10. Seven and the Sisterhood

TEN

SEVEN AND THE SISTERHOOD

I 'm glued to the baby monitor, watching as Luke walks back and forth, rocking our daughter. He does this strange sort of dip and roll, almost like he’s dancing. He’s so good with her and makes it all look so easy. Meanwhile I feel like I’m drowning most days.

Guilt gnaws at me. I'm supposed to be asleep, but sleep is hard to come by these days, even when it’s Luke’s turn to stay up with her.

How can I close my eyes when I know Winter needs me?

She’s not alone. Her father is with her and she’s no doubt loving every minute.

He has such a way with her, and he’s right there in the trenches doing the hard stuff, including diapers and spit up. It sounds weird to say it but watching how he has dealt with the gross side of parenting has only made me love him more. He’s always had my back, so I should have expected nothing less. Especially when it comes to our child.

He’s one of the only people on the planet who truly understands my complicated feelings about parenthood. It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever done but I also fear that it has completely destroyed me. The amount of worry I feel every day is so intense that it can’t be healthy. That was one of the things that bonded us as kids. Luke saw the aching spaces inside of me that I tried to hide. Despite his mother’s love, he had a matching hole where his father should have been.

And he is determined that Winter will never feel that lack.

I reach over and touch the monitor. “We are very lucky girls, Winter. Your daddy is just the best there is.”

Thinking back to when we first met, I can’t help but smile remembering what a cocky kid Luke was back then. He thought he was such a badass at first. I snicker remembering how many times I had to cover his tracks and keep him from getting into trouble. We truly grew up together and I got to watch him grow from that cocky boy into the remarkable man he is today. I am so damn proud of him. Actually, I’m proud of us.

After aging out of the foster care system, I had struggled to find legit jobs and all of my focus was on getting my sister out of the system. That girl who felt so lost and alone back then could have never imagined where I’d end up.

But look at me now. I've built something incredible, something I once believed was beyond my reach. A family.

Our family.

There’s a soft knock before my bedroom door opens. "Seven? Are you asleep?”

I sit up, the sheets rustling softly. "No, I’m awake. Come in."

Grace pokes her head around the door. “Permission to enter the sleep-deprived sanctuary?”

I can’t help but laugh. “Enter at your own risk.”

She opens the door slowly. “Where’s Winter?”

“Luke has her downstairs.”

Grace bounces over and jumps onto the other side of the bed. “So that means I don’t have to be quiet!”

“Not what I said but okay.”

Our laughter mingles and I have a sudden flashback to us giggling together just like this when we were younger. “I’m so glad you’re here, Grace.”

She gives a dramatic shiver. “My other option was tagging along with Mom and Dad on their Sassy Seniors cruise. I’d rather face the diaper-pocalypse.”

I shake my head, picturing her adoptive parents leading a conga line around a cruise ship deck. “What, you don’t want to play pickleball with all their friends?”

“No thank you.” Grace looks over at me. “Besides, I heard about the ‘budget Christmas’ plan. I wouldn’t miss this for anything.”

“Good call. Because I have a feeling it’s going to be a disaster.”

Grace’s eyes sparkle with mischief. “Well, as long as the fire department isn’t involved this year, I’d count it as a win.”

A memory flashes of the previous Christmas, and an unfortunate incident after Luke plugged in way too many Christmas lights. “Let’s just say the bar is set very low.”

Grace glances over to the baby monitor. “How’s the little monster? Still not sleeping?”

“Teething.” I sigh. “So now she’s awake and screaming.”

Grace winces sympathetically. “Poor thing. Poor you.”

I smile. “Well, right now it’s poor Luke. He took her downstairs so I can get a break.”

“Of course he did. He’s basically going for Super Dad status,” Grace says with a grin. “Maybe I’ll buy him a cape for his Christmas present.”

“He would love that actually.”

She pretends to write it down. “Note to self, buy superhero cape. Maybe I’ll buy the whole outfit, including the tights.”

