25. Ally

Chapter 25

Ally

T om looked at me, hurt, pain, and anger flashing in his eyes. It broke my heart, but I didn't look away. I couldn’t afford to.

"She's lying," Nick said. "She's?—"

Tom forced his gaze on Nick and grabbed Nick's collar. "Shut up," he said through clenched teeth. "Get the fuck out, Nick."

"Or you'll?—"

"I'll give you an injury so bad, you'll never play again," Tom said. "Test me. Do it."

Nick looked like he was going to argue. He turned to me, almost like he wanted me to defend him, but I refused. He did this. He took this moment from me.

"You're fucked up," he said. "I can't believe a father would do that to his son. Fuck. You're just mad I made it and you didn't." He stumbled away, leaving Tom and me alone.

"Tell me everything," Tom demanded, his voice strained and low. "Now."

I sucked in a breath, feeling the heat of his anger radiate off him. I wasn't afraid of him, but the thought of hurting him twisted my insides.

"I…" My voice faltered. "I found out I was pregnant. After the Masquerade."

A long pause stretched between us, heavy and suffocating.

"Were you going to tell me?" he asked finally, his eyes searching mine.

"Honestly? I don't know," I admitted.

"You weren't going to keep it?" Tom snapped, his eyes filled with accusation.

"I…" I looked down at my fingers, picking at a hangnail. Anything to avoid his gaze.

"Answer me, goddammit, Ally. Tell me the fucking truth!"

"What do you want from me?" I shot back, my voice breaking. "Nick told me you never wanted him. Even you've said you weren't planning on having kids, and even now, you don't want anymore."

"So that gives you the right to take that option away without even letting me know?" he demanded.

"That wasn't… I didn't… I wasn't going to do that," I stammered.

"Then what were you going to do?" he pressed, his voice cutting through my defenses.

"I didn't know what to do," I confessed, my shoulders sagging under the weight of it all. "I was scared and alone. I didn't want to burden you with something you never wanted."

Tom's face softened for a moment before hardening again. "You should have told me," he said quietly. "I had a right to know."

"I know," I whispered, tears stinging my eyes. "But by the time I worked up the courage to tell you… it was too late."

I sucked in a breath. "Because the truth was, I was going to keep it. I even started thinking of names. So stupid. I was so stupid to do that that early. I didn't even think something like that could happen to me, you know? It's selfish, but I'm young. I'm healthy. I don't… I still don't understand. Except, maybe the stress… "

I shook my head, feeling the weight of my words settle between us.

"I was at the clinic because my doctor wouldn't see me. I hadn't even met her. I had an eight-week appointment scheduled to—to listen to the heartbeat. But…" Tears started rolling down my face, unbidden and unstoppable.

"I'm sorry," I managed to choke out. "I don't know why… But I want you to know that I loved our baby. I wanted our baby. And I would have told you. Once I knew more. I only got ten days. Ten days of thinking about and dreaming about it and coming to terms with it."

I looked up at him through blurred vision, his expression a mix of pain and confusion.

"I didn't know I was going to lose it," I whispered, my voice breaking again. "And then I ran into Nick."

I closed my eyes as more tears streamed down my face, wishing he would hold me, but seeing the strain etched across his features made that hope fade.

At least he was listening to me.

"He accused me of getting it taken care of," I continued, my voice barely above a whisper now. "And I didn't correct him. He assumed I wanted nothing to do with you, and after what I already knew about Nick and you and Janet, I thought maybe… maybe it was for the best." Her heart ached at the thought. "Because what if you didn't want it? What if you assumed I was just like Janet, trying to trap you into a marriage you didn't want. And it wasn't his business, anyway. Except he used it against me. Turned it into another weapon. Threatened to tell you. And I just… I didn't want you to look at me different. I didn't want anything to taint those few weeks we had together because they were the best three weeks of my life."

Tom's fists clenched at his sides, his knuckles white from the pressure.

"I'm sorry," I repeated, feeling the futility of those words but having nothing else to offer. "I just… didn't know how to handle any of it. I thought staying away from you would let you move on so you didn't have to deal with it."

"Deal with it?" he snipped. "You think I'd just… deal with it?"

Tom's fists clenched, his face a mask of barely contained fury. His voice was low, strained, like he was fighting to keep himself from exploding.

"You stopped picking up my calls," he said. "I didn't understand. I thought you were afraid of me. Of my temper."

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I'd wanted to protect him, to spare him from more pain. Instead, I'd caused more.

