Chapter 25

My self-pitying routine goes something like this.

Me, slumped on the sofa, a tub of Ben Jerry's in hand, generally cookie dough, with Ed Sheeran serenading me.

Ugh. I'm so pissed. But you know what's worse? The fact that every time I recall reasons why I am pissed at him, my resolve weakens, and I begin questioning exactly what it is he did wrong. The fact is, he's concerned about me staying with Elliott. Well, based on the evidence, I'd say he's got good reason to be. He's also concerned that Elliott's using Jack and Darcy against me. He's probably right about that too. And the fact that Elliott wants me back? Well, he did tell me just that less than twenty-four hours ago, in this very room, right in front of Jon. The more I search for reasons to be annoyed at the muscled, gorgeous, and protective hockey player, the more I come up wanting.

So yes, I'm pissed off, but mostly at myself for snapping in the car and practically comparing him to my ex-husband. He's nothing like Elliott. Everything Jon does is without an agenda. His acts are selfless and authentic and what do I go and do?

Push him away.

I wouldn't be surprised if that's the last time I see him outside of the hockey arena.

Ping.

Spoon hanging halfway out of my mouth, I sit up and look for my phone. It's unlikely to be Jon. He looked just as pissed as I did when he drove off, and I imagine Zach has already advised him to keep his distance.

Kate

I haven't heard from you since last night at Riley's. Tell me you are okay.

Me

Yes and no, but it's got nothing to do with last night.

Okay. What's happened?

Honestly, I don't want to talk about it, but suffice to say my Jon Morgan era is likely over.

I highly doubt that.

Oh, trust me, you didn't see me earlier.

I still highly doubt it.

Why?

Girl, does it really need spelling out for you? You're thirty-nine.

Apparently, it does.

The man is infatuated with you. Obsessed. Like, gone for you. It will take more than a hissy fit to drive that man away. (I assume that's what's happened).

Yes.

Thought so.

I decide it's time to turn the spotlight on my best friend.

So where did you end up last night? Your last known whereabouts was Jensen's knee.

Your arms around his neck.

Sucking his face.

While wearing his jersey.

Can we not?

Not what?

Talk about him.

Oh, Kate.

All I'll say is this…

Number one, he's a dickhead.

Number two, he's a dickhead.

Number three, he's a…you get the point.

What did he do?

More like who did he do? Last thing I saw was him leaving Riley's with a redhead.

WHAT?! He was with you.

Yeah, well we sort of had a disagreement. It was stupid. I stormed off and the next thing I know, he's moved on.

So, he's a dickhead.

Clearly! And what were you doing while he was getting into it with Red?

That's beside the point.

Kate.

…

Talking.

To?

An attractive male.

So, you tried to make him jealous?

It just happened. I went to get a drink and the next thing I knew a tall, dark guy called…(okay I can't remember his name), started talking with me.

Convenient.

Yes, very.

Anyway, whatever. He slept with someone else the day I tried to make my move and wear his jersey. I curled my hair and wore my best jeans and everything. I'm over it.

As long as you're okay.

I am. Glad you are too, and trust me—all will be fine with Jon.

Ugh, if you say so. See you tomorrow?

Yeah, but I've got an appointment first thing. Lunch?

You read my mind.

XOXO

XOXO

An hourlater I'm at the gym, killing myself on the treadmill. Anything to relieve stress and work off the copious calories I just inhaled courtesy of my ice cream addiction. I wasn't lying when I told Jon I work out to Marilyn Manson. Somehow his angry and explicit vibes make me pound the treadmill harder. Intense, but I've never been able to come to the gym and "take it easy." I guess it's partly my way of coping when life gets a bit manic or tough. When my parents died, I practically lived in the cardio suite.

Returning home, I drop my gym tote to the ground along with my yoga mat. I always finish any gym session with ten minutes of stretching. It helps reduce sore muscles, and let's be honest, I'm not exactly twenty-one anymore, so still being able to touch my toes is a win in my book.

I haven't heard from Jon all evening, and I'm not surprised. The more I analyze my behavior and the way I went off at him, the more I've convinced myself he's run for the hills. I could lie, trick myself into believing it's for the best, but the truth is, if I never heard from him again, I'd be devastated. I never felt for Elliott what I feel for Jon. As clichéd as it may be, I now know precisely what they mean when they talk about butterflies and swooning. Jon Morgan embodies dream-man characteristics, and even if he doesn't see it in himself, he is the ultimate catch. Not because he's super wealthy, famous, or hot. Okay, maybe it's a little bit to do with his abs. But rather because of everything I never expected him to be. Kind, caring, protective, and funny. Off the ice, he is so much more than what people see through the plexiglass, and I suspect he's quickly become someone I could never live without, as scary as that thought is.

