16. Luna

16

"The surprise is that we're going to your office?"

Huh.

We'd RSVP'd to Shani's quiz invite, but that didn't start until six in the evening. It was nine a.m. And I didn't have a hangover. Ryder had ended up carrying Venus out of the Peppermill last night, and Aisha hadn't been walking too straight either, but I'd skipped through the door arm in arm with Luis while Paul brought up the rear. At least today's internet pictures were relatively tame.

"Briefly," Ryder said.

"So where else are we going?"

He put a finger to his lips. "Shhh. It's a secret."

Grrr.

He took my hand as we walked through the front door, and Donna narrowed her eyes at me, no doubt ready to pounce if I dared to walk past her desk again without collecting a visitor badge. I forced a smile.

"Good morning."

Her smile was more of a grimace. "Welcome to Blackwood. Stand on the blue spot, please."

Welcome? Yeah, right. At least I knew Mark A would never get to me here. Donna would breathe fire over him before he made it to the elevator. But we didn't get as far as the elevator. Ryder cut left through a door marked "STAIRS," then pushed me up against that wall and kissed me thoroughly.

Hmm. "Okay, so the surprise is that we're going to make out in a stairwell?"

"No, but when we take two steps to the left, we'll be in range of the camera, and I don't want to give the jackasses in the control room anything more to talk about. Come on."

The kiss sent my heart racing and set my mind at ease. Things had been a little awkward between us when we woke this morning, and I knew why. We hadn't cleared the air after Ryder mistook my hesitancy over having a tricky conversation for doubts about our future. I still didn't know where to start with explaining things, but I couldn't let him think I didn't want him.

"Ryder…" I started as we neared the top of the stairs, but he opened the door that led to the roof and there was a freaking helicopter sitting there, black metallic paint gleaming in the sun.

"We're going in that?"

He grinned. "It's harder to run down the paparazzi if we're in the air."

Wasn't that a shame?

"Where's the pilot?"

"Right here."

"Where?" Then it dawned on me what he was saying. "Wait. You know how to fly?"

His grin grew wider. "Sure, moon."

Holy heck, I'd fallen in love with Superman. And he was my kryptonite.

I'd ridden in helicopters plenty of times, but never in the front beside the pilot. Ryder strapped me in securely and placed a headset over my ears, then took his place in the pilot's seat.

"The turbines need a minute to warm up," he said, his voice sounding tinny in my ears.

"What you said yesterday… What you thought I meant… It was wrong. I do want a future with you, honestly."

"But?"

"But what?"

"I sense a ‘but' coming."

"Not really? I just…I just have an issue. It's totally a ‘me' problem."

"What sort of issue?"

"Do we have to discuss this? All I want is one day where I don't have to think about the horrible stuff."

"Moon, you're worrying me."

I tried to smile, but it didn't come out right. "I love you, but I think that once you find out how messed up I am, it's you who won't want us to have a future."

"You're wrong there. Unless you confess to being a serial killer. You're not a serial killer, are you?"

"I only killed that one person you already know about." A hysterical giggle burst out of me. "That sounds pretty bad."

"There's nothing bad about defending yourself." Ryder sighed. "And there's nothing you could do or say that would make me walk away."

"I can't have sex," I blurted.

"We'll take things as slow as you want, I promise. I'm not expecting you to jump into bed with me. Naked, I mean. We can just carry on as we are for as long as you need, fully clothed."

"No, you don't get it. I literally can't have sex. The man who…he broke something down there."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that everything just locks up. My muscles, like, spasm or something." Heck, this was mortifying. If I jumped off the building, would I die? Because that would be better than talking about my non-sex life with Ryder. Or maybe the heat burning up my cheeks would cause me to spontaneously combust? "Nothing's going in there. Not a finger, not a tampon, nothing."

Ryder was staring at me, and I squirmed in my seat.

And kept talking.

"So you see, this could never be a long-term thing. Men expect sex, I understand that, and what if you want children someday? I feel…I feel as if…as if I'm not a real woman anymore."

Great, now I was crying. Ryder turned off the helicopter's engine and unbuckled his seat belt, and I thought he was going to leave, but then he unclipped me too and dragged me into his lap.

"Moon, I'm not going anywhere. What kind of man would I be if I left over a medical issue?"

"A medical issue?"

"Well, yeah? I'm no doctor, but that's what it sounds like to me."

"Mom said it was all in my head."

A low growl rumbled in his throat. "She knew about this, and she didn't take you to a gynaecologist?"