"I… I was trying to protect you," I said, my voice trembling.

"Protect me?" He scoffed, his eyes blazing with anger. "Being with you now reminds me I never stopped loving you. But keeping this from me? You might as well have taken my heart and chopped it up, so there's no hope to put it back together."

"I didn't know what else to do!" I cried out, the weight of my guilt pressing down on me. "And now, with the award?—"

"Fuck the award," he interrupted, his voice rising. "Fuck all of it."

We stood there, the tension between us crackling like a live wire.

"Do you think it was easy for me?" I shot back, my own anger bubbling to the surface. "Do you think I wanted to go through this alone?"

"You didn't have to!" he yelled. "You chose to! You decided for both of us!"

"I thought it was the right thing to do!" I shouted, tears streaming down my face. "I thought?—"

"You thought wrong!" he cut me off again, his voice breaking. "You should have trusted me!"

"And what if you'd turned your back on me?" I asked, my voice shaking with emotion. "What if you'd looked at me and saw nothing but a mistake?"

Tom's expression softened for a moment, but the anger quickly returned.

"I loved you," he said quietly, his voice full of hurt. "I still do."

His words hung in the air between us, heavy with unspoken pain and regret.

"I just… I didn't want to burden you," I whispered.

He took a step closer, his eyes locking onto mine.

"Burden me?" he repeated, incredulous. "You think this is a burden? This is our child we're talking about."

The raw emotion in his voice cut through me like a knife.

"I'm sorry," I whispered again, feeling the futility of those words but having nothing else to offer.

Tom took a deep breath, his anger simmering just below the surface.

"Ally," he said softly but firmly. "You should have told me everything."

"I just… It hurt," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "I can't even describe it. And I didn't want anyone to make me feel bad for my pain, so I kept it to myself."

He furrowed his brow. "You think I would do that to you?"

I sucked in a breath, trying to steady myself. "One of my friends from high school dealt with a miscarriage when she was a freshman," I said, the memory raw and painful. "The guy she was with, he was working, and she was so scared. She told him she was at the ER because her doctor wouldn't see her since she wasn't technically a patient, you know? And he wouldn't leave work to be with her. She had to do that alone. She didn't understand what she was going through or how to fix it and he avoided it."

"You think I'd do that to you?" he asked again, his voice softer but still tinged with disbelief.

"I didn't want to find out," I admitted, my chest tightening. "I knew your stance on kids, and if I told you I couldn't stop crying after losing a child I only knew about for ten days… I didn't want to feel stupid. And then, I didn't want you to leave because you assumed I was trying to get pregnant."

"Why would you think I'd assume that?" he asked, his eyes searching mine.

"Because Janet?—"

"It's not an assumption if it's true," he cut me off, his voice hardening. "Janet did it on purpose. You… I never would have thought that about you." He looked at me with a mixture of hurt and anger. "You should have given me a chance, Ally."

I sucked in a shaky breath, feeling the weight of his words.

"We were only together for three weeks, Tom," I pointed out. "And I got pregnant. If that doesn't scream entrapment, I don't know what does."

"It's my kid too," he said, his voice breaking. "And even though it happened months ago, it feels like it's happening now."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, my voice trembling.

"Fuck your sorry," he snapped, pushing everything off his desk in a fit of anger. Papers and objects scattered across the floor. I flinched. "That was my kid. That was my kid, and I didn't know about it! I couldn't do anything about it! I couldn't… I wasn't there for you."

"I'm sorry," I repeated, feeling helpless.

We stared at each other for what felt like an eternity before I turned and walked out of the room. The second I closed the door behind me, I heard him throwing more things around in a rage.

Each crash echoed in my heart as I stood there, tears streaming down my face.

"Excuse the fuck out of my fucking mouth, but what the fuck did you just say?" Tom's voice boomed, raw and jagged.

I took in a breath, steadying myself. "Look," I began, trying to find the right words. "I know this changes things, but I don't want to hide anything. Nick was my boyfriend. We were together maybe eight months."

His eyes darkened, disbelief mixing with anger. "You and my son..."

I nodded, swallowing hard. "I didn't know, though," I said quickly. "I didn't know you and him…" I shook my head, words failing me. "He mentioned you in passing, about you being a shitty dad, but I didn't know you coached a college team or even that you were still in his life. He made it out to be that you were never there."

Tom's face contorted with rage. "I'm going to kill him," he muttered through clenched teeth.