Knock knock.

I'm post-gym and pre-shower, which isn't a great combination. I wasn't expecting anyone. Maybe it's Kate and Taylor with another round of wine and movie night? I'm hardly dressed for it in black Nike gym shorts and a matching sports bra. Throwing on a pink hoodie to cover up, I slide across the two deadbolts and swing the door open. It isn't Kate and Taylor waiting for me on the other side, nor is it my friendly pizza delivery guy who I've been known to, once or twice, order from and then forget they're coming.

It's none of them.

"Alright, Mary."

Jon stands at the entrance to my apartment, his arms above his head, braced on either side of my door frame. His biceps bulge and strain against the simple black T-shirt he's since changed into. His tailored black jeans are clearly made to measure, hugging his thighs and calves to perfection. Let's not mention the black backward cap he's wearing, because I swear, he does it only to tease me, and it works. And those butterflies? Well yep, they're here and doing the tango.

"Mary isn't here; you must have the wrong place," I reply, an involuntary smile breaking out over my face as I cross my arms and lean against my wall, giving him the space to enter. I'm excited but mostly relieved to see him, having convinced myself I'd blown whatever we had.

"Oh, she's definitely here," he remarks as he walks past me and into the hallway.

Kicking off his gray Converse, he pulls my body to his as he wraps an arm around my waist. His familiar spicy cologne sends shockwaves through my body, pooling at my heat, and I fall into his embrace.

Kicking the door shut behind him, he places a kiss on my forehead before dropping his to mine until our noses brush. "I've been over this so many times in my head."

"Over what?"

"This. What I want to say." With a steadying breath he continues, "I have no idea what I'm doing here, Felicity. I've got no experience with women other than how to please them in bed. I don't know if I'm what you want, but I also don't think I'm a bad bet. You rock my world, consume my thoughts, and make me feel like I can be a better person. It's like you're the antidote to my demons, and I'm hooked."

I don't know what to say, so I don't say a word. Instead, the silence is replaced by a pounding sensation, and at this point, I'm not sure if it's my heart or Jon's.

"Date me."

"W-what?"

"Date me, Angel. Let me show you how a man should be. Let me hold you, kiss you, take you out, and spoil you. Let me call you mine because, goddammit, I need to call you mine."

I shake my head in disbelief. "I, Jon?—"

He cuts me off, and his hands fly to cup my face as he holds my gaze intensely, his piercing gray eyes searching mine. "I know you've sworn off relationships and with that guy you call your ex, I'm not surprised. But don't let him ruin what I know could be something amazing between us."

I bring my hand to his cheek.

"I'm going all in here, Felicity. I don't know if it's going to backfire and crush me, but I have to try. I need to try with you." He closes his eyes and rests his forehead back against mine. I can see the anguish written across his face as he waits for my answer, but really, there was only ever going to be one outcome. Yes, it's so soon after my breakup and yes, I swore off relationships wanting to choose my independence first, but honestly, I've never felt so free as when I'm with Jon.

"Okay."

He pulls back, hands grasping my shoulders."Okay? As in okay, okay?"

I smile up at him. "As in okay, okay."

Before I know it, I'm seeing my hallway from upside down as he marches toward my bedroom.

"Jon, I just got back from the gym." I giggle.

"And it's driving me crazy. I need to taste you."

"T-taste me?"

He throws me on top of my bed, ripping his shirt over his head. There's a sense of urgency to him I've never seen before, almost like a starved wild animal finally unleashed on its prey. And I have a feeling that prey is me.

"Do you trust me, Angel?"

"Yes," I gasp.

"Then let me make you feel all the things I already know about you."

Oh.

God.

"Sit up."

Slowly unzipping my hoodie, he bites down on his bottom lip as he drinks me in. Next, my sports bra is lifted, his fingers caressing my skin as he guides it over my head, leaving me bare from the waist up.

"You ready to let me take control?"

A delicious shiver racks through my body. "You like to be in control?"

"With you, I'll be anything. But yes, I like to dominate."

My heart pounds in my chest at the thought. "Then dominate me."

Pinned to the mattress, my arms above my head, Jon holds me by the wrists as he straddles my body, his jeans and belt undone at the waist and hanging open. He's gentle in his touch but assertive enough to leave no question as to who's in charge.

My bedroom is lit only by moonlight and the streetlamps below."I haven't closed my blinds."

Pressing a searing kiss to my lips, he replies, "Let them see how I take my girl."

My girl. I guess I am now and that thought pools between my thighs.