I bit my lip. Of course she knew. Every fourth week, she'd thrown a hissy fit about my inability to wear a bathing suit. When I told her how much it hurt, she'd tossed a bottle of Tylenol at me and told me to be grateful I didn't have cancer. But in that soothing, saccharine tone that left me questioning whether I was really in the right, the voice that made me suck it up because I was Luna Maara and I had the world at my feet, or so everyone said.

"You want me to find someone for you to talk to?" Ryder asked.

"I…I don't know." The idea of a stranger asking me those questions, or worse, poking around down there, it made me want to puke. I had no idea why women even liked sex. But men had to have it, and if it was a choice between facing my fears or losing Ryder, I had to go with the first option. "Okay, find someone. I know men have needs."

He kissed my hair in that sweet way of his. "I also have a hand, and I know how to use it. Moon, don't worry about this. We'll figure something out. Something that works for both of us." Another kiss. "Are you ready to go now?"

I nodded, and Ryder turned his attention to the controls. A minute later, we began rising slowly into the air, and I realised that Ryder's surprises were a heck of a lot more fun than mine.

I thought we'd do the usual thing and fly over the Grand Canyon, but after thirty minutes, we began descending, and there were no rocky vistas in sight, just miles and miles of empty desert and…was that an airstrip? It looked deserted. Several derelict hangars sat to the side, and that was where we headed. A road led back toward Vegas, winding its way between scrubby trees and sprawling cacti.

"What is this place?"

"It's a?—"

"Surprise," I finished. "Tell me you're not the serial killer? Nobody would ever find my body out here."

"I would never do anything to hurt you."

The helicopter settled between two of the hangars, and the rotors slowed. I wasn't certain I liked this place, and it sure wasn't what I'd had in mind when I got dressed this morning.

"I get that we wanted to spend some time alone, but this is ridiculous."

"We're not alone."

Ryder nodded toward the nearest hangar, and I looked around to see an older man in a Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts, and flip-flops ambling toward us. Only a blind person could have put that outfit together. The combination of pineapples on the shirt and flamingos on the shorts would have made any self-respecting stylist weep. A stunning redhead ten inches taller than me followed several steps behind.

"You know these people?" I asked.

"One of them."

Ryder climbed out of the helicopter and said a few words to Hawaiian Shirt Guy, and they shook hands. The redhead offered a hand and a smile too, and I fumbled with the seat-belt buckle, freeing myself just as Ryder opened the door.

"This is weird," I whispered.

"Welcome to my world," he whispered back.

His world?

The guy nodded to me. "Morning. You can call me Priest."

Priest? He wasn't wearing one of those collar thingies. "I'm Luna."

"That's common knowledge," the redhead said.

"And you can call her Tulsa."

Tulsa? Was that a real name or a nickname? It didn't matter either way because she turned and walked away, back into the derelict hangar. Which turned out to be not so derelict. The exterior looked old and poorly maintained, but when we got closer, I realised the rust patches had been painted on and the dents were nothing but careful shading. This was bizarre. Inside, a black car sat beside a small plane, and the rest of the building was empty.

Tulsa tossed something at me, and I tried to catch it, missed, and batted it in Ryder's direction. He, of course, snatched it out of the air with one hand.

"Here you go."

I found myself holding a car key. "I don't understand."

"It's time for your first driving lesson."

"In this car?"

"You said you liked it."

"I've never seen it before in my life."

"Take a closer look."

The doors were unlocked, and I peered inside. It did look vaguely familiar, like a face you'd seen before but couldn't quite place. Then I spotted the pink dials on the dash. Oh my freaking gosh.

"This is my car! You painted it?"

"Wrapped it," Tulsa said. "I wasn't gonna drive a pink car all the way from Vegas."

"What's wrong with pink?"

"Nothing, if you enjoy drawing attention to yourself. I don't." She smirked at Ryder. "Good luck."

I decided I didn't like her much, even if she had brought my car here. I took another look at the inside, noting the black seat covers and the black sleeve over the steering wheel. What was she, the angel of death?

"You can peel the wrap off the outside whenever you want," Ryder said. "It's just plastic film."

Priest took a step back. "I'll leave you to it. Bathroom's over there in the corner, kitchen's next to it. Have fun, kids."

"What is this place?" I asked again once they'd gone.

"Honestly? I'm not sure. I just told Emmy that I needed somewhere quiet so you could try driving, and this was where she sent me. Are you ready to get behind the wheel?"

"No?"

He just laughed. "You'll be fine. There's nothing for you to hit out here."