The visual makes me laugh. “You do that, and I’ll record Luke’s face when he opens it. That’ll be a gift in itself.”

She rolls toward me and then we’re both facing inward, the same way we used to when we were kids. Having her here instantly calms my restless thoughts. It's hard to believe she's twenty now, a college student majoring in computer science.

In my heart, she's still the tiny infant who never got to know our mother. The one I tried to shield and nurture in our turbulent childhood.

"You’re all grown up. I still can’t believe it sometimes.” I reach over and grab her hand.

Grace rolls her eyes affectionately. "You just saw me six months ago.”

“Sometimes it feels like that was a million years ago. Or at least that long since I’ve gotten any sleep.”

She squeezes my hand. "It's weird how fast things can change. I mean, here you are with your own family."

As I study Grace's face, I notice a shadow of something. A flash of pain.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I ask gently.

Grace averts her eyes. "Nothing."

But I know her too well. "You miss them, don't you? Your parents?"

She nods, her eyes finally meeting mine. "Yeah, I do. But I don’t want you to think I’m not having fun here.”

"Grace, it's okay to miss them. They're your parents. They're a part of who you are."

She swallows hard. "It just seems so unfair that I got lucky and you didn't. You deserved to be adopted, too."

Her words tug at my heart, and for a moment I'm at a loss for words. The unfairness of our childhood is something I've come to accept, but it doesn’t mean I never wonder what if.

"Life is unfair sometimes. But look at us now, Grace. We've both found where we belong. I used to wonder how things would have been different if I was adopted but if I had been, there’s a chance I wouldn’t have met Luke.”

She nods. “Which would have sucked. You guys are perfect for each other.”

We lay there in silence, the bond of sisterhood meaning that we don’t have to talk to be understood. Grace is a part of me, and our connection will always be there no matter where we go or how much our lives change.

"I love you, Seven."

"I love you too, Grace. Always have, always will," I reply, my heart full.

Grace sighs. "You know, I'm actually happy that Mom and Dad got to take that cruise. They've always wanted to go on one."

"That's a really good thing. Everyone deserves a chance to fulfill their dreams, and I'm glad they're getting to experience theirs. And I’m happy because it means I get to share Winter’s first Christmas with my favorite sister."

Grace chuckles. “Your only sister. But I guess you’re just buttering me up hoping for future babysitting credit?”

“You know it.”

She sobers slightly. “Are you sure it’s okay that I’m tagging along for Christmas? I mean, Luke’s brother doesn’t really know me. I feel like a party crasher.”

"Are you kidding? Tank is beside himself being able to host everyone. Luke said his new place is huge. Having you here for the holidays is the best gift I could ask for. I mean it. I'm really looking forward to spending this time with you."

She scoots closer and gives me a hug. "I'm excited, too. It's going to be just like old times, but even better."

I hug her back. "It's going to be hilarious. I’m pretty sure Luke is the only one who stuck to the budget. So it should be pretty entertaining."

“Luke definitely followed the rules,” Grace says.

“What do you know about it?”

She shrugs. “My lips are sealed. But he’s got a pretty cool surprise planned. The only reason I know is because of course I’m the best babysitter ever.”

I force a smile. “A surprise, huh?”

I sit up and pull on my robe. All the while, the words cool surprise keep repeating in my head. Luke isn’t nearly as flashy as his brothers but when you have the kind of resources we do, a cool surprise could mean a private chef cooking you dinner or a private plane trip to eat that dinner in another country. The idea of leaving Winter for that long makes my heart race and my palms sweat.

But I can’t tell Luke that. He’s worked so hard to make things easier by giving me extra time to sleep and going above and beyond to handle an equal share of parenting duties. If he’s planned a surprise, I don’t want to hurt his feelings by saying that I don’t want to go.

So I’ll just have to deal with it.

When I look up again, Grace is watching me with a little frown on her face. Her eyes narrow. “Seven, are you okay?”

“Of course. I’m just hungry. You want some pancakes?”