Standing off the bed, Jon pushes his jeans all the way down, his boxer briefs following closely behind.

His huge, hard cock is perfectly straight and thick, jutting up and resting just below his navel.

Wow.

"Oh. My. God."

He pumps his cock slowly, dragging his fist from base to tip as he stares down at me. I'm topless and lying across my bed. "Not God, Angel. Just me."

"You are, um, you're huge." My mouth feels dry, a complete contrast to my throbbing center.

He smirks as he stares down at me with blazing intensity. "Stroke a man's ego."

But there's no other way to describe him. I have very little experience to compare, but I know when a man is well endowed, and Jon is top of the class.

Still standing over me, his fist wrapped around his cock, he rasps, "What do you have on under those illegal shorts?"

"A thong," I reply, thumbs tucked under my waistband, teasing him just a little more.

He throws his head back and growls, the sound reverberating off the walls. "Let me see."

Pushing my thumbs down further, I peel the Lycra shorts away from my body, arching my back off the bed as I do. I'm laid bare other than my baby pink thong as I look up at Jon, who continues to hover.

"Take that off, too." He's pumping himself faster as beads of pre-cum emerge.

Pinning my bottom lip between my teeth, I'm loving the way his eyes make me feel. Sexy, wanted, alive. I drop my thong to the floor and return my arms above my head, waiting for my next instruction.

"Christ, Felicity. My dreams could never do you justice."

Our lips connect as he crawls over my body, both of us naked and on top of the cover.

"Are you cold?"

"No, burning up." And I am. I'm on fire, lit with need.

"Spread your legs for me, Angel. I want to feel your sweet pussy in my mouth."

I inch my legs apart, trying to hide my hesitancy but Jon notices, his blown pupils constricting at my unease.

"I've never done this before."

He lifts his head from between my breasts where he was kissing a moment earlier. "No one's ever gone down on you before?"

I shake my head.

He smiles and there's a slight smugness to his grin, but I can tell he's shocked at my admission. "So I'll be your first?"

"Elliott never did that for me. The other way around, yes. But never for me."

"Then he's even more of an asshole and a fool than I thought. This body, Angel, deserves to be devoured. And by the time I'm finished with you, that perfect halo of yours will be crooked."

"What are you going to do with me?" I play to his need to dominate.

Can smiles be filthy? Well clearly, they can because his lips pull into a wicked grin, his right hand coming between my thighs. "Don't be shy and spread these properly for me, baby, and you'll find out."

As I part my legs, my hands still pinned above my head, Jon trails his fingers up the inside of my thigh. "What am I going to find up here?" he rasps into the shell of my ear.

I can't find it in me to reply, my voice overpowered with need.

"Use your words, Angel. Tell me what I'm going to find up here?"

I gulp, hard. "M-my pussy."

His mouth makes its way back to my collarbone as he starts placing open mouth kisses where he's quickly learned my body responds most. Truth is, I respond to everything he does; it's like we're in perfect synchronization, and he knows what I want more than I do. "That's right, and do you know what I'm going to do to your pussy tonight?"

I shake my head, already feeling the unbearable ache building. "No."

"I'm going to taste it."

"Please," I beg, the intensity of his words and touch proving too much.

"Please what?"

"Please t-taste me."

No sooner have the words left my mouth than I feel the pressure of two thick fingers against my entrance. I'm so wet, he enters with ease, his fingers scissoring as he pumps them for the first time.

"Oh fuck, you're so wet for me." He curls his fingers on the second pump, finding that spot I've always struggled to reach myself. My hips shoot off the bed in response. I've lost total control of my body and mind.

"You like that, Angel? Do you like my fingers in that tight, wet cunt of yours? Because I love it." My wetness is audible in an otherwise silent room. "That noise, the sound of your tight wet pussy taking my fingers, I've imagined it every time I've fantasized about you, but nothing could compare to the real thing. Now tell me, are you close?"

My toes curl and when he releases my wrists and my arms fly down, fisting the bed sheets. "I'm going t-to come."

I crash over the edge. It's the most powerful orgasm I've ever had. I've never been noisy in bed but tonight, I scream Jon's name as his thumb slowly rubs circles over my sensitive clit. Drawing his fingers out, he sits up on his knees. "Eyes on me, Angel. I want you to watch the first time I taste you." He brings his fingers to his mouth, dripping with my arousal, and as he sucks on each one in turn, he never takes his eyes from mine, and I swear I come again at that sight alone."You're so sweet, baby, I think you should taste too." He leans down and traces the only finger he's yet to suck across my lips and I part, taking it into my mouth and tasting myself. "Good girl."

