Chapter 22

twenty-two

SOMETHING STRONGER THAN BUTTERFLIES

H igh school sucks.

I’ve never been one to be disillusioned by my time spent here but I’ve never hated it. It was neither the best nor the worst years of my life. It has always been something I wanted to make the most of while I was here but my future always held so much more appeal to me than the four years spent here.

All that went out the window as soon as winter break ended though. No part of me cares about what happens in these hallways. No part of me wants to be here any longer.

I’ve found the true downside to early admission. It makes the senioritis kick in a whole lot sooner. Except for me, it isn’t about not wanting to do my work anymore, it’s about wanting to be at Westbrook already.

There are still a few things I’m looking forward to doing in high school, but mostly I’m ready to move on. I blame Xander. And his stupid good-looking face. And his even stupider, drool-worthy body. I haven’t seen him since we woke up together on New Years and spent the day together.

I just miss him.

And Colby. It’s been even longer since I’ve seen her. We talk almost every day, but it just isn’t the same. At least I’ll get to see both of them tonight.

I meet Becca and Megan at our lockers to walk to our next class together. It’s the only one we have together, but I saw them both at lunch today. Becca stares at my phone in my hand where I’m texting Colby back to finalize plans for tonight. It’ll be the first time I wear Xander’s name and number on my back and the thought makes me giddy. With maybe a little apprehension on how my brothers will react, but they were there when he gave me the jersey. It’d be weirder to not wear it.

“What are your plans tonight?” Becca asks, taking the lead towards our class.

This conversation already happened at lunch while everyone was talking about which parties or kick backs they were going to this weekend. “There’s a game tonight,” I remind her. I don’t miss any of the home games. I wouldn’t expect her to have their schedule memorized or anything, but we really did just talk about it. Megan gives me a look with a little smile before looking elsewhere.

“So you’re going?”

I take a deep breath, trying not to get annoyed by the disdain in her voice and force myself to smile. “I don’t miss a home game.”

Becca huffs but Megan smiles. “They sound fun.”

“You can always come with me to one. Our team is pretty good,” I invite her.

Becca rolls her eyes as she yanks open the door to our class with more force than necessary. “I used to be invited to every game, but Emmy here has made better friends she likes to go with now.”

I sigh, rubbing my temples. She’s really been in a mood ever since we got back from break and I can’t figure out why. Nothing has changed all that much except I haven’t been available at the drop of the hat like I used to be.

“You’re always invited, Becca,” I appease her. “You never wanted to come this season, so I stopped asking.”

She takes her seat in the back corner and I throw my backpack on the desk to her. Megan sits in front of me, turning around in her chair to meet my eyes. “Could we come tonight?”

I nod. “Yeah, I’ll text my brothers to reserve you guys tickets next to mine if you want to come.” I arch a brow in Becca’s direction to see if she’ll agree or is going to flake. If she does, I won’t be able to resist making a smart ass comment about it.

“Sounds fun,” she answers, but there’s something about her tone that makes me feel like I’m going to regret the invite. I shoot a quick text to Tate, knowing he’s the best person to sort it out. “Are we going together? Or are you too busy for that?”

Megan snorts. “Damn, Becs. Lay off, will you?” She stares at the pair of us in confusion. Yeah, girl. I’m clueless too. There’s been this weird underlying tension between us. After she called me out about not being the most responsive, I made sure to be paying more attention to my phone when she was texting me.

I reached out the moment I got home like promised, and we made plans for lunch, only for her to bail on me. It was a rinse and repeat situation until winter break ended and we saw each other at school. I get being upset with me, but I’ve done my part to make it up to her. Has she even apologized for canceling? Nope.

“Are you going to be laying into me all night?” I snark back, unable to hold my temper in check. “Because if you are, then yes I’m too busy for it.”

Megan lets out a shocked laugh and Becca’s eyes widen. In all our years of friendship, I’ve never snapped back at her like that. I’ve always let it go. Chalked it up to her being sensitive and let it roll right off my back. But how much am I supposed to tolerate?

Becca studies me silently before sighing. “You’re right. I’m sorry,” she apologizes and it diffuses my anger instantly. “You’ve just been getting closer to your brother’s friends lately. Maybe I’m feeling a little left out.”

