unless he wanted something, but what could he want on Christmas morning? “What is it? What's happened?”

“I have someone here claiming to belong to you,” River said gruffly.

The phone creaked and then a more familiar voice came on. “Shepherd?” Eli sounded terrified.

I bolted out of the chair to stand and immediately regretted it as my head spun. What the hell was he doing with River?

River came back to the phone. “Your boy toy here set off the silent alarm last night poking around where he doesn’t belong, Shepherd. At the factory .”

“The factory?” My hand went to my head. Why would Eli be at the factory? My brothers and I used it to torture and kill our victims and then to process their bodies afterward. Eli knew already about the work I did with my brothers. He had no reason to go sneaking around there.

Unless…

I swallowed. Oh no.

No, no, no! Keres, you fucking idiot!

With trembling fingers, I held the phone to my ear. “Where in the factory did you find him?”

“Your freezer. He’s seen everything, Shepherd. You’d better fucking get down here and deal with your shit.”

My heart plummeted into my stomach as the full realization of what River said hit me like a sledgehammer. Eli had been in the freezer. He'd seen the bodies, or rather, what was left of them after Keres finished with his grisly work. Bile rose in my throat as I pictured the neat stacks of human meat, meticulously butchered and wrapped in white paper like something out of a horror movie. The glazed eyes of the decapitated heads staring out from the industrial metal shelves.

Oh God. He knew. Eli knew my darkest, most depraved secrets, the ones I'd tried so desperately to shield him from. He'd stumbled upon it alone, without me there to explain or comfort him... My legs nearly gave out from under me.

I thought of Eli, his delicate features marred by terror as he took in the full monstrosity of what lay before him. He must feel so betrayed, so violated by the knowledge of who the man he loved truly was.

I gripped the phone tighter, my knuckles aching. “Is he...is Eli okay?”

River snorted. “Okay? He's fucking hysterical, Shepherd. War had to sedate him just to get him to shut up. You need to get your ass down here and handle this.”

I took a deep, shuddering breath. “I'm on my way. Don't hurt him, River. Please. I'll fix this.”

“You'd better,” River growled. “Because if you don't, I will. Permanently.” The line went dead.

I stood frozen for a moment, the dial tone droning in my ear as River's threat echoed in my mind. Then I sprang into action, grabbing my keys and bolting out the door.

As I peeled out of the driveway, tires screeching, only one thought consumed me: I had to get to Eli. I had to save him from the monster I'd become. From the monsters we all were.

The factory loomed ahead, a hulking beast of rusted metal and broken windows. I barely remembered the drive, my mind reeling.

I slammed on the brakes, sending up a spray of gravel as I skidded to a halt outside the factory's barbed wire fence. Leaping from the SUV, I sprinted to the gate, my heart pounding against my ribs like a caged animal desperate to break free. I punched in the access code and shoved through the instant the lock disengaged.

My boots pounded against the cracked concrete as I raced across the weed-choked yard. I burst through the side door and screamed for my brother. “River! Where is he?”

Footsteps approached and my brother emerged from the shadows, his face an impassive mask. He jerked his head toward the back. “He's in the office with War.”

I pushed past him and stalked down the narrow hall, dreading what I would find. The office door stood slightly ajar. My hand trembled as I pushed it open.

Eli sat on the battered leather couch, his wrists and ankles bound with zip ties, a gag in his mouth. My brother Warrick stood nearby, monitoring him with his arms crossed.

Eli's eyes went wide with terror as they locked onto mine. He recoiled into the couch cushions, pressing himself as far away from me as possible, a muffled whimper escaping from behind the gag. His whole body trembled violently, his breath coming in short, panicked gasps through his nose.

I approached slowly, hands raised in what I hoped was a non-threatening gesture. “Eli, it's me. It's Shepherd. I'm so sorry. I never meant for you to see any of this.”