And for that, I was truly grateful. By lunchtime, I could go forward and backward and drive circles along the airstrip. We had to take a break when Priest wanted to fly somewhere in his plane, but I spent a couple of hours learning the basics with no pressure, something I'd never have been able to do in Vegas with the camera-wielding hordes watching my every move.

Returning to reality was depressing.

"I totally picked the wrong career," I told Ryder as we whizzed through the air above the desert. "If I had to start over, I'd do whatever Shani does."

"Manage an office?"

"She eats cake all day, plus she gets to bring her dog to work."

"When you put it that way, it doesn't sound like a bad job."

And Shani always seemed so happy. She was positively beaming when she welcomed us into a huge meeting room set up with tables and snacks. I hadn't realised how hungry I was until I saw the food. Rocky was with her again, her shadow, but when I picked up a cheese stick, he sat in front of me and stared up with doleful eyes.

"Is he allowed cheese?" I asked her.

"Yes, but not too much. I put you on a team with Dusk and Tulsa, you know, like a guest team since they don't work here either."

Tulsa? Great. Suddenly, the evening didn't seem like quite so much fun. But Dusk was sweet, a cute brunette with perfect skin and a ready smile. Marcel was there too, and he gave an exuberant wave from across the room. I'd waved to him at the show last Thursday as well, and he'd fanned himself and blown me kisses from the front row.

"Didn't think this was your kind of thing," Ryder said to Tulsa.

"It isn't, but someone has to stop Marcel from irritating the shit out of everyone."

"She came for the food," Dusk fake-whispered. "All the divine smells coming out of the kitchen today, and Marcel wouldn't let us eat any of it."

"You work together? At a catering business?" I asked, and that was the first time I'd seen Tulsa laugh.

"We share a house," Dusk explained. "Marcel is our assistant, officially. He mostly does whatever he pleases, but nobody's going to fire him when he cooks the way he does."

"So, what do you do for work?"

She shrugged. "This and that. Is the dog yours? What's his name?"

"Shani's fostering him, but he likes cheese."

"Don't we all? C'mon, let's grab a table."

Tulsa might have been prickly, but she was smart. Not as smart as their roommate Sin, according to Dusk, but Sin had been banned from the quizzes for winning too much. And I had to grudgingly admit that we made a good team. Tulsa, Dusk, and Ryder knew loads about science and history and geography, but when it came to the music round, my teammates stared blankly at each other, and then they turned to me. People thought I didn't know classical music? Think again.

In the end, it all came down to the celebrity picture round. Mom had always complained about me watching TV in my downtime. It would rot my brain, she said. Ha. Tonight, the many, many hours I'd spent watching Netflix paid off when I recognised every single face, even a baby picture of Armand Taylor, although that one was a bit of a guess. His dimples hadn't changed, and his eyes were still a brilliant blue. Our team won by five points. The prize was a hamper of goodies and dinner at the Rock.

"Should we divide up the hamper?" Ryder asked. "Each person takes it in turn to pick an item until everything's gone?"

"I don't need any more stuff." Dusk shrugged and nodded toward Tulsa. "And she just likes to win."

Ryder looked to me.

"If nobody else wants the Peanut Butter Cups, I'll take those."

Nobody did, and in the end, we decided to leave the hamper on the table so everyone else could help themselves. For me, the best part of the evening was spending it with Ryder, his arm wrapped around me because we were free to be ourselves here. And Rocky, who'd slept by my feet the whole time, only jumping up when folks applauded the results at the end.

"You did great!" Shani said, hugging me. "I didn't think anyone would get the Armand Taylor question right. Thanks for looking after Rocky."

"He's the sweetest. I think I'd like a dog someday."

"He's available for adoption, just sayin'."

I crouched to pet him the way he loved. "But I have work, and I couldn't even walk him without a dozen reporters following us everywhere."

"Just throw poop at them."

I burst out laughing. "If only I could. Can you imagine the headlines? Luna Maara attacks paparazzi with lethal weapon."

"He doesn't actually need walks at the moment. Just potty breaks and the occasional sniffari. Why don't you try taking care of him for a couple of days and see how it goes? I'd have to check with the folks at the shelter, but there are so many dogs needing homes that there isn't room for all of them. It breaks my heart when they get put to sleep. We've had more interest now that you're helping with our social media, but…" she trailed off.

"I have a show every night."

"And I have an ulterior motive; I'll be truthful about that. I need to go visit my grandma in Oregon this week, and I was planning to drive so Rocky could come with me instead of sitting in a kennel at the shelter. He gets so sad there. But if you'd look after him, I could fly instead."