Alright, at least she acknowledged it. I can do the same. “I’m sorry too. I never meant for you to feel that way and I shouldn’t have snapped.”

“Forgiven,” she beams as the bell rings for class to start.

“I can pick you both up. I’ll text Colby, but we should be able to get ready at her house. She lives near the campus and we can walk from there.”

Our teacher calls for our attention, but Becca leans closer to me. “Colby Barlowe?”

I nod in answer. She was only a year ahead of us so I figured they both knew who she was. It’s not even the first time I’ve mentioned Colby to Becca so I can’t see why it would be a problem. She doesn’t seem to make an issue of it though, shrugging it off as class starts.

Colby’s quick to respond that she’s okay with it and I let the other two know before we head in opposite directions for our last class. I’ll have a little bit of time after school before having to pick them up. I hope I can catch Xander before he doesn’t have his phone on him. I’ve never been so excited and so nervous for a game at the same time.

It’s not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things. If he doesn’t do well, it’s only one game. But it feels big. Like it will set the tone for his time with the Wolves.

The rest of the school day flies by and I rush to my locker to grab everything I need for the weekend. Becca meets me there with Megan and Chelsea and I silently thank god Chelsea already had plans tonight. I don’t hate her or anything, but with Becca still being testy, there’s no way I can handle both of their attitudes. Especially not with my nerves already on edge with Xander back on the ice.

“What time do you want to pick us up?” Becca asks as soon as she sees me, her earlier mood seemingly gone. Okay, maybe it was me that was in a mood earlier.

“I’ll grab Megan first at 4:30?” At her nod, I continue, “Then you about 4:45?”

Becca groans, “That’s so early though.”

I chew on my bottom lip as I run through the schedule in my head again. “Game starts at 7,” I explain. “We have to leave Colby’s house by 6:35 to make sure we’re there in time for the team intros. That gives us a little over an hour to get ready at her house.”

We start walking to the parking lot together and Chelsea says bye, losing interest in our conversation as we finalize our plans. “You’ve seen that a million times. Do we really have to see it?”

“It’s my first time,” Megan jumps in quickly. “It sounds fun to watch.”

I give her a grateful smile, unsure when she became the mediator between the two of us. We’ve never needed one before. “It’s Xander’s first game as a Wolf too, so I want to be there for it.”

She checks her phone and clicks her tongue. “It just doesn’t give me much time before then.”

For what? I keep it to myself, having already snapped at her once today.

“You can always meet us at Colby’s if that’s easier for you,” I offer, making it officially not my problem any longer.

She beams at me again. “You don’t mind?”

I wave her off. It’s not like it’s a big deal. I’m half-doubting she will even come tonight if I’m being honest with myself. I turn my attention to Megan. “Do you still want me to pick you up?”

“If you don’t mind,” she responds, eyeing Becca warily. “4:30 works for me.”

Becca spots Cam and says goodbye to us.

“Be at Colby’s by 6:30,” I remind her and she nods over her shoulder, waving goodbye.

I sigh and Megan keeps walking at my side lightly laughing. “She’s a handful.”

That’s only the beginning of it. “You know,” I start, hesitating. I really appreciate the way she kept jumping in for me, but I don’t want her to get dragged into something she doesn’t actually care about. “There’s a really really good chance she bails last minute. If you don’t want to come, you don’t have to.”

Megan pulls her long dark hair out of her ponytail, fluffing her fingers through it. “I wasn’t lying,” she answers. “I’ve actually always wanted to go to a hockey game. They seem so fun and it’s kinda hot when they fight.”

I laugh, wondering how it’s taken me this long to actually start to get to know this girl on more than a surface level. “There aren’t too many fights at the college games. Stricter rules,” I explain. “But it’s a pretty physical game even without the fights.”

She rubs her hands together and what seems like real excitement lights up her face. “Sounds hot.”

“You’re gonna love the warm ups if we get there early enough.” She reminds me a little of Torryn, but not as rough around the edges. That’s Tor’s favorite part.