"On your knees for me, Felicity. I'm not done with my meal." The use of my name melts my bones. I'm a puddle, fighting to obey his commands.Desperate for him to touch me again.

Once on all fours, I push away feelings of self-consciousness. He can see every part of me, but somehow, I've never felt more at ease. I trust him, and I want this. I want him.

"Jesus, I wish you could see yourself right now. This glistening pussy." He swipes his fingers through my heat and brings one to his mouth again. "I'm starving and you taste. So. Fucking. Good."

I cry out, sensitive from my last high and desperate for more. "Ohmygod, Jon. More."

"Do you know how fucking amazing it feels to hear my name on your lips as you come apart for me? Do you know how many times I've gripped and stroked myself thinking about the way my name would tumble from your lips?"

"Me, too." I gasp.

In response he unleashes an almighty growl as he places a hand on each of my ass cheeks, parting me wider. "Oh, baby, you are so beautiful."

He eats me out like I'm the last thing he'll ever taste, his tongue flat as it swipes from my clit all the way to the tight hole no one has ever touched. He pierces my pussy with his tongue. "I could feast on you for hours, but I want you to come for me. Explode in my mouth, baby."

He continues to devour me in long skillful strokes, sucking on my clit as he passes over it. He knows exactly what I want and when I need it. "Argh, Jon!" I come undone at the seams, my face buried in the bed, my hands gripping onto something, anything to steady myself.

As I ride my orgasm, I feel his finger press slightly against my ass. "That's a good girl for me, Angel, and one day I'll take you here if you want me to."

I want him to take me any way he wants. Any last shred of willpower to resist has long left the building. "Yes," I reply. "But I want you to fuck me."

He turns me back over, so we're face to face with his hands on my waist and when I set eyes on him, he's shaking his head. "Not tonight, Felicity."

My heart drops. Why not tonight? He had no problem fucking other women he'd never see again. So why not me? What's wrong with me? "Why not?" I ask, rejection creeping up my spine.

Pulling me to his body, I'm now straddling him in the same way we did last night, Jon on his knees, my legs wrapped around his hips. "Because I can't stay tonight." My heart drops further at the thought of the loss."I need to leave my place at five in the morning, and there's no way I'm fucking you to then just leave you. I couldn't help but have a taste of you tonight." He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and kisses my cheek softly. "I can't fuck you and then disappear for two weeks. The first time I take you, I want to do it again and again and again, and then I want to hold you all night and have you again in the morning."

My heart catches in my throat. I can't be pissed or disappointed. As much as I want him, I know he's right. "Let me do something for you then," I offer.

Jon pulls back, putting some space between us as he grips my shoulders. "I don't expect anything from you, Angel. What I did tonight was as much for me as it was for you. Watching you fall apart was heaven for me." He glances at my nightstand, my alarm clock reading eleven p.m. "I have to go. I need to pack and grab at least a few hours before I head out for the flight."

I shake my head. "It's so late, you have barely any time to sleep."

With a smile that reaches his eyes, his face looks lighter than ever. "I'll catch up on the plane and trust me, it was worth it. Because tonight, I got to see my girl come apart for me, and I got to call her mine."

He places a gentle kiss on my lips and reaches down to his jeans, tugging at the pocket. "Take this and use it while I'm away."

I blink a couple of times, my eyes barely registering the black fob in his hand. "What's this?"

"A key to my place."

I shake my head, pointing at the key. "I can't take this."

"Take it, Felicity. Stay when you want, sleep in my bed, eat my food. I've stocked the fridge and cupboards with everything you like, including those disgusting black olives." He shudders.

I laugh and throw my arms around his neck. "You didn't have to do that for me."

Summoning his best British accent, he replies, "Oh, but I do, Your Highness." Besides, this place is cold and unsafe. It was easy for me to get past the entrance and to your door tonight. I don't like being anywhere let alone across the country knowing you aren't sleeping somewhere secure."

I roll my eyes. "I've lived here for eight months without an issue."

"Until your ex showed up at your door. No one will get past security at my place. They're expecting you. Just take the damn key, baby. Please."

The last thing I want is for Elliott to show up unannounced again. I take the key from his palm and smile. "Okay, I'll think about it."

He kisses me gently on the edge of my jaw, and my body lights up. "My place isn't far from your work and my private driver, Gerard, will take you wherever you need to go."

With one last kiss pressed to my lips, he eases out from underneath me and reaches for his clothes. "This isn't about me owning or trying to tell you what to do. I just want to protect and care for my girlfriend. I've spent too long chasing you to blow it. I want to give you everything you deserve."

My stomach fully flips. "You, Jon, you are everything I deserve."