24. Sam

24

SAM

"Best to sweep your own front porch before ya start worryin' ‘bout your neighbors." ~ Archie "Witty" Whitlock

"You sure you're okay?" I asked Witty for the tenth time as I walked him up to the entrance of the senior home.

If there weren't medical staff on-site at Sunset Acres, I would have insisted he get checked out at the hospital, but the senior home had round-the-clock nurses and doctors on call.

"I'm ninety . My battery doesn't last as long as it used to."

Maybe not, but low battery didn't account for the dizziness, his coloring being so pale, or his weight loss.

Judy must have heard we left the party early because she appeared from the entrance with a wheelchair. I bet Betty called her so she'd be expecting us. I thought Witty was going to scoff at using the chair, but instead, he looked relieved.

Witty lowered into the seat as Judy teased, "Just couldn't stay away from me, could ya?"

"You know you're my number one girl," Witty teased back.

"I'll come by tomorrow," I said as she wheeled him away.

He lifted his hand in acknowledgment before the doors closed behind them.

As I climbed into my truck, my world felt like it was spinning off its axis. Witty was all the family I had left. Once he was gone, it was just me. And the truth was, he wouldn't live forever. If I was lucky, I'd get another decade.

The Hales had always been like a second family to me. Which was why what I'd done with Kenna was so terrifying. It wasn't just my relationship with her that was at stake; it was all of the Hales. Milo, Mason, Chuck, and Marcy. In one fell swoop, I'd put my entire found family at stake.

As scary as that was, the only thing scarier was the thought of another man being her first. In the words of Vizzini in The Princess Bride , the thought of that was inconceivable.

The Princess Bride . I couldn't count the number of times I'd watched that movie with Kenna. Would we still do that? Would we still have movie nights?

Before last night, she'd said she needed to have healthy boundaries. Was that still the case? She hadn't texted me all day, but I knew she was busy with her mom. And tonight, I hadn't spoken to her, but I hadn't been at the party that long, and she was there on a date with another man, so…

As I pulled up to the four-way stop, I had a decision to make. I could turn right, go back to the party, charge in, pick her up, and carry her out of there, Officer and a Gentleman style, which was another movie I couldn't count the number of times I'd seen because of Kenna. Or I could turn left and go home. I guess there was a third option: I could go back to the party and not act like a jealous freak.

I didn't trust myself if I chose door number three, so I turned left. The drive through my neighborhood felt lonelier than usual. Most of the time, when I pulled onto the street we lived on, it felt like I was turning onto our street. But tonight, tonight I didn't feel like that. This street didn't feel like ours anymore, which was strange considering what we'd done the night before.

Somehow, I felt a distance between us now. What should have brought us closer had done the opposite for me in a way. All day, I wanted to text or call her, but I worried that she might take it the wrong way or that I would seem too clingy. I'd never worried about that before. I was a big overthinker, but before this whole virgin thing came up with Kenna, I'd never had that problem with her. I thought about her a lot, but I didn't second-guess everything I said and did with her.

After getting home, I took a shower and went right to bed. I could have stared blankly at the TV, but I knew no form of entertainment would take my mind off of things. So, instead, I opted to lie in bed, wide awake, trying to force myself not to think about Kenna.

It wasn't going well.

My phone vibrated on my nightstand, and my heart jumped in my chest at the thought it might be Kenna. I didn't care if she was just texting to see how Witty was doing; I just wanted to hear from her. I missed her.

I grabbed the phone and saw that it was a text from Jana, a girl I'd hooked up with a couple of years ago. Since my surgery, I'd heard from quite a few women I used to date. It seemed my accident had reactivated all of the relationships I'd gone radio silent on.

Jana: Heard about your accident. Hope you're okay. Hit me up if you want me to kiss you and make you better.

The message was followed by several kissy-face emojis.

Jana and I had stopped hanging out because she started seeing someone, and they got serious. I'm guessing Graham was no longer in the picture, which meant this was a breakup booty call.

I was used to being the first text after someone got out of a long-term relationship. I excelled at it, actually. It had been my sweet spot. I was the perfect segue into starting the healing process. I'd had more than one woman say to me that the easiest way to get over someone was to get under someone even hotter. I'd never had any qualms about being a band-aid for a broken heart. In fact, I preferred it. But now, the thought of being with someone I didn't care about and that I knew didn't care about me sounded empty. Lonely. I had no desire, physically or emotionally, to do the horizontal tango with anyone. Anyone but Kenna, that is.

Last night was more than just sex. I'd had plenty to compare it to, and I had never experienced the sort of connection, of intimacy, or love that I'd felt with Kenna. There should be a different name for what we'd shared. Making love didn't even scratch the surface.

Seeing her with Jonah tonight had been a tough pill to swallow. I'd wanted to cut into their dance, to tell him that no man but me was going to touch her. But I had no right to do that. It was actually a good thing that Witty had asked to go home early. If I'd stayed at the party any longer, or, god forbid, seen Jonah kiss Kenna, I wasn't sure what I would have done.

For the few minutes I'd been there, I'd had to fight the overwhelming urge to stalk across the room, pick her up, throw her over my shoulder, and take her back to bed. She brought out a side of myself I never knew existed before.

I'd always cared about Kenna. I'd loved her since I was eight years old. I'd always been protective of her, but I'd never felt possessive over her like I did now. From the second I found out about her being a virgin, a primitive Neanderthal gene awakened in me. Every time I saw her or thought about her, all I could think was, mine. I'd never felt this way before, and I didn't like it.

We weren't together. And even if we were, she didn't belong to me. It wasn't healthy.

I grabbed my phone, hoping to distract myself with YouTube videos of dogs. As soon as it hit my palm, it lit up with a notification from my security company saying that the motion sensor camera pointed at Kenna's front porch had been activated. I knew that I shouldn't click on the link to take me to the live feed. If I did and I saw Jonah with her, I'd be scared of what I'd do.

But she wouldn't have him over after we'd spent the night together…would she? Not that I had any room to talk. I'd hooked up with different women on back-to-back nights.

Without getting authority from my brain, my thumb tapped on the hyperlink. When the screen changed, I saw that Kenna was alone as she walked in her front door. Even though I knew it was ridiculous, I sighed with relief.

I put the phone back down and told myself that we could talk tomorrow. She'd had a long day, and then the party. It's not like what I had to say couldn't wait until she got some sleep.

I was still telling myself that as I stood up, threw on a shirt and my slides and headed next door.