Megan ends up walking me to my car as she asks more questions about the game. “And what are we wearing?” she continues. “What’s the vibe? ”

“Colby and I always wear jeans and one of our jerseys. Most people wear Westbrook stuff or comfortable clothes, but there are some girls who definitely manage to make that look a lot cuter and more fashionable than what we do.” Colby and I have talked about trying to dress up our game day looks, but the furthest we ever get is having fun with what boots we wear. We never plan it out well enough. Jerseys really aren’t that cute, but they are warm. “Dress warm though,” I warn. “The rink is cold.”

She leans against my car, humming to herself. “Could I buy a jersey there?”

“You can borrow one of mine,” I offer. “I’ve got a few because both of my brother’s and their best friends are on the team.”

She blinks at me. “That’s so cute you have all of their jerseys.”

I laugh, she doesn’t understand how competitive they are about even the stupidest of things. “They all made sure Colby and I have one.” And they keep score on whose gets worn the most. We won’t be able to keep Xander and I secret for very long if I wear his jersey to every game and there’s no doubt it’ll be a sticking point for him.

“I wish I had siblings,” she sighs. “I have desperate only child syndrome.”

As fun as it is talking to her like this, my time to reach Xander is rapidly ticking down. I open the driver’s door. “I’ll bring you one,” I promise. “Wear a comfortable long sleeve shirt and you can throw it on top.”

She steps away from my car with a smile. “Sounds good. See you in a bit.” She waves before turning toward her own car and I take a deep breath, checking my phone.

There’s a missed call from Xander already. I Facetime him before putting my phone in its stand and backing my car out of my parking spot.

“There you are,” Xander answers almost immediately. “I was getting worried I was going to miss you.”

“Sorry,” I apologize. “It took me longer to leave school today because Becca and Megan decided to come to the game tonight and we had to make plans.”

He gives me the smile he saves only for me. “Don’t apologize, baby girl. I missed you though.”

Damn him. As if his stupid face isn’t enough, he never fails to make my heart race and to feel loved. “I missed you too,” I admit, keeping my eyes on the road as much as I want to stare right back at him. He really is bad for my health.

“How was your day?” he asks and the drive home disappears in the blink of an eye as we trade stories about our days and talk about mindless stuff.

He cheers for me when I tell him about the way I snapped at Becca the way I knew he would and it feels good to be validated, but I still know it was the wrong way to handle it. Even if Xander wants a front row seat next time.

Voices sound behind him and he curses, sitting up from his bed. “Everyone else is waking up from their naps now,” he explains.

“How do you feel about tonight?” I ask, falling into my own.

“I’m honestly pumped, Em. All day I’ve felt like a live wire ready to catch fire. I can’t wait to be back on the ice and with these guys. It’s going to be good. I can feel it.”

It would be impossible to not smile at the way he talks about it, the way his whole face lights up in anticipation. “I’m so proud of you, Xander. I can’t wait to see you play.”

“Thanks, baby girl,” he murmurs, that now familiar husk entering his tone and I can tell he’s thinking about undressing me.

A knock sounds on his door. “Give me two minutes,” he calls before turning back to me. “I’ll see you tonight.” He blows me a kiss and I say bye to him, sending him my own kiss.

He hangs up and I roll over in my bed, kicking my feet and squealing.

Thank god no one else is home.

Megan walks out of her house in nearly an identical outfit to mine. Dark blue jeans, plain white long sleeve, tennis shoes, and a Westbrook beanie in her hand. Her long dark hair is braided to one side in a messy fishtail with no makeup on.

She opens the passenger door and slides in. “Right on time,” she comments. “Man, I’m actually surprised by how excited I am.”

Her energy is infectious and I turn the radio down so we can talk more easily. “It’s going to be a good game tonight, I can tell.”

“Yeah?” she asks, no doubt in her voice, only intrigue.

“Something about the energy of the night,” I explain.

She puts her bag into the backseat, exhaling deeply. “I didn’t know what we were doing for makeup vibes, so I brought half my shit and figured I’d copy you guys.”

I love how candid and go with the flow she is and once again I’m struck by how naturally we click. We’ve been in the same circles for years, but I’d never have called us close before, or even considered the possibility before this night.

“I’ll probably do a little more than usual tonight. We might go out with the guys after the game to grab some food. ”

She asks more questions about what to expect and I give her a quick rundown of everyone who is likely to be there so she doesn’t feel overwhelmed and make sure she knows who is dating who so she doesn’t put her foot in her mouth. Though Torryn would probably be pleased for someone to compliment Baylor.