Rocky must have known we were talking about him because he licked my hand. Gah, I was such a sucker for his furry schnozzle and oversized ears. Plus I'd be so lonely when Ryder went back to Richmond.

"I'd have to ask Frank if he could come to the hotel."

"Just don't send him to our place," Tulsa muttered. "Sin will want to keep him, and Marcel will lose his mind if she gets another dog."

"How many dogs does she have?" I asked.

"Right now? Three. Two of her own, and one that's officially a foster."

"Oh, she'll keep Kermit," Dusk said.

"Everyone except Marcel knows that."

"Let me try calling Frank."

He'd said that if I needed anything, I could get in touch day or night, and although he probably meant about the show, he hadn't said as much. I stepped out into the hallway and dialled, keeping my fingers crossed.

"Bring the dog," he said when I explained the situation. "Alessia can play with him. She keeps asking for a pet, but she has school, and music lessons… Yes, that'll work."

Shani squeezed the breath out of me when I broke the news, and Rocky sensed the excitement and let fly with his weird whisper-bark. It broke my heart that someone had taken his voice away from him.

"Frank says Alessia can help to look after him while I'm singing. She's his granddaughter. Super talented on the guitar, and adorable too."

"She could probably use the distraction." Dusk snagged a chocolate truffle from the tray Marcel carried past. "I feel so sad for her."

"You know Alessia?"

"No, but everyone knows what happened to her parents."

"I don't know what happened to them."

"Really? Her father was a massive asshole—I did meet him a few times—and her mom finally had enough of his temper and clubbed him to death with a Louisville Slugger."

I gasped, hands over my mouth. "No way."

"Alessia found the body in the morning. Her mom got arrested at Newark Airport."

That poor, poor little girl. She'd seemed so bright, but now I realised that her mask was as good as mine. Maybe even better.

"Who takes care of her now?"

"Her grandparents and Romeo. Romeo has seriously cut down on his womanising in the past six months." She jabbed Tulsa in the side with an elbow. "Right, T?"

"Fuck off."

That's what Tulsa said, but she was the one to leave. Dusk just laughed. "Don't mind her. She gets a little touchy."

Ryder watched her walk away. "She's involved with Romeo Serafini?"

"Oh, not really. They don't like each other or anything. Anyhow, good news about the dog." Breaking glass tinkled on the other side of the room, and Dusk cursed liberally. "Dammit, Marcel!"

Did I have a dog now?

I crouched to pet the second-best thing to happen to me in a long while, and he licked my cheek.

"Tell me the mutt isn't going to share the bed?" Ryder said.

"Maybe while you're away? And he's not a mutt, he's a handsome, special boy. I should order a bigger couch."

"Guess we're going shopping for dog accessories tomorrow?"

"You, me, and the paparazzi. I hope Romeo likes dogs."

"Can't say I'll be upset if he's allergic."

"Wait, are you jealous?"

"He tried to take you to dinner after you told him you had a boyfriend."

"Well, I didn't go."

"Just be careful around him, that's all."

"I'm always careful around men now, you know that."

Ryder's expression softened. "Yeah, moon, I know."

The receipt fluttering across the landing when we arrived home only made me more wary. When Ryder checked for dinner, he found that someone had taken the bag of food but torn off the love note that was stapled to the outside. A litterbug as well as a thief. It would have been Chinese again, and the message wasn't quite as polite as usual.

My Dearest Cleopatra,

Tonight, as I eagerly anticipated seeing the golden bracelet adorning your wrist during the show, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment. I had envisioned it complementing your captivating presence on stage, a symbol of my affection woven into the melody.

I chose that gift with care, hoping it would become a cherished part of your performance. In its absence, my spirit dimmed. I had hoped it would shine alongside you. Regardless, I trust you had your reasons and look forward to the day it finds its place in the spotlight.

Despite this, my love for you remains steadfast, and I hope the dinner I've sent brings a smile to your face.

Yours always,

Mark A

"He was there," I whispered. "He was there tonight, watching me."

"There were pictures online. He could have zoomed in."

I wanted to believe that, I really did, but the sense of dread in the pit of my stomach told me he'd been close. Close enough for his freaking spirit to dim. I wanted to snuff it out entirely.

"I hope Rocky has a taste for reincarnated Roman generals."

"Maybe I should teach you to shoot properly as well as drive a car. Have you fired a gun since we were in San Gallicano?"

"Of course not."

"You should learn."

"Are you joking?"

Of course he wasn't joking.

"I'll arrange it for next Monday."

Ryder was worried too, and that scared me more than anything.