Without thinking, I stepped in front of him, my fingers curling around his wrists. The warmth of his skin grounded me as much as it seemed to calm him down slightly.

"Tom," I said softly. "This is on me."

"How?" he asked, his eyes searching mine for answers. "You didn't know."

"I didn't," I agreed, nodding. The silence that followed was thick and uncomfortable.

I cleared my throat, needing to break the tension. "I understand if you don't want to see me anymore," I said, forcing the words out even though they cut deep.

He stared at me, his anger ebbing away to reveal something more vulnerable beneath the surface. His jaw worked as if he were wrestling with himself internally.

Finally, he exhaled sharply, pulling his wrists from my grasp but not stepping back. "What a fucking mess," he muttered.

"I know," I whispered, feeling the weight of our complicated history pressing down on us both. "Look, I'll go. And I don't have to attend ? —"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" His voice came out rough, his eyes boring into mine.

"Well, I mean—" My voice faltered, unsure of how to articulate the tangled mess of emotions in my chest.

"I still want you, Ally," he said, cutting through my hesitation. There was heat in his eyes, an intensity that made my heart race. "Nothing's changed."

"I don't want to come between the two of you," I said softly. The words felt like they weighed a ton. "My dad left when I was young. You… you still want to be in his life."

Tom's grip on my hips tightened, grounding me. "I don't want anything when it comes to Nick," he said, each word clipped.

"You don't mean that," I murmured, wrapping my hands behind his neck. His skin felt warm against mine, contrasting with the cold ache inside me.

"I tried," he said tightly. "Ally, I tried. That's my kid, my son. I wanted so badly… But if he keeps pushing me away, there's only so much I can do." He rested his forehead against mine, his breath mingling with mine in the small space between us. "I'm not letting you go."

His words wrapped around me like a lifeline, and for a moment, I allowed myself to believe them. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat against my chest.

"Tom," I whispered, unsure of what else to say. There was so much left unsaid between us—so many layers of pain and longing that neither of us had fully addressed.

He pulled back just enough to look into my eyes again. "I'm not going to let him take you away from me," he said firmly. "Not if I can help it."

"If things get bad between the two of you…"

"They won't," he said. "And if they do, that won't pull me away from you."

I almost argued with him. Because it was nice hearing him say that, but it didn't actually mean anything. My father was supposed to be in my life—my father—and he was gone the second things got hard. Tom was nothing like him, but Nick was his son. And family came first—or it should.

"Do you believe me?" he asked.

I nodded slowly, feeling the truth of his words sink in. Maybe it wouldn't be easy; maybe there would be more hurdles than either of us could predict. But for now, standing here with him holding me close, it felt like enough.

Or maybe that was what I told myself.

Because I wanted to be selfish.

Tom was right. Knowing who he was didn't change anything for me. Maybe it should have. Maybe I was a terrible person. But I liked Tom. I wanted him. I wanted him so badly it hurt.

I tilted my head up and pressed my lips to his, a desperate need coursing through me. His response was immediate, his mouth moving against mine with a fervor that sent shivers down my spine. Our kiss deepened, and I felt the heat of his body meld with mine.

His hands roamed my back, pulling me closer as our tongues danced together in a rhythm that felt both familiar and exhilaratingly new. Each brush of his lips sent sparks of electricity through me, making it hard to think of anything but the moment we were sharing.

"Mine," he murmured against my mouth, his voice low and possessive. "You're fucking mine, Ally. I don't care who came before me. All I care about is that no one is coming after me."

His words sent a thrill through me, igniting something primal and raw inside. He moved his mouth to my neck, sucking on the sensitive skin there and leaving a mark that claimed me as his own. The sensation was intoxicating, and I couldn't help but moan softly in response.

We stumbled backward, never breaking the kiss as we became tangled up in each other once more. His hands gripped my hips, lifting me slightly so that I could wrap my legs around his waist. He carried me over to the desk, setting me down with a gentleness that contrasted with the intensity of our kiss.

My fingers tangled in his hair as he continued to kiss me with a passion that left me breathless. Every touch, every caress felt like it was branding me, marking this moment as something neither of us would forget.

His lips found mine again, and I melted into him, letting go of everything else and just being present with him. It was like nothing else mattered but us and the fire burning between us.

We were both lost in the moment, consumed by a need that seemed to erase everything else from existence. For now, it was enough just to be here with him, wrapped up in each other and forgetting the world outside.