“The only single ones are my brothers, Beau, James, and Wilder,” I continue. “Wilder will absolutely hit on you, but trust me when I say don’t go there.” Not only because Wilder is gross, but even if she doesn’t say it, I know it bothers Colby. “Zac is also a flirt, but I’ve never actually seen him take any girls home.”

She rubs her hands together again. “This’ll be fun. Any of the single ones off-limits? Like your brothers?” There’s no way for her to understand how funny that is, but it would be rather hypocritical for me to care.

“Only Wilder,” I answer. “My brothers’ sex lives are not my business. If you do go there, I want exactly zero details.”

We get to Colby’s place and she nods before grabbing her stuff from the back. “Fair enough.”

I text Colby we’re here and she opens the front door before we even reach it. She smiles as soon as she sees me, but keeps glancing in Megan’s direction. She can seem a little intimidating at first, but as I’m learning, she’s really quite sweet.

“Megan, this is Colby,” I introduce them. They both give somewhat awkward smiles and it doesn’t take long to figure out both of them get quiet when they’re feeling shy.

Colby gets a little flustered though, where Megan has a bad case of resting bitch face. But I note the signs of her unease after getting a better sense of who she is on the drive over. With a little music, and a lot of talking from me, both of them relax enough and start to click .

By the time we’re getting ready to leave, there’s no awkwardness between them left.

I check my phone again, starting to get antsy as I still haven’t heard back from Becca. She said she would be leaving her house soon but that was an hour ago and she still isn’t here.

“Nothing?” Megan asks, checking the time. We wanted to leave in five minutes and the three of us are ready to go. I let Megan borrow Tate’s jersey, Colby is in Zac’s tonight, and I had the perfect excuse to wear Xander’s. I could probably pretend to be mad at my brothers for something and use that as an excuse to not wear their jerseys until we tell them.

Not a bad idea.

“Still nothing,” I answer with a sigh, checking again before sending another message. I really don’t want to be late to this game.

I try calling her but it goes straight to voicemail. Colby starts to fidget at my side, also getting anxious as we get closer and closer to our leaving time.

“Fuck it,” Megan declares and Colby and I look at her with wide eyes. “You told her to be here by 6:30. It’s after 6:30. She can meet us there. I want to see if we can still catch some of these warmups.” She grabs her stuff and starts heading to Colby’s front door.

Colby looks as shocked as I feel but maybe Megan isn’t wrong. Okay then. Let’s do it.

“I can’t believe you told her about the warmups,” Colby scolds with a mix of disbelief and amusement.

I shrug. “You have to admit they look good on ice.”

She laughs me off, locking the door behind her, but she doesn’t disagree.

The walk is a short one, but the night air is chilly. Even in layers, it doesn’t feel like enough. We should be getting snow here pretty soon.

We don’t make it in time for the warm ups, which is a shame, but not unexpected. Isla and Torryn are already there in our usual seats and I introduce them both to Megan. Who once again goes quiet for a little while until she gets more comfortable with the others. I can relate to that more than I’d like to admit.

I still haven’t heard from Becca when the team announcements start. Thank god we didn’t wait for her. I’m unsure if she’s flaking or running late but I can’t bring myself to care.

I cheer for each player announced, knowing most of them, and wave to my brothers when they skate in front of us. My heart races and I think my palms are sweating when they call Xander’s name. Number twenty-three. I cheer a little louder for him, making Torryn nudge me with her knee.

He skates the same circle around the rink each player before him has, but he kisses his wrist, and I hold my breath.

He’s never done that before.

It’s the same wrist he wears the bracelet I gave him on, though he wouldn’t be able to reach it with all his gear on even if he is still wearing it. But he’s not done yet. After the kiss, he touches his gloved hand to the hollow of his throat, his eyes searching for me in the crowd. As soon as they land on me, he points to the sky.

My fingers find my sun necklace that rests in the hollow of my own throat as emotion nearly overwhelms me.

He changed his pregame routine.

For me.

Hockey players are more superstitious than most. If there’s one thing they do not take lightly, it’s their pregame routines.

Butterflies is no longer a strong enough word for the way Alexander Channing makes me feel.