But Eli shook his head frantically, fresh tears spilling down his ashen cheeks. He strained against his bonds, the plastic zip ties cutting into his delicate skin as he fought to put more distance between us, his drugged movements sluggish and uncoordinated.

I reached for him, aching to gather him into my arms. “Please, let me explain.”

Eli flinched away from my touch as I reached to remove the gag from his mouth.

“Don't,” he spat as soon as he was free of the gag. “Don't you touch me!”

The words hit me like a physical blow, knocking the wind from my lungs. I flinched back as if he'd slapped me, my hands falling uselessly to my sides.

“Eli, please,” I begged, desperation clawing at my insides. “It's not what you think. I never wanted to deceive you, I swear it. I was trying to protect you from all of this.”

“Protect me? By lying to me? By hiding the fact that you're a... a fucking…” He couldn’t even say the word.

The ache in my chest expanded into an all-consuming black hole. Now that he knew the truth, he hated me. He’d never again let me hold him, never let me kiss him. That part of me, the part that had attached itself so wholly and completely to him, died in that moment. I felt it shrivel up and rot with those words.

“We can’t let him go,” Warrick said carefully. “He knows everything about us, Shepherd.”

I turned to Warrick, my head spinning with the implications of his words. He was right. We couldn't risk Eli going to the authorities, exposing us all. But the thought of hurting him, of silencing him permanently, made me physically ill.

“No,” I ground out through clenched teeth.

“Shepherd…”

I turned on my brother, grabbing him by the shirt and snarling in his face, “You lay another fucking hand on him and I’ll bite it off. Do you understand me, Warrick?”

A dark threat flashed through Warrick’s eyes as he picked my hands off of him. “Never forget, Shepherd, that my duty is to the family first.”

“Am I not part of that family? Are we not brothers? If not by the blood in our veins, then by the blood we’ve shed together. Give me this. Please. After all I’ve given you…”

War’s jaw clenched. His eyes drifted past me to Eli. “Fifteen minutes,” he said and left the room, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

I waited until his footsteps receded down the hall before turning back to Eli. I crouched down in front of him, keeping my distance. “Eli, I know you're scared. And you have every right to be. But please, let me explain.”

“What is there to explain? I saw it all already. The bodies, the blood, the... the meat.” He wrinkled his nose, looking like he was about to be sick. “You’re just like them! Just like Father Ezekiel!”

I jerked as the words landed like a physical blow and quickly shook it off. We didn’t have time for this. When War said fifteen minutes, he meant fifteen minutes and not one second more.

“Do you want to die?” I growled. I hadn’t wanted to resort to threats, but he wasn’t leaving me any choice. If I didn’t get him to understand, my brothers would kill him, and then I’d have to kill them.

And then there would be no point in going on.

I needed him to understand. Our lives depended on it.

Eli's eyes went wide at my words, his breath hitching. “W-what?”

I hated the fear in his eyes, hated that I was the one putting it there. But I didn't have a choice. “My brothers want you dead, Eli. You've seen too much. The only way I can protect you is if you let me explain.”

He swallowed hard, his bound hands twisting in his lap. “And if I don't like your explanation? What then, Shepherd? You'll kill me to keep your secrets?”

“No!” The word burst out of me, too loud in the small room. I lowered my voice. “No. I could never hurt you, Eli. Don't you know that by now? I love you.”

A broken sob tore from his throat. “How can you say that? How can you claim to love me when you've been lying to me this whole time?”

“I never lied.” I inched closer, desperate to make him understand. “I hid things, yes, but only to protect you.”

“I don't need your protection,” he spat. “I need the truth. I deserve the truth.”

“You're right. You do.” I took a deep breath, steeling myself. “But to understand, I need to tell you everything. Are you willing to listen?”

Eli stared at me, his eyes searching mine. I could see the war raging inside him, the desire for answers battling against the fear and revulsion at what he'd witnessed. After what felt like an eternity, he gave a single sharp nod. “Talk.”

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. This was my one chance to make him understand, to salvage some shred of what we had. I couldn